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THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING  OF  DOWNINGVILLE. 


THE 


SELECT  LETTERS 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING, 


OF    THE  DOWNLXGVILLE  MILITIA, 


AWAY    DOWN   EAST,    IN   THE   STATE   OF    MAINE. 


WRITTEN  BY  HIMSELF. 


Wonder  of  men  !  like  whom,  to  mortal  eyes. 
None  e'er  has  risen,  and  none  e'er  shall  rise, 
How  shall  I  till  a  library  with  wit  ? 
When  half  the  labour  is  unfinished  yet, 
They  say,  a  fate  attends  on  all  I  write. 
And  when  I  aim  at  praise  they  say  I  bite. 
But  rivals  in  pursuit  of  wealth,  or  fame, 
To  get  an  office,  must  obtain  a  name. 


PHILADELPHIA, 

PRINTED    FOR   THE   PUBLISHER. 
1834. 


Entered,  acrordine  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  l<J3-J 

By  R  Withinoton  and  H.  Davis,  in  the  Clerk's 

Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  Eastern  District  of  Pennsylvania 


PREFASE 


Sum  of  the  folks  telld  me  that  a  prefase  was  of  no  use  in  this 
edishon  of  my  letters,  but  I  gues  a  book  without  a  prefase  is 
like  a  man  without  a  head,  and  if  a  man  wanted  the  head, 
everyone  knows  what  his  boddy  wud  be  wurth.  But  I  want 
tu  tell  the  folks  jist  this — There  is  a  consarnt  deal  of  letters 
pnblisht  in  my  name,  that  arnt  ginuin  ;  so  I've  resolved  tu 
print  my  rale  ones,  and  lave  out  the  counterfeits.  1  kinder 
feel  tho,  that  so  many  attempts  to  imitate  my  letters  is  com- 
plimentary, as  every  one  likes  to  rite  letters  in  my  name,  and 
the  nearer  they  cum  to  the  likeness  the  better  they  are.  This 
is  a  sartan  sine  that  I  am  popular,  and  that  my  day  will  cum 
as  soon  as  the  Cnerals  is  past.  I  have  agreed  tu  publish  this 
in  Filadelfy,  that  I  may  have  a  chance  to  be  more  extensively 
i.nown  in  the  Key-stone-State  where,  I'm  told  they  have 
nominated  me,  and  where  they  are  rale  whalers  of  fellers  for 
Dimocrasy  and  the  Gineral,  who  never  change  a  bit  but  re- 
maines  true  Jacksonmen,  in  spite  of  all  Jackson  can  do. 

In  this  edishon  I  have  put  in  my  last  letters.  I  wont  tu 
sho  that  there's  one  man  in  the  nation  who  is  n't  afeard  tu 
spake  his  mind.  I  wont  tu  let  the  peeple  see  that  I'm  honest, 
and  that  if  I'm  elected,  they  will  have  a  man,  who  never 
deals  in  Orakles,or  abstroos  metafisiks,sich  as  my  opposer  little 
Martin  does,  to  sho  his  larnin  and  make  folks  scratch  their  heads 
whil  readin  tu  understand  him.  I  wont  tu  let  them  see  tu,  that  I 
have  ritin  qualifikashons  for  a  Pres'dent,  that  I'm  the  rale 
stuff,  and  no  slouch.  If  I'm  tu  be  President,  I  wont  the  pee- 
ple tu  be  knowin  in  politiks,  and  be  able  tu  fine  out  all  my 
mistakes,  bekase  I'm  a  good  republikin,  and  dont  wont  tu  go 
rong  any  further  than  I  can  help;  and  when  the  peeple  are 
knowin  they  will  keep  a  good    look  out,  tu  see  if  I  go  rong 

T  2 


(vi) 

and  tell  me.  I  dontwont  tu  have  all  my  own  way,  except  n 
the  vetoe,  which  is  aconsarnt  good  thing,  as  it  keeps  the  Con- 
gress from  duin  foolish  things,  and  1  cant  see  what  use  the 
rite  tu  veto  was  put  in  the  constitushon,  if  it  wasn't  tu  use  it 
on  all  okasions,  and  jest  tu  let  the  peeple  see  and  feel  the 
thority  of  the  President.  It  is  a  kinder  pulse,  tu  try  by  how 
far  a  President  can  go  his  own  gate,  and  the  peeple  still  cry 
hoorra. 

This  edishon  has  sum  advantages  over  every  other.  It  is 
selected  with  keer,  and  contains  many  important  letters  on 
the  great  consarns  of  the  nashon,  sent  to  the  Portland  Cur- 
rier, and  my  friend  Dwight  of  New  York,  and  is,  therefore, 
by  far,  the  best  Edishon  yet  publisht.  I've  made  the  publisher 
print  it  so  that  it'll  cum  cheap,  that  in  these  hard  times,  every 
one  may  have  a  coppy  without  much  expense. 

JACK  DOWNING, 
Downingville,  Jan.  30,  1834. 


CONTENTS 


Letter  I.  Wherein  is  contained  some  account  of  Mr 
Downing's  ancestors.  1 

li.    Letter  II.     Mr.  Downing  describes  the  method  of  making 

a  speaker.  3 

Letter  III.  Uncle  Joshua's  visit  to  Boston,  and  dines 
with  the  General  Court-  7 

Letter  IV.  IVTr.  Downing  relates  the  scrape  the  Legis- 
lature got  into,  in  trying  to  make  a  number  of  governors.      15 

Letter  V.  Mr.  Downing  describes  the  predicament  in 
which  the  house  of  Representatives  got  into.  17 

Letter  VI.     In  which  things  look  brighter.  ib 

Letter  VII.  An  account  of  the  tripping  of  the  wheels 
of  government.  18 

Letter.  VIII.  Mr.  Downing  advises  his  Uncle  Joshua 
to  hold  on  to  his  bushel  of  corn  as  the  Legislature  had  under- 
taken "  to  rip  up  their  doings."  21 

Letter  IX.     The  queer  doings  of  the  Senate  described.  23 

Letter  X.  A  new  idea  of  making  money  -out  of  the 
office  seekers,  swarming  round  the  new  governor.-"  26 

Letter  XI.     Cousin  Ephraim  in  the  difficulties.  ib 

Letter  XIL  A  tug  at  the  wheels  of  government  de- 
scribed. 27 

Letter  XIII.  Mr.  Downing  tells  what  setting  up  a  can- 
didate for  office  means,  29 

Letter  XIV.  Mr.  Downing  informs  his  Uncle  Joshua 
that  he  has  a  prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor.     32 


(viii.) 

Letter  XV.     Mr.  Downings'  opinion  about  newspapers  34 

Letter  XVI.  The  distributions  between  political  parties 
described.  37 

Letter  XVII.  Proceedings  of  the  Grand  Caucus  at 
Downingville.  38 

Letter  XVIII.  Particulars  and  Returns  of  the  Cau- 
cus, 43 

Letter  XIX.  Mr.  Downings'  ingenious  scheme  to  get 
an  office,  44 

Letter  XX.  Cousin  Nabby  describes  the  Temperance  of 
Downingville.  45 

Letter  XXI  Mr.  Downing's  account  of  the  dreadful  tus- 
sle in  which  the  Jacksonites  in  the  Legislature  attempt  to 
pour  "  a  healing  ac  t"  down  the  Huntonites'  throats.  47 

Letter  XXII.  An  account  of  the  manner  in  which  the 
"healing  act"  was  crammed  down  the  Huntonites  throats.      51 

Letter  XXIII.     Mr.  Downing's  Partial  dream,  54 

Letter  XXIV.  The  blow  up  of  President  Jackson's  first 
Cabinet,  puts  a  new  knik  into  Mr.  Downing's  head,  and  the 
result.  56 

Letter  XXV.  Mr.  Downing  on  his  way  to  assist  Jack- 
son at  Washington,  stops  at  Boston:— -his  conversation  with 
the  Boston  Editors.  59 

Letter  XXVI.  His  Visit  to  Major  Noah,  in  New  York, 
when  he  arrived  there.  62 

Letter  XXVII.  He  arrives  at  Washington — strips  up 
his  sleeves — defends  Mr.  Ingham  on  the  front  steps  of  his 
door  during  the  after  clap  that  followed  the  Explosion  of  the 
Cabinet.  66 

Letter  XXVIII.  Mr.  Downing  made  captain  in  the  Uni- 
ted State's  army,  witli  orders  to  go  to  Madawaska,and  protect 
the  inhabitants.  QQ 

Letter  XXIX.— Capl.  Downing  after  an  absence  of  two 
years  returns  to  Downingville,  and  some  hints  respecting  his 
future  prospects.  74 

Letter  XXX. — The  first  military  report  of  Capt.  Down- 
ing to  the  President.  76 


(IX.) 

Lktter  XXXI. — The  Captain's  second  visit  to  the  Maine 
Legislature.  79 

Letter  XXXII.  The  Legislative  proceedings  de- 
scribed. 81 

Letter  XXXIII. — The  Captain  suddenly  called  to  his  post 
at  Madawaska.  84 

Letter  XXXIV. — His  return  to  Augusta — is  saved  from 
being  frozen  to  death  by  a  bear's  skin.  86 

Letter  XXXV.  The  Captain  describes  the  manner  in 
which  the  Legislature  makes  Lawyers.  88 

Letter  XXXVI.  The  Major's  troubles  on  learning 
the  Legislature's  resolution  to  sell  Madawaska  to  the  general 
government  to  be  bargained  to  the  British — calculates  by 
by  figures  its  price,  and  the  rage  of  his  men  on  hearing  that 
they  would  have  no  fighting  before  parting  with  it.  90 

Letter  XXXVII.  The  office  of  Mayor  of  Portland  offered 
to  Capt.  Downing,  and  declined.  93 

Letter  XXXVIII.  The  Captain's  account  of  a  confident 
tial  conversation  with  President  Jackson,  while  travelling  to 
Tennessee.  94 

Letter  XXXIX.  The  Captain's  account  of  his  having  run 
an  express  from  Baltimore  to  Washington,  with  news  from 
Pennsylvania,  his  interruptions  by  Gales  and  Duff  Green,  and 
his  reception  and  protection  by  the  President.  97 

Letter  XL.  The  Captain  commissioned  as  Major,  and 
appointed  to  March  against  the  nullifiers.  100 

Letter  XLI.  Uncle  Joshua's  account  of  the  tussle  at 
Downingville  in  endeavouring  to  keep  the  Federalists  from 
praising  the  president's  anti-nullifying  Proclamation.         103 

Letter  XLII.  Sargent  Joel  with  his  company  arrives  at 
Was'nin^ton — his  account  of  Gen.  Blair's  fraca  with  Duff 
Green.  °  106 

Letter  XLI1L  The  Major's  opinion  about  Nullification, 
and  his  singular  illustration  of  it.  109 

Letter  XLIV.  Major  Downing's  account  of  political  pro- 
mises, and  their  peculiar  value.  Ill 

Letter  XLV.  The  Major  ascends  to  the  top  of  Congress 
house  and  listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South  Caro- 


(X.) 

lina — he  converses  with  the  president  about  the  newspaper 
slanders.  114 

Letter  XLYI.  Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science  of 
land  speculation.  116 

Letter  XLV11.  Major  Downing'sascount  of  the  manner 
in  Mr.  Clay  put  a  stop  to  the  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  and  his 
pacification  bill  to  hush  up  the  quarrels  of  the  milliners.      119 

Letter  XLVIII.  The  Major's  account  of  the  consultation 
amongst  the  government  on  the  question,  whether  the  presi- 
dent shakes  hands  with  the  federalists,  during  his  journey 
down  east.  121 

Letter  XL1X.  Major  Downing  defends  the  president 
against  the  assaults  of  Lieut.  Randolph,  on  board  the  Cygnet 
steam  boat.  123 

Letter  L.  Major  Downing  tells  how  he  shook  hands  for 
the  president  while  at  Philadelphia,  on  his  tour  down  east.  125 

Letter  LI.  Major  Downing  and  the  President's  narrow 
escape  at  the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge  extending  from 
Castle  Garden  to  the  Battery  at  New  York.  128 

Letter  LII.  Visit  of  Major  Jack  Downing  and  the  Presi- 
dent to  Boston— the  rascally  conduct  of  the  letter  writer  in  his 
name  for  the  newspapers.  130 

Letter  LNI.  The  President  orders  to  the  rifrht  about  face, 
at  Concord,  when  they  bent  a  march,  quick  time,  back  to 
Washington.  132 

Letter  LTV.  Major  Downing's  nomination  for  the  Pre- 
sidency, with  an  elegant  picture  of  his  residence.  134 

Letter  LV.  The  Major  tells  us  about  the  President,  being 
made  Doctor  of  Laws.  135 

Letter  LVI.  An  account  of  the  quarrel  that  the  Major  had 
with  Mr.  Van  Buren  at  Concord,  after  they  went  up  chamber  to 
bed,  and  the  declaration  of  his  intentions  to  run  for  the  presi- 
dency. 139 

Letter  LVII.  Cousin  Ephraim's  account  of  converting 
democrats  into  federalists,  and  making  tliein  change  sides.  145 

Letter  LVIII.  The  President  commences  a  conversation 
between  me  and  Daniel.  147 


(xi-) 

Letter  LIX.  The  conversation  about  me  and  Danfel 
concluded.  150 

Letter  LX.  Being  the  genuine  letter  of  old  Mr.  Zophar 
Downing,  '  amost  eighty  three  yere  old.'  154 

Letter  LXI.    The  Bank  Report.  156 

Letter  LXII.  Giving  some  account  of  Peleg  Bissel's 
Churn,  160 

Letter  LXI1I.     The  public  crib  at  Washington.  164 

Letter  LXIV.     Preparation  of  the  Message,  167 

Letter  LXV.  The  Major's  account  of  the  Hubbub  at 
Washington  about  the  Bank.  Some  further  particulars  about 
the  Major  and  Daniel.  And  sundry  matters  respecting  Nul- 
lification, and  South  Carolina.  169 

Letter  LXVI.        ******  173 

Letter  LXVII.  The  Major's  conversation  with  the  pre- 
sident on  the  Bank,  the  currency,  his  cabinet,  the  proclama- 
tion, Messrs.  Clay,  Taney,  and  other  matters.  176 

Letter  LXVIII.  The  Major  and  the  President  again 
holds  an  important  conversation  on  the  affairs  of  the  nation 
and  how  things  should  be  conducted.  The  president  calls  the 
cabinet  together,  and  the  Major  prepares  a  paper  to  read  to  it 
which  he  afterwards  has  printed  for  the  good  of  the  nation.  182 

Letter  LXIX.  Major  Downing's  official  communication 
to  the  cabinet.  188 

Letter  LXX.  The  Major  carries  the  axe,  sent  to  him  as 
a  present  from  Carthage,  N.  Y.  over  his  shoulder  into  the 
cabinet  while  the  members  were  in  council,  the  scampering 
that  followed  the  sight  of  it,  and  the  result — with  a  true  pic- 
ture of  the  scene.  200 

Letter  LXXI.  The  Major  and  the  President  holds  a  ge- 
neral conversation  on  the  state  of  the  nation,  when  the  Major 
gives  an  explanation  of  the  financial  operations  as  now  con- 
ducted, by  means  of  Hocus  pocus,  with  cups  and  balls.       203 


MY    GINUWINE    LETTERS. 


LETTER  I. 

IVlierein  is  contained  some  account  of  Mr.  Downing'' 's 
ancestors. 

From  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

The  Drownings. — The  celebrity  of  Major  Jack  Down- 
ing has  created  an  intense  and  very  natural  curiosity  in 
the  public  mind  to  know  something  of  his  origin  and 
ancestry.  Hoping  that  some  of  the  down-east  antiqua- 
ries and  genealogists  will  favour  the  world  with  the  in- 
formation desired,  I  submit  to  your  disposal  the  follow- 
ing imperfect  notice  of  Sir  George  Downing,  one  of  the 
Major's  ancestors,  which  I  have  drawn  from  an  interest- 
ing and  learned  work  now  in  a  course  of  publication,  in 
numbers,  entitled  '  Memotial  of  the  Graduates  of  Har- 
vard University,  in  Cambridge,  Mass.  Commencing 
with  the  first  class,  1642.  By  John  Farmer,  Cor.  Sec. 
of  the  N.  H.  Hist.  Society.' 

George  Downing  was  born  in  London  in  1624,  and 
accompanied  his  parents  to  this  country  when  about 
thirteen  years  of  age.  His  father,  Emanual  Downing,  a 
great  friend  of  New  England,  was  brother-in-law  to 
John  Winthrop,  one  of  the  principal  founders  and  first 
governor  of  Massachusetts.     George  received  his  edu- 


^  LETTERS    OF 

cation  at  Harvard  College.  About  1 646  he  returned  te 
England,  when  he  was  90on  brought  into  notice,  being, 
as  Gov.  Winthrop  says,  '  a  very  able  scholar,  and  of 
ready  wit  and  fluent  utterance.'  He  was  appointed 
chaplain  in  the  regiment  of  Col.  John  Okey,  in  the  army 
of  Lord  Fairfax,  who  had  command  of  the  Parliament 
forces  in  the  north.  In  1653  he  was  commissary  gen- 
eral, and  about  the  same  time  9cout-master-general  of 
the  English  army  in  Scotland.  In  the  same  year  he 
was  employed  in  negotiations  with  the  Duke  of  Savoy. 
He  seems  to  have  been  fitted  by  nature  for  scenes  of 
political  manceuvering  j  and  his  principles  were  of  such 
flexible  character,  that  he  could  easily  accommodate 
them  to  any  service  which  the  times  required. 

In  1655  he  visited  the  French  king  on  public  business, 
and  communicated  his  instructions  in  Latin.  In  1657 
he  was  appointed  minister  to  Holland.  In  March, 
1662,  while  in  that  country,  in  order  to  show  his  zeal 
and  love  for  his  majesty,  he  procured  the  arrest  of  John 
Oke*y,  Miles  Corbet,  and  John  Barkstead,  three  of  the 
Judges  who  had  condemned  to  death  Charles  I,  and  sent 
them  to  England  for  trial.  Okey  had  been  the  friend  of 
Downing,  who  served  in  his  regiment  as  chaplain. 
With  the  other  two,  he  had  co-opei  ated  in  the  cause  of 
the  Parliament.  Misconduct,  therefore,  in  this  trans- 
action was  justly  reprobated. 

He  also  spake  of  Cromwell  as  a  traitor  and  rebel. 
In  1663,  he  was  created  a  baronet.  He  informed  Pe- 
pys  that,  when  in  Holland,  '  he  had  so  good  spvs,  that 
he  hath  had  the  keys  taken  out  of  De  Witt's  (the  Dutch 
minister)  pocket  when  he  was  abed,  and  his  closet 
opened  and  papers  brought  to  him  and  left  in  his  hands 
for  an  hour,  and  carried  back  and  laid  in  the  place 
again,  and  the  keys  put  into  his  pocket.  He  says  he 
hath  had  their  most  private  debates,  that  have  been 
between  but  two  or  three  of  them,  brought  to  him,  and 
in  an  hour  after  that  hath  sent  word  thereof  to  the  king.* 
In  1671,  he  was  again  sent  to  Holland,  but  returning 
before  he  had  executed  the  business  of  his  mission  to  the 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  o 

satisfaction  of  the  king,  was  imprisoned  in  the  tower. 
He  was  afterwards  restored  to  royal  favour.  In  the 
difficulties  which  the  New  England  colonies  had  with 
Charles  II,  from  1669,  Mr  Downing  was  represented 
as  having  been  very  friendly  to  Massachusetts.  He 
died  in  1684  at  the  age  of  60. 

Major  Jack  Downing,  of  Downingville,  seems  to  have 
inherited  his  distinguished  ancestor's  talents  for  war, 
business,  and  diplomacy,  and,  like  him,  to  possess  ready 
wit  and  fluent  utterance,  and  to  bask  in  the  sunshine  of 
royal  favour.  Whether  he  resembles  him  in  other  re- 
spects, time  must  disclose. 


LETTER  II. 

Mr.     Downing   describes    the   method   of   making  a 
Speaker. 

Portland,  Monday,  Jan.  18,  1830. 

To  Cousin  Ephruim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim. — I  now  take  my  pen  in 
hand  to  let  you  know  that  I  am  well,  hoping  these  few 
lines  will  find  you  enjoying  the  same  blessing.  When 
I  come  down  to  Portland  I  did  n't  think  o'  staying 
more  than  three  or  four  days,  if  I  could  sell  my  load 
of  ax  handles,  and  mother's  cheese,  and  cousin  Nab- 
by's  bundle  of  footings  ;  but  when  I  got  here  I  found 
uncle  Nat  was  gone  a  freighting  down  to  Quoddy,  and 
ant  Sally  said  as  how  I  should  n't  'stir  a  step  home  till 
he  came  back  agin,  which  wont  be  this  month.  So 
here  1  am,  loitering  about  this  great  town,  as  lazy  as  an 
ox.  Ax  handles  dont  fetch  nothing,  I  could  n't  hardly 
give 'em  away.  Tell  cousin  Nabby  I  sold  her  footings 
for  nine-pence  a  pair,  and  took  it  all  in  cotton  cloth. 
Mother's  cheese  come  to  five-and-sixpence  ;  1  got  her 
a  pound  of  shushon,  and  two  ounces  of  snuff,  and  the 


4  LETTERS  OF 

rest  in  sugar.  When  uncle  Nat  comes  home  I  shall 
put  my  ax  handles  aboard  of  him,  and  let  him  take  'em 
to  Boston  next  time  he  goes  ;  I  saw  a  feller  tother  day. 
that  told  me  they'd  fetch  a  good  price  there.  I've  been 
here  now  a  whole  fortnight,  and  if  I  could  tell  ye  one 
half  I've  seen,  I  guess  you'd  stare  worse  than  if  you'd 
seen  a  catamount.  I've  been  to  meeting,  and  to  the 
museum,  ami  to  both  Legislaters,  the  one  they  call  the 
House,  and  the  one  they  call  the  Sinnet.  I  spose 
uncle  Joshua  is  in  a  great  hurry  to  hear  something  about 
these  Legislaters  j  for  you  know  he's  always  reading 
newspapers,  and  talking  politics,  when  he  can  net  any 
body  to  talk  with  him.  I've  seen  him,  when  he  had 
five  tons  of  hay  in  the  field  well  made,  and  a  heavy 
shower  coming  up,  stand  two  hours  disputing  with 
squire  W.  about  Adams  and  Jackson,  one  calling 
Adams  a  tnry  and  a  fed,  and  the  other  saving  Jackson 
was  a  murderer  and  a  fool  ;  so  they  kept  it  up,  till  the 
rain  began  to  pour  down,  and  about  spoilt  all  his  hay. 

Uncle  Joshua  may  set  his  heart  at  rest  about  the 
bushel  of  corn  that  he  bet  long  with  the  post-master, 
that  Mr.  Ruggles  would  be  Speaker  of  that  Legislater, 
they  call  the  House  ;  for  he  's  lost  it,  slick  as  a  whis- 
tle. As  I  had  n't  much  to  do,  I  've  been  there  every 
day  since  they  've  been  a  setting.  A  Mr.  White  of 
Monmouth  was  the  Speaker  the  two  first  days  :  and  I 
cant  see  why  they  did  n't  keep  him  in  all  the  time  ; 
for  he  seemed  to  be  a  very  clever  good-natured  sort  of 
man,  and  he  had  such  a  smooth  pleasant  way  with  him, 
that  I  could  n't  help  feeling  sorry  when  they  turned 
him  out  and  put  in  another.  But  some  said  he  was  n't 
put  in  hardly  fair  ;  and  I  dont  know  as  he  was,  for  the 
first  day  when  they  were  all  coming  in  and  crowding 
round,  there  was  a  large  fat  man,  with  a  round,  full, 
jolly  sort  of  face,  I  suppose  he  was  the  captain,  for  he 
got  up  and  commanded  them  to  come  to  order,  and 
then  lie  told  this  Mr.  White  to  whip  into  the  chair 
quicker  than  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson.  Some 
of 'em  scolded  about  it,  and    I  heard  some,  in  a  little 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  5 

room  they  called  ths  lobby,  say  'twas  a  mean  trick  ;  but 
I  could  n't  see  why.  for  I  thought  Mr.  White  made  a 
capital  Speaker,  and  when  our  company  turns  out  you 
know  the  captain  always  has  a  right  to  do  as  he's  a 
mind  to. 

They  kept  disputing  most  all  the  time  the  two  first 
days  about  a  poor  Mr.  Roberts  from  Waterborough. — 
Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat,  because  he  adjourn- 
ed the  town  meeting,  and  was  n't  fairly  elected. — 
Others  said  it  was  no  such  thing,  and  that  he  was  elect- 
ed as  tairly  as  any  of  'em.  And  Mr.  Roberts  himself 
said  he  was,  and  said  he  could  bring  men  that  would 
swear  to  it,  and  good  men  too.  But  notwithstanding 
all  this,  when  they  came  to  vote,  they  got  three  or  four 
majority  that  he  should  n't  have  a  seat.  And  1  thought 
it  a  needless  piece  of  cruelty,  for  they  want  crowded, 
and  there  was  a  number  of  seats  empty.  But  they 
would  have  it  so,  and  the  poor  man  had  to  go  and  stand 
up  in  the  lobby. 

Then  they  disputed  awhile  about  a  Mr.  Fowler's  hav- 
ing a  seat.  Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat,  be- 
cause when  he  was  elected  some  of  his  votes  were 
given  for  his  father.  But  they  were  more  kind  to  him 
than  they  were  to  Mr.  Roberts  ;  for  they  voted  that  he 
should  have  a  seat ;  and  I  suppose  it  was  because  they 
thought  he  had  a  lawful  right  to  inherit  whatever  was 
his  father's.  They  all  declared  there  was  no  party 
politics  about  it,  and  I  dont  think  there  was  ;  for  I  no- 
ticed that  all  who  voted  that  Mr.  Roberts  should  have 
a  seat,  voted  that  Mr.  Fowler  should  not ;  and  all  who 
voted  that  Mr.  Roberts  should  not  have  a  seat,  voted 
that  Mr.  Fowler  should.  So,  as  they  all  voted  both 
ways,  they  must  have  acted  as  their  consciences  told 
them,  and  I  dont  see  how  there  could  be  any  party 
about  it. 

It  's  a  pity  they  could  n't  be  allowed  to  have  two 
speakers,  for  they  seemed  to  be  very  anxious  to  choose 
Mr.  Ruggles  and  Mr.  Goodenow.  They  two  had  ev- 
ery vote,  except   one,  and  if  they   had  had  that,  I  be- 

A2 


0  LETTERS  OP 

lieve  they  would  both  have  been  chosen  ;  as  it  was, 
however,  they  both  came  within  a  humbird's  eye  of  it. 
Whether  it  was  Mr.  liuggles  that  voted  for  Mr.  Goode- 
now,  or  Mr.  Goodedow  for  Mr.  Ruggles,  I  cant  ex- 
actly tell  ;  but  I  rather  guess  it  was  Mr.  Ruggles  vot- 
ed for  Mr.  Goodenow,  for  he  appeared  to  be  very  glad 
that  Mr.  Goodenow  was  elected,  and  went  up  to  him 
soon  after  Mr.  Goodenow  took  the  chair,  and  shook 
hands  with  him  as  good-natured  as  could  be.  I  would 
have  given  half  my  load  of  ax  handles,  it  they  could 
both  have  been  elected  and  set  up  there  together,  they 
would  have  been  so  happy.  But  as  they  can't  have  but 
one  speaker  at  a  time,  and  as  Mr.  Goodenow  appears 
to  understand  the  business  very  well,  it  is  not  likely 
Mr.  Ruggles  will  be  speaker  any  this  winter.  So  uncle 
Joshua  will  have  to  shell  out  his  bushel  of  corn,  and  I 
hope  it  will  learn  him  better  than  to  bet  about  politics 
again.  If  he  had  not  been  a  goose,  he  might  have 
known  he  would  loose  it,  even  if  he  had  been  ever  so 
sure  of  getting  it;  for  in  these  politics  there's  never 
any  telling  which  way  the  cat  will  jump.  You  know, 
before  the  last  September  election,  some  of  the  papers 
that  came  to  our  town  had  found  out  that  Mr.  Hunton 
would  have  five  thousand  majority  of  the  votes.  And 
some  of  the  other  papers  had  found  out  that  Mr.  Smith 
would  have  five  thousand  majority.  But  the  cat  jump- 
ed 'tother  way  to  both  of  'em  ;  for  I  cant  find  yet  as 
either  of  'em  got  any  majority.  Some  say  Mr.  Hun- 
ton has  got  a  little  majority,  but  as  far  from  five  thou- 
sand as  1  am  from  home.  And  as  for  Mr.  Smith,  they 
dont  think  he  has  any  majority  at  all.  You  remember, 
loo,  before  I  came  from  home,  some  of  the  papers  said 
bow  there  was  a  majority  of  ten  or  fifteen  national  re- 
publicans in  the  Legislates  and  the  other  papers  said 
there  was  a  pretty  clever  little  majority  of  democratic 
republicans.  Well,  now  every  body  says  it  has  turned 
out  jest  as  that  queer  little  paper,  called  the  Daily 
Courier,  said  't  would.  That  paper  said  it  was  such  a 
close  rub,  it  could  n't  hardly  tell  which  side  would  beat. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


And  it 's  jest  so,  for  they've  been  here  now  most  a  fort- 
night acting  jest  like  two  boys  playin  see-saw  on  a  rail. 
First  one  goes  up,  then  'tother ;  but  I  reckon  one  of 
the  boys  is  rather  heaviest,  for  once  in  awhile  he  comes 
down  chuck,  and  throws  the  other  up  into  the  air  as 
though  he  would  pitch  him  head  over  heels. 

In  that  'tother  Legislator  they  call  the  Sinnet,  there 
has  been  some  of  the  drollest  carryins  on  that  you  ever 
heard  of.  If  I  can  get  time  I'll  write  you  something 
about  it,  pretty  soon.  So  I  subscribe  myself,  in  haste, 
your  loving  cousin  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  III. 

Uncle  Joshua's  visit  to  Boston,  and  dines  with  the  Gin- 
eral  Court 

Dear  Neffu, — I  left  home  just  after  your  letter 
to  your  cousin  Ephraim  got  there,  and  I  did'nt  get  a 
sight  of  your  letter  to  me  that  you  put  in  the  Courier 
at  Portland,  until  I  saw  it  in  the  Daily  Advertiser  in 
Boston,  and  I  guess  Mr.  Hale  is  the  only  person  in 
Boston  who  takes  that  are  little  Courier,  so  you  was 
pretty  safe  about  the  letter  not  being  seen,  as  the  prin- 
ter promised  you. — How  I  happened  to  see  it  here,  you 
will  find  out  before  I  have  got  through  with  this  letter. 
I  guess  you  wont  be  a  little  struck  up  when  you  find  out 
that  I'm  in  Boston — but  I  had  best  begin  at  the  begin- 
ning and  then  I  shall  get  thro'  quicker. 

After  seeing  your  letter  to  Ephraim  as  I  said  before, 
I  concluded  it  would'nt  be  a  bad  scheme  to  tackle  up 
and  take  a  load  of  tu ikies,  some  apple-sauce,  and  other 
notions  that  the  neighbors  wanted  to  get  to  market,  and 
as  your  uncle  Nat  would  be  in  Boston  with  the  ax  hand- 
les, we  all  thought  best  to  try  our  luck  there.  Nothing 
happened  worth  mentioning  on  the  road,  nor  till  next 


8  LETTERS    OF 

morning  after  I  got  here  and  put  up  in  Elm  street. 
I  then  got  off' my  watch  pretty  curiously,  as  you  shall 
be  informed.  I  was  down  in  the  bar  room,  and  tho't  it 
well  enough  to  look  pretty  considerable  smart,  and  now 
and  then  compared  my  watch  with  the  clock  in  the  bar 
and  found  it  as  near  right  as  ever  it  was — when  a  feller 
stept  up  to  me  and  ask't  how  I'd  trade  ?  and  says  I,  for 
what  ?  and  says  he  for  your  watch— and  says  I,  any 
way  that  will  be  a  fair  shake — upon  that  says  he,  I'll 
give  you  my  watch  and  five  dollars — Says  I,  its  done  ! 
He  gave  me  the  five  dollars,  and  I  gave  him  my  watch. 
Now,  says  I,  give  me  your  watch — and  says  he,  with  a 
loud  laugh,  I  han't  got  none — and  that  kind  aturn'd 
the  laugh  on  me.  Thinks  I,  let  them  laugh  that  lose. 
Soon  as  the  laugh  was  well  over,  the  feller  thought  he^d 
try  the  watch  to  his  ear — why,  says  he,  it  dont  go — no, 
says  I,  not  without  its  carried — then  I  began  to  laugh — 
he  tried  to  open  it  and  could'nt  start  it  a  hair,  and  broke 
his  thumb  nail  into  the  bargain.  Won't  she  open,  says 
he  ?  Not's  I  know  on,  says  I — and  then  the  laugh 
seemed  to  take  onother  turn. 

Don't  you  think  I  got  oft' the  old  Brittannia  pretty 
well,  considerin?  And  then  I  thought  I'd  go  and  see 
about  my  load  of  turkies  and  other  notions.  I  expected 
to  have  gone  all  over  town  to  sell  my  load,  but  Mr. 
Doolittle  told  me  if  I'd  go  down  to  the  new  market,  I 
should  find  folks  enough  to  buy  all  I  had  at  once.  So 
down  I  goes,  and  a  likely  kind  of  a  feller,  with  an  eye 
like  a  hawk  and  quick  as  a  steeltrap  for  a  trade,  (they 
called  him  a  4th  staller,)  came  up  to  the  wagon,  and 
before  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson,  we  struck  a  bar- 
gain for  the  whole  cargo — and  come  to  weigh  and  reck- 
on up,  I  found  I  should  get  as  much  as  lOsGd  more  than 
any  of  us  calculated  before  1  left  home,  and  had  the  ap- 
ple-sauce left  besides.  So  1  thought  I'd  jist  see  how 
this  4th  staller  worked  his  card  to  be  able  to  give  us  so 
good  a  price  for  the  turkies,  and  I  went  inside  the  mar- 
ket-house, and  a  grander  sight  1  never  expect  to  see  ! 
But  it  was  the  3d  staller  instead  of  the  4th,  had  mv  tur- 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


kies  all  sorted  and  hung  up,  and  looking  so  much  better 
that  I  hardly  should  know  'em.  Pretty  soon,  a'gentleman 
asked  the  3d  staller  what  he  asked  for  turkies  ?  Why, 
says  he,  if  you  want  something  better  than  you  ever 
saw  before,  there's  some  'twas  killed  last  night  purpose 
for  you.  You  may  take  'em  at  9d,  being  it's  you.  I'll 
give  you  12  cents,  said  the  gentleman,  as  I've  got  some 
of  the  General  Court  to  dine  with  me,  and  must  treat 
well.  I  shant  stand  for  half  a  cent  with  an  old  custom- 
er, says  he.  And  so  they  traded  ;  and  in  about  the 
space  of  half  an  hour  or  more,  all  my  turkies  went  into 
baskets  at  that  rate.  The  4th  staller  gave  me  6d  a 
pound,  and  I  began  to  think  I'd  been  a  little  too  much 
in  a  hurry  for  trade — but's  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk. 
Then  I  went  up  to  the  State  House  to  see  what  was  go- 
ing on  there  ;  but  I  thought  I'd  get  off  my  apple-sauce 
on  my  way — and  seeing  a  sign  of  old  clothes  bartered,  1 
stepped  in  and  made  a  trade,  and  got  a  whole  suit  of 
superfine  black  broadcloth  from  top  to  toe,  for  a  firkin  of 
apple-sauce,  (which  didn't  cost  much  I  guess,  at  home.) 
Accordingly  I  rigged  myself  up  in  the  new  suit,  and 
you'd  hardly  known  me.  I  didn't  like  the  set  of  the 
shoulders,  they  were  so  dreadful  puckery  ;  but  the  man 
said  that  was  all  right.  I  guess  he'll  find  the  apple- 
sauce full  as  puckery  when  he  gets  down  into  it — but 
that's  between  ourselves.  Well,  when  I  got  up  to  the 
State  House  I  found  them  at  work  on  the  rail  road — 
busy  enough  I  can  tell  you — they  got  a  part  of  it  made 
already.  I  found  most  all  the  folks  kept  their  hats  on 
except  the  man  who  was  talking  out  loud  and  the  man 
he  was  talking  to — all  the  rest  seemed  to  be  busy  about 
their  own  consarns.  As  I  didn't  see  any  body  to  talk 
to  I  kept  my  hat  on  and  took  a  seat,  and  look'd  round 
to  see  what  was  going  on.  I  hadn't  been  setting  long 
before  I  saw  a  slick-headed,  sharp-eyed  little  man,  who 
seemed  to  have  the  principal  management  of  the  folks, 
looking  at  me  pretty  sharp,  as  much  as  to  say  who  are 
you  ?  but  I  said  nothing  and  looked  tother  way — at  last 
he  touched  me  on  the  shoulder — 1  thought  he  was  feel- 


10 


LETTERS    OK 


ing  of  the  puckers.  Are  you  a  member  ?  says  he — sar- 
tin  says  I — how  long  have  you  taken  your  seat  ?  says 
he.  About  ten  minute9,  says  I.  Are  you  qualified  ? 
says  he.  I  guess  not,  says  I.  And  then  he  left  me. 
I  didn't  know  exactly  what  this  old  gentleman  was  af- 
ter— but  soon  he  returned  and  said  it  was  proper  for 
me  to  be  qualified  before  I  .took  a  seat,  and  I  must  go 
before  the  governor!  By  Jing!  I  never  felt  so  before 
in  oil  my  born  days.  As  good  luck  would  have  it,  he 
was  beckoned  to  come  to  a  man  at  the  desk,  and  as  soon 
as  his  back  was  turned  I  give  him  the  slip.  Jest  as  I 
was  going  off,  the  gentleman  who  bought  my  turkies  of 
the  4th  staller  took  hold  of  my  arm,  and  I  was  afraid  at 
first  that  he  was  going  to  carry  me  to  the  Governor — 
but  he  began  to  talk  as  sociable  as  if  we  had  been  old 
acquaintances.  How  long  have  you  been  in  the  house, 
Mr.  Smith,  says  he.  My  name  is  Downing,  said  I. 
I  beg  your  pardon,  says  he — I  mean  Downing.  It's  no 
offence,  says  I,  I  hav'nt  been  here  long.  Then  says  he 
in  a  very  pleasant  way,  a  few  of  your  brother  members 
are  to  take  pot-luck  with  me  to-day,  and  I  should  be  ve- 
ry happy  to  have  you  join  them.  What's  pot-luck  said 
I.  O,  a  family  dinner,  says  he — no  ceremony.  I 
thought  by  this  time  I  was  well  qualified  for  that  with- 
out going  to  the  Governor.  So  says  I,  yes,  and  thank 
ye  too.  How  long  before  you'll  want  me,  says  I.  At 
S  o'clock,  says  he,  and  gave  me  a  piece  of  paste  board 
with  his  name  on  it — and  the  name  of  the  street,  and 
the  number  of  his  house,  and  said  that  would  show  me 
the  way.  Well,  says  I,  I  dont  know  of  nothing  that 
will  keep  me  away,  And  then  we  parted.  I  took  con- 
siderable liking  to  him. 

After  strolling  round  and  seeing  a  great  many  things 
about  the  State  House  and  the  marble  image  of  Gin. 
Washington,  standing  on  a  stump  in  the  Porch,  I  went 
out  into  the  street  they  call  Bacon  street,  and  my  star9  ! 
what  swarms  of  women  folks  I  saw  all  drest  up  as  if 
they  were  going  to  meetin.  You  can  tell  cousin  Polly 
Sandburn,  who  you  know  isnoslimster,thatshe  needn't 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  11 

take  on  so  about  being  genteel  in  her  shapes — for  the 
genteelest  ladies  here  beat  her  as  to  size  all  hollow. 
1  dont  believe  one  of  'em  could  get  into  our  fore  dore — 
and  as  tor  their  arms — I  shouldn't  want  better  measure 
for  a  bushel  of  meal  than  one  of  their  sleeves  could 
hold.  I  shant  shell  out  the  bushel  of  corn  you  say  I've 
lost  on  Speaker  Ruggles  at  that  rate.     But  this  puts  me 

in  mind  of  the  dinner  which  Mr.  wants  1  should 

help  the  Gineral  Court  eat.  So  I  took  out  the  piece  of 
paste  board,  and  began  to  inquire  my  way  and  got  along 
completely,  and  found  the  number  the  first  time — but 
the  door  was  locked,  and  there  was  no  knocker,  and  I 
I  thumpt  with  my  whip  handle,  but  nobody  come.  And 
says  I  to  a  man  going  by,  dont  nobody  live  here  ?  and 
says  he  yes.  Well,  how  do  you  get  in  ?  Why,  says 
he,  ring  ;  and  says  I,  ring  what  ?  And  says  he,  the 
bell.  And  says  1  where's  the  rope?  And  says  he, 
pull  that  little  brass  nub  :  and  so  I  gave  it  a  twitch,  and 
I'm  sure  a  bell  did  ring  ;  and  who  do  you  think  opened 
the  door  with  a  white  apron  afore  him  ?  You  couldn't 
guess  for  a  week  a  Sundays — so  I'll  tell  you.  It  was 
Stephen  Furlong,  who  kept  our  district  school  last  win- 
ter, for  5  dollars  a  month,  and  kept  bachelor's  hall,  and 
helped  tend  for  Gineral  Coombs  a  training  days,  and 
make  out  muster  rolls.  We  was  considerably  struck 
up  at  first,  both  of  us  ;  and  when  he.  found  I  was  going 

to  eat  dinner  with   Mr. and  Gineral  Court,  he 

thought  it  queer  kind  of  doings — but  says  he,  I  guess  it 
will  be  as  well  for  both  of  us  not  to  know  each  other  a  bit 
more  than  we  can  help.  And  says  I,  with  a  wink,  you're 
half  right,  and  in  I  went.     There   was  nobody  in  the 

room  but  Mr. ' —  and  his  wife,  and  not  a  sign  of  any 

dinner  to  be  seen  any  where — though  I  thought  now  and 
then  when  a  side  door  opened,  I  could  smell  cupboard, 
as  they  say. 

I  thought  I  should  be  puzzled  enough  to  know  what 
to  say,  but  I  hadn't  my  thoughts  long  to  myself.     Mr. 

has  about  as  nimble  a  tongue  as  you  ever  heard, 

and  could  say  ten  words  to  my  one,  and  I  had  nothing 


12  LETTERS    OF 

to  do  in  the  way  of  making  talk.  Just  then  I  heard  a 
ringing,  and  Stephen  was  busy  in  opening  the  door  and 
letting  in  the  Gineral  Court,  who  all  had  their  hats  oft", 
and  looking  pretty  scrumptious,  you  may  depend.  I 
did'nt  see  but  I  could  stand  along  side  ot  'em  "'ithout 
disparagement,  except  to  my  boots,  which  had  just  got 
a  lick  of  beeswax  and  tallow — not  a  mite  of  dinner  yet, 
and  I  began  to  feel  as  if  'twas  nearer  supper  time  than 
dinner  time — when  all  at  once  two  doors  flew  away  from 
each  other  right  into  the  wall,  and  what  did  I  see  but 
one  of  the  grandest  thanksgiving  dinners  you  ever  laid 
your  eyes  on — and  lights  on  the  table,  and  silver  can- 
dlesticks and  gold  lamps  over  head — the  window  shut- 
ters closed — I  guess  more  than  one  of  us  stared  at  first, 
but  we  soon  found  the  way  to  our  mouths — I  made  Ste- 
phen tend  out  for  me  pretty  sharp,  and  he  got  my  plate 
filled  three  or  four  times  with  soup,  which  beat  all  I  ever 
tasted.  I  shan't  go  through  the  whole  dinner  again  to 
you — but  I  am  mistaken  if  it  cost  me  much  for  victuals 
this  week,  if  I  pay  by  the  meal  at  Mr.  Doolittle's,  who 
comes  pretty  near  up  to  a  thanksgiving  every  day. 
There  was  considerable  talk  about  stock  and  manufac- 
tories, and  Her  bilities,  and  rimidies,  and  a  great  loss 
on  stock.  I  thought  this  a  good  chance  for  me  to  put 
in  a  word — for  I  calculated  I  knew  as  much  about  rais- 
ing stock  and  keeping  over  as  any  of  'em.     Says  I  to 

Mr.  ,  there's  one  thing  I've  always  observed  in 

my  experience  in  9tock — just  as  sure  as  you  try  to  keep 
over  more  stock  than  you  have  fodder  to  carry  them 
well  into  April,  one  half  will  die  on  your  hands,  to  a 
sartinty — and  there's  no  remedy  for  it — I've  tried  it 
out  and  out,  and  there's  no  law  that  can  make  a  ton  of 
hay  keep  over  ten  cows,  unless  you  have  more  carrots 
and  potatoes  than  you  can  throw  a  stick  at.  This  made 
some  of  the  folks  stare  who  didn't  know  much  about 
stock — and  Steve  give  me  a  jog,  as  much  as  to  say,  keep 
ijuiet.  He  thought  I  was  getting  into  a  quog-mire,  and 
soon  after,  giving  me  a  wink,  opened  the  door  and  got 
ine  out  of  the  room  into  the  entry. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  lb 

After  we  had  got  out  of  hearing,  says  I  to  Steve,  how 
are  you  getting  on  in  the  world — should  you  like  to 
come  back  to  keep  our  school  if  I  could  get  a  vote  for 
you  ! — not  by  two  chalks,  says  Steve — I  know  which 
side  my  bread  is  buttered  better  than  all  that — I  get 
12  dollars  a  month  and  found,  and  now  and  then  some 
old  clothes,  which  is  better  than  keeping  school  at  5 
dollars  and  find  myself,  and  work  out  iny  highway  tax 
besides — then  turning  up  the  cape  ot  my  new  coat,  says 
he,  I  guess  I've  dusted  that  afori  now — most  likely, 
says  1,  but  not  in  our  district  school.  And  this  brings 
to  mind  to  tell  you  how  I  got  a  sight  of  your  letter. 
They  tell  me  here  that  every  body  reads  the  Boston 
Daily  Advertiser,  because  there  is  no  knowing  but  what 
they  may  find  out  something  to  their  advantage,  so  I 
thought  I  would  be  as  wise  as  the  rest  of  them,  and  be- 
fore I  got  half  through  with  it,  what  should  1  find  mix- 
ed up  among  the  news  but  your  letter  that  you  put  into 
that  little  paper  down  in  Portland,  and  I  knew  it  was 
your  writing  before  I  had  read  ten  lines  of  it. 

I  hope  I've  answered  it  to  your  satisfaction. 

Your  respected  uncle,      JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  Mr.  Topliflfsays  your  uncle  Nat  is  telegraph- 
ed, but  I'm  afraid  the  ax  handles  wont  come  to  much 
— I  find  the  Boston  folks  made  a  handle  of  most  any 
thing  they  can  lay  hold  of,  and  just  as  like  as  not  they'll 
make  a  handle  ot  our  private  letters,  if  they  should  see 
them. 

N.  B-  You  spell  dreadful  bad,  according  to  my  no- 
tion— and  this  proves  what  I  always  said,  that  our  dis- 
trict has  been  going  down  hill  ever  since  Stephen 
Furlong  left  it. 


\\ 


14  LETTERS    OF 

LETTER  IV. 

Mr.  Downing  relates  the  scrape  the  legislature  got  into, 
in  trying  to  make  a  number  of  governors. 

Portland,  Feb.  1,  1830. 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim. — 1  spose  you  expected  me 
to  write  to  you  agin  long  afore  now  and  tell  you  some- 
thing more  about  these  legislaters,  and  I  meant  to,  but  1 
could  n't  very  well ;  for  I'll  tell  you  jest  how  twas. — 
Some  days,  when  the  legislator  would  get  into  a  plaguy 
hobble,  I  would  think  to  myself,  well,  soon  as  they  get 
out  of  this  snarl,  I'll  write  to  cousin  Ephraim  and  tell 
him  all  about  it  ;  but  before  they  got  fairly  out  of  that, 
they'd  be  right  into  another  ;  and  if  I  waited  till  next 
i.ay  to  see  how  that  ended,  my  keesers!  before  night 
they'd  all  be  higgeldy  piggle  in  a  worse  hobble  than 
they'd  ever  been  in  afore.  So  if  I  wait  to  tell  you  how 
it  comes  out,  I  believe  I  shall  have  to  wait  till  haying 
time.  Another  thing  I've  been  waiting  for,  was  to  tell 
you  who  was  Governor.  But,  0  dear,  I  cant  find  out 
half  so  much  about  it  now,  here  in  this  great  city  of 
Portland,  where  all  the  Governors  live,  as  I  could  six 
months  ago  among  the  bear  traps  and  log  houses  in  our 
town,  way  back  into  the  woods.  Last  August,  you  know, 
according  to  the  papers  we  were  going  to  have  two 
Governors  right  <,ft',  sure  as  rates  ;  Mr.  Ilunton  and  Mr. 
Smith.  Well  now  its  got  to  be  the  first  of  February, 
and  we  haven't  got  one  yet.  And  although  the  governor- 
makers  have  had  four  or  five  under  way  for  a  month 
past,  some  think  it  very  doubtful  whether  they  will  get 
one  done  so  as  to  be  fit  to  use  this  year.  There's  Mr. 
Ilunton,  and  Mr.  Smith,  and  Mr.  Cutler,  and  Mr. 
Goodenow,  and  Mr.  Hall,  have  all  been  partly  made 
into  Governors  5  but  when  in  all  creation  any  ot  'em 
will  be  finished,  I  guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy 
lawyer  to  tell.     I  stated  in  my  letter  to  uncle  Joshua, 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  15 

that  there  were  two  very  clever  parties  in  the  legislates 
the  democratic  republikans  and  the  national  republi- 
cans ;  and  they  are  so,  and  very  industrious,  and  try 
to  make  things  goon  right  ;  and  [  really  believe,  if  the 
confounded  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  didn't  bother 
'em  so,  they'd  make  us  a  Governor,  as  quick  as  I  could 
make  an  ax  ha'ndle.  It  is  enough  to  do  any  body's 
heart  good  to  see  how  kind  and  obliging  these  democra- 
tic republikans  and  national  republikans  are  to  each 
other,  and  how  each  party  tries  to  help  the  other  along; 
and  its  enough  to  make  any  body's  blood  boil  to  see 
the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites,  jest  like  the  dog  in  the 
manger,  because  they  cant  eat  the  hay  themselves,  snap 
at  these  two  clever  parties  the  moment  either  of  'em 
sets  out  to  take  a  mouthful.  I'll  jest  give  you  an  in- 
stance of  the  kindness  that  these  two  clever  parties 
show  to  each  other.  You  know  the  constitution  says 
when  we  haven't  any  Governor  the  President  of  the 
Sinnet  must  be  Governor,  and  when  we  have  n't  any 
President  of  the  Sinnet,  the  Speaker  of  the  House  must 
be  Governor.  So  when  Governor  Lincoln  died  Mr. 
Cutler  was  Governor  for  awhile,  because  he  was  last 
year  President  of  the  Sinnet.  Mr.  Goodenow  is  a  na- 
tional republikan,  and  when  he  was  elected  Speaker  of 
the  House,  the  democratic  republikans  told  him  as  there 
was  no  President  of  the  Sinnet  elected  yet,  it  belonged 
to  him  to  be  Governor,  and  tried  as  hard  as  though  he 
had  belonged  to  their  own  party,  to  encourage  him  to 
go  right  into  the  council  chamber  and  do  the  governor's 
business.  But  the  national  republikans  didn't  dare  to 
let  him  go,  for  he  was  elected  by  only  one  majority,  and 
they  said  if  he  should  leave  the  chair,  it  wouldn't  be 
five  minutes  before  a  Jacksonite  would  be  whisked  into 
it,  and  then  the  two  clever  parties  would  all  be  up  a 
tree.  Well,  jest  so  twas  in  the  Sinnet  after  Elder 
Hall  was  elected  president,  only  the  bread  was  but- 
tered on  tother  side.  Elder  Hall  is  a  democrat  repub- 
likan, and  there  was  a  great  deal  tougher  scrabble  to 
elect  him,  than  there  was  to  choose  the  Speaker  cf  the 


16  LETTERS  OF 

House.  But  as  soon  as  he  was  elected,  the  national 
republikans  went  to  him  very  kindly,  and  said,  'Elder 
Hall,  by  the  provisions  of  the  constitution  you  are  i.ow 
fairly  Governor  of  the  State  till  another  governor  is 
qualified.  Dont  be  bashful  about  it,  but  please  to  walk 
right  into  the  Council  chamber,  and  do  the  governors 
business.'  But  the  democratic  republikans  said,  that 
would  never  do,  for  if  he  should,  the  Sinnet  Board 
would  be  capsized  in  an  instant  and  the  Huntonites 
would  rule  the  roast.  So  there  was  a  pair  of  Governors 
spoilt  when  they  were  more  than  half  made,  jest  by  the 
mischief  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites.  And  the 
consequence  is,  that  Mr.  Cutler  has  to  keep  doing  the 
Governor's  business  yet,  whether  he  wants  to  or  not. 
and  whether  it  is  right  for  him  to,  or  not.  They  say 
the  poor  man  is  a  good  deal  distressed  about  it,  and  has 
sent  to  the  great  Judges  of  the  Supreme  Court  to  know 
whether  it's  right  for  him  to  be  Governor  any  longer 
or  not.  If  the  Judges  should  say  he  mus  'nt  be  Gov- 
ernor any  longer,  we  shall  be  in  a  dreadful  pickle. 
Only  think,  no  Governor,  and  no  laws,  but  every  body 
do  jest  as  they're  a  mind  to.  Well,  if  that  should  be 
the  case,  Iknow  one  thing,  that  is,  Bill  Johnson  will  get 
one  good  flogging  for  calling  me  a  mean  puppy  and  a 
coward  last  summer  ;  I've  longed  to  give  it  to  him  ever 
since  ;  and  if  the  Lfgislater  don't  make  a  governor  this 
winter,  I  shall  come  right  home,  and  Bill  must  look  out. 
What  a  pity  'tis  they  should  waste  so  much  time  trying 
to  make  so  many  governors;  for,  if  they  should  make 
a  dozen,  we  shouldn't  want  to  use  but  one  this  year  : 
and  it  is  thought  if  they  liad  all  clapt  to  and  worked 
upon  one  instead  of  working  upon  so  many,  they  might 
have  had  him  done  more  than  three  weeks  ago. 
Yourlovin  cuzen  til  death, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING  17 

LETTER  V. 

Mr.  Downing  describes  the  predicament  in    which  the 
house  of  Representatives  got  into. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  Feb.  2,  1830. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim,- — I  have  just  time  to  write 
you  a  short  postscript  to  a  letter  that  I  shall  send  you 
in  a  day  or  two.  We  have  had  a  dreadful  time  here  to- 
day. You  know  the  wheels  of  government  have  been 
stopt  here  for  three  or  four  weeks,  and  they  all  clapt 
their  shoulders  under  to-day,  and  give  'em  a  lift ;  and 
they  started  so  hard,  that  as  true  as  you're  alive,  they 
split  both  Legislaters  right  in  la.  Some  say  they  are 
split  so  bad,  they  can't  mend  'em  again,  but  I  hope 
they  can  though  ;  I  shall  tell  you  all  about  how  'twas 
done,  in  a  day  or  two.  I've  been  expecting  a  letter 
from  you,  or  some  of  the  folks,  sometime.  As  I've 
got  prerty  short  of  money,  I  wish  you  would  send  '6m 
in  the  Daily  Courier,  so  I  shant  have  to  pay  the  postage. 
Your  hearty  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  VI. 

In  which  things  look  brighter. 

Portland,  Feb.  3,  1830. 

Cousin  Ephraim, — I  thought  I  would  jest  write  you 
another  little  postscript  to  my  letter  that  I  was  gvjing  to 
send  you  in  a  day  or  tu,  and  let  you  know  that  the  leg- 
islaters want  split  so  bad  as  some  folks  tho't  for. — 
They've  got  'em  both  mended  agin,  so  that  they  set  'em 
agoing  to  day  afore  noon.  But  in  the  arternoon,  that 
legislator  they  call  the  Sinnet,  got  struck,  and  in  try- 

B  2 


18  LETTERS  OF 

ing  to  make  it  go,  it  rather  seemed  to  crack  a  little  ; 
so"  they  stopt  short  till  to-morrow.  Its  been  jostled 
about  so,  and  got  so  weak  an'  rickety,  some  are  afraid 
it  will  give  out  yet,  or  split  in  lit  agin. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  VJ1. 

Jin  account  of  the  trigging  cf  the  wheels  of  govern- 
ment. 

Portland,  Thursday  Feb.  11,  1831. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim — I've  wrote  you  three  post- 
scripts since  I  wrote  you  a  letter,  and  the  reason  is, 
these  Legislators  have  been  carryin  on  so  like  all  pos- 
sest,  and  I've  been  in  looking  at  'em  so  much,  I  could 
n't  get  time  to  write  more  than  three  lines  at  once,  for 
fear  I  should  be  out  of  the  way,  and  should  miss  see- 
ing some  of  the  fun.  But  thitikin  you'd  be  tired  of 
waiting,  I  tried  to  get  the  printer  to  send  my  letter  yes- 
terday ;  but  he  told  me  right  up  and  down  he  could  n't. 
I  told  him  he  must,  for  I  ought  to  sent  before  now. — 
But  he  said  he  could  n't  and  would  n't,  and  that  was 
the  upshot  of  the  matter,  for  the  paper  was  chock  full, 
and  more  tu,  of  the  Governors  message-  Bless  my 
stars,  says  I,  and  have  we  got  a  Governor  done  enough 
so  he  can  speak  a  message  ?  Yes,  indeed  we  have, 
savs  he,  thanks  he  to  the  two  great  republikin  parties. 
who  have  saved  the  State  from  the  anarkee  of  theJack- 
sonites  and  Huntonites  ;  the  Governor  is  done,  and  is 
jest  a  going  into  the  Lesislater.  and  if  you  '11  go  right 
up  there,  you  can  see  him.  So  I  pushed  in  among  the 
i  rowd,  and  1  got  a  pretty  good  squeezin  tu  ;  but  I  got 
a  good  place,  for  1  could  elbow  it  as  well  as  any  on  'em. 
And  I  had  n't  been  there  live  minutes,  seemingly,  be- 
fore we  had  a  Governor  sure  enough  ;  and  a  good  stout, 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  19 

genteel  looking  sort  of  a  man  he  was  tu,  as  you  would 
see  in  a  whole  regiment,  taking  in  captains  and  all. — 
Nobody  disputed  that  he  was  finished  pretty  workman- 
like :  and  he  ought  to  be,  for  they  'd  been  long  enough 
about  it.  So  they  concluded  to  swear  him  in,  as  they 
call  it,  and  he  took  a  great  oath  to  behave  like  a  Gover- 
nor a  whole  year.  Some  say  the  wheels  of  government 
will  go  along  smooth  and  easy  now,  as  a  wheelbarrow 
across  a  brick  yard  ;  but  some  shake  their  heads,  and 
say  the  wheels  will  be  jolting  over  rocks  and  stumps  all 
winter  yet ;  and  I  dont  know  but  they  will,  for  the 
Governor  had  n't  hardly  turned  his  back  upon  'em  and 
gone  out,  before  they  went  right  to  disputing  agin  as 
hard  as  ever.  I  was  a  good  mind  to  run  out  and  call 
the  Governor  back  to  still  'em.  But  I  could  n't  tell 
where  to  look  for  him,  so  they  got  clear  of  a  drubbing 
that  time.  I  know  he  'd  a  gin  it  to  'em  if  he  'd  been 
there  ;  for  what  do  you  think  was  the  first  thing  they 
went  to  disputing  about  ?  It  was  how  many  Gover- 
nor's speeches  they  should  print  this  winter  ;  jest  as  if 
the  Governor  could  n't  tell  that  himself.  Some  wanted 
three  hundred,  and  some  five  hundred,  and  some  seven 
or  eight  hundred.  Finally  they  concluded  to  print  five 
hundred  ;  and  I  should  think  that  was  enough  in  all 
conscience,  if  they  are  all  going  to  be  as  long  as  that 
one  they  printed  in  the  Courier  yesterday.  In  the  next 
place,  they  took  up  that  everlasting  dispute  about  Mr. 
Roberts'  having  a  seat;  for  if  you  '11  believe  me,  they've 
kept  that  poor  man  standing  there  till  this  time. 

I'll  tell  you  how  tis,  Cousin  Ephraim,  we  must  con- 
trive some  way  or  other  to  keep  these  Jacksonites  and 
rluntonhes  out  of  the  Legislater  another  year,  or  we 
shall  be  ruin'd  ;  for  they  make  pesky  bad  work,  triging 
the  wheels  of  government.  They  've  triged  'em  so 
much  that  they  say  it  has  cost  the  State  about  fifteen 
thousand  dollars  a'ready,  more  than  'twould,  if  they 
had  gone  along  straight  without  stopping.  So  you  may 
tell  uncle  Joshua  that  besides  that  bushel  of  corn  he  lost 
in  betting  about  the  Speaker,  he'll  have  to  shell  out  as 


20  LETTERS    OF 

much  as  two  bushels  more  to  pay  the  cost  of  trigino-  the 
wheels.  Jingoe!  sometimes  when  I've  seen  the  wheels 
cliocked  with  a  little  trig  not  bigger  than  a  cat's  head, 
and  the  whole  legislater  trying  with  all  their  might  two 
or  three  days,  and  couldn't  start  it  a  hair,  how  I've 
longed  to  hitch  on  my  little  speckled  four-year-olds, 
and  give  'em  a  pull  ;  if  they  wouldn't  make  the  wheels 
fly  over  the  trigs  in  a  jiffy,  I  wont  guess  agin.  'Tother 
day  in  a  great  convention,  when  both  Legislaters  met 
together  to  chuse  some  Counsellors,  Mr.  Boutelle  and 
Mr.  Smith  of  Nobleborough  tried  to  explain  how  'twas 
the  wheels  of  government  were  trig'd  so  much.  Mr. 
Boutelle,  as  I  have  told  you  a-fore,  is  a  national  repub- 
lican, and  Mr.  Smith  is  a  democratic  republican. — 
They  differed  a  little  in  their  opinion.  Mr.  Boutelle 
seemed  to  think  the  trigs  were  all  put  under  by  one  class 
of  politicians,  and  from  what  he  said,  I  took  it  he  meant 
the  Jacksonites.  He  said  ever  since  the  Legislater  be- 
gan, the  moment  they  stai  ted  the  wheels,  that  class  of 
politicians  would  throw  under  a  chock  and  stop 'em  ; 
and  whichever  way  they  turned,  that  class  of  politi- 
cians would  meet  'em  at  e\ery  corner  and  bring  'em  up 
all  standin.  ]\Ir.  Smith  seemed  to  think  another  class 
of  politicians  had  the  greatest  hand  in  it,  and  it  was 
pretty  clear  he  meant  the  Huntonites.  He  said  when 
they  first  got  here,  that  class  of  politicians  sot  the 
wheels  of  government  rolling  the  wrong  way;  they  put 
the  big  wheels  forward,  and  the  Legislater  had  been 
going  backwards  ever  since,  just  like  a  lobster.  And 
the  Huntonites  not  only  trig'd  the  wheels,  whenever 
thev  begun  to  roll  the  right  way  ;  but  as  suon  as  the 
'blessed  Governor'  was  done  thev  trig'd  him  tu  ;  and 
though  he  had  been  done  four  days,  they  would'nt  let 
him  come  into  the  Legislater  so  that  their  eyes  could 
be  blest  with  the  sight  of  him.  So  from  what  I  can 
Bird  out,  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  both,  are  a 
troublesome  contrary  set,  and  there  must  be  some  way 
contrived  to  keep  'em  out  of  the  Legislater  in  future. 
It  seems  soon  after  you  got  my   first  letter,  uncle 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  21 

Joshua  tackled  up,  and  started  oft*  to  Boston  with  a 
load  of  turkeys  and  apple-sauce.  I  had  a  letter  from 
him  t'other  day,  as  long  as  all  out  doors,  in  the  Boston 
Advertiser.  He  says  lie  got  more  for  the  turkeys  than 
he  expected  tu  ;  but  I  think  its  a  plaguy  pity  he  did'nt 
bring 'em  to  Portland.  I  know  he'd  got  more  than  he 
could  in  Boston.  Provision  kind  is  getting  up  here 
wonderfully,  on  account  of  these  Legislators  being 
likely  to  stay  here  all  winter;  and  some  think  the'll  be 
here  half  the  summer  tu.  And  then  there's  sich  a 
cloud  of  what  thev  call  lobby  members  and  office  hun- 
ters, that  the  butchers  have  got  frightened,  and  gone  to 
buying  up  all  the  beef  and  pork  they  can  get  hold  on 
far  and  near  for  they  are  afraid  a  famine  will  be  upon  us 
next.  Howsomever,  uncle  Joshua  did  well  to  carry  his 
'puckery  apple-s«uce'  to  Boston.  He  could  n't  get  a 
cent  for't  here  ,•  for  every  body's  puckery  and  soar 
enough  here  now. 

Give  my  love  to  father  and  mother  and  cousin  Nabby. 
I  shall  answer  their  letters  as  soon  as  I  can. 
Your  lovin  Cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  VIII. 

Mr.  Downing  advises  his  uncle  Joshua  to  hold  on  to  his 
bushel  of  corn  as  the  legislature  had  undertaken  "  to 
rip  up  their  duins. " 

Portland,  Friday,  Feb.  12,  1830. 
Postscript  to  uncle  Joshua. 

IC/^this  WITH  CARE  AND  speed. 

Dear  Uncle, — If  you  have'nt  paid  over  that  are 
bushel  of  corn  yet,  that  you  lost  when  you  bet  Mr.  Rug- 
gles  would  be  Speaker,  hold  on  to  it  for  your  life,  till 


22  LETTERS   OF 

you  hear  from  me  agin,  for  I  aint  so  clear  but  you  may 
save  ityet.  They've  gone  to  rippin  up  their  duins  here, 
and  there's  no  knowing  but  they  may  go  clear  back  to 
the  beginning  and  have  another  tug  about  Speaker.  At 
any  rate,  if  your  bushel  of  corn  is'nt  gone  out  of  your 
crib  yet,  I  advise  you  by  all  means  to  keep  it  there. 

Tell  'squire  N.  the  question  is'nt  settled  yet ;  and 
you  wont  shell  out  a  single  kernel  till  it  is  fairly  nailed 
and  clinched,  so  it  can't  be  ript  up  agin.  I'll  tell  you 
what  'tis,  uncle  Josh,  the  Supreme  Court  beats  the  Jack- 
sonitecand  Iluntonites  all  hollow  for  trigging  th^  wheels. 
You  know  after  they  had  such  a  tussle  for  about  a  week 
to  chose  Elder  Hall  President  of  the  Sinnet,  and  after 
he  come  in  at  last  all  hollow,  for  they  said  he  had  a 
majority  of  eight  out  of  sixteen,  they  went  on  then  two 
or  three  weeks  nicely,  duin  business  lie  and  tie,  hard 
as  they  could.  Then  up  steps  the  Judges  of  the  Su- 
preme Court  and  tells  Mr.  Hall  he  was  governor,  and 
ought  to  go  into  the  Council  Chamber.  They  seemed 
to  be  a  little  bit  thunder  struck  at  first.  But  they  soon 
come  to  agin,  and  Elder  Hall  got  out  of  the  chair  and 
Mr.  Kingsbury  got  into  it,  and  they  jogged  along  an- 
other week,  duin  business  as  hard  as  ever.  They  said 
all  the  chairs  round  the  table  ought  to  be  filled,  so  they 
changed  works  with  the  House  and  made  four  more 
Sinneters.  So  having  four  good  fresh  hands  come  in, 
they  took  hold  in  good  earnest  and  turned  off"  more 
business  in  two  days,  than  they  had  done  in  a  month 
before. 

Then  up  steps  the  Supreme  Court  agin  and  tells  'em 
their  cake  is  all  dough  ;  for  they  had  n't  been  duin  con- 
stitutional. This  was  yesterday  ;  and  it  made  a  dread- 
ful touse.  They  went  right  to  work  rippin  up  and  tar- 
rin  awav  what  they'd  been  duin  ;  and  before  nine  o'clock 
in  the  evening  they  turned  out  the  four  new  Sinneters, 
out  of  their  chairs  and  appointed  a  committee  to  begin 
to  make  four  more.  They  took  hold  so  hash  about  it,  I 
spose  some  the  rest  of  the  Sinneters  begun  to  be  afraid 
they  should  be  ript  up  tu  ;  so  they  clear'd  out,  I  guess 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  23 

near  about  half  on  'em,  ard  have  n't  been  seen  nor  heard 
of  to  day.  Some  of  'em  that  had  more  courage  went 
in  and  tried  to  do  business  ;  but  there  was  n't  enough  of 
'em  to  start  an  inch.  They  sent  a  man  all  around  town 
hi  the  forenoon  and  afternoon  to  tell  'm  to  come  in  and 
go  to  work,  but  he  could  n't  find  hide  nor  hair  of  one  of 
'em.  Elder  Hall  said  he  guessed  they  must  be  some- 
ivhere  in  a  convention. 

Some  say  they'll  rip  up  the  new  Councillors  next,  and 
then  the  Governor,  cause  the  new  Sinneters  helpt  make 
em  all.  But  there's  one  comfort  left  for  us,  let  the  cat 
jump  which  way  'twill  ;  if  Mr.  Hunton  isn't  a  constitu- 
tional Governor,  Elder  Hall  is  ;  the  Judges  have  nailed 
that  fast.  So  think  Bill  Johnson  will  get  off  with  a 
whole  skin,  for  I  shant  dare  to  flog  him  this  year.  If 
they  go  clear  back  to  the  Speaker,  and  decide  it  in  favor 
of  your  bushel  of  corn,  I  shall  let  you  know  as  soon  as 
possible. 

Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  IX. 

The  queer  duins  of  the  senate  described. 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Doivningviile. 
Portland,  Wednesday,  Feb.  17,  1830. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim, — Here  lam  yet,  and  have 
n't  much  else  to  du,  so  I  might  as  well  keep  writin  to 
you  ,•  for  I  spose  une'e  Joshua  *s  in  a  peck  of  trouble 
about  his  bushel  of  corn.  I'm  pesky  fraid  he'll  lose  it 
yet  ',  for  they  don't  seem  to  rip  up  worth  a  cent  since 
the  first  night  they  begun.  The  truth  was  they  took  hold 
rather  tu  hash  that  night ;  and  rippin  up  them  are  four 
new  Sinneters  so  quick,  they  scart  away  four  or  five 


24  LETTERS    OF 

more  old  ones,  so  they  didn't  dare  to  come  in  again  tor 
tu  days-  And  that  threw  'em  all  into  the  suds,  head 
and  ears.  It  was  worse  than  triging  the  wheels,  for 
it  broke  theSinnet  wheel  right  in  tu,  and  left  it  so  flat, 
that  all  Job's  oxen  never  could  start  it,  if  they  hadn't 
got  it  mended  again.  They  tried,  to  keep  duin  some- 
thing, but  they  could  n't  du  the  leastest  thin«;.  One  time 
they  tried  to  du  something  with  a  little  bit  of  a  mes- 
sage that  was  sent  to  'em  on  a  piece  of  paper  from  the 
House.  The  President  took  it  in  his  hand,  and  held 
it  up,  and  asked  'em  what  best  to  du  with  it.  Some 
of  'em  motioned  that  they'd  lay  it  on  the  table  ;  but 
come  to  consider  on  it,  they  found  they  couldn't  ac- 
cording to  the  constitution,  without  there  was  more  of 
'em  to  help.  They  said  they  couldn't  lay  it  on  the  ta- 
ble, nor  du  nothin  at  all  with  it.  I  was  afraid  the  poor 
old  gentleman  would  have  to  stand  there  and  hold  it 
till  they  got  the  wheel  mended  agin.  But  I  believe  he 
finally  let  it  drop  on  the  table  ;  and  I  spose  there  was 
nothin  in  the  constitution  against  that. 

They  got  the  wheel  mended  Monday  about  eleven  er 
clock,  so  they  could  start  along  a  little.  But  them  are 
four  new  Sinneters  that  they  ript  up  Thursday  night, 
come  right  back  agin  Monday,  and  sot  down  to  the 
great  round  table ;  and  stood  tu  it  through  thick  and 
thin,  that  they  want  rip  up,  and  no  sich  thing.  Well, 
this  kicked  up  a  kind  of  a  bobbery  among  'em,  so  they 
thought  they'd  try  to  journ.  The  President  counted 
'em,  and. said  they  were  journed  and  might  go  out. 
One  of  the  new  Sinneters  said  the  Presidentdidn't  count 
right,  and  they  want  journed  a  bit  ;  and  they  must  set 
still  and  have  an  overhauling  about  it. 

So  they  set  down  agin,  all  but  four  or  five  that  put 
on  their  hats  and  great  coats  and  stood  backside  of  the 
room.  The  room  was  chock  full  of  folks  looking  on, 
and  the  President  told  'em  the  Sinnet  was  journed  and 
they  might  as  well  go  out,  but  they  did  seem  to  keer  tu, 
and  they  put  their  hats  on  and  began  to  laugh  like  fun. 
The  President  sot  still  in  his  cheer,  for  I  spose  he 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  25 

thought  if  he  left  it,  some  of  them  are  roguish  fellers 
would  be  gettin  into  it  The  man  that  keeps  order,  told 
the  folks  they  must  take  their  hats  off  when  they  were 
in  the  Sinnet  ;  but  they  said  they  wouldn't,  cause  the 
Sinnet  was  adjourned.  Then  the  man  went  and  asked 
the  President  if  the  Sinnet  was  all  adjourned,  and  the 
President  said  'twas,  and  there  was  no  doubt  about  it. 
And  the  folks  felt  so  tickled  to  think  they  could  wear 
their  hats  when  the  Sinneters  were  setting  round  the 
great  table,  that  they  kind  of  whistled  a  little  bit  all 
over  the  room. 

Finally,  after  settin  about  half  an  hour,  another  man 
got  up  and  motioned  to  ajourn,  and  the  President  got 
up  and  put  it  to  vote  agin.  He  told  'em  if  they  wanted 
to  ajourn,  they  must  say  ah,  and  they  all  said  ah  this 
time,  and  cleared  out  in  five  minutes. 

But  about  this  rippin  up  business  j  instead  of  rippin 
up  the  councillors,  as  some  thought  they  would,  both 
legislaters  met  together  to-day,  and  called  in  four  of 
the  councillors,  and  nailed  'em  down  harder  with  an 
oath. 

They've  sot  the  committees  to  work  like  fun  now, 
and  its  thought  they'll  turn  off  business  hand  over  hand; 
for  you  know  its  almost  March,  and  then  the  great 
Supreme  Court  meets  here.  And  tliey  say  they  have  a 
grand  jury  that  picks  up  all  disorderly  and  mischievous 
folk,  and  carries  'em  into  court,  and  the  court  puts 
'em  in  jail.  These  legislaters  have  been  cuttin  up  such 
rigs  here  all  winter,  that  they  begin  to  look  pretty  shy 
when  any  thing  is  said  about  the  first  of  March,  and  I 
dont  believe  the  grand  jury  '11  be  able  to  find  3  single 
mother's  son  of  'em  when  the  court  gets  here. 
From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


26  LETTERS    OF 

LETTER  X. 

Anew  idea  for  making  money  out  of  the  office  seekers* 
swarming  round  the  new  governor. 

Postscript  to  Ephraim. 

Portland,  Feb.  23,'  1830. 

Dear  Cousin. — As  soon  as  you  get  this,  I  want  you 
to  load  up  tho  old  lumber-box  with  them  are  long  slick 
bean-poles,  that  I  got  out  last  summer.  I  guess  I  shant 
make  much  by  my  ax  handles,  fori  can't  sell  'em  yet.: 
I  hant  sold  but  tu  since  I've  been  here  ;  and  the  sea's 
been  froze  over  so  that  uncle  Ned  hant  got  in  from 
Quoddy  yet,  and  I  hant  had  any  chance  to  send  my  ax 
handles  to  Boston.  But  if  I  lose  on  the  ax  handles,  I 
shall  make  it  up  on  the  bean  poles  if  you  only  get  'em 
here  in  season.  Do  make  haste  as  fast  as  you  can,  and 
you  shall  share  half  the  profits. 

It  ant  to  stick  beans  with  nuther  ;  and  I  guess  you'll 
kind  o' laft",  when  I  tell  you  what  tis  for.  You  know 
when  we  went  to  the  court  there  was  a  man  sot  up  in  a 
box,  that  they  called  a  Sheriff*,  and  held  a  long  white 
pole  in  his  hand.  Well  I  heard  somebody  say  tother 
day  that  there  was  more  than  a  hundred  folks  here  that 
wanted  to  get  a  Sheriff's  pole  ;  and  I  happened  to  think 
that  them  are  bean  poles  would  make  cute  ones.  But 
you  must  get  'em  afore  the  Governor  makes  his  appmt- 
ments,  or  it'll  be  gone  goose  with  us,  about  it,  for  we 
could'nt  sell  more  than  half  a  dozen  arter  that. 
From  your  Cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XI. 

Cousin  Ephraim  in  the  difficulties. 

Feb.  25,  1830. 

Dear  Jack. — Here  I  am,  abouthalf  way  to  Portland, 
with  one  shu  of  the  old  lumber  box  br,oke   down,  and 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


27 


tother  one  putty  rickety.  Its  about  half  the  way  bare 
ground,  and  the  old  hoss  begins  to  be  ruther  wheezy. 
But  you  know  I  don't  give  up  for  trifles,  when  there's 
a  chance  to  make  a  spec.  Soon  as  I  got  your  letter 
about  the  bean  poles,  I  made  business  fly.  Mother  put 
me  up  a  box  of  beef  and  dough  nuts,  and  I  fed  old  grey, 
and  tackled  up,  and  all  loaded  and  ready  to  start  in  tu 
hours  :  and  if  I  live  I  shall  get  the  bean  poles  there  at 
some  rate  or  other  fore  long ;  but  I'm  fraid  I  may  be 
late.  If  you  know  the  Governor,  I  wish  you'd  just  ask 
him  to  keep  his  appointments  back  a  little  while  ;  he 
shant  loose  nothing  by  it  if  the  poles  sell  well .  I  shall 
have  to  go  the  rest  of  the  way  on  wheels,  and  I  want 
you  to  see  if  you  can  hire  one  of  the  government  wheels 
and  come  and  meet  me,  for  the  plaguy  fellers  here  wont 
trust  me  with  their  wheels  till  I  get  back.  Besides  if  I 
could  get  one  of  the  wheels  of  government,  I'm  thinking 
I  could  get  along  a  good  deal  faster;  for  I  met  a  man 
jest  now  from  Portland  that  said  they've  got  them  are 
wheels  going  now  like  a  buz.  He  said  there  was  no 
wheels  in  the  country  that  could  go  half  so  fast ;  and  he 
thinks  they  work  a  good  deal  better  for  being  split  up 
and  mended  so  much.  Grandfather  said  they  would 
want  as  many  cockades  as  Sheriff  polls  ;  and  so  he  put 
in  his  old  continental  one,  that  he  had  in  the  revolution. 
P.  S.  I  hope  you'll  get  the  government  wheels  to 
come  arter  the  poles,  for  I  want  some  that  are  putty 
easy  trig'd,  cause  the  hills  are  ruther  slippery. 
Your  Cusin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XII. 

A  tug  at  the  wheels  of  government  described. 

Portland,  March  3,  1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  stuck  by  the  ivay. 

You  sent  word  to  me  in  your  letter  t'other  day,  that 
you  had  got  to  bare  ground,  and  broke  down  one  shu 


28 


LETTERS    Of 


of  the  lumber  box,  and  wanted  me  to  get  the  wheels  of 
Government  and  come  up  after  the  poles.  I  tried  to 
get  'em,  but  they  wouldn't  let  'em  go  ;  and  they  said 
'twould'nt  be  any  use  if  I  did  ;  for  I  could'nt  get  more 
than  ten  rods  before  the  wheels  would  be  trig'd.  They 
were  expecting  of  'em  to  be  trig'd  every  day,  they  said  : 
for  the  Judges  had  sent  a  monstrous  great  trig  to  the  Go- 
vernor, and  told  him  if  they  went  to  start  the  wheels 
forward  any,  he  must  clap  it  under  ;  for  they  must'nt 
go  forward  a  bit  more,  and  must  roll  the  wheels  back  a 
good  ways,  till  they  find  the  right  road.  Well,  sure 
enough,  on  Tuesday,  when  they  was  goin  along  a  little 
easy,  and  some  on  'em  threw  the  trig  right  under,  and 
it  brought  'em  up  with  a  dreadful  jolt. 

And  then,  my  stars,  if  the  Sinneters  didn't  go  at  it 
tie  and  tie,  like  smoke.  The  national  republicans  pul- 
led one  way,  and  the  democratic  republicans  'tother, 
with  all  their  might,  jest  as  you  and  I  used  to  set  down 
and  brace  our  feet  against  each  other,  and  take  hold  of 
a  stick  to  see  which  could  pull  tother  up.  They  pulled 
and  grinned  all  day,  but  nary  side  couldn't  pull  up  toth- 
er. The  national  republicans  said  they  wouldn't  stop 
for  that  little  trig,  nor  no  notiou  of  it ;  and  they  pulled 
the  wheels  forward  as  hard  as  they  could.  The  demo- 
cratic republicans  braced  their  feet  tother  way,  and  said 
the  wheels  shouldn't  move  another  inch  forward  ;  they 
had  got  on  to  a  wrong  road,  and  the  Judges  had  put  that 
trig  thereto  keep  'em  all  from  goin  to  destruction  ;  and 
they  tried  all  day  as  hard  as  they  could  to  roll  the  wheels 
back  to  find  the  right  road.  They  pulled  like  my  little 
tu  year  olds  all  day,  but  I  couldn't  see  as  they  started 
the  wheels  backwards  or  forwards  a  single  hair.  This 
morning  they  hitched  on  and  took  another  jest  sich  a 
pull.  The  national  republicans  said  they  knew  the  road 
as  well  as  the  Judges  did,  and  they  were  goin  right  and 
wouldn't  touch  to  go  back  ',  the  road  was  a  good  plain 
smooth  road,  and  there  was'nt  a  mite  of  danger  in  goin 
on.  The  democratic  republicans  said  they  could  hear 
some  pretty   heavy  thundering  along  that  road,  and 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  29 

tney'd  not  go  another  step  that  way  ;  bnt  they  stood  tu 
they  want  afraid  of  the  thunder.  The  national  repub- 
licans said  theyrd  heard  thunder  before  now,  and  seen 
dreadful  black  clouds  all  over  the  sky,  and  they'd  seen 
a  fair  afternoon  and  a  bright  rainbow  after  all  that.  So 
they  pulled  and  disputed,  and  disputed  and  pulled,  till 
most  noon,  and  then  they  concluded  to  stop  and  breath 
upon  it  till  to-morrow,  when  I  spose  they  will  spit  on 
their  hands  to  make  'em  stick  and  begin  as  hard  as  ever. 
I  hope  youl'U  make  haste  and  get  the  poles  along ; 
if  you  cant  get  any  wheels  up  there,  you  better  tie  up  a 
couple  of  bundles  of  'em  and  swing  'em  across  the  old 
horse,  saddle-bag  fashion.  You'll  get  well  paid  for  it, 
if  you  get  'em  here  in  season.         Your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIII. 

■ 

Mr.  Downing  tells  what  selling  up  a  candidate  for 
office  means. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  March  16,  1830. 

To  Uncle  Joshva  Downing,  up  in  Downingville. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua — I  guess  by  this  time,  its  so 
long  since  I  writ  home,  you  almost  begin  to  think  Jack 
is  sick  or  dead,  or  gone  down  to Quoddy  long  with  uncle 
Nat,  or  somewhere  else.  But  you  needn't  think  any 
sich  thing,  for  here  I  am  sticking  to  Portland  like  wax, 
and  I  guess  I  shant  pull  up  stakes  agin  this  one  while. 
The  more  I  stay  to  Portland  the  better  I  like  it.  Its  a 
nation  fine  place  ;  there's  things  enough  here  for  any 
body  to  see  all  their  life  time.  I  guess  I  shall  tell  you 
something  about  'em  before  summer's  out.  These  Leg- 
islates havn't  dune  nothin  scarcely  worth  telling  about 
this  most  a  fortnight.  I've  been  in  most  everv  day  jest 
to  take  a  squint  at  'em.  There  was  n't  hardiy  a  bit  of 
a  quarrel  to  be  heard  of  from  one  day's  end  to  an- 

C2 


30  LETTERS    OF 

other.  They  were  all  as  good  natured  and  loving  as  a 
family  of  brothers,  that  had  been  living  out  all  summer, 
and  had  jest  got  home  together  at  thanksgiving  time. 
They  kept  to  work  as  busy  as  bees  upon  pieces  of  paper 
that  they  called  Bills.  Sometimes  they  voted  to  read 
'em  once,  sometimes  twice,  and  sometimes  three  times. 
At  last  the  sun  begun  to  shine  so  warm,  that  it  made  'em 
think  of  planting  time,  and  at  it  they  went,  passing  Bills 
by  the  gross,  [probably  a  mistake  for  to  be  engrossed — 
editor,]  till  they  settled  'em  away  like  heaps  of  corn  at 
a  husking,  before  a  barnful  of  boys  and  gals.  And 
they've  got  so  near  the  bottom  of  the  heap,  they  say 
they  shall  brush  out  the  floors  in  a  day  or  two  more,  and 
start  oft' home.  I  spose  they  wont  mind  it  much  if  they 
do  brush  out  some  of  the  ears  without  husking;  they've 
had  their  frolic  and  their  husking  supper,  and  I  guess 
that's  the  most  they  come  for.  It  seems  to  me,  uncle 
Joshua,  it  costs  our  farmers  a  great  deal  more  to  husk 
out  their  law-corn  every  winter  than  it  need  tu.  They 
let  tu  many  noisy  talking  fellers  come  to  the  husking. 
I've  always  minded,  when  I  went  to  a  husking,  that  these 
noisy  kind  of  chaps  seems  to  care  a  good  deal  more 
about  what  they  can  get  to  eat  and  drink,  than  they  du 
about  the  corn;  and  them  are  that  don't  make  much 
fuss,  are  apt  to  husk  the  most  and  make  the  cleanest 
work. 

O  dear,  uncle,  there's  a  hot  time  ahead.  I  almost 
dread  to  think  of  it.  I'm  afraid  there  is  going  to  be  a 
worse  scrabble  next  summer  to  see  who  shall  go  to  the 
"Teat  State  husking  than  there  was  last.  The  Hunton- 
ites  and  Smitliites  are  determined  to  have  each  of  'em  a 
governor  agin  next  year.  They've  sot  up  their  candi- 
dates on  both  sides  ;  and  who  in  all  the  world  should 
vou  n-uess  they  are  ?  The  Huntonites  have  sot  up  Mr. 
Hunton,  and  (he  Smithiteshavesotup  Mr.  Smith.  You 
understand  what  it.  means,  I  spose,  to  set  up  a  candi- 
date. It  means  the  same  that  it  does  at  a  shooting 
match  to  set  up  a  goose  or  a  turkey  to  be  fired  at.  The 
rule  of  the  game  is  that  the  Smitliites  are  to  fire  at  Mr. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  31 

Hunton,  and  the  Huntonites  are  to  fire  at  Mr.  Smith. 
They  think  it  will  take  a  pretty  hard  battle  to  get  them 
both  in.  But  both  parties  say  they've  got  the  constitu- 
tion on  their  side,  sol  thin-k  likely  they'll  both  beat. 

They've  been  piling  up  a.  monstrous  heap  of  amuni- 
tion  this  winter,  enough  to  keep  'em  firing  all  summer,; 
and  1  guess  it  wont  be  long  before  you  see  the  smoke 
rising  all  over  the  State,  wherever  there's  a  newspaper. 
I  think  these  newspapers  are  dreadful  smoky  things  ; 
they  are  enough  to  blind  any  body's  eyes  any  time,  i 
mean  all  except  the  Daily  Courier  and  Family  Reader, 
that  I  send  my  letters  in  j  I  never  see  much  smoke  in 
them.  But  take  the  rest  of  the  papers,  that  talk  about 
politics,  and  patriotism,  and  republicanism,  and  federal- 
ism, and  Jacksonism,  and  Hartford  Conventionism,  and 
let  any  body  read  in  one  of  'em  half  an  hour,  and  his 
eyes  will  be  so  full  of  smoke  he  can't  see  better  than  an 
owl  in  the  sunshine  ;  he  would't  be  able  to  tell  the 
difference  between  a  corn-  stalk  and  the  biggest  oak  tree 
in  our  pasture. 

You  know,  uncle,  these  Legislaters  have  had  some 
dreadful  quarrels  this  winter  about  a  book  they  call  the 
constitution:  and  had  to  get  the  Judges  of  the  great 
Court  to  read  it  to  'em.  They  made  such  a  fuss  about  it 
I  thought  it  must  be  a  mighty  great  book,  as  big  agin 
as  grandfather's  great  bible.  But  one  day  I  see  one  of 
the  Sinneters  have  one,  and  my  stars,  it  was  n't  so  big 
as  my  old  spelling  book.  Thinks  I  to  myself,  if  ax 
handles  will  buy  one,  I'll  have  one  and  see  if  I  cant  read 
it  myself.  So  I  went  hit  •  a  store  where  they  had  a  na- 
tion sight  of  books,  and  asked  'em  for  a  constitution. 
They  showed  me  some  nice  little  ones,  that  they  asked 
a  quarter  of  a  dollar  a  piece  for.  I  was  out  of  money, 
so  I  told  the  mon  I'd  give  him  four  good  white  oak  ax 
handles,  well  finished,  for  one:  and  he  said,  being 'twas 
me,  I  might  have  it.  So  now  I've  got  a  constitution  of 
my  own,  and  if  I  find  I  can  read  it,  I  shall  let  you 
know  something  about  what's  in  it  before  a  great  while. 
Your  neffu,  JAC.'s.  DOWNING. 


32  LETTERS  OF 

LETTER  XIV. 

Mr.  Downing  informs  his  Uncle  Joshua  that  he  has  a 
prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  April  14,  1830. 

Uncle  Joshua, — I  spose  you  remember  that  are 
story  about  the  two  dogs,  that  uncle  Joe  Downing  used 
to  tell ;  how  they  got  to  fighting,  and  snapped  and  bit, 
till  they  eat  each  other  up,  all  but  jest  the  tip  ends  of 
their  tails.  Now  I  never  could  exactly  see  through 
that  story,  enough  to  know  how  it  was  done,  till  lately. 
I  almost  thought  it  was  a  kind  of  tough  yarn,  that  had 
been  stretched  a  good  deal.  But  fact,  uncle,  I  begin 
to  think  it's  true,  every  word  on't ;  for  there's  some- 
thing going  on  here  as  much  like  it  as  two  peas  in  a 
pod.  The  Portland  Argus  and  the  Portland  Adver- 
tiser, have  fell  afowl  of  each  other  and  gone  to  biting 
one  another's  noses  oft*.  And  if  they  keep  on  as  they've 
began,  I  guess  before  summer  is  out,  the'll  not  only 
eat  each  other  all  up,  tails  and  all,  but  I  believe  they 
are  going  to  devour  them  are  tu  outrageous  wicked 
parties,  that  plagued  the  legislature  so  all  winter  ;  I 
mean  the  Jacksonites  and  the  Huntonites.  They've 
only  been  at  it  a  week  or  two,  and  they've  made  quite 
a  hole  into  'em  aready.  The  Advertiser  eats  the  Jack- 
sonites, and  the  Argus  eats  the  Huntonites,  and  they 
are  thinning  of 'em  off  pretty  fast.  This  will  be  a  great 
comfort  to  the  State,  as  it  will  give  the  two  republican 
parties  a  chance  to  do  something  another  winter.  The 
Advertiser  has  eat  up  the  Jacksonites  in  some  places 
away  down  East,  such  as  Eastportand  so  on,  and  away 
up  t'other  way  in  Limerick,  and  Waterborough,  and 
Fryeburgh. 

And  the  Augushas  eaten  up  the  Huntonites  in  New- 
field,  and  Sanford,  and  Berwick,  and  Vinalhaven,  and 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  33 

so  on.  All  these  towns,  on  both  sides,  now  have  good 
fair  republican  majorities.  I  spose  about  by  the  middle 
of  next  August  they  '11  get  'em  all  killed  off,  so  there 
wont  be  the  skin  of  a  Jacksonite  or  Huntonite  left  to 
be  sent  to  the  next  legislature. 

I  hope  uncle  Joshua,  you  will  be  more  careful  about 
meddling  with  politicks  ;  for  so  sure  as  you  get  hitched 
on  the  Jackson  party  or  the  Hunton  party,  these  bark- 
ing, deep-mouthed  creatures  will  fix  their  teeth  upon 
you,  and  you'll   be  munched  down  before  you  know  it. 

There's  one  thing,  uncle,  that  seems  to  wear  pretty 
hard  upon  my  mind,  and  plagues  me  a  good  deal ;  I 
havn  n't  slept  but  little  this  tu  three  nights  about  it.  I 
wish  you  would  n't  say  any  thing  about  it  up  there 
amongst  our  folks,  for  if  it  should  all  prove  a  fudge, 
they'd  be  laughing  at  me.  But  I  tell  it  to  you,  because 
I  want  your  advice,  as  you've  always  read  the  papers, 
and  know  considerable  about  political  matters  :  tho?  to 
be  honest,  I  don't  spose  any  one  knows  much  more 
about  politics  by  reading  the  papers,  after  all. 

But  what  I  was  going  to  tell  you,  is — now,  uncle, 
don't  twist  your  tobacco  chaw  over  to  t'other  corner  of 
your  mouth  and  leer  over  your  spectacles,  and  say 
Jack's  a  fool — what  I  was  going  to  tell  you,  is  this  :  I 
see  by  a  paper  printed  down  to  Brunswick,  that  they 
talk  of  nominating  me  for  Governor  to  rundown  Smith 
and  Hunton.  Think  of  that,  uncle  j  your  poor  neffu 
Jack,  that  last  summer  was  hoeing  about  among  the 
potatoes,  and  chopping  wood,  and  making  stone  walls, 
like  enough  before  another  summer  comes  about,  will 
be  Governor  of  the  State.  I  shall  have  a  better  chance 
to  flog  Bill  Johnson  then,  than  I  should  last  winter,  if 
we  hadn't  had  no  Governor  nor  no  laws  ;  for  I  spose  a 
Governor  has  a  right  to  flog  any  body  he  's  a  mind  to. 

But  that  's  nithers  here  nor  there,  uncle ;  I  want 
your  serious  advice.  If  they  nominate  me,  had  1  better 
accept?  Sometimes  I  'm  half  afraid  I  should  n't  un- 
derstand very  well  how  to  du  the  business  ;  for  I  never 
had  a  chance  to  see  any  governor  business  done,  only 


34 


LETTERS  OF 


what  1  see  Elder  Hall  du  in  the  Sinnet  chamber  last 
winter.  Poor  man,  that  makes  me  think  what  a  time 
he  had  going  home.  I  wrote  to  you  before  that  he  went 
by  water,  and  that  the  vessel  got  trig'd  by  an  uncon- 
stitutional wind  the  tirst  day  and  had  to  come  back 
again.  And  he  must  have' found  a  good  many  hard 
trigs  after  that,  for  he  did  n't  get  home  til  2d  day  of 
April. 

Where  he  was,  in  that  dreadful  storm  the  26th  of 
March  I  have  n't  heard.  But  I  should  think  after 
standing  the  racket  he  did  last  winter  in  the  legislates 
and  then  this  ere  storm  at  sea,  he  never  need  to  fear  any 
thing  on  land  or  water  again  in  this  world. 

1  wish  you  'd  write  me  what  you  think  about  my  be- 
ing  a  candidate  for  Governor,  and  whether  you  think  I 
could  get  along  with  the  business.  Considerable  part 
of  the  business  I  should  n't  be  a  mite  afraid  but  what  I 
could  du  ;  that  is,  the  turning  out  and  putting  in.  1 
know  every  crook  and  turn  of  that  business  ;  for  I  dont 
believe  there's  a  boy  in  our  county,  though  I  say  it 
myself,  that  's  turned  out  and  tied  up  more  cat  He  than 
J  have.  And  they  say  a  Governor  has  a  good  deal  of 
this  sort  of  work  to  du. 

No  more  at  present  from  your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XV. 

Mr.  Downing's  opinion  about  Newspapers. 

Portland,  March  30,  1830. 

Dear  Uncle  Jack — In  my  last  letter  to  Ephraim,  I 
said  I  should  write  to  you  pretty  soon  something  about 
the  Portland  Town  Meeting.  As  you've  been  sleek- 
man  and  survare  a  good  many  years,  I  suppose  you'd 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  35 

like  to  hear  about  such  kind  of  things.  And  I  spose  I 
might  tell  you  about  a  good  many  other  things  tu,  that 
you  don't  have  much  time  to  know  about  away  there; 
and  aunt  Sally  says  I  ought. to;  for  she  says  I  have  a 
great  many  advantages  living  here  in  Portland,  that 
folks  can't  have  up  in  the  country,  and  if  I  should 
write  to  some  of  you  oiice  or  twice  a  week,  she  thinks 
it  would  be  time  well  spent.  So  I  shall  spend  part  of 
my  evenings,  after  I  get  my  day's  work  done,  in  writ- 
ing letters.  I  don't  know  but  1  forgot  to  tell  you  that 
I  had  hired  out  here  this  summer.  I  get  eight  dollars 
a  month  and  board,  and  have  the  evenings  to  myself. 
I  go  to  school  three  evenings  in  a  week,  and  aunt  Solly 
says  that  she  can  begin  to  see  that  I  spell  better  already. 
The  printer  of  the  Courier  and  the  Family  Reader,  that 
sends  my  letters  for  me,  is  very  kind;  he  does'nt  ask 
any  thing  for  sending  my  letters,  and  he  gives  me  as 
many  newspapers  as  I  can  get  time  to  read.  So  I  spend 
one  evening  in  the  week  reading  newspapers,  and  set 
up  pretty  late  that  evening  tu.  And  besides  I  get  a 
chance  to  read  awhile  most  every  morning  before  the 
rest  of  the  folks  are  up;  for  these  Portland  folks  are 
done  of  your  starters  in  the  morning.  I've  known 
my  father  many  a  time,  before  the  rhumatiz  took  the 
poor  old  gentleman,  to  mow  down  an  acre  of  stout 
grass  in  the  morning,  and  get  done  by  that  time  one 
half  the  Portland  folks  leave  off'  snoring.  Sometimes 
I  think  I  better  be  up  in  the  country  tu,  mowing  or 
hoeing  potatoes,  or  something  else,  instead  of  reading 
newspapers.  Its  true  they  ate  bewitching  kind  of 
things,  and  like  well  enough  to  read  'em,  but  jest  be- 
tween you  and  me,  they  are  the  worst  things  to  bother 
a  feller's  head  about  that  you  ever  see.  In  one  of  my 
letters  you  know,  I  said  newspapers  were  dreadful 
smoky  tilings,  and  any  body  couldn't  read  in  'em  half 
an  hour  without  having  their  eyes  so  full  of  smoke  they 
couldn't  tell  a  pig-sty  from  a  meeting-house. 

But  I'm  thinking  after  all  they  are   more   like    rum 
than  smoke.     You  know  rum  will  sometimes  set  quite 


LETTERS  OF 


peaceable  folks  together  by  the  ears,  and  make  them 
quarrel  like  mad  dogs — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum 
makes  folks  act  very  silly — so  do  the  nevvapepers.  Rum 
makes  folks  see  double — so  do  the  newspapers.  Some- 
times rum  gets  folks  so  they  can't  see  at  all — so  do  the 
newspapers.  Rum,  if  they  take  tu  much  of  it,  makes 
folks  sick  to  the  stomach — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum 
makes  folks  go  rather  crooked,  reeling  from  one  side  of 
the  road  to  tother — and  the  newspapers  make  one  half 
the  politicians  crosi  their  path  as  often  as  any  drunkard 
you  ever  see.  It  was  the  newspapers,  uncle  Joshua, 
that  made  you  bet  about  the  Speaker  last  summer,  and 
lose  your  bushel  of  corn.  Remember  that,  uncle,  and 
dont  believe  any  thing  you  see  in  the  papers  this  sum- 
mer, unless  you  see  it  in  the  Daily  Courier  or  Family 
Reader  ;  and  dont  you  believe  them  neither  if  ever  you 
see  them  smoke  like  the  rest  of  the  papers. 

As  I  was  a  saying  about  my  evenings,  I  spend  one 
evening  a  week  reading  that  little  book  called  the  con- 
stitution, that  kept  our  legislators  quarrelling  all  win  - 
ter.  You  know  I  bought  one  for  four  ax-handles;  I  find 
I  can  read  it  considerable  easy,  most  all  of  it  without 
spelling,  and  when  I  get  through  I  shall  tell  you  some- 
thing about  it. 

A  queer  thought,  uncle,  has  just  popt  into  my  head: 
I  guess  I  should  make  a  capital  member  of  Congress — 
for  this  letter  is  just  like  one  of  the  Congress  speeches. 
It  begun  about  the  town  meeting,  but  not  a  bit  of  a  word 
is  there  in  it  from  beginning  to  end  about  the  town  meet- 
ing, after  you  get  over  the  text.  But  I  find  by  reading 
the  papers  that  when  a  Congress  man  speaks  all  dav 
without  touching  his  subject,  he  makes  a  motion  to  ad- 
journ, and  goes  at  it  again  the  next  day.  So  I  believe 
1  must  say  good  night  to  you  now,  and  try  it  again  the 
next  leisure  evening. 

Vour  loving  ncfi'u, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  37 

LETERR  XVI. 

The  distinction  between  political  parties    described. 

Portland,  June  9,  1830. 

Uncle  Joshua, — Did  you  ever  see  tu  dogs  get  to 
quarrelling  about  one  bone?  How  they  will  snap  and 
snarl  about  it,  especially  if  they  are  hungry.  Some- 
times one  will  get  it  into  his  mouth  and  took  it  away 
like  smoke,  and  t'other  arter  him  full  chisel.  And 
when  he  overtakes  him  they'll  have  another  scratch,  and 
drop  the  bone,  and  then  t'other  one  '11  get  it,  and  oft"  he 
goes  like  a  shot.  And  sometimes  they  both  get  hold 
together,  one  at  one  end  and  one  at  t'other,  and  then 
sic'h  a  tugging  and  growlin  you  never  see.  Well  now, 
when  they  act  so,  they  act  just  like  tlie  Portland  Argus 
and  Portland  Advertiser;  two  great  big  growlers,  they 
are  all  the  time  quarrelling  about  their  Republikin.  to 
see  which  will  have  it.  If  the  Advertiser  says  any 
thing  about  his  republikin,  the  Argus  snaps  at  it,  and 
says  'tis  n't  your  republikin,  its  mine.  You  no  busi- 
ness to  be  a  republikin,  you  are  a  Federalist. 

And  when  the  Argus  says  any  thing  about  his  repub- 
likin, the  Advertiser  Hies  up,  and  says,  you  no  business 
to  be  a  republikin,  you're  a  Jacksonite.  And  so  they 
have  it  up  hill  and  down,  bark,  bark,  and  tug,  tug,  and 
which  '11  get  the  republikin  at  last  I  cant  tell.  Some- 
times they  get  so  mad,  seem3  as  though  they'll  tear  each 
other  all  to  pieces,  and  there's  forty  thousand  folks  set- 
ting of  'em  on  and  hollering  stooboy.  Now  there  was 
n't  any  need  of  all  this  quarrel,  for  each  of  'em  had  a 
republikin  last  winter;  the  Argus  had  a  democratic  one, 
and  the  Advertiser  had  a  national  one,  and  they  got 
'em  mixed  by  leaving  oft'  the  chrissen  names.  And  I 
guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  tell  'em 
apart  without  their  names,  for  their  republikius  are  as 
much  alike  as  tu  peas  in  a  pod. 

The  Advertiser  never  should  say  republikin  alone, 
but  national  republikin,  and   the  Aigus  never  should 

D 


38  LETTERS   OF 

say  republikin  alone,  but  democratic  republican.  And 
then  it  seems  as  though  each  one  might  know  his  own 
bone,  and  knaw  it  without  quarrelling. 

I  thought,  uncle,  I'd  jest  tell  you  a  little  about  this 
ere  business,  because  1  know  you  always  want  to  find 
out  all  the  kinks  about  politiks. 
Your  neftu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  I  dont  hear  any  thing  yet  about  the  conven- 
tion up  there  that  you  promised  to  make  to  nominate 
me  for  Governor.  I  think  it  is  time  it  was  out  ,  for  I 
am  afraid  Mr.  Hunton  and  Mr.  Smith  will  get  the  start 
of  me,  if  I  aint  under  way  soon. 

J.  D. 


LETTER  XVII. 

Proceedings  of  the  Great  Caucus  at  Downingvilk. 
From  the  Portland  Courier  of  July  21,  1830. 
gO°>THE  LONG  AGONY  OVE^^OI 

And  my  Nomination  out. 

We  delay  this  paper  something  beyond  the  usual  hour 
of  publication  in  order  to  lay  before  our  readers  the  im- 
portant intelligence  received  yesterday  from  Downing- 
ville. — This  we  have  been  able  to  accomplish,  tho'  not 
without  extraordinary  exertions  and  extra  help.  But 
the  crisis  is  important,  we  had  almost  said  appalling, 
and  demands  of  every  patriotic  citizen  of  Maine  the 
highest  sacrifices  in  his  power  to  make.  The  important 
proceedings  of  the  grand  convention  at  Oowningville 
reached  here,  by  express,  yesterday  about  a  quarter  be- 
fore 3  o'clock, P.  M.  having  travelled  the  whole  distance 
notwithstanding  the  extreme  high  temperature  of  the 
weather,  at  the  rate  of  thirteen  and  a  half  miles  an  hour. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  39 

And  but  for  an  unfortunate  occurrence,  it  would  un- 
doubtedly have  reached  here  at  least  three  hours  earlier 
Capt.  Jehu  Downing,  who  with  his  characteristic  mag- 
nanimity and  patriotism  volunteered  to  bring  the  ex- 
press the  whole  way,  having  taken  a  high  spirited  steed 
for  the  first  ten  miles,  was  unfortunately  thrown  to  the 
ground  in  attempting  to  leap  a  barrier  which  lay  across 
the  road.  Two  of  his  ribs  were  broken  by  the  fall,  and 
his  right  arm  so  badly  fractured  that  it  is  feared  ampu- 
tation must  be  resorted  to,  besides  several  other  severe, 
contusions  on  various  parts  of  the  body.  We  are  happy 
to  hear  however  that  Doctor  Zachariah  Downing,  who 
on  hearing  the  melancholy  intelligence  very  promptly 
repaired  to  the  spot  to  offer  his  professional  services, 
pronounces  the  Captain  out  ot  danger,  and  also  that  the 
Captain  bears  his  misfortune  with  his  accustomed  forti- 
tude, expressly  declaring  that  the  only  regret  he  feels 
on  the  occasion  is  the  delay  of  the  express.  Here  is 
patriotism,  a  devoteduess  to  the  welfare  of  the  country, 
and  to  genuine  democratic  republican  principles,  worthy 
of  the  days  of  the  revolution. 

Lieut.  Timothy  Downing  forwarded  the  express  the 
remainder  of  the  way  with  the  utmost  despatch,  having 
run  down  three  horses,  one  of  which  died  on  the  road. 
—But  we  keep  our  readers  too  long  from  the  gratifying 
intelligence  i-eceived. 

Great  Democratic  National  Republican  Convention. 

Downingville,  Monday,  July  19,  1830. 

At  a  large  and  respectable  meeting  of  the  democratic 
national  republicans  of  Downingville  and  the  neighbor- 
ing parts  of  the  state,  convened  this  day  at  the  centre 
school  house,  the  meeting  was  called  to  order  by  the 
venerable  and  silver-haired  patriarch,  old  Mr.  Zebedee 
Downing,  who  had  not  been  out  to  a  political  meeting 
before  for  the  last  twenty- five  years.  The  venerable  old 
gentleman  stated  in  a  few  feeling  remarks  the  object  of 


40  LETTERS    OF 

the  meeting;  that  he  had  not  meddled  with  politics  since 
the  days  of  Jefferson:  but  that  know  in  view  of  the  aw- 
ful calamities  which  threatened  to  involve  our  country 
in  total  ruin,  he  felt  it  his  duty  the  little  remainingtime 
he  might  be  spared  from  the  grave,  to  lift  up  his  voice 
and  his  example  before  his  children, grand  children,  and 
great  grand  children  whom  he  saw  gathered  around  him, 
and  encourage  them  to  save  the  country  for  which  he 
had  fought  and  bled  in  his  younger  years.  After  the 
enthusiastic  applause  elicited  by  these  remarks,  the  old 
gentleman  called  for  the  nomination  of  a  chairman, 
and  Joshua  Downing,  Esquire  was  unanimously  called 
to  the  chair,  and  Mr.  Ephraim  Downing  appointed 
Secretary.       , 

On  motion  of  Mr. Jacob  Downing,  voted,  that  a  com- 
mittee of  five  be  appointed  to  draft  resolutions  to  lay 
before  this  meeting.  Whereupon,  Jotliam  Downing. 
Ichabob  Downing,  Zenas  Downing,  Levi  Downing,and 
Isaiah  Downing,  were  appointed  said  committee,  and 
after  retiring  about  five  minutes  they  returned  and  re- 
ported the  following  preamble  and  resolutions. 

Whereas  an  awful  crisis  has  arrived  in  the  political 
affairs  of  our  country,  our  public  men  all  having  turned 
traitors,  and  resolved  to  ruin  the  country,  and  make  us 
and  our  children  all  slaves  forever;  and  whereas  our 
ship  of  state  and  our  ship  of  the  United  States,  are  both 
driven  with  tremendous  violence  before  the  fury  of  the 
political  tempest,  and  are  just  upon  the  point  of  being 
dashed  upon  the  breakers  of  political  destruction;  and 
whereas,  nothing  short  of  the  most  prompt  and  vigorous 
exertions  of  the  patriotic  democratic  national  republi- 
cans of  this  state  and  of  the  United  States  can  avert  the 
impending  danger. 

And  whereas,  the  Jacksonites,  and  Adamsites,  and 
Huntonitcs.  and  Smithites,  have  so  multiplied  in  the 
land,  an  J  brought  things  to  such  a  pass,  that  our  liber- 
ties are  unquestionably  about  to  receive  their  doom  for- 
ever: / 

Therefore  Resolved,  that  it  is  the  highest  and  most 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  41 

sacred  duty  of  every  patriotic  Democratic  National  Re- 
publican in  the  State,  to  arouse  himself  and  buckle  on 
his  political  armour,  and  make  one  last,  one  mighty  ef- 
fort to  save  the  state  and  the  country,  and  place  the 
constitution  once  more  upon  a  safe  and  firm  founda- 
tion. 

Resolved,  that  the  awful  crisis  of  affairs  in  this  State 
requires  a  firm  devoted  patriot,  a  high-minded  and  gifted 
statesman,  and  a  uniform  unwavering  Democratic  Na- 
tional Republican,  for  chief  magistrate. 

Resolved,  that  in  this  awful  crisis,  we  believe  the  eye9 
of  all  true  patriots  are  turned  upon 

THE  HON.  JACK  DOWNING, 

late  of  Downingville.  but  since  last  winter  a  resident  in 
Portland,  the  capital  of  the  State. 

Resolved,  that  we  have  the  fullest  confidence  in  the 
talents,  integrity,  moral  worth,  tried  patriotism,  and  un- 
wavering and  unchangeable  sterlit.g  Democratic  Nation- 
al Republicanism  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  and  that  his 
election  to  the  office  of  Governor  in  September  next,  and 
nothing  else,  can  save  the  State  from  total,  unutterable, 
and  irretrievable  ruin. 

Resolved  therefore,  that  we  reeommed  him  to  the 
electors  of  this  State  as  a  candidate  for  said  office,  and 
that  we  will  use  all  fair  and  honourable  means,  and,  if 
necessary,  will  not  stick  at  some  a  little  dis-honourable, 
to  secure  his  election. 

Resolved,  that  we  disapprove  of  personal  crimination 
and  re-crimination  in  political  contests,  and  therefore 
will  only  say  of  our  opponents,  that  we  think  them  no 
better  than  they  should  be,  and  that  they  unquestiona- 
bly mean  to  destroy  the  land  we  live  in. 

Resolved,  that  it  be  recommended  to  all  the  patriotic 
democratic  national  republicans  throughout  the  State, to 
be  up  and  doing;  to  call  county  meetings,  town  meet- 
ings, school  district  meetings,  and  village  and  bar-room 
meetings,  and  proceed  to  organise  the  party  as  fast  as 

D2 


42  LETTERS    OF 

possible,  by  appointing  standing  committees, and  central 
committees,  and  corresponding  committees,  and  bearers 
and  distributors  of  handbills;  and  in  short  by  doing  eve- 
ry thing  that  the  good  of  the  cause  and  the  salvation  of 
the  country  requires. 

Resolved,  conditionally,  that  in  case  General  Jack- 
son should  be  likely  to  be  re-elected,  we  highly  and  cor- 
dially approve  of  his  administration,  and  believe  him  to 
be  second  to  none  but  Washington;  but  in  case  he  should 
stand  no  chance  of  re-election,  we  resolve  him  to  be  the 
ignorant  tool  of  a  corrupt  faction,  plotting  to  destroy  the 
liberties  of  the  country. 

Resolved,  that  the  thanks  of  this  convention  be  pre- 
sented to  Miss  Abigail  Downing,  for  the  use  of  her 
school  room  this  afternoon,  she  having  with  a  generous 
patriotism  dismissed  her  school  for  that  purpose. 

Resolved,  that  the  proceedings  of  this  convention, 
signed  by  the  chairman  and  secretary,  be  published  in 
the  Portland  Daily  Courier,  and  the  Family  Reeder, 
the  official  organs  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing's  corres- 
pondence, and  any  other  genuine  Democratic  National 
Republican  papers  in  the  State. 

JOSHUA  DOWNING,  Chairman. 

Attest:         Ehhraim  Downing,  Secretary. 

We  are  assured  by  LieutenantTimothyDo\vning,with 
whom  we  had  a  short  interview,  that  the  best  spirit  pre- 
vailed in  the  convention;  not  a  dissenting  voice  was 
heard,  and  all  the  resolutions  passed  unanimously.  We 
add  an  extract  or  two  from  private  letters. 

From  -Ephr aim  Downing,  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing. 

«  Well,  Jack,  if  you  don't  acknowledge  we've  done 
the  thing  up  in  style,  you're  nogentlemanandnot  fit  for 
Governor.  I  wish  you  to  be  very  particular  to  keep  the 
Sheriff's  office  for  me. — Father  says  cousin  Jeremiah 
has  thrown  out  some  hints  that  he  shall  have  the  Sheriff's 
office,     iiut  butter  my  ristbands,  if  you  do  give  it  to 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  43 

him  you'll  go  out  of  office  again  next  year,  that's  posi- 
tive. Jere's  a  clear  factionist,  you  may  rely  upon  that. 
No,  no,  stick  to  your  old  friends,  and  "they'll  stick  to 
you.  I'm  going  to  start  to-morrow  morning  on  an  elec- 
tioneering cruise.  I  shall  drum  'em  up  about  right. 
You  only  keep  a  stiff*  upper  lip,  and  you'll  come  in  all 
hollow. " 

From  Joshua  Downing,  Esq.  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing. 

"  Dear  Jack,  things  look  well  here;  with  proper  exer- 
tions I  think  you  may  rely  upon  suceess.  I  am  in  great 
haste,  and  write  this  jest  to  tell  you  to  be  sure  and  not 
promise  a  single  office  to  any  mortal  living,  till  I  see  you. 
These  things  must  be  managed  very  prudently,  and  you 
will  stand  in  need  of  the  counsel  of  your  old  uncle.  1 
think  I  could  do  as  much  good  to  the  state  by  being  ap- 
pointed Land  Agent,  as  any  way;  but  I'll  determine 
upon  that  when  I  see  you. 

N.  B.  Make  no  promises. 

Your  affectionate  uncle, 

JOSHUA. 


LETTER  XVIII. 

Particulars  and  Returns  of  the  Caucus. 
To  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  Portland. 

Downingville,  Monday  Eve,  September  13, 1830. 

Dear  Jaokj — I  have  just  returned,  puffing  and  blow- 
ing, from  town-meeting,  and  have  only  time  to  tell  you 
that  we  gave  you  a  confounded  good  run  here.  If  your 
friends  in  the  rest  of  the  State  have  done  their  duty,  you 
are  elected  by  an  overwhelming  majority.  The  vote  in 
this  town  for  governor  stood  as  follows: — 


44  LETTERS    OF 

Hon.  Jack  Downing,  87 

Hon.  Samuel  E.  Smith,  00 

Hon.  Jonathan  G.  Hunton,  00 

Capt.  Jehu  Downing  is  elected  representative;  it  was 
thought  to  be  due  to  him  by  the  party  for  his  magnani- 
mous exertions  in   carrying  the  express  to  Portlaud  at 
the  time  you  were  nominated  by  our  grand  convention. 
In  great  haste,  your  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIX. 

Mr.  Downing* 8  ingenious  scheme  to  get  an  office. 

Portland,  Dec.  13,  18;10. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua: — I  am  tired  of  hard  work, 
and  I  mean  to  have  an  office  some  how  or  other  yet 
Its  true  I  and  all  our  family  got  rather  dished  in  the 
governor  business;  if  I'd  only  got  in,  they  should  every 
soul  of 'em  had  an  office,  down  to  the  forty-ninth  cousin. 
But  its  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk.  I've  got  another 
plan  in  my  head;  I  find  the  United  States  offices  are 
the  things  to  make  money  in,  and  if  I  can  get  hold  of 
a  good  fat  one,  you  may  appoint  a  day  of  thanksgiving 
up  there  in  Downingville,  and  throw  by  your  work 
every  one  of  you  as  long  as  you  live. 

I  want  you  to  set  me  up  lor  member  of  Congress  up 
there,  and  get  me  elected  as  soon  as  you  can,  for  if  I 
can  get  on  to  Washington  I  believe  I  can  work  it  so  as 
to  get  an  office  somehow  or  other. — I  want  you  to  be 
particular  to  put  me  up  as  a  Tariff"  man.  I  was  agoing 
to  take  sides  against  the  tariff  so  as  to  please  Gineral 
Jackson  and  all  his  party,  for  they  deal  out  the  offices 
now  a  days,  and  you  know  they've  been  mad  enough 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  45 

with  the  tariff  to  eat  it  up.  But  the  Portland  Adver- 
tiser has  been  blowin  away  lately  and  praising  up  the 
tariff' and  telling  what  a  tine  thing  tis,  and  fact,  it  has 
brought  the  old  gintral  round.  His  great  long  message 
to  Congress  has  just  got  along  here,  and  the  old  gentle- 
man says  the  tariff  wants  a  little  mendin,  but  on  the 
whole  it's  a  cute  good  thing,  and  we  must  n't  give  it  up. 
Your  lovin  neff'u, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XX. 

Cousin  Nabby  describes  the   Temperance  of  Downing- 
ville. 

Downingville,  Jinerwary,  20,  18S1. 

To  Cousin  Sarah  Downing,  at  School  down  to  Portland. 

I  should  like  to  know,  cousin  Sarah,  if  you  have  heard 
down  there  to  Portland  any  thing  about  a  temperance  so- 
ciety. If  you  have  just  write  and  tell  me  what  it  means. 
You  know  father  wants  to  know  the  meaning  of  every 
thing,and  sol  walked  tu  miles  over  to  the  school-master's 
to  borry  Mr.  Walker's  dictionary  to  see  what  it  meant; 
and  after  all  I  want  no  wiser  than  I  was  afore,  for  there 
wasn't  one  word  in  it  about  temperance  societies.  T other 
day  father  sot  in  the  shop  door,  wondering  if  Jack  would 
go  to  the  Congress  or  not,  when  a  proper  great  fat  red- 
faced  man  came  in,  and  opened  a  long  paper  with  more 
names  on  it  than  I  could  read  in  a  week, — and  says  he, 
Mr.Downing,I  want  you  to  sine  your  name  to  this  paper. 
Father  took  hold  of  the  paper  with  one  hand,  and  run 
tother  up  under  his  hat,  jest  as  he  always  does  when  he 
tries  to  think;  and,  my  friend,  says  he,  1  dont  know  as  I 
quite  understand  what  this  ere  means.     Why,  says  he, 


46 


LETTERS    OF 


by  putting  your  name  down,  you  promise  not  to  drink 
any  rum  yourself,  nor  to  let  any  of  yourfamily.  My  con- 
science, father  understood  it  then,  I  can  tell  you,  he 
hopped  rite  out  of  his  chair,  and  I  guess  the  temperance 
man  was  gone  in  no  time.  Well,  afier  father  had  time 
to  consider  a  little  he  began  t')  feel  afraid  he  had  n't 
used  the  man  exactly  right;  for,  said  he,  may  be  all 
places  aint  like  Downingville.  I  remember  reading  in 
the  newspaper  of  some  places  where  they  drink  rum  as 
we  do  water,  and  get  so  drunk  that  they  tumble  about 
on  the  ground.  And  may  be  the  man  did  n't  know  but 
what  we  drank  it  here.  And  if  lie  was  trying  to  do  good 
he  was  n't  so  much  to  blame  after  all.  Indeed,  Sam, 
said  he,  for  Mr.  Josslyn  came  in  while  he  was  talking, 
I've  been  told  there  are  shop  keepers  whoretale  rum  by 
the  half  jill,  to  men  who  drink  it  at  their  counters,  and 
some  can  actually  bare  that  enormous  quantity  two  and 
three  times  in  a  day.  1  never  see  Sam's  eyes  so  big, 
Sarah;  he  look'd  as  if  he  wanted  to  say,  that's  a  whack- 
er, Mr.  Downing;  and  so  thinks  I,  I  will  write  to  Sarah, 
and  she  '11  tell  me  all  about  it. 

Yuur  loving  cousin,  NABBY. 

P.S.  I  tried  to  tell  what  father  said  in  his  own  words, 
cause  you  always  like  to  hear  him  talk.  Sam  says 
Sarah  dont  understand  such  things;  the  libry  is  only  tit 
for  folks  like  her  and  the  schoolmaster.  A  farmer  ort 
to  stick  to  his  ox  bows  and  guard  sticks.  And  I  believe 
he's  half  rite,  Sarah,  for  I  dont  believe  you  are  so  happy 
for  trying  to  no  so  much;  ever  since  you  took  to  study, 
I  see  you  dont  laugh  half  so  hearty  as  you  used  to,  and 
you  look  sober  three  times  as  often.  I  'm' afraid  you 
will  be  a  spoilt  girl  for  the  country,  Sarah;  you  'd  better 
leave  your  hard  words  and  come  up  here,  and  sing  at 
your  wheel  all  day,  churn  butter  and  milk  the  cows,  go 
to  slay  rides  and  quiltings,  and  be  as  good  and  happy 
as  you  used  to  be.  I  love  you,  Sarah,  and  always  shall, 
and  I  believe  Sam  would  like  you  as  well  as  he  duz  me, 
if  twant  for  your  learnin.  There,  I  wont  say  another 
word,  for  I'm  half  cryin  now,  N. 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  47 

LETTER  XXI. 

Mr.  Downing' s  account  of  the  dreadful  tussle  in  which 
the  Jacksonites  in  the  legislature  attempt  to  pour  a 
*'  healing  act"  down  the  Huntonile's  throats. 

Portland,  Feb.  4,  1831. 

Dkar  Uncle  Joshua. — If  you  got  my  postscript  to 
this  letter  that  I  sent  you  yesterday,  I  spose  you  wont 
sleep  nor  eat  much  till  you  hear  something  more  about 
it.  So  I  thought  I'd  try  to  send  you  a  little  bit  of  a  let- 
ter to-day.  O  dear,  uncle,  there  's  terrible  times  here 
again,  and  I'm  half  afraid  it's  agoing  to  be  worse  than 
it  was  last  winter.  The  Legislater  's  been  all  in  the 
wind  this  two  or  three  days,  pulling  and  hauling  and 
lighting  like  smoke.  The  wheels  of  governments  are  all 
stopt ;  I  can  say  as  they  are  trigged,  as  they  used  to  be 
last  winter,  but  they  are  fairly  stopped,  because  nobody 
dont  pull  'em  along  ;  for  when  the  members  are  all  pull- 
ing each  other's  caps,  how  can  they  pml  the  wheels  of 
government  ?  They  seemed  to  get  along  very  well  ever 
since  they've  been  here  till  now,  and  I  thought  they  most 
all  belonged  to  them  are  two  clever  parties  that  tried  so 
hard  to  save  the  State  last  winter ;  I  mean  the  demo- 
cratic republicans  and  the  national  republicans.  But 
some  how  or  other  this  week  a  quarrelsome  gang  of 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  lias  got  into  the  Legislater 
and  kicked  up  such  a  bobbery,  it  seems  as  though  they'd 
tare  the  State  all  to  pieces.  My  heart 's  been  up  in  my 
mouth  a  dozen  times  for  fear  the  State  would  go  to  ruin 
before  I  could  get  out  of  it ;  and  I've  scratched  round 
and  picked  up  what  few  bean-poles  and  ax-handles  I 
had  left,  and  got  all  ready  to  sad  to  Boston,  for  I'me 
determined  to  be  off  before  the  State  goes  to  rack.  And 
I  advise  you  and  all  our  friends  at  Dom  ningville  to  pack 
up  as  soon  as  you  get  this  letter,  and  be  all  ready  as 
soon  as  you  hear  a  cracking  down  this  way  to  fly  for 
your  lives  away  back  into  New-Hampshire  or  Vermont. 


48  LETTERS    OF 

The  trouble  as  near  as  I  could  understand  it  begun  in 
this  way.  The  Jacksonites  said  the  Huntonites  worked 
so  hard  last  winter  in  trying  to  trig  the  wheels  of  govern* 
ment,  and  tare  the  constitution  to  pieces,  that  they  made 
themselves  all  sick,  dreadful  sick,  and  had  n't  got  well 
yet;  and  it  was  time  to  do  something  to  try  to  cure  'em  ; 
for  their  sickness  was  so  catching  that  all  the  State 
would  be  taken  down  with  it  in  a  little  while,  if  they 
want  cured. 

But  the  Huntonites  said  they  want  sick  a  bit;  they 
never  was  better  in  their  lives  ;  and  moreover,  it  was 
false  that  they  had  tried  to  trig  the  wheels  of  govern- 
ment last  winter,  or  tear  a  single  leaf  out  of  the  consti- 
tution ;  if  any  thing  of  that  kind  was  done,  they  said 
the  Jacksonites  did  it,  and  as  for  taking  doctor's  shift' 
they'd  no  notion  of  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  'twas 
no  use,  the  Huntonites  were  all  sick,  and  they  must  take 
some  doctor  stuff, and  if  they  would  n't  take  it  willingly 
they  must  be  made  to  take  it.  So  they  went  to  work 
and  fixed  a  dose  that  they  called  a  healing  act,  that  they 
said  would  cure  all  the  Huntonites  anrl  any  body  else 
that  had  catched  the  sickness  of  'em.  The  Huntonites 
declared  'twas  no  use  for  'em  to  fix  it,  they  never  would 
take  it  as  long  as  they  lived,  that's  what  they  wouldn't: 
they  were  as  well  as  any  body,  and  they'd  fight  it  out 
till  next  June  before  they'd  take  it.  Howsomever,  the 
Jacksonites  got  their  dose  ready,  and  yesterday  they 
carried  it  into  the  House  of  Representatives  and  told 
the  Huntonites  they  must  take  it,  and  'twould  do  'em 
good.  As  soon  as  the  Huntoiiites'smelt  of  it,  they  turn- 
ed up  their  noses,  and  said  no,  before  they'd  take  that 
are  plaguy  dirty  stuff  they'd  light  'em  all  over  the  State, 
inch  by  inch.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  'twas  no  use, 
they  might  sniff  as  much  as  they  pleased,  it  was  the 
only  thing  that  would  cure  'em,  and  they  must  take  it. 
and  more  than  all  that,  they  was  the  strongest  and  they 
should  take  it. 

Some  of  the  Huntonites  looked  pale  as  tho'  they  were 
a  little  grain  frightened,  and  some  of  them  looked  red 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  49 

as  though  they  were  mad  as  a  March  hair.  And  some 
of  'em  begun  to  talk  to  the  Jacksonites  and  tell  'em  how 
unreasonable  it  was  to  make  'em  take  doctor  stuff  when 
they  want  sick.  They  were  well  now,  and  like  as  not 
if  they  should  take  it,  'twould  make  'em  all  sick. 

One  of  'em,  that  talked  like  a  very  clever  man  got  up 
and  coaxed  'em  to  ask  the  Judges  of  the  great  Court  if 
they  thought  there  was  any  need  of  their  taking  sich  a 
dose,  or  if  it  would  do  'em  any  good  if  they  did  take  it. 
But  the  Jacksonites  said  no,  they  shouldn't  ask  no  sich 
questions.  They  understood  the  business  well  enough, 
they  knew  the  Huntonites  were  sick,  and  they  knew 
this  would  cure  'em,  and  swallow  it  they  should.  Well, 
the  Huntonites  see  how  'twas  gone  goose  with  'em,  and 
they  thought  the  only  chance  left  was  to  put  their  hands 
over  their  mouths  and  fight  and  kick  and  scrabble  with 
all  their  might  and  keep  it  out  of  their  throats  as  long 
as  they  could.  Still  they  tried  to  talk  and  reason  with 
the  Jacksonites  about  it.  They  asked  'em  to  let  them 
have  time  to  examine  the  medicine  carefully  and  see 
what  it  was  made  of,  or  that  they  would  tell  'em  what 
it  was  made  of.  or  why  they  thought  it  would  do  any 
good  to  take  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  they  should 
n't  tell  'em  any  thing  about  it,  it  would  be  '  casting- 
pearls  before  swine,'  and  the  good  book  said  they  must 
n't  do  so. 

The  men  who  had  fixed  the  dose  knew  what  they 
were  about,  they  had  fixed  it  right,  and  the  Huntonites 
must  open  their  mouths  and  take  it,  and  not  parley  any 
more  about  it.  And  now  the  rale  tussle  and  the  hard 
fight  begun.  The  House  seemed  to  be  so  full  of  Jack- 
sonites and  Huntonites  that  I  guess  there  was  n't  but 
a  few  republicans  left.  And  I  could  n't  help  minding 
that  the  Jacksonites  took  the  seats  of  the  democratic 
republicans,  and  the  Huntonites  took  the  seats  of  the 
national  republicans.  Well,  the  Jacksonites  took  the 
dose  in  one  hand,  and  grab'd  the  Huntonites  with  the 
other,  and  tipped  their  heads  back,  and  were  jest  agoing 
to  pour  it  down  their  throats,   when  the  Huntonites 

E 


50  LETTERS    OP 

fetched  a  spring  and  kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  day 
of  April.  Iiut  the  Jacksonites  run  after  it  and  got  it 
back  again  in  about  haif  an  hour,  and  clinched  'em 
again,  and  got  all  ready  to  pour  it  down  ;  but  jest  as 
they  got  it  almost  to  their  lips,  the  Huntonites  fetched 
another  spring  and  kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  of 
March.  Away  went  the  Jacksonites  after  it  again,  and 
brought  it  back,  and  clinched  the  Huntonites  in  the 
same  manner  as  before,  and  they  kicked  it  away  again, 
but  they  didn't  kick  this  time  quite  to  the  end  of 
February. 

So  they  kept  it  agoing  all  the  forenoon,  but  every 
time  the  Huntonites  kick'd  the  bitter  dose  away,  it 
didn't  go  so  far  as  it  did  the  last  time  before.  I  spose 
they  begun  to  grow  tired  and  could  n't  kick  so  hard. 
Well,  then  they  tried  to  adjourn  so  as  to  get  some  din- 
ner, but  the  Jacksonites  would  n't  let  'em,  And  they 
kept  'em  there  till  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  without 
any  dinner,  and  I  dont  know  but  they  thought  the  Hun- 
tonites would  get  so  hungry  after  a  while  that  they 
would  swallow  it  down  without  much  fuss.  But  it  all 
would  n't  do,  the  nearer  it  come  to  'em,  the  tighter  the 
Huntonites  gritted  their  teeth  together,  and  I  guess 
they'd  a  starved  before  they  would  take  it.  Well  after 
the  Jacksonites  had  tried  nearly  twenty  times  to  pour 
down  the  bitter  dose,  and  the  Huntonites  had  kicked  it 
away  as  many  times,  both  parties  seemed  to  be  nearly 
tired  out,  and  so  they  finally  agreed  to  adjourn  till  nine 
o'clock  this  morning.  I  thought  the  Huntonites,  if  they 
once  got  out,  would  cut  and  run  home  and  get  clear  of 
the  plaguy  stuff.  But  instead  of  that  they  all  come  in 
again  this  morning,  and  they've  been  at  it  again  all  day, 
hammer  and  tongs,  the  Jacksonites  trying  to  pour  it 
down,  and  the  Huntonites  fighting  against  it,  tooth  and 
nail. 

How  it  '11  come  out  I  cant  tell.  Whether  the  State 
will  be  ruined  if  they  dont  take  it,  I  cant  tell  ;  or  whe- 
ther it  will  cure  them  if  they  do  take  it,  I  can't  tell. 
But  I  cin  assure  you,  dear  uncle,  there's  a  greater  fuss 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  51 

here,  than  there  was  when  the  little  boy  said  lie  tun  and 
jumped  over  a  Fence  and  tore  his  trowses  as  if  the  hea- 
vens and  earth  were  coining  to  pieces.  If  we  live 
through  it,  1  shall  let  you  know  something  more  about  it. 
Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXII. 

An  account  of  the  manner  in  which  the  "healing  act" 
teas  crammed  down  the  Hvntonites''  throats. 

Portland,  Saturday,  March  5,  1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — I  aint  dead,  but  I  spose  you 
begin  to  feel  kind  of  uneasy  about  me,  bein  I  have  n't 
writ  home  so  long.  Well,  I'll  tell  you  'twas;  I've  had 
this  ere  cold  and  one  thing  or  another,  so  bad,  I  did  n't 
(eel  hardly  smart  enough  to  write.  And  besides  I  got 
so  skeer'd  that  night  the  Jacksonites  poured  their  doc- 
tor stuff,  what  they  call  the  healing  plaster  down  the 
throates  of  the  Huntonites,  that  I  did  n't  dare  to  go 
nigh  'em  again  for  a  good  while  for  fear  they'd  pour 
some  of  their  pesky  stuff'  down  my  throat.  But  I'am 
sorry  I  did  n't  write  afore,  for  I've  let  it  alone  so  long 
now,  that  my  work  has  got  desputly  behindhand.  When 
I  writ  to  you  before,  the  Jacksonites  were  holding  the 
Huntonites  by  the  hair  of  the  head  with  one  hand  and 
trying  to  cram  the  healing  plaster  down  their  throats 
with  'tother,  and  the  Huntonites  were  kicking  and 
scrambling,  and  gutting  their  teeth  together  with  all 
their  might,  and  doubling  up  their  fists  and  stamping, 
and  declaring  up  hill  and  down,  that  they  would  never 
take  it.  And  they  were  so  obstropulous  about  it  for  a 
while.  I  did  n't  know  as  they  ever  would  swallow  it. 
But  the  Jacksonites  were  the  stoutest,  and  held  on  to 
'em  like  a  dog  to  a  root,  and  kept  'em  there  all  the  day 
and  ail  the  evening  till  about  midnight,  and  then  the 


5 '2 


LETTERS    OF 


poor  Huntonites  seemed  to  be  a  most  dragged  out.  I 
fairly  pitied  'em.  Along  in  the  first  of  it  they  threat- 
ened pretty  stoutly,  and  declared  by  every  thing  that's 
black  and  blue,  if  they  had  to  take  this  dirty  dose  and 
should  happen  to  be  strongest  next  year,  they'd  make 
the  Jacksonites  take  a  dose  worth  two  of  this.  But  all 
the  threatening  did  n't  do  any  good;  and  then  they  fell 
to  begging  and  coaxing,  and  that  did  n't  do  any  good 
nother.  The  Jacksonites  said  they  should  not  only 
take  it,  but  they  should  take  it  that  night  before  they 
slept.  At  last  they  got  their  hands  and  feet  tied,  and 
kept  bringin  it  up  a  little  nearer  and  little  nearer  to 
their  mouths,  and  the  Huntonites  got  so  they  could  n't 
do  nothing  but  spit.  But  the  Jacksonites  did  n't  mind 
the  spitting,  for  you  know  it  is  n't  for  the  doctor  to 
stand  about  being  spit  upon  a  little,  when  he's  giving 
medicine.  Just  before  the  last  ont,  the  poor  Huntonites 
rolled  their  eyes  dreadfully,  and  I  believe  some  on  'em 
lost  their  senses  a  little;  one  of  'em  took  a  notion  that 
they  were  going  to  make  him  swallow  a  whole  live  goose, 
feathers  and  all,  and  he  b'^gged  of  'em,  if  they  would 
n't  take  out  the  gizzard  and  t'other  inside  things,  that 
they'd  jest  pull  out  the  pin  feathers,  so  that  it  would 
n't  scratch  his  throat  going  clown.  But  they  did  n't 
pay  no  attention  to  him,  and  just  before  the  clock 
struck  twelve  they  grabbed  'em  by  the  throat,  and  pried 
their  mouths  open,  and  poured  it  in.  The  Huntonites 
guggled  a  little,  but  they  had  to  swallow  it.  A  day  or 
two  afterwards  they  nipde  some  of  the  Sinneters  take 
it  in  the  same  way.  They  had  a  considerable  tussle  for 
it,  but  not  quite  so  bad  as  they  had  in  the  House. 

Some  thought  this  healinu;  dose  would  make  the  Hun- 
tonites worse,  and  some  thought  it  would  make  'em 
better.  I'vewatch'd  'em  ever  since  they  took  it  when- 
ever 1  dared  to  go  near  the  Legislater,  and  I  can't  see 
much  alteration  in  'm.  But  that,  or  something  else,  has 
kicked  up  a  monstrous  dust  amongst  other  folks  all 
over  the  world  amost.  I've  been  looking  over  the 
newspapers  a  little,  and  I  never  see  the  world  in  such  a 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


terrible  hubbub  before  in  all  my  life.  Every  body 
seems  to  be  running  mad,  and  jest  ready  to  eat  each 
other  up.  There's  Russia  snapping  her  teeth  like  a 
great  bear,  and  is  just  agoing  to  eat  up  the  Poles,  I 
don't  mean  Ephraim's  bean  poles,  but  all  the  folks  that 
live  in  Poland;  not  that  are  Poland  up  there  where  Mr. 
Dunn  lives,  but  that  great  Poland  over  alongside  of 
Russia.  And  there's  the  Dutch  trying  to  eat  up  Hol- 
land, and  the  Belgians  are  trying  to  eat  up  the  Dutch, 
and  ther's  '  five  great  powers'  trying  to  pour  a  healing 
dose  down  the  throat  of  the  king  of  the  Netherlands, 
and  there's  Mr.  O'Connell  trying  to  make  the  king  of' 
England  and  Parliament  take  a  healing  dose,  and 
there's  Ireland  jest  ready  to  eat  up  Mr.  O'Connell,  and 
all  the  kings  of  Europe  are  trying  to  eat  up  the  peo- 
ple, and  the  people  are  all  trying  to  eat  up  the  kings. 

And  our  great  folks  in  this  country  too,  away  off" there 
to  Washington,  have  got  into  such  a  snarl,  I  guess  it 
would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  get 'em  out  of  it. 
There's  the  President  and  Mr.  Calhoun  and  Mr.  Van 
Buren  and  the  two  great  republican  papers,  and  half  a 
dozen  more  of  'em,  all  together  by  the  ears;  but  which 
of  'em  will  eat  up  the  rest  1  don't  know.  I  have  heard 
a  good  many  guess  that  Mr.  Van  Buren  would  eat  up 
the  whole  toat  of 'em;  for  they  say  although  he  is  a  small 
man,  there  isn't  another  man  in  the  country,  th  t  can 
eat  his  way  through  a  political  pudding  so  slick  as  he 
can.  These  are  dreadful  times,  uncle;  I  don't  know 
what  '11  become  of  the  world,  if  I  dont  get  an  office 
pretty  soon. 

It  seems  to  me  there  must  be  something  out  of  the 
way  to  make  so  much  confusion  in  the  world;  and  I 
hope  the  Legislater  before  they  adjourn  will  pass  a  ge- 
neral healing  act  to  cure  all  these  difficulties.  They  've 
been  talking  about  passing  a  healing  act  to  cure  our 
State  House  up  to  Augusta,  for  they  say  its  two  small, 
and  they  intend  to  bring  it  down  here  to  Portland  to 
cure  it.  But  I  guess  it  '11  give  'em  a  pull,  for  they  say 
the  Kennebeckers  are  master  fellers  to  hold  on. 

E  2 


54  LETTERS    OF 

They  had  a  kind  of  flusteration  here  to-day  in  the 
Legislater.  The  Speaker  's  cleared  out,  and  left 'em, 
because  the  Governor  said  he'd  taken  his  turn  sitting  in 
the  Chair  long  enough,  and  he  must  go  and  sit  on  the 
Bench  awhile  now.  And  then  they  went  to  work  and 
chose  that  good  natured  man  from  Monmouth  for  Speak- 
er. I  meant  to  a  told  you  about  them  are  two  great 
meetings  they  've  had  here  to  make  Governors  and  Pre- 
sidents and  one  thing  another:  but  I  haven't  time  to- 
day. 

One  of  'tn  made  Mr.  Smith  Governor  for  next  year 
and  Gineral  Jackson  President;  and  t'other  made  Mr. 
Sprague  governor,  and  kind  of  put  Mr.  Clay  a  brew- 
ing for  President. 

If  you  think  its  best  for  me  to  run  again  for  governor 
another  year  I  wish  you'd  call  our  friends  together  up 
there  and  have  me  nominated,  for  there's  nothing  like 
starting  in  season  in  these  matters. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING 


LETTER  XXIIL 

Mr.  Downing's  Poetical  dream. 

Portland,  Saturday,  April  2,  1831. 

Dear  Cousin  Nabbt, — I  dont  hardly  know  whether 
to  send  this  letter  to  you,  or  uncle  Joshua.  You  know 
I  always  send  all  the  the  politics  and  Legislates  to  un- 
cle; but  this  ere  one's  most  all  poetry,  and  they  say 
that  stuft'  belongs  to  the  ladies.  So  1  believe  on  the 
whole  1  shall  send  it  to  you.  Dont  you  be  skeer'd  now 
because  1  've  made  some  poetry,  for  I  dont  think  it'll 
hurt  me;  I  dont  feel  crazy  for  nothing.  But  I'll  just 
tell  you  how  it  happened.     Last  night  I  was  in  the  Le- 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  55 

gislater  and  they  sot  out  to  make  a  law  to  tax  old  ba- 
chelors. They  tried  pretty  hard  to  make  it,  and  I 
thought  one  spell  they  'd  get  it.  I  felt  kind  of  bad  about 
it  because  I  knew  it  would  bear  so  hard  upon  cousin 
Obediah.  Well,  I  went  home  and  went  to  bed,  and  I 
dont  know  what  the  matter  was,  but  I  had  a  kind  of  a 
queer  night  of  it;  and  when  I  got  up  in  the  morning 
there  was  a  soft  sort  of  sickish  stuff  kept  running  off 
of  my  tongue,  jest  like  a  stream  of  chalk.  Pray  tell 
me  what  you  think  of  it:  here  it  is. 

I  dreamed  a  dream  in  the  midst  of  my  slumbers, 

And,  as  fast  as  I  dream'd,  it  was  coined  into  numbers, 

My  thoughts  ran  along  in  such  beautiful  metre, 

I'am  sure  I  ne'er  saw  any  poetry  sweeter. 

It  seem'd  that  a  law  had  been  recently  made, 

That  a  tax  on  old  bachelors'  pates  should  be  laid. 

And  in  order  to  make  them  all  willing  to  marry, 

The  tax  was  as  large  as  a  man  could  well  carry. 

The  Bachelors  grumbled,  and  said  't  were  no  use, 

'T  was  cruel  injustice  and  horrid  abuse, 

And  declar'd  that  to  save  their  own  heart's  blood  from  spilling. 

Of  such  a  vile  tax  they  would  ne'er  pay  a  shilling. 

But  the  Rulers  determined  their  scheme  to  pursue, 

So  they  set  all  the  bachelors  up  at  vendue. 

A  crier  was  sent  thro'  the  town  to  and  fro, 

To  rattle  his  bell,  and  his  trumpet  to  blow, 

And  to  bawl  out  at  all  he  might  meet  in  the  way, 

"  Ho !  forty  old  bachelors  sold  here  to  day," 

And  presently  all  the  old  maids  in  the  town. 

Each  one  in  her  very  best  bonnet  and  gown, 

From  thirty  to  sixty,  fair,  plain,  red  and  pale, 

Of  every  description,  all  nocked  to  the  sale. 

The  auctioneer  then  in  his  labors  began, 

And  called  out  aloud,  as  he  held  up  a  man,  ! 

'•  How  much  for  a  bachelor  1  who  wants  to  buy  1** 

In  a  twink  every  maiden  responded — "  I — L" 


56  LETTERS  OF 

In  short,  at  a  hugely  extravagant  price, 

The  bachelors  all  were  sold  off  in  a  trice; 

And  forty  old  maidens,  some  younger,  some  older, 

Each  lugged  an  old  bachelor  home  on  her  shoulder. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXIV. 

The  blow  up  of  President  Jackson's  first  Cabinet  puts 
a  new  kink  into  Mr.  Downing'' s  head,  and  the  result. 

Portland,  April  26,  1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — I'm  in  considerable  of  a 
kind  of  a  flusteration  to-day,  because  I've  got  a  new 
sceme  in  my  head.  New  ideas,  you  know,  are  always 
apt  to  give  me  the  agitations  a  little ;  so  you  mustn't 
wonder  if  my  letter  this  time  does  have  some  rather 
odd  things  in  it.  I  don't  know  when  I've  had  such  a 
great  scheme  in  my  head  afore.  But  you  know  I  was 
always  determined  to  make  something  in  the  world, 
and  if  my  friends  '11  only  jest  stick  by  me,  I  shall  make 
common  folks  stare  yet.  Some  thought  it  was  a  pretty 
bold  push  my  trying  to  get  in  to  be  governor  last  year  : 
and  some  have  laughed  at  me,  and  said  I  come  out  at 
the  little  end  of  the  born  about  it,  and  that  I'd  better 
staid  up  to  Downingville  and  hoed  potatoes,  than  to  be 
fishing  about  lor  an  office  and  not  get  any  more  votes 
than  1  did.  But  they  can't  see  through  a  millstone  so 
fur  as  I  can.  Altlio'  1  didn't  get  in  to  be  governor,  its 
made  me  known  in  the  world,  and  made  considerable 
of  a  great  man  of  me,  so  that  I  shall  stand  a  much  bet- 
ter chance  to  get  an  office  if  I  try  again.  But  I  must 
make  haste  and  tell  you  what  I  am  at,  for  1  am  in  a 
great  hurry.  I  guess  you'll  stare  when  I  tell  you  the 
next  letter  you'll  get  from  me  will  be  dated  at  Wash- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  57 

ington,  or  else  somewhere  on  the  road  between  here 
and  there. 

0,  uncle,  we  have  had  some  great  news  here  from 
Washington  ;  every  body's  up  in  arms  about  it,  and 
can't  hardly  tell  what  to  think  of  it.  They  say  the 
President's  four  great  Secretaries  have  all  resigned  ; 
only  think  of  that,  uncle.  And  they  say  their  salaries 
were  six  thousand  dollars  a-yiar ;  only  jest  think  ot 
that,  uncle.  Six  thousand  dollars  a  year.  Why,  a 
governor's  salary  is  a  fool  to  it.  On  the  whole,  I'm 
glad  I  didn't  get  the  governor's  office.  I  shall  start  for 
Washington  to-morrow  morning  ;  or  I  don't  know  but 
I  shall  start  to-night,  if  I  can  get  ready,  and  travel  all 
night.  Its  best  to  be  in  season  in  such  things,  and  I 
shall  have  to  go  rather  slow,  for  I've  got  pretty  consid- 
erable short  of  money,  and  expect  I  shall  have  to  foot 
it  part  way.  I  shall  get  there  in  about  a  fortnight,  and 
I'm  in  hopes  to  be  in  season  to  get  one  of  them  are 
offices.  I  think  it's  the  duty  of  all  true  republicans  that 
have  the  good  of  the  country  at  heart,  to  take  hold  and 
help  the  President  along  in  these  trying  difficulties. — 
For  my  part,  lam  perfectly  willing  to  take  one  of  the 
offices,  and  I  hope  some  other  good  men  will  come  right 
forward  and  take  the  others.  What  a  shame  'twas  that 
them  are  Secretaries  should  all  clear  out,  and  leave  the 
poor  old  General  to  do  all  the  work  alone.  Why,  un- 
cle, they'd  no  more  patriotism  than  your  old  hoss. 

But  I  must  n't  stop  to  parley  about  it  now;  what  I 
want  to  say  is,  I  wish  you  to  write  a  recommendation  to 
the  President  fer  me  to  have  one  of  his  offices,  and  go 
round  as  quick  as  you  can  and  get  all  our  friends  at 
Downingville  to  sign  it,  and  send  it  on  to  Washington 
as  fast  as  possible;  for  it  would  be  no  more  than  right 
that  I  should  show  the  President  some  kind  of  recom- 
mendation before  he  gives  me  the  office.  I  want  you 
to  tell  the  President  that  I've  always  been  one  of  his 
strongest  friends;  and  you  know  I  always  have  spoke 
well  ot"  him,  and  in  fact  he  is  the  best  President  we  ever 
had,     It  might  be  well  for  you  to  quote  this  last  sen* 


58  LETTEHS  OF 

tence  as  an  «  extract  from  a  letter  of  the  Hon.  Jack 
Downing.'  It  would  give  the  President  some  confi- 
dence in  my  friendship,  and  th-i '  Hon.'  would  convince 
him  that  lam  a  man  of  some  standing  in  the  State. 

Now  you  keep  up  a  good  heart,  uncle  ;  you  have  al- 
ways had  to  delve  hard  all  your  days  up  there  on  the 
old  farm,  and  you've  done  considerable  to  boost  me  up 
into  an  office,  and  if  1  get  hold  of  these  six  thouand 
dollars  a  year,  you  shall  have  a  slice  out  of  it  that  will 
make  your  old  heels  felt  light  again.  I  haven't  named 
it  to  a  single  soul  here  except  cousin  Sally,  and  I  want 
it  to  be  kept  a  profound  secret  till  I  get  the  office,  so  as 
to  make  them  are  chaps  that  have  been  a  sneering  at 
me  here,  stare  like  an  owl  in  a  thunder  shower.  And, 
besides,  if  it  should  h  ak  out  that  I  was  going,  I'm  afraid 
somebody  else  might  get  the  start  of  me,  for  there  are 
always  enough  that  have  their  mouth  open  when  it 
rains  such  rich  porrage.  But  it's  like  as  not,  the  news- 
papers 'II  blab  it  out  before  I  get  halfway  there.  And 
you  needn't  think  strange,  if  you  see  some  of  the  Bos- 
ton or  New  York  papers  in  a  few  days  saying,  'The 
Hon.  Jack  Downing  passed  through  this  city  yesterday, 
on  his  way  to  Washington.  It  is  rumoured,  that  he  is 
to  be  called  upon  to  fill  one  of  the  vacant  offices.' — 
But  I  must  stop,  for  it  is  time  I  was  picking  up  my  duds 
for  a  start.  Sally  has  been  darning  my  stockings  all 
the  morning.  Love  to  Aunt  and  Cousin  Nabby,  and 
all  of 'em.     Good  by. 

Your  loving  neff'u, 

JACK  DAWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  59 

LETTER  XXV. 

Mr.  Downing  on  his  way  to  assist  Jackson,  at  Washing- 
ton, stops  at  Boston— his  conversation  witn  the  Bos- 
ton Editors. 

City  of  New  York,  May  4,  1831. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — I  have  got  so  fur  at  last,  and 
a  pretty  hard  run  I've  had  of  it  to  get  here,  I  can  tell 
ye.  This  running  after  offices  is  pretty  tuft'  work  for 
poor  folks.  Sometimes  I  think  there  aint  much  profit 
in  it  after  all,  any  more  than  there  is  in  buying  lottery 
tickets,  where  you  pay  a  dollat  and  sometimes  get  four 
shillings  back,  and  sometimes  nothing.  Howsomever  I 
dont  mean  to  be  discouraged  yet,  for  if  I  should  give  out 
now  and  go  back  again,  them  are  sassy  chaps  in  Port- 
land would  laft'  at  me  worse  than  they  did  afore. — 
What  makes  me  feel  kind  of  down  hearted  about  it,  is 
because  I've  seen  in  the  newspapers  that  tu  of  them  are 
good  offices  at  Washington  are  gone  aready.  One  Mr. 
Livingston  's  got  one  of  'em,  and  Mr.  Woodbury  that 
lives  up  in  New  Hampshire  's  got  tother,  and  I'm  con- 
siderable afraid  the  others  will  be  gone  before  I  get 
there. 

I  want  you  to  be  sure  and  get  my  recommendation 
into  the  post  office  as  soon  as  you  can,  so  it  may  get 
there  as  soon  as  I  do.  It's  a  week  to-day  since  I  started 
from  Portland,  and  if  I  have  good  luck  I'm  in  hopes  to 
get  there  in  about  a  week  more.  Any  how,  I  shall 
worry  along  as  fast  as  I  can.  I  have  to  foot  it  more 
than  three-quarters  of  the  way,  because  the  stage  folks 
ask  so  much  to  ride,  and  my  money's  pretty  near  gone. 
But  if  I  can  only  jest  get  there  before  the  offices  are 
gone  I  think  I  shall  get  one  of  'em,  for  I  got  a  good 
string  of  recommendations  in  Boston  as  I  come  along. 
I  never  thought  of  getting  any  recommendations  of 
strangers,  till  a  man  I  was  travelling  with,  kind  of  talk- 
ed round  and  round,  and  found   out  what  I  was  after. 


60  LETTERS    OF 

And  then  says  he,  if  you  want  to  make  out,  you  must 
get  the  newspaper  folks  to  give  you  a  lift,  for  they 
manage  these  matters.  And  he  told  me  I  better  get 
some  of  the  Boston  Editors  to  recommend  me,  or  it 
Mould  be  no  use  for  me  to  go. 

I  thought  the  man  was  more  than  half  right,  so  when 
I  got  into  Boston  I  called  round  to  see  the  editors. — 
They  all  seemed  very  glad  to  see  me,  when  I  told  'em 
who  I  was;  and  I  never  see  a  better  set  of  true  republi- 
cans any  where  in  the  State  of  Maine.  And  when  I 
told  'em  that  I  was  always  a  true  republican,  and  my 
father  and  grand  father  were  republicans  before  me, 
they  all  talked  so  cleaver  about  patriotism,  and  our  re- 
publican institutions,  and  the  good  of  the  people,  that  I 
could  n't  help  thinking  it  was  a  plaguy  shame  there 
should  be  any  such  wicked  parties  as  Federalists,  or 
Huntonites,  or  Jacksonites,  to  try  to  tare  the  country 
to  pieces  and  plague  the  republicans  so.. 

This  dont  include  President  Jackson.  He  is  n't  a 
Jacksonite,  you  know;  he  's  a  true  republican  as  there  is 
in  Uowningville.  I  had  a  talk  with  the  Boston  Patriot 
man  first.  He  said  he  would  give  me  a  recommendation 
with  a  good  deal  of  pleasure;  and  when  I  got  my  office 
at  Washington  I  must  stick  to  the  good  old  republican 
cause  like  wax;  and  if  all  true  republicans  were  only 
faithful  to  the  country,  Henry  Clay,  the  republican  can- 
didate, will  come  in  all  hollow. 

He'll  be  next  President,  says  he,  jest  as  sure  as  your 
name  is  Jack  Downing.  Then  I  went  to  see  the  editor 
of  the  Boston  Gazette.  He  said  he  certainly  should  be 
very  happy  to  give  me  a  recommendation;  and  he 
trusted  when  I  got  to  Washington  where  I  should  have 
considerable  influence,  I  should  look  well  to  the  inter- 
ests of  the  republican  party.  He  said  there  was  an 
immense  sight  of  intrigue  and  underhand  work  going 
on  by  the  enemies  of  the  country  to  ruin  Mr.  Calhoun, 
the  republican  candidate  for  President.  But  he  said 
they  would'nt  make  out;  Mr.  Calhoun  had  found  out 
their  tricks,  and  the  republicans  of  old  Virginny  and 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  6l 

South  Carolina  were  all  up  in  arms  about  it,  and  if  we 
republicans  of  the  northern  states  would  only  take  hold 
and  fight  for  the  good  cause,  Mr. Calhoun  would  be  elec- 
ted as  true  as  the  sun  will  rise  to-morrow. 

The  next  I  went  to  see  was  the  editor  of  the  Boston 
Statesman.  He  seemed  to  be  a  little  shy  of  me  at  first, 
and  was  afraid  I  want  a  true  republican;  and  wanted  to 
know  if  I  did  n't  run  against  Governor  Smith  last  year 
down  there  in  Maine.  I  told  him  I  had  seen  Governor 
Smith  a  number  of  times  in  Portland,  but  I  was  sure  I 
never  run  against  him  in  my  life,  and  did  n't  think  I 
ever  came  within  a  rod  of  him.  Well  he  wanted  to 
know  if  I  was  n't  a  candidate  for  Governor  in  opposition 
to  Mr.  Smith.  I  told  him  no,  I  was  a  candidate  on  the 
same  side.  Was  n't  you,  said  he,  looking  mighty  sharp 
at  me,  was  rnt  you  one  of  the  federal  candidates  for  gov- 
ernor? My  stars,  uncle  Joshua,  I  never  felt  my  hair 
curl  quicker  than  it  did  then.  My  hand  kind  of  draw'd 
back  and  my  fingers  clinched  as  if  I  was  jest  agoing  to 
up  fist  and  knock  him  down  To  think  that  he  should 
charge  me  with  being  a  federal  candidate  it  was  too 
much  for  flesh  and  blood  to  bear.  But  I  cooled  down 
as  quick  as  I  could,  for  fear  it  might  hurt  me  about 
getting  my  office.  I  told  him  I  never  was  a  federal  can- 
didate, and  there  never  was  a  drop  of  federal  blood  in 
me;  and  I  would  run  from  a  federalist  if  I  should  meet 
one  as  quick  as  I  would  from  poison.  That's  rigiit,says 
he,  I  like  that,  that's  good  stuff,  and  he  catched  hold  of 
my  hand  and  give  it  such  a  shake,  I  did  n't  know  but 
he'd  a  pull'd  it  off". 

He  said  he  would  give  me  the  best  recommendation 
he  could  write,  and  when  I  got  to  Washington  I  must 
stick  to  the  old  Gineral  like  the  tooth  ach,  for  the  fed- 
eralists were  intriguing  dreadfully  to  root  him  out  of 
his  office  and  upset  the  republican  party.  If  the  repub- 
licans could  only  be  kept  together,  he  said  President 
Jackson,  the  republican  candidate,  could  be  elected  as 
easy  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear;  but  if  we  suffered  our- 
selves to  be  divided  it  would  be  gone  goose  with  us,and 

F 


62  LETTERS    OF 

the  country  would  be  ruined.  So  you  must  stick  to  the 
re-election  of  Gineral  Jackson,  said  he,  at  all  events;  and 
then  he  kind  of  whispered  in  my  ear,  and  says  he,  in 
case  any  thing  should  happen, ii  Gineral  Jackson  should 
be  sick  or  any  thing,  you  must  remember  that  Mr.  Van 
Buren  is  the  republican  candidate. 

I  told  him  lie  never  need  to  fear  me;  I  should  stick 
to  the  republican  party  thro'  thick  and  thin.  So  I  took 
my  recommendation  and  trudged  along.  I  havn't  time 
to-day  to  tell  you  how  I  got  along  with  the  rest  of  the 
editors,  and  a  thousand  other  things  that  I  met  with 
along  by  the  way,  and  all  the  iine  things  in  this  great 
city,  and  so  on.  But  I  shall  write  to  you  again  soon. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 
To  Uncle  JoshuaDowning,  Doivningville,  State  of  Maine. 


LETTER  XXVJ. 

His  visit  to  Major  Noah,  in  Xew  York,  when  he  arriv- 
ed there. 

Washington  City,  May  30,  1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier,  if  it  ever  gets  there,  away  down 
east  in  the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua 
Downing1,  up  inDowningville,  with  care  and  speed. 

Dear  Uncle  Josh, — I've  got  here  at  last,  to  this 
great  city  where  they  make  ofhees,  and  I'm  determined 
not  to  leave  it  till  I  get  one.  It  is  n  't  sich  a  great  city 
after  all  as  New  York,  though  they  do  a  great  deal  more 
business  here  than  they  do  at  New  York.  I  dont  mean 
vessel  business  and  trade,  for  there's  no  end  to  that  in 
New  York,  but  in  making  offices  and  sich  like;  and 
thev  say  its  the  most  profitable  business  in  the  country. 
If  a  man  can  get  hold  of  a  pn-ttj  good   office,  he  can 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  63 

get  rich  enough  by  it  in  three  or  four  years,  and  not 
have'to  work  very  hard  neither.  I  tell  you  what,  uncle, 
if  I  make  out  to  my  mind  here,  I  shall  comeback  again 
one  of  these  days  in  a  rather  guess  way  than  what  1 
come  on.  I  dont  have  to  foot  it  again  I'll  warrant  you, 
and  guess  poor  cousin  Sally  wont  have  to  set  up  all 
night  to  mend  my  coat  and  darn  my  stockings.  You'll 
see  me  coming  dressed  up  like  a  lawyer,  with  a  fine  car- 
riage and  three  or  four  hosses.  And  then  them  are 
chaps  in  Portland  that  used  to  laugh  at  me  so  about  be- 
ing Governor,  may  sneeze  at  me  if  they  dare  to,  and  if 
they  dont  keep  out  of  my  way  I'll  ride  right  over 'em. 
1  had  a  pretty  tuft  time  coming  on  here.  Its  a  long  tire- 
some road  through  the  Jarseys.  I  had  to  stop  twice 
to  get  my  shoes  tapt,  and  once  to  get  an  old  lady  to  sow 
up  a  rip  in  my  coat  while  I  chopped  wood  for  her  at  the 
door  to  pay  for  it.  But  I  shant  mind  all  the  hard  work 
I've  had  of  it,  if  I  can  make  out  to  come  home  rich. 

I  got  a  pretty  good  boost  in  Boston,  as  I  writ  you  in 
my  last,  by  the  editors  giving  me  recommendations. — 
But  it  was  nothing  at  all  hardly  to  what  I  got  in  New 
York,  for  they  gave  me  a  public  dinner  there.  I  cant 
think  what's  the  matter  that  it  hasn't  been  published 
yet.  Major  Noah  promised  me  he'd  have  it  all  put  into 
the  New  York  Courier  and  Enquirer  the  very  next  day 
after  I  left  New  York,  so  that  it  should  get  to  Wash- 
ington as  soon  as  I  did;  and  now  I've  been  here  about 
a  week  and  it  hasn't  come  yet.  If  it  does'nt  come  soon, 
I  shall  write  an  account  of  the  dinner  myself,  and  send 
it  home  and  get  it  put  in  the  Portland  Courier.  It 
was  a  most  capital  dinner,  uncle;  I  dont.  know  as  I  ever 
eat  heartier  in  my  life,  for  being  pretty  short  of  money 
I  had  pinched  rather  close  a  day  or  two,  and  to  tell  the 
truth  I  was  as  hungry  as  a  bear.  We  had  toasts  and 
speeches  and  a  great  many  good  things.  I  dont  mean 
sich  toast  as  they  put  butter  on  to  eat,  but  toast  to  drink. 
And  they  dont  exactly  drink  'em  neither;  but  they 
drink  the  punch  and  speak  the  toasts. 

I  cant  think  Major  Noah  meant  to  deceive  me  about 


64  LETTERS  OF 

publishing  the  proceedings  of  the  dinner,  for  he  ap- 
peared to  be  a  very  clever  man,  though  he  was  the  fun- 
niest chap  that  ever  1  see.  There  was  n't  a  man  in  New 
York  that  befriended  me  more  than  he  did;  and  he 
talked  to  me  very  candidly,  and  advised  me  all  about 
how  to  get  an  office.  In  the  first  place,  says  he,  Mr. 
Downing,  you  cant  get  any  kind  of  an  office  at  Wash- 
ington, unless  you  are  a  true  blue  ginuin  democratic 
republican.  I  told  him  I  had  recommendations  coming 
to  prove  that  I  was  all  that.  They  are  very  strict, 
says  he,  in  regard  to  that  at  Washington.  If  James 
Madison  should  apply  for  an  office  at  Washington,  says 
he,  he  could  n't  get  it.  What,  says  I,  him  that  was 
President!  for  it  kind  of  startled  me  a  little  if  such  an 
old  republican  as  he  was  could  n't  get  an  office.  It's 
true,  says  he,  if  James  Madison  should  apply  for  an  of- 
fice he  could  n't  get  it. — Why  not,  says  I?  Because, 
says  he,  he  has  turned  federalist.  It's  melancholy  to 
think,  says  he,  how  many  good  old  republicans  at  the 
south  are  turning  federalists  lately.  He  said  he  was 
afraid  there  was  n't  more  than  one  true  ginuin  old 
democratic  republican  left  in  Virginny,  and  that  was 
old  Mr.  Ritchie  of  the  Richmond  Enquirer;  and  even 
he  seemed  to  be  a  little  wavering  since  Mr.  Calhoun 
and  some  others  had  gone  over. 

Well  there's  Mr.  Clay,  says  I,  of  Kentucky,  I  doat 
think  he'll  ever  flinch  from  the  republican  cause.  Hen- 
ry Clay,  says  he,  turning  up  his  nose,  why  he  's  been  a 
federalist  this  six  years.  No,  no,  Mr.  Downing,  if  you 
think  of  going  that  gate,  you  may  as  well  turn  about  and 
go  home  again  before  you  go  any  further.  What  gate, 
says  I  ?  Why  to  join  the  clay  party,  says  he.  I  told 
him  I  never  had  sich  a  thought  in  my  life  ;  I  always  be- 
longed to  the  republican  party,  and  always  ment  to. 
He  looked  rather  good  natured  again  when  he  heard 
that;  and  says  he,  do  you  know  what  the  true  republi- 
can doctrine  is  ?  I  told  him  I  had  always  had  some 
kind  of  an  idea  of  it,  but  1  did  n't  know  as  I  could  ex- 
plain it  exactly.     Well,  says   he,  I'll  tell  you;  it  is  to 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  65 

support  General  Jackson  for  re-election,  through  thick 
and  thin.  That  is  the  only  thing  that  will  save  the 
country  from  ruin.  And  if  General  Jackson  should  be 
unwell  or  any  thing  jest  before  election,  so  he  could  not 
be  a  candidate,  the  true  republican  doctrine  is  to  sup- 
port Mr.  Van  Buren.  I  told  him,  very  well,  he  might 
depend  upon  my  sticking  to  the  republican  party,  all 
weathers.  Upon  that  he  set  down  and  wrote  me  a  re- 
commendation to  the  President  for  an  office,  and  it  al- 
most made  me  blush  to  see  what  a  master  substantial 
ginuin  republican  he  made  me.  I  had  a  number  more 
capital  recommendations  at  New  York,  butlhavn't 
time  to  tell  you  about  them  in  this  letter.  Some  were 
to  Mr.  Clay,  and  some  to  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  some  to 
Mr.  Calhoun.  I  took  'em  all,  for  I  thought  it  was  kind 
of  uncertain  whose  hands  I  might  fall  into  hereafter, 
and  it  might  be  well  enough  to  have  two  or  three  strings 
to  my  bow. 

I  hav  n't  called  on  the  President  ye«%  though  I've  been 
here  about  a  week.  My  clothes  had  got  so  shabby,  I 
thought  I  better  hire  out  a  few  days  and  get  slicked  up 
a  little.  Three  of  the  offices  that  I  come  after  are  gone 
«lick  enough,  and  the  other  one's  been  given  a  way"  to  a 
Mr.  White,  but  he  would  n't  take  it;  so  I  'm  in  hopes  1 
shall  be  able  to  get  it.  And  if  I  dont  get  that,  there's 
some  chance  for  me  to  get  into  be  Vice  President,  for 
they  had  a  great  Jackson  meeting  here  'tother  day,  and 
they  kicked  Mr.  Calhoun  right  out  doors,  and  said  they 
would  n't  have  him  for  Vice  President  no  longer.  Now 
some  say  they  think  I  shall  get  it,  and  some  think  Mr. 
Van  Buren  '11  get  it. 

Howsomever,  I  feel  pretty  safe,  for  Maj.  Noah  told 
me  if  I  could  n't  get  any  thing  else,  the  President  could 
easily  make  a  foreign  mission  for  me.  I  shall  call  on 
the  good  old  Gineral  in  two  or  three  days  and  find  out 
what  my  luck  is,  and  then  I  shall  let  you  know.  Give 
my  love  to  ant  and  cousin  Nabby,  and  all  of  'em.  It 
makes  me  feel  kind  of  bad  when  I  think  how  fur  I've 
got  from  home.  Your  loving  netfu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


66  LETTERS    OF 

LETTER  XXVII. 

He  arrives  at  Washington — strips  up  his  sleeves — de- 
fends Mr.  Ingham  on  the  front  steps  of  his  door 
during  the  after-clap  that  followed  the  explosion 
of  the  Cubinit. 

Washington  City,  June  21,  1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier  again  away  down  there  in  the  State 
ot  Maine,  to  be  6ent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing-,  up  in 
Downingville,  or  close  to  Cousin  Nabby,  it  is  n't  much 
matter  which,  being  that  some  of  it  is  about  the  ladies. 

Dear  Uncle  Josh. — It's  pretty  trying  times  here. 
They  cany  on  so  like  the  old  smoker,  I  dont  hardly 
know  what  to  make  of  it.  If  I  had  n't  said  I  would  n't 
leave  Washington  till  I  got  an  oflice,  I  dont  know  but 
I  should  come  back  to  Downingville  and  go  to  planting 
potatoes.  Them  are  Huntonites  and  Jacksonites  down 
there  in  Maine  last  winter  were  pretty  clever  sort  of 
folks  to  what  these  chaps  are  here.  Cause  down  there 
if  they  get  ever  so  mad,  they  did  n't  do  nothing  but 
talk  and  jaw  one  another;  but  here  if  any  body  does  n't 
do  to  suit  'm,  fact  they  Ml  up  and  shoot  him  in  a  minute. 
I  did  n't  think  getting  an  office  was  such  dangerous 
kind  of  business,  or  I  dont  know  as  I  should  have  tried 
it.  Howsomever,  it's  neck  or  nothing  with  me  now, 
and  I  must  do  something  to  try  to  get  some  money  here, 
for  I  about  as  lieves  die  as  to  undertake  to  foot  it  away 
back  again  clear  to  the  State  of  Maine.  And  as  the 
folks  have  to  go  armed  here,  I  want  you  to  put  my  old 
fowling  piece  into  the  stage  and  send  it  on  here  as  quick 
as  possible.  I  hope  you'll  be  as  quick  as  you  can  about 
it.  for  if  I  get  an  office  I  shant  dare  to  take  it  till  I  get 
my  gun.  They  come  pretty  near  having  a  shooting 
scrape  here  yesterday.  The  Telegraph  paper  said  some- 
thing about  Mr.  Eaton?s  wife.  It  was  nothing  that  I 
should  think  they  need  to  make  such  a  fuss  about;  it 
only  said  that  some  of  the  ladies  here   refused  to  visit 


MAJOR    JACK  DOWING.  G7 

her.  But  some  how  or  other  it  made  Mr.  Eaton  as  mad 
as  a  March  hair.  He  declared  he'd  fight  somebody,  lie 
did  n't  care  who. 

The  first  man  he  happened  to  come  at  "ras  Mr.  Ing- 
ham. So  he  dared  l\lr.  Ingham  out  to  fight.  Not  to 
box,  as  they  do  sometimes  up  in  Downingville,  but  to 
stand  and  shoot  at  each  other.  But  Mr.  Ingham 
would  n't  touch  to,  and  told  him  he  was  crazy.  That 
made  Mr.  Eaton  ten  times  more  mad  than  he  was  be- 
fore; and  he  declared  he'd  Hog  him  any  how,  whether 
he  was  willing  or  not.  So  he  got  a  gang  of  gentlemen 
yesterday  to  go  with  him  to  the  Treasury  office  where 
Mr.  Ingham  does  his  writing,  and  waited  there  and  in 
a  grog  shop  close  by  as  much  as  two  hours  for  a  chance 
to  catch  him  and  give  it  to  him.  Mr.  Ingham  was  out 
a  visiting  in  the  city,  and  when  he  got  home  his  folks 
told  him  what  was  going  on,  and  begged  him  not  to  go 
to  the  office  for  he  would  certainly  be  killed.  Poll, 
says  he,  do  you  think  I'm  afraid  of  them  are  blustering 
chaps?  There's  more  smoke  than  fire  there,  I  can  tell 
ye;  give  me  my  pistols,  it  is  time  for  me  to  go  to  the 
office.  Some  of  the  ladies  cried,  and'  some  almost 
fainted  away.  But  he  pacified  'em  as  well  as  he  could, 
and  then  set  out  for  the  office,  and  three  or  four  men 
went  with  him,  and  1  guess  they  carried  something  un- 
der their  arms  that  would  make  daylight  shine  through 
a  feller  pretty  quick.  And  I  guess  the  gang  of  gen- 
tlemen waiting  for  him  begun  to  smell  a  rat,  for  they 
cleared  out  pretty  soon  and  never  touched  him.  But 
their  courage  came  again  in  the  evening,  and  this  same 
gang  of  gentlemen  turned  out  to  Mr.  Ingham's  house, 
and  threatened  to  burst  the  doors  open  and  drag  him 
out  by  the  hair  of  the  head  and  skin  him  alive.  I 
thought  this  was  carrying  the  joke  rather  too  far,  so  I 
tho't  I'd  put  in  my  oar;  for  when  I  see  any  body  run 
too  hard  I  cant  help  taking  their  part. 

So  I  stepped  on  to  Mr.  Ingham's  front  door  steps, 
and  threw  my  hat  down,  and  rolled  up  my  sleeves,  and 
spit  on  my  hands;  and  by  that  time  the  chaps  began  to 


68  LETTERS  OF 

stare  at  me  a  little.  And  now,  says  I,  Major  Eaton, 
this  is  quite  too  bad.  A  man's  house  is  his  castle. 
Here's  Mr.  Ingham  in  his  house  as  peaceable  as  a 
lamb;  he  isn't  a  meddling  with  nobody,  and  you  need 
n't  think  to  drag  him  out  here  to-night,  I  can  tell  ye. 
If  you  really  want  to  take  a  bit  of  a  box,  just  throw 
away  your  powder  and  ball,  and  here's  the  boy  for  you. 
I'll  take  a  fist  or  two  with  you  and  glad  of  the  chance. 
You  impudent  scoundrel,  says  he,  who  are  you?  what 
business  is  it  to  you  what  I  done?  Clear  out,  or  I'll 
send  you  where  you  ought  to  be  long  ago.  Well,  then, 
you'll  send  me  into  some  good  office,  says  I,  for  there's 
where  I  ought  to  have  been  more  than  two  years  ago. 
Well,  says  he,  clear  out,  and  up  he  come  blustering 
along  towards  the  steps.  But  I  jest  put  my  foot  down, 
and  doubled  my  fist,  and  now,  says  I,  Major  Eaton, 
it  wont  be  healthy  for  you  to  come  on  to  these  steps  to- 
night. 

Says  he,  I'm  going  through  that  door  whether  or  no. 
Says  I,  you  dont  go  through  this  door  to-night,  without 
you  pass  over  the  dead  body  of  Jack  Downing  of  the 
State  of  Mairfe  My  stare  when  they  heard  that,  they 
dropt  their  heads  as  quick  as  though  they  had  been  cut 
oft',  for  they  did  n't  know  who  1  was  before.  Major 
Eaton  and  the  whole  gang  of  gentlemen  with  him  turn- 
ed right  about  and  marched  away  as  still  a  pack  of 
whipped  puppies.  They  were  afraid  I  should  have  'em 
all  up  before  the  President  to-day,  and  have  'em  turned 
out  of  office;  for  it's  got  whispered  round  the  city  that 
the  President  sets  a  great  deal  by  me,  and  that  I  have 
a  good  deal  of  influence  with  him. 

This  morning  Mr.  Ingham  started  for  Philadelphy. 
Before  he  left,  he  thanked  me  a  thousand  times  for  de- 
fending his  house  so  well  last  night,  and  he  wrote  a  let- 
ter to  the  President',  telling  him  all  about  the  scrape.  I 
went  a  piece  with  him  to  see  him  safe  out  of  the  city 
on  the  great  road  towards  Baltimore. 

About  my  prospects  for  an  office,  I  cant  tell  you  yet 
how  I  shall  come  out.    I've  been  in  to  see  the  President 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  69 

a  number  ot  times,  and  he  talks  very  favorable.  I 
have  some  chance  to  get  in  to  be  Secretary  of  War,  if 
old  Judge  White  dont  take  it;  and  if  I  dont  get  that 
the  President  says  he  '11  do  the  best  he  can  for  me. 

I  never  had  to  be  so  strict  a  republican  before  in  my 
life  as  I've  had  to  be  since  I've  been  hete  in  order  to 
get  the  right  side  of  the  President.  I'll  tell  you  some- 
thing about  it  in  my  next,  and  about  my  visits  to  the 
President,  and  agood  many  other  famous  things  here. 

P.  S.  Be  sure  and  send  the  old  gun  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible. Your  loving  neftu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXVIII. 

Mr.  Doivning  made  Captain  in  the  United  Sta'es  army, 
with  orders  to  go  to  Madaivaska,  and  protect  the  in- 
habitants. 

Washington  City,  the  20th  day  ot  Oct.  1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier  away  down  in  the  State  of  Maine,  to 
be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville,  this 
with  care  and  speed,  and  dont  let  any  body  see  it. 

Dk.au  Uncle  Josh, — I've  got  it  at  last  as  true  as 
you're  alive,  and  now  I  dont  keer  a  snap  for  the  fattest 
of  'em.  I'll  teach  them  are  young  chaps  down  to  Port- 
land that  used  to  poke  fun  at  me  so  because  I  did  n't 
get  in  to  be  Governor,  that  they  must  carry  a  better 
tongue  in  their  heads,  or  they  '11  find  out  who  they  are 
talking  to.  I  guess  they  Ml  find  out  by  and  by  it  wont 
be  healthy  for  'em  to  poke  fun  at  an  officer  of  my  rank. 
And  as  for  Jemime  Parsons  that  married  the  school 
master  winter  before  last,  when  she  had  promised  as 
fair  as  could  be  that  she  would  have  me,  she  may  go  to 
grass  for  what  I  keer;  I  would  n't  have  her  now  no 
more  than  I  'd  have  a  Virginny  nigger.     And  I  guess 


70  LETTERS  OF 

when  she  comes  to  see  me  with  my  regimentals  on  she 
'11  feel  sorry  enough  and  wish  her  cake  was  dough 
again.  Now  she's  tied  down  to  that  clod  pole  of  a 
school  master,  that  was  n't  fit  for  a  schoolmaster  neither, 
for  he  has  had  to  go  to  hoeing  potatoes  for  a  living,  and 
much  as  ever  he  can  get  potatoes  enough  to  keep  'em 
from  starving,  when  if  she  had  only  done  as  she  had  . 
promised,  she  might  now  be  the  wife  of  Captain  Jack 
Downing  of  the  United  States  Army.  But  let  her  go; 
as  I  said  afore,  I'dont  care  a  snap  for  her  or  all  old 
White's  cattle.  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis  uncle,  I  feel 
about  right  now.  It  seems  to  me  I  could  foot  it  home 
in  two  days,  for  my  feet  never  felt  half  so  light  before. 
There's  nothing  like  trying,  in  this  world,  uncle;  any 
body  that  tries  can  be  something- or  other,  if  he  dontget 
discouraged  too  soon.  "When  I  came  on  here,  you 
know,  I  expected  to  get  one  of  the  great  Secretaries' 
offices  ;  but  the  good  old  President  told  me  they  had  got 
him  into  such  a  hobble  about  them  are  offices  that  he 
could  n't  give  ine  one  of  'em  if  he  was  to  die.  But  he 
treated  me  like  a  gentleman,  and  I  shall  always  vote  for 
him  as  long  as  I  live,  and  I  told  him  so.  And  when  he 
found  out  that  I  was  a  true  ginuin  republican,  says  he, 
Mr.  Downing,  you  must  be  patient,  and  I'll  bear  you  in 
mind,  and  do  something  for  you  the  very  first  chance. 
And  you  may  depend  upon  it  Mr.  Downing,  be  added 
with  a  good  deal  of  earnestness,  I  never  desert  my 
friends,  let  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson  of  Philadelphy 
say  what  he  will  about  it,  a  good  for  nothing  ungrateful 
dog.  And  he  fetched  a  stomp  with  his  foot  and  his  eyes 
kind  of  flashed  so  fiery,  that  I  cou'd  n't  help  starting 
back,  for  I  did  n't  know  but  he  was  going  to  knock  me 
over.  But  he  look'd  pleasant  again  in  a  minute,  and 
took  me  my  the  hand,  and  now,  says  he,  Mr.  Downing, 
I  give  you  my  honour  that  I'll  do  something  for  you  as 
soon  as  I  possibly  can.  1  told  him  I  hoped  he  would  be 
as  spry  as  he  could  about  it,  fir  I  had  but  jest  nine- 
pence  left,  and  i  did  n't  know  how  I  should  get  along 
very  well,  in  a  strange  place  too.   But  he  told  me  never 


MAJOK    JACK    DOWNING.  71 

to  mind  that  at  all;  I  might  come  and  eat  my  meals  at 
his  house  whenever  I'd  a  mind  to,  or  he  would  be  bonds- 
man for  my  board    where    I  put  up.      So  I've  worked 
along  from  that  time  to  this,  nearly  for  months,  as  well 
as  I  could,  sometimes  getting  a  little  job  of  garden-work, 
and  sometimes  getting  a  little  wood  to  saw,  and  so  on, 
nearly  enough  to  pay  my  expenses.     I  used  to  call  and 
see  the  President  or.ce  in  a  while,  and  he  always  told 
me  I  must  be  patient   and  keep  up  a   good  heart,  the 
world  was  n't  made  in  one  day,  and  something  would 
turn  up  for  me  by  and  by.     But  fact,  after  digging,  and 
sawing,  and  waiting  four  months,  my  patience  got  most 
wore  out,  and  I  was  jest  upon  the  point  of  giving  up 
the  chase,   and  starting  oft'  for  Downingville   with  the 
intention  of  retiring  to*  private  life;  when  last  night, 
about  seven  o'clock,  as  1  sot  eating  a  bowl  of  bread  and 
milk  for  my  supper,  a  boy  knocked  at  the  door  and 
wanted  to  see  Mr.  Downing.      So  they  brought  him  in- 
to the  room  where  I  was,  and  says  he,  Mr.  Downing, 
the  President  wants  to  see  you  for  something  very  par- 
ticular,   right  away  this    evening.     My  heart  almost 
jump'd  right  up  in  my  mouth.     My  spoon  dropt  out  of 
my  hand,  and  to  eat  another  mouthful  I  could  n't  if  I 
was  to  starve.      I  flew  round,  and  washed  my  face  and 
hands,  and  combed  my  head,  and  brushed  up  as  well 
as  I  could,  and  should  have  looked  tolerable  spruce  if 
it  had  n't  been  for  an  unlucky  hole  in  the  knee  of  my 
trowsers«     What  to  do  I  did  not  know.     It  made  me 
feel   bad  enough  I  can  tell  you.     The  woman  where  I 
boarded  said  she  would  mend  them  for  me  if  1  would 
take  them   off,  but  it  would  take  her  till   about   nine 
o'clock,  and  the   President    was  waiting   for  me,   and 
there  'twas.      Such  a  hobble  1  never  was  in  before.  But 
this  woman  is  a  kind  good  creature   as   ever  was;  she 
boards  me  for  four  and  sixpence  a  week,  considering 
that  I  split  wood  for  her,  and  bring  water,  and  do  all 
sich  kind  of  chores.     And  she  always  had  some  con- 
trivance to  get  out  of  every  difficulty;  and  so  she  hand- 
ed me  a  neat  little  pocket  handkerchief  and  told  me  to 


72  LETTERS    OF 

tie  that  round  my  knee.     Being  thus  rigged  out  at  last, 
I  started  oft' as  fast  as  I  could  go  for  the  President's. 

When  I  went  into  his  room,  the  old  gentleman  was 
setting  by  a  table  with  his  spectacles  on,  and  two  great 
lamps  burning  before  him,  and  a  bundle  of  letters  and 
papers  in  his  hand.  He  started  up  and  took  me  by  the 
hand,  and  says  he,  good  evening  Mr. Downing,  I'm  very 
glad  to  see  you;  you  are  the  very  man  I  want  now, 
above  all  others  in  the  world.  But  how  is  this,  said  he? 
looking  at  my  knee.  Not  lame,  I  hope?  That  would 
be  a  most  unfortunate  thing  in  this  critical  moment.  It 
would  knock  my  plan  in  the  head  at  once.  I  felt  kind 
of  blue,  and  I  guess  I  blushed  a  little;  but  I  turned  it 
oft" as  well  as  1  could;  I  told  him  1  was  n't  lame  at  all, 
it  was  nothing  but  a  slight  scratch,  and  by  to-morrow 
morning  I  should  be  as  well  as  ever  i  was  in  my  life. 
Well  then  says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  set  down  here  and  see 
what  I've  got  to  tell  you.  The  old  gentleman  set  him- 
self back  in  his  chair  and  pushed  his  spectacles  up  on 
his  forehead  and  held  up  the  letter  in  his  hand,  and  says 
he,  Mr.  Downing,  here  is  a  letter  from  Governor  Smith 
ot  Maine,  and  now  Sir,  I've  got  something  for  you  to 
do.  You  see  now  that  I  was  sincere  when  I  told  you 
if  you  would  be  patient  and  stick  to  the  republican  text, 
I  would  look  out  for  you  one  of  these  days.  I'm  al- 
ways true  to  my  friends;  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson 
might  have  had  an  office  before  now  if  he  had  behaved 
himself. 

Well,  dear  sir,  said  I,  for  I  felt  in  such  a  pucker  to 
know  what  I  was  going  to  get  that  I  could  n't  stand  it 
any  longer,  so  says  I,  what  sort  of  business  is  it  you  've 
got  forme  to  do?  Says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  I  take  it  you 
are  a  man  of  courage;  I  have  always  thought  so  ever 
since  you  faced  Mr.  Eaton  so  boldly  on  Mr.  Inghams' 
door  steps.  Tho'  I  was  sorry  your  courage  was  not  dis- 
played in  a  better  cause,  for  that  Ingham  is  a  rascal  after 
all.  I  told  him  as  for  courage  I  believed  I  had  some  of 
the  stuff' about  me  when  there  was  any  occasion  for  it, 
and  that  I  never  would    stand   by  and  see  any    body 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  73 

abused.     Well,  says  he,  we  must  come  to  the  point,  for 
the  business  requires  haste. 

Governor  Smith  writes  me  that  there  are  four  of  your 
fellow  citizens  of  Maine  in  a  British  jail  at  Fredericton, 
who  have  been  taken  from  their  farms  by  British  con- 
stables and  sheriffs  and  other  officers  and  carried  otfby 
force  to  prison.  By  this  time  my  very  hair  begun  to 
curl,  I  felt  so  mad,  and  I  could  n't  help  jumping  up  and 
smiting  my  lists  together,  and  saying  pretty  hard  things 
about  the  British  Well,  says  the  President,  I  like  your 
spunk  Mr.  Downing;  you're  jest  the  man  1  want  in  this 
business,  I  'ingoing  to  give  you  a  captain's  commission 
in  the  United  States'  army,  and  you  must  go  down  there 
and  set  that  business  right  at  Madawaska. 

You  must  go  to  Maine  and  raise  a  company  of  volun- 
teers as  quick  as  possible,  tell  'em  I  'll  see  'em  paid, 
and  you  must  march  down  to  Fredericton  and  demand 
the  prisoners,  and  if  they  are  not  given  up  you  must 
force  the  jail,  and  if  the  British  make  any  resistance 
you  must  tire  upon  them  and  bring  the  prisoners  oft'  at 
some  rate  or  other.  Then  write  me  and  let  me  know 
how  affairs  stand,  and  I  '11  give  you  further  orders.  At 
any  rate  you  must  see  that  the  rights  of  Maine  are  well 
protected,  for  that  state  has  come  round  so  in  my  favor 
since  last  year  I  'm  determined  to  do  every  thing  I  can 
for  them;  I  tell  y<«u  Mr.  Downing,  1  never  desert  my 
friends.  So  alter  he  gave  me  the  rest  of  my  orders,  and 
my  commission,  and  a  pocket  full  of  money,  and  told 
me  to  be  brave  and  if  I  wanted  any  thing  to  let  him 
know,  he  bid  me  good  night,  and  I  went  home.  But  I 
could  n't  sleep  a  wink  all  night.  I  was  up  before  day 
light  this  morning,  and  I  'vegot  two  women  to  work  for 
me  to  day  fixing  up  my  clothes,  and  I  shall  be  ready  to 
start  to  morrow  morning.  I  want  you  to  keep  this  mat- 
ter pretty  still  till  I  get  there,  except  that  you  may  let 
cousin  Ephraim  know  it  and  get  him  to  volunteer  some 
of  the  Downingville  boys  for  my  company.  I  want  to 
get  them  pretty  much  all  there  if  I  can,  for  I  know  what 


74  LETTERS    OF 

sort  of  stuff  the  Downingville  boys  are  made  of,  and 
shall  know  what  I  'vegot  to  depend  upon. 
In  haste,  your  loving  neftu, 

CAPT.   JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER  XXIX. 

First  military  report  of  Capt.  Downing  to  the  president. 

Downingville,  Nov.  8,  1831. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend,  you I  got  home  to  Down- 
ingville last  night  after  an  absence  of  nearly  two  years. 
I  meant  to  stop  at  Portland  as  I  come  on  from  Wash- 
ington, but  some  how  or  other,  I  got  into  the  wrong 
stage  somewhere  in  New  Hampshire,  and  come  the  up- 
per road  before  I  knew  it.  So  the  first  thing  I  knew, 
when  I  thought  I  had  got  almost  to  Portland,  1  found 
myself  plump  in  Downingville.  But  the  dear  folks 
were  all  so  glad  to  see  me,  I  didn't  feel  much  sorry. 
Cousin  Nabby  hopped  right  up  and  down,  like  a  mouse 
treed  in  a  flour  barrel  ;  and  Ephraim  snapped  his  thumb 
and  finger,  and  spit  on  his  hands  as  though  he  had  a 
cord  of  wood  to  chop;  and  poor  ant  Keziah  set  down 
and  cried  as  much  as  two  hours  steady.  Uncle  Joshua 
catched  down  his  pipe,  and  made  the  smoke  roll  out 
well  ;  I  never  saw  him  smoke  so  fast  before  in  my  life; 
he  finished  two  pipes  full  of  tobacco  in  less  than  five 
minutes.  I  felt  almost  like  a  fool  myself,  and  had  to 
keep  winking  and  swallowing,  or  I  should  have  cried 
as  hard  as  any  of 'em.  But  you  know  it  wouldn't  do 
for  a  captain  to  cry,  especially  when  he  was  going  to 
enlisting  soldiers. 

Well,  I  must  hurry  along  with  my  letter,  fori  have 
n't  got  much  time  to  wwte  to-day.     I  have  been  round 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  75 

among  the  folks  in  Downingville  this  forenoon  to  see 
how  they  felt  about  the  Madawaska  business,  and  whe- 
ther any  of  'em  would  go  a  sogering  down  there  with 
me.  I  find  some  of  'em  are  right  up  about  it,  and 
ready  to  shoulder  their  guns  and  march  to-morrow  if  [ 
say_  tbe  word,  and  others  are  a  little  offish. 

I  guess  I  shall  get  about  half  enough  lor  a  company 
here  pretty  easy,  and  if  I  find  it  hard  dragging  to  pick 
up  the  rest,  I  shall  come  right  down  to  Portland  to  fill 
up  my  company  there.  For  uncle  Joshua  tells  me  he 
has  had  some  letters  from  Portland  within  a  few  days, 
and  he  says  there  are  a  number  of  chaps  down  there  as 
warm  as  mustard  about  going  to  war  down  to  Mada- 
svaska,  and  are  only  waiting  for  a  good  chance  to  list, 
and  some  of  'em  he  thinks  will  make  capital  sargents 
and  corporals.  I  should  be  glad  if  you  would  send  me 
word  whether  you  think  I  could  pick  up  some  good  lusty 
fellows  therein  case  I  should  want  'em.  I  pay  a  month's 
wages  cash  down.  But  there  is  one  subject  that  I  feel 
rather  uneasy  about,  and  that  is  the  greatest  reason  of 
my  writing  you  to-day,  to  see  if  you  can  tell  me  any 
thing  about  it.  Last  night  uncle  Joshua  and  I  sot  up 
talking  politicks  pretty  late,  after  all  the  rest  of  the 
folks  had  gone  to  bed.  I  told  him  all  about  one  thing 
or  another  at  Washington,  and  then  we  talked  about 
the  affairs  of  this  State. 

I  found  uncle  Joshua  did't  stand  jest  where  he  used 
to.  You  know  once  he  was  a  little  mite  in  fa\or  of 
Mr.  Hunton  ;  and  then,  when  I  was  up  for  Governor, 
he  was  altogether  in  favour  of  me  ;  and  then  he  was 
pretty  near  equally  balanced  between  Mr.  Smith  and 
Mr.  Goodenow  ;  but  now,  when  I  come  to  talk  with 
him,  I  found  he  was  all  olump  over  on  the  democratic 
republican  side.  You  know  I've  been  leaning  that  way 
tu,  ever  since  I  got  in  to  be  good  friends  long  with  Presi- 
dent Jackson.  So  says  I,  Well,  uncle,  our  party  is 
strong  enough  now  to  carry  all  afore  'em  in  this  State. 
I  guess  governor  Smith  will  have  more  than  three  quar- 
ters of  the  votes  next  time,     At  which  uncle  turned 


76  LETTERS    OK 

round  towards  me,  and  rolled  up  his  great  eyes  over  his 
spectacles,  and  took  his  pipe  out  of  his  mouth  and  put  on 
a  mighty  knowing  look,  and  says  he,  Jack,  jest  between 
you  and  me,  a  much  better  man  and  a  nvch  greater  re- 
publican than  Gov.  Smith,  will  be  Governor  of  the  Stale 
of  Maine  afte>  another  election. 

I  was  kind  of  struck  with  a  dunderment  I  sot  and 
looked  at  him  as  much  as  two  minutes,  and  he  all  the 
time:  looked  as  knowing  as  a  fox.  At  last,  says  I,  Uncle, 
what  do  you  mean  ?  Did  n't  all  the  democratic  republi- 
can papers  in  the  State,  when  Gov.  Smith  was  elected, 
say  he  was  the  very  best  republican  there  was  in  the 
State  for  Governor.  Well,  well,  Jack,  said  he,  mat k 
my  words,  that 's  all.  But,  said  I,  uncle,  what  makes 
you  think  so  ?  O,  said  he,  I  have  read  the  Argus  and 
the  Bangor  Republican,  and  I  have  had  a  letter  from  a 
man  that  knows  all  about  if,  and  when  the  time  comes 
you  '11  see.  And  that  was  all  I  could  get  out  of  him. 
Now  I  wish  you  would  let  me  know  what  this  mystery 
means.     And  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXX. 

The  first  military  report  of   Capt.  Downing  to  the 
President. 

Madawaska,  Nov.  15,  1831. 

To  his  Excellency,    Gineral  Jackson,    President  of  the 
United  States,  #-c. 

Mv  good  old  Sib. — The  prisoners  are  out  and  no 
blood  spilt  yet.  I  had  prepared  to  give  the  British  a 
most  terrible  battle,  if  they  had  n  't  let '  em  out.  I  guess 
I  should  made  'em  think  old  Bonapart  had  got  back 
among  'em  again,   for  a  keener  set  o  fellows  than   my 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  77 

company  is  made  up  of  never  shouldered  a  musket  or 
trod  shoe-leather.  I  was  pesky  sorry  they  let'em  out 
quite  as  soon,  for  I  really  longed  to  have  a  brush  with 
'em  ;  and  how  they  come  to  let 'em  go  I  dont  know, 
unless  it  was  because  they  heard  I  was  coming.  And  I 
expect  that  was  the  case,  for  the  prisoners  told  me  the 
British  Misnister  at  Washington,  sent  on  some  kind  of 
word  to  Governor  Campbell,  and  I  suppose  he  told  him 
how  I  had  got  a  commission,  and  was  coming  down 
upon  New  Brunswick  likeahurrycane. 

If  I  could  only  got  down  there  a  little  sooner  and  fite 
sich  a  great  battle  as  you  did  at  New  Orleans,  my  for- 
tune would  have  been  made  for  this  world.  I  should 
have  stood  a  good  chance  then  to  be  President  of  the 
United  States,  one  of  these,  days.  And  that's  as  high 
as  ever  I  should  want  to  get.  I  got  home  to  Dowriing- 
ville  in  little  more  than  a  week  after  I  left  you  at  Wash- 
ington, for  having  a  pretty  good  pocket  full  of  money, 
and  knowing  that  my  business  was  very  important,  I 
rid  in  the  stage  most  all  the  way.  [  spose  I  need  n't 
stop  to  tell  you  how  tickled  all  my  folks  were  to  see  me. 
1  did  n't  know  for  awhile  but  they'd  eat  me  up.  But  I 
spose  that's  neither  here  nor  there  in  making  military 
reports,  so  I'll  go  on.  I  found  no  dilliculty  in  getting 
volunteers.  I  believe  I  could  have  got  nearly  half  the 
State  of  Maine  to  march  if  I  had  wanted  'em.  But  as 
I  only  had  orders  to  list  one  good  stout  company,  I  took 
'em  all  in  Dtnvningville,  for  I  rather  trust  myself  with 
one  hundred  ginuin  Downingville  boys,  than  five  hun- 
dred of  your  common  run.  I  took  the  supernumerary 
however,  when  I  got  to  Bangor.  The  editor  of  the 
Bangor  Republican  was  so  zea  ous  to  go,  and  said  he'd 
light  so  to  the  last  drop  of  his  blood,  that  I  could  n't 
help  taking  him,  so  I  appointed  him  supernumerary 
coi -poi-al.  Foui*1  fellow,  he  was  so  disappointed  when  he 
found  the  prisoners  were  out  that  he  fairly  cried  for 
vexation.  He's  for  having  me  go  right  on  now  and  give 
all  New  Brunswick  a  real  thrashing. 

But  [know  what   belongs  to  gineralship  better  than 

G  2 


7&  LETTERS  OF 

that;  I  have  n't  had  my  orders  yet.  Well,  after  we 
left  Bangor  we  had  a  dreadful  rough  and  tumble  sort  of 
a  journey,  over  rocks  and  mountains  and  rivers  and 
swamps  and  bogs  and  meadows,  and  through  long  pieces 
of  woods  that  I  didn't  know  as  we  shoulu  find  the  way 
out.  But  we  got  through  at  last,  and  arrived  here  at 
Madawaska  day  before  yesterday.  I  thought  I  better 
come  this  way  and  make  a  little  stop  at  Madawaska  to 
see  if  the  prisoners'  wives  and  little  ones  were  in  want 
of  any  thing  and  then  go  down  to  Fredericton  and  blow 
the  British  ski  high. 

When  our  company  first  came  out  in  sight  in  Mada- 
waska, they  thought  it  was  the  British  coming  to  catch 
some  more  of 'em;  and  such  a  scattering  and  scamper- 
ing I  guess  you  never  see.  The  men  flew  into  the 
woods  like  a  ilock  of  sheep  with  forty  dogs  after  'em, 
and  the  women  catched  their  babies  up  in  their  arms 
and  run?  from  one  house  to  another  screeching  and 
screaming  enough  to  make  the  woods  ring  again.  But 
when  they  found  out  we  were  United  States  troops 
come  to  help  'em,  you  never  see  any  body  so  glad. — 
They  all  cried  for  joy  then.  The  women  run  into  the. 
woods  and  called  to  their  husbands  to  come  back  again, 
for  there  was  nobody  there  that  would  hurt  them,  and 
back  they  came  and  treated  us  with  the  best  they  had  in 
(heir  houses.  And  while  we  sot  chatting,  before  the 
women  hardly  got  their  tears  wiped  up,  one  of  'em 
looked  up  towards  the  woods  and  screamed  out  there 
comes  the  prisoners.  Some  turned  pale  a  little,  think- 
ing it  might  be  their  ghost,  but  in  a  minute  in  they  come, 
as  good  flesh  and  blood  as  any  of  us,  and  then  the  wo- 
men had  another  good  crying  spell. 

1  asked  one  of  the  prisoners  how  they  got  away,  for 
1  thought  you  would  want  to  know  all  about  it;  and  says 
he  we  come  away  on  our  legs.  Did  you  break  out  of 
jail,  said  1?  1  guess  there  was  no  need  of  that,  said  he, 
for  we  want  locked  in  halt  the  time.  Dili  you  knock 
down  the  gu;ud,  said  I,  and  fight  your  way  out? — 
Humph  !    said  he,  I  guess  we  might  have  hunted  one 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  79 

while  before  we  could  find  a  guard  to  knock-  down. 
Nobody  seemed  to  take  any  care  of  us,  if  we  wanted  a 
drop  of  grog,  we  had  to  go  out  and  buy  it  ourselves. — 
Well  but,  said  I,  it  you  were  left  in  such  a  loose  stale 
as  that,  why  did  you  not  run  away  before?  Tut,  said 
he,  shrugging  up  his  shoulders,  I  guess  we  knew  what 
we  were  about;  the  longer  we  staid  there  the  more  land 
the  state  of  Maine  would  give  us  to  pay  us  for  being 
put  in  jail,  but  when  they  turned  us  out  of  jail,  and 
would  n't  keep  us  any  longer,  we  thought  we  might  as 
well  come  home. 

And  now,  my  good  old  sir,  since  matters  are  as  they 
are,  I  shall  take  up  my  head  quarters  here  at  Madawaska 
for  the  present,  and  wait  for  further  orders.  I  shall 
take  good  care  of  the  people  here,  and  keep  every  thing 
in  good  order,  and  not  allow  a  single  New  Brunswicker 
to  come  anywhere  within  gun-shot.  As  for  that  Lef- 
tenant  Governor,  Mr.  Archibald  Campbell,  he,  better 
keep  himself  scarce  ;  if  he  shows  his  head  here  again, 
I  shall  jest  put  him  into  a  meal  bag  and  send  him  to 
Washington.  I  shall  expect  to  hear  from  you  soon,  and 
as  l  shall  have  to  be  here  sometime,  I  dont  know  but  you 
had  better  send  me  on  a  little  more  money.  My  uni- 
form got  rather  shattered  coming  through  the  woods, 
and  it  will  cost  me  something  to  get  it  fixt  up  again. 

This  from  your  old  friend  and  humble  servant, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXI. 

Tht  Captain's  second  visit  to  the  Maine  Legislature, 
Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  4,    1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — Here  I  am  right  among  the 
Legidater  folks,  je^>t  as  I  used   to  be    down  there   to 


80  LETTEKS    OF 

Portland.  I  got  here  last  night  after  a  pretty  hard  jour- 
ney from  Madawaska,  rather  lame,  and  my  feet  and 
ears  froze  pretty  bad.  I  hope  I  shant  lose  any  of  'm, 
for  if  I  should  lose  my  feet  I  should  n't.  stand  much  of 
a  fag  with  the  British  down  there  to  Fredericton  in  case 
we  should  have  a  brush  with 'em.  And  all  my  hopes 
about  ever  being  President  of  the  United  States  de- 
pends on  the  woful  whipping  I'm  going  to  give  the  Brit- 
ish. And  I'm  afraid  1  should  n't  be  much  better  off  if 
I  should  lose  my  ears,  for  a  President  without  ears 
would  cut  rather  a  sorry  figure  there  to  Washington. 
I  sent  onto  the  old  President  to  see  if  he  would  let  me 
have  a  furlough  to  come  up  to  Augusta,  while  the  Le- 
gislates were  here,  for  I  thought  I  could  n't  stan  it 
without  being  here  to  see  how  they  get  along.  The 
President  said  he  did  n't  think  there  would  be  any 
fighting  down  to  Madawaska  before  the  spring  opens, 
so  he  diil  n't  care  if"  I  went.  I  jest  hobbled  into  the 
Legislater  to-day  to  see  'cm  chuse  officers;  but  I  have 
n't  any  time  to  tell  you  what  a  great  fine  house  they  've 
got  into.  I  believe  it  's  vastly  better  than  the  one  they 
had  to  Portland  though.  And  I  guess  there  '11  be  no 
stopping  the  wheels  of  government  this  year,  for  I  be- 
lieve they  have  got  the  h'.use  fixed  so  as  to  carry  the 
wheels  by  steam.  They  got  the  steam  up  before  I  went 
in,  and  it  was  so  thick  sometimes,  that  I  should  think 
the  wheels  might  go   like  a  buzz. 

They  told  me  there  was  a  good  many  new  members, 
and  a  good  many  more  of  'em,  than  there  was  last  year; 
so  I  did  n't  know  as  I  should  see  hardly  any  body  that 
I  knew.  But  I  never  was  more  agreeably  disappointed 
in  my  life  than  I  was  by  the  first  voice  I  heard  calling 
the  members  to  order. 

I  knew  it  as  quick  as  I  could  tell  the  fife  and  drum 
of  tny  own  company  at  Madawaska.  And  if  I  should 
hear  the  fife  and  drum  this  very  minute  it  would  n't 
give  a  pleasanter  thrill  to  my  feelings.  1  look'd  round 
and  sure  enough  there  was  the  sanely  honest  look*  and 
the  large  fleshy  figure,  of  my  old  friend  Mr.  Knowlton 


MAJOR     JACK    DOWNING.  81 

of  Montville,  hoklinga  broad  brimmed  hat  in  his  hand, 
and  calling  upon  the  great  jam  of  folks  to  come  to  or- 
der. I  could  n't  hardly  help  crowding  right  in  among 
'em  to  shake  hands  with  him,  I  was  so  glad  to  see  him. 
But  as  I  was  only  a  lobby  member  I  tho't  it  would  n't 
do. 

But  I  '11  tell  you  what  'it  is,  you  may  depend  upon 
the  business  going  off  glibb  here  this  winter;  for  hav- 
ing a  building  go  by  steam  and  Mr.  Knowlton  here  to 
drive  it,  it  ain't  all  the  Jaeksonites  and  Huntonites  in 
the  state  that  can  stop  it.  And  besides  I  cant  find  out 
as  yet  that  there  is  any  more  than  one  party  here;  it 
there  should  be  hereafter,  I  '11  let  you  know.  I  was 
glad  they  chose  Mr.  White  to  be  speaker,  for  he's  al- 
ways so  good  natured  and  uses  every  body  so  well,  I 
cant  help  liking  him.  I  have  n't  been  in  the  Sinnet 
yet,  but  they  say  Mr.  Dunlap  is  President.  I  was  in 
hopes  to  see  Elder  Hall  here  this  winter,  but  I  believe 
he  has  n't  come. 

Your  old  Friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER  XXXII. 

The  Legislative  proceedings  described. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  19,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

Mr  bear  old  Friend, — If  I  could  n't  write  to  you 
once  in  a  while,  I  don't  know  but  I  should  die.  When 
any  thing  has  kept  me  from  writing  two  or  three  weeks, 
I  get  in  such  a  taking  it  seems  as  though  I  should  split, 
and  the  only  way  I  can  get  relief  is  to  take  m7  pen  and 
go  at  it.  The  reason  why  you  have  n't  heard  from  me 
this  fortnight  past,  is  this  dreadful  furenza.     WVve  all 


82  LETTERS    OF 

got  it  here,  and  it's  nothing  but  cough,  cough,  the  whole 
time.  If  a  member  gets  up  to  speak,  they  all  cough  at 
him.  If  he  says  any  thing  that  they  like,  they  cough 
at  it;  and  if  he  says  any  thing  that  they  dont  like,  they 
cough  at  it  S<>  let  him  say  what  he  will  they  keep  a 
steady  stream  of  coughing.  I've  been  amost  sick  for  a 
week.  Some  days  1  want  hardly  able  to  set  up.  But 
I'm  getting  cleverly  now,  and  I  hope  I  shall  be  able  to 
let  you  hear  from  me  once  or  twice  a  week  during  the 
session. 

The  wheels  of  government  go  pretty  well  this  winter. 
Some  say  that  some  folks  have  tried  to  trig  rem  two  or 
three  times,  but  I  dont  hardly  think  that  is  the  case,  for 
they  havn't  been  stopt  once.  And,  as  I  said  in  my  last 
letter,  if  my  friend  Mr.  Knowlton  stands  as  foreman, 
and  keeps  his  broad  shoulders  to  the  wheels,  I  dont  be- 
lieve they  will  stop  this  winter.  By  the  way,  I  made 
a  little  small  mistake  about  Mr.  Knowlton's  hat.  I 
should  n't  have  thought  it  worth  while  to  mention  it 
again,  if  the  Augusta  Courier  of  this  morning  had  n't 
spoke  of  it  as  though  I  did  n't  mean  to  tell  the  truth. 
Now  you  know  Mr.  Editor,  1  wouldn't  be  guilty  of 
telling  a  falsehood  for  my  right  hand.  When  Mr. 
Knowlton  called  the  members  to  order  the  first  day  of 
the  session,  I  certainly  thought  I  saw  him  holding  in 
his  hand  a  broad  brimmed  white  hat.  It  might  be  my 
imagination,  remembering  how  he  used  to  look,  or  it 
might  possibly  be  the  hat  of  the  member  standing  by 
the  side  of  him,  for  I  was  a  good  ways  oft". 

I'm  pesky  Braid  the  general  government  may  settle 
that  hash  down  there  to  Madawaska  as  Mr.  Nether- 
lands that  they  left  out  to,  recommended.  If  they 
should  I'm  afraid  my  jig  would  be  up  about  fighting  a 
battle  very  soon,  or  getting  in  to  be  President. 

Our  party's  got  into  a  dreadful  kind  of  a  stew  here 
about  who  shall  be  next  Senator  to  Congress  and  one 
thing  or  another.  We've  got  into  such  a  snarl  about  it, 
I'm  afraid  we  never  shall  <>;et  unravelled  attain  without 
cutting  off"  the  tangles,  and  that  would  divide  us  so  we 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  83 

never  could  hold  together  in  the  world.  1  wrote  to  the 
Argus  yesterday,  to  be  sure  not  to  reply  to  the  Age  for 
its  ungentlemanly  remarks  about  Judge  Preble,  and 
hope  it  will  be  prudent  enough  to  follow  my  recommen- 
dation. We  must  try  to  hush  these  matters  up,  or  it 
'11  be  the  death  of  the  patty.  I've  had  a  serious  talk 
with  friend  Ruggles,  and  am  in  hopes  he'll  put  his  hand 
over  the  Thomaston  paper  and  not  let  it  belch  out  any 
thing  that  our  enemies  can  make  a  handle  of.  And  I 
guess  we  shall  have  a  caucus  and  try  to  put  a  cooler  on 
the  Bangor  Republican  and  the  Age. 

The  Legislaters  like  Augusta  considerable  well,  if 
it  did  n't  cost  'em  so  much  more  than  it  did  in  Port- 
land for  a  living.  Such  as  had  to  pay  two  dollars  and 
a  half  in  Portland  for  board  have  to  pay  three  and  four 
dollars  here.  When  I  was  in  Portland,  I  used  to  get 
boarded  for  seven  and  sixpence  a  week,  and  here  the 
cheapest  I  could  get  boarded  any  where,  was  ten  and 
sixpence.  i  he  Augusta  Courier  last  week  said  some- 
thing about  the  folks  here  giving  me  a  public  dinner.  I 
should  like  it  pretty  well,  for  1  have  rather  slim  dinners 
where  1  board. 

If  you  9ee  cousin  Sally,  I  wish  you'd  jest  ask  her  if 
she  has  time  before  and  after  school,  if  she'll  knit  me  a 
pair  of  footings  and  send  'em  up  by  the  stage-driver, 
for  mine  have  got  pretty  full  of  holes,  and  1  have  n't 
any  body  here  to  mend  'em. 

Your  old  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


84  LETTERS  OF 

LETTER  XXXIII. 

The  captain  suddenly  called  to  his  post  at  Madawaska. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  23,  1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  again. 

Dear  Friend, — The  more  I  write  to  you,  it  seems 
to  me  the  bettor  I  like  you.  I  believe  there  is  n't  but 
one  person  that  I  set  so  much  by,  and  that  is  Gineral 
Jackson,  who  was  so  kind  as  to  give  me  a  commission, 
and  let  me  have  spending  money  besides.  I  'in  pretty 
much  out  of  money  now,  and  the  man  that  I  board 
with  keeps  dunning  me  for  pay  ;  so  I  wish  you  would 
be  so  kind  as  t  -  send  me  four  or  five  dollars  till  I  get 
some  more  from  the  President.  I  writ  for  it  last  week, 
and  I  think  I  shall  get  it  in  a  few  days.  I  told  you  in 
my  last  letter,  if  I  got  over  the  furenza,  you  should 
hear  from  me  pretty  often.  I  'm  getting  nicely  again 
now.  I  dont  cough  more  than  once  in  five  minutes  or 
so,  and  my  toes  and  ears  that  were  froze  so  bad  com- 
ing up  from  Madawaska  are  nearly  healed  over.  All  1 
have  to  do  to  'em  now  is  jest  to  grease  'em  a  little  when 
I  go  to  bed  at  night  and  in  the  morning  when  1  get  up. 
I  have  to  keep  a  handkerchief  over  my  ears  yet  when 
I  go  out,  but  my  toes  are  so  well  I  dont  limp  hardly  a 
mite.  As  to  our  legislater  business  we  get  along  mid- 
dling well,  but  not  quite  so  fast  as  I  thought  we  should 
considerin  it  goes  by  steam.  One  reason  I  suppose  is 
because  Mr.  Knoulton  has  been  a  good  deal  unwell 
and  could  n't  take  hold  and  drive  it  right  in  end  as  he 
used  to.  But  he  's  got  better  now,  so  1  hope  the  wheels 
will  begin  to  buzz  again. 

About  the  quarrel  that  our  party's  got  into,  I  'm 
pesky  fraid  it  '11  blow  us  up  yet ;  and  I  don't  know 
what  we  shall  do  to  stop  it.  We  've  had  a  caucus  as 
I  told  you  we  should  in  my  last  letter,  and  tried  to 
hush  matters  up  as  well  as  we  could.    But  some  of  'em 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  85 

are  so  grouty,  I  expect  nothing  but  what  they  Ml  belch 
out  again. 

I  was  glad  the  Argus  took  my  advice  and  kept  back 
the  reply  to  the  Age. 

We  nad  a  little  bit  of  a  tussle  here  to  see  who  should 
be  appointed  agent  to  go  to  Washington  to  tell  the  pre- 
sident to  hold  on  to  the  territory  down  to  Madawaska. 
Mr.  Preble  and  Mr.  Deane  and  I  were  the  three  prin- 
cipal candidates.  Some  thought  Mr.  Preble  ought  to 
go  because  it  would  be  for  the  interest  of  the  republi- 
can party  ;  and  some  thought  Mr.  Deane  ought  to  go  be- 
cause he  had  been  down  there  a  good  deal  and  knew  all 
about  the  Madawaska  country ;  and  some  thought  I 
ought  to  go  because  I  had  been  down  there  the  last  of 
any  body,  and  because  I  was  such  good  friends  with  the 
President  I  should  be  likely  to  do  better  than  any  body 
else  could.  I  thought  my  claims  were  the  strongest, 
and  the  Governor  said  he  thought  so  too.  But  he  said 
as  aftkirs  now  stood  it  would  n't  do  to  appoint  any  body 
but  Mr.  Preble. 

And  besides  I  dont  know  as  I  ought  to  go  off  jest  now, 
for  I  had  a  letter  yesterday  from  one  of  my  subalterns 
down  to  Madawaska,  that  there  's  some  trouble  with  my 
company  there  :  some  of  the  Sarjeants  been  breaking 
orders,  &c.,and  I  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  go  down 
and  Court  Martial  'em. 

Your  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING 


H 


86  LETTERS  OF 

LETTER  XXXIV. 

His  return   o  Augusta — is  saved  from  being  frozen  to 
death  by  a  beards  skin. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Feb.  8,  1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

Here  I  be  again,  my  dear  friend,  right  back  on 
the  old  spot,  poking  about  the  Legislater  to  see  what's 
going  on,  and  to  help  take  care  the  interests  of  our 
party.  I  got  down  there  to  Madawaska  jest  in  the 
nick  of  time  ;  for  I  got  a  hoss  and  rid  day  and  night  ; 
and  it  was  well  I  did,  for  Sargant  Joel  had  got  so  out- 
rageous mad,  1  raly  believe  it  I  had  n't  got  there  the 
day  I  did,  he  would  have  strung  one' or  two  of 'em 
right  up  by  the  neck.  But  I  quashed  matters  at  once 
and  sot  'em  to  studyin  that  are  little  court  martial  book, 
and  told  'em  when  they  had  any  more  fuss,  they  must 
try  all  their  cases  by  that,  and  they  would  n't  find  any 
law  for  hanging  in  it. 

It's  dreadful  cold  down  thereto  Madawaska,I  froze 
my  toes  and  ears  agin,  a  little,  but  not  so  bad  as  I  did 
afore,  for  I  took  care  to  top  up  in  a  great  bear  skin.  I 
see  the  Legislater's  been  disputing  about  passing  a 
law  to  kill  off  all  the  bears  and  wolves  and  sich  kind 
of  critters. 

I  dont  know  whether  that's  a  good  plan  or  not.— 
There's  a  good  deal  might  be  said  on  both  sides. — 
Them  are  bears  are  pesky  mischievous.  I  heard  a 
story  while  I  was  gone,  but  I  dont  know  how  true  it  is, 
how  a  great  bear  chased  the  Councillor  that  the  Gover- 
nor sent  down  to  Frcderickton,  to  carry  provisions  to 
our  prisoners  in  jail  there.  Some  reckoned  the  bear 
smelt  the  bread  and  cheese  that  he  had  in  his  saddle 
bags,  and  so  took  after  him  to  get  some  of  it.  Hower- 
er,  the  Councillor  got  back  safe.     But  I  think  this  is 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  8, 

a  great  argument  in  favour  of  killing  off  ail  (lie  bears. 
And  on  the  other  hand,  I  believe  the  bear  !-.kin  was  all 
that  kept  me  from  freezing  to  death  going  to  Madawas- 
ka  t'other  day.  So  it  seems  we  ought  not  to  kill  'em 
quite  all  oft',  but  raise  enough  to  keep  us  in  bear  skins; 
for  I  suppose  my  life  would  be  worth  as  much  to  the 
State  as  the  Councillor's. 

I  feel  a  little  put  out  with  Dr.  Burnham  for  an  un- 
handsome running  he  gave  me  t'other  day  in  the  Sen- 
ate. He  called  me  an 'old  rogue.'  I  cant  swallow  that 
very  well ;  for  that's  a  character  I  never  bore  in  Down- 
ingville,  nor  Washington  nor  any  where  else.  He  was 
disputing  about  paying  Mr.  Deane  and  Mr.  Cawano  for 
going  to  Madawaska.  He  said  they  had  n't  ought  to 
pay  so  much,  for  if  they  went  on  at  this  rate,  next  thing 
that  old  rogue,  Capt.  Jack  Downing,  would  be  sending 
in  his  bill. 

But  he  need  n't  trouble  himself  about  that, -for  as 
long  as  I  have  President  Jackson  to  look  to  for  pay- 
master, I  dont  care  a  snap  about  sending  in  my  bills  to 
to  Legislater.  But  as  for  being  called  an  old  rogue,  I 
wont.  I  dont  mean  to  make  a  great  fuss  about  it  in  the 
papers,  as  the  Argus,  and  the  Age  did,  so  as  to  break  up 
the  harmony  of  the  republican  party.  But  if  Dr.  Burn- 
ham  dont  give  me  satisfaction,  I'll  call  a  caucus  of  the 
party  and  have  him  over  the  coals  and  du  him  over. 
Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


88  LETTERS    OF 

TETTER   XXXV. 

Tne  Captain  describes  the  manner  in  which  the,  Legis- 
lature makes  Lawyers. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  1st,  1 832. 

7 1>  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend, — 1  begin  to  feel  as  uneasy 
as  a  fish  out  of  water,  because  I  huvn't  writ  to  you  for 
most  two  weeks.  Now,  old  March  lias  come,  and 
found  us  digging  here  yet;  and  sometimes  I'm  most 
afraid  we  shall  be  found  digging  here,  when  we  ought 
to  be  at  home  digging  potatoes,  or  planting  of  'em  at 
least.  I've  been  waiting  now  above  a  week  for  the 
Legislater  to  do  something,  that  I  could  write  to  you 
about;  but  they  dont  seem  to  get  along  very  smart  late- 
ly. Sometimes  the  wheels  almost  stop;  and  then  they 
start  and  rumble  along  a  little  ways,  and  then  drag 
again.  I  dont  think  we  shall  get  through  before  some- 
time next  week,  if  we  do  before  week  arter.  These 
secret  sessions  take  up  a  good  deal  of  time.  I  dont  see 
what  in  natur  they  have  so  many  of  'em  for.  1  tried  to 
get  into  some  of  'em,  but  they  wouldn't  let  me;  they 
said  lobby  members  had  no  business  there,  and  shut 
the  door  right  in  my  face.  There's  one  kind  of  busi- 
ness though  that  they  carry  on  here  pretty  bri»k  lately, 
and  that  is  making  lawyers.  Some  days  they  make 
'em  almost  as  fast  as  uncle  Ephraim  used  to  make  sap- 
trau»hs;  and  I've  known  him  to  chop  oft*  and  hew  out 
two  in  fifteen  minutes. 

But  for  all  the  Legislater  can  make  "em  so  fast,  it  is 
as  much  as  evr  they  can  get  along  with  all  that  come 
and  want  to  be  made  over  into  lawyers.  And  'tother 
day,  when  the  law  committee  got  pretty  well  stuck, 
having  so  many  of  'em  on  hand,  a  new  batch  come. up, 
and  Mr.  Hall  of  your  town  moved  to  refer  them  to  the 
committee  on  manufactures.  This  is  a  capital  com- 
mittee  to  make    things,  and  I   havn't  heard    any  com- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING  89 

plaint  since,  but  what  they  can  turn  'em  out  as  fast  as 
they  come.  It  rather  puzzled  ine  at  first  to  know  what 
made  every  body  want  to  be  worked  over  into  lawyers; 
so  I  asked  one  of  'em  that  stood  waiting  round  here  a 
day  or  two,  to  be  put  into  the  hopper  and  ground  over, 
what  he  wanted  to  be  made  into  a  lawyer  for,?  And  he 
kind  of  looked  up  one  side  at  me,  and  give  me  a  know- 
ing wink,  and  says  he,  don't  you  know  that  the  law 
vers  get  all  the  fat  things  of  the  land,  and  eat  out  the 
insides  of  the  oisters,  and  give  the  shels  to  other  folks? 
And  if  a  man  wants  to  have  any  kind  of  an  office,  he 
can't  get  it  unless  he's  a  lawyer;  if  lie  wants  to  go  to 
the  Legislater,  he  can't  be  elected  without  he's  a  law- 
yer: and  if  he  wants  to  get  to  Congress,  he  cant  go 
without  he's  a  lawyer;  and  any  man  that  don't  get 
made  into  a  lawyer  as  fast  as  possible,  I  say,  is  a  fool. 
The  whole  truth  come  across  my  mind  then,  as  quick 
as  a  look,  why  it  was  that  I  spent  two  or  three  years  try- 
ing to  get  an  office,  and  couldn't  get  one.  It  was  be- 
cause I  wasn't  a  lawyer.  And  dont  believe  I  should 
have  got  an  office  to  this  day,  if  my  good  friend  Presi- 
dent Jackson  hadn't  found  out  I  was  a  brave  two  fisted 
chap,  and  just  the  boy  to  go  down  to  Madawaska  and 
flog  the  British. 

We've  agreed  unanimously  to  support  Governor 
Smith  for  re-election;  and  he'll  come  in  all  hollow,  1  -t 
the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  say  what  they  will 
about  it  Our  party  know  too  well  which  side  their 
bread  is  buttered,  to  think  of  being  split  up  this  heat. 
I  should  write  you  more  to  day,  but  I  feel  so  kind  of 
agitated  about  these  secret  sessions,  that  I  cant  hardly 
hold  my  pen  still.  I'm  a  little  afraid  they  are  intrigu- 
ing to  send  on  to  the  President  to  take  my  commis- 
sion away  from  me.  It  has  been  thrown  outto  me  that 
I  ought  to  be  down  to  Madawaska,  instead  of  being 
here  all  winter.  Some  have  hinted  to  me  that  Mr. 
Clifford  has  taken  a  mift'  against  me,  because  the  other 
day  when  he  was  chosen  Speaker  pro.  tern,  one  of  my 
friends  voted  for  me  ;  and  he  thinks  I  was  a  rival  can- 

H2 


90  LETTERS   OF    , 

didate,  and  means  to  have  me  turned  out  of  office  if  he 
can.  1  am  your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVI. 

The  Major's  troubles  on  learning  that  the  Legisla- 
tures'1 resolution  to  sell  Madawaska  to  the  general  go- 
vernment, to  be  bargained  to  the  Briish,  calculates 
by  figures  its  price — the  rage  of  his  men  on  learning 
that  they  would  have  no  fighting  before  -parting  with 
■  it. 

Madawaska,  State  of  Maine,  or  else  Great  Britain,  I 
dont  know  which,  March  12,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier — this  with  cart 
and  speed. 

My  dear  old  friend, — I  cleared  out  from  Augusta 
in  such  a  kind  of  a  whirlwind,  that  I  had  n't  time  to 
write  you  a  single  word  before  I  left.  And  I  feel  so 
kind  of  crazy  now,  I  dont  know  hardly  which  end  I 
stand  upon.  I've  had  a  good  many  head-flaws  and 
woniments  in  my  life  time,  and  been  in  a  great  many 
hobbles,  but  I  never,  in  all  my  born  days,met  with  any 
thing  that  puzzled  me  quite  so  bad  as  this  ere  selling 
out  down  here.  I  fite  in  the  1  egislater  as  long  as  fight- 
ing would  do  any  good,  that  is,  I  mean  in  the  caucus, 
for  they  would  n't  let  me  go  right  into  the  Legislater  in 
the  day  time  and  talk  to  'em  there,  because  1  was  only 
a  lobby  member.  But  jest  let  them  know  it,  lobby 
members  can  do  as  much  as  any  on  'em  on  sich  busi- 
ness as  this.  I  laid  it  down  to  'em  in  the  caucus  as 
well  as  I  could.  I  asked  'ein  if  they  did  n't  think  I 
should  look  like  a  pretty  fool,  after  marching  my  compa- 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  91 

ny  down  there,  and  standing  ready  all  winter  to  flog  the 
whole  British  nation  the  moment  any  on  'em  set  a  foot 
on  to  our  land,  if  I  should  now  have  to  march  back 
again  ami  give  up  the  land,  and  all,  without  flogging  a 
single  son-of-a-gun  of  'em.  But  they  said  it  was  no 
use,  it  could  n't  be  helped,  Mr.  Netherlands  had  given 
away  the  land  to  the  British,  and  the  President  had 
agreed  to  do  jest  as  Mr.  Netherlands  said  about  it,  and 
all  we  could  do  now  was  to  get  as  much  pay  for  it  as 
we  could. 

So  1  set  down  and  figured  it  up  a  little  to  see  how 
much  it  would  come  to,  for  I  used  to  cypher  to  the  rule 
of  three  when  I  went  to  school,  and  I  found  it  wmild 
come  to  a  pretty  round  sum.  There  was,  in  the  first 
place,  about  two  millions  of  acres  of  land.  This,  con- 
siderin  the  timber  there  was  on  it,  would  certainly  be 
worth  a  dollar  an  acre,  and  that  would  be  two  millions 
of  dollars.  Then  there  was  two  or  three  thousand  in- 
habitants, say  twenty -five  hundred  j  we  must  be  paid 
for  them  too,  and  how  much  are  they  worth  ?  I've  read 
in  the  newspapers  that  black  slaves  at  the  south,  sell 
for  three  or  four  hundred  dollars  apiece.  I  should 
think,  then,  that  white  ones,  ought  to  fetch  eight  hun- 
dred. This,  according  to  the  rule  of  three,  would  be 
two  hundred  thousand  dollars.  Then,  there's  the  pret- 
ty little  town  of  Madawaska  that  our  Legislater  made 
last  winter,  already  cut  and  dried  with  town  officers  all 
chosen,  and  every  thing  ready  for  the  British  to  use 
without  any  more  trouble.  We  ought  to  have  pay  for 
this  too,  and  I  should  think  it  was  worth  ten  thousand 
dollars. 

And  then  the  town  of  Madawaska  has  chosen  Mr. 
Lizote  to  be  a  representative  in  the  Legislater,  and  as 
the  British  can  take  him  right  into  the  Parliament 
without  choosing  him  over  again,  they  ought  to  pay  us 
for  that  too.  Now  I  have  read  in  the  newspapers  thaf 
it  sometimes  costs,  in  England,  two  hundred  thousand 
dollars  to  choose  a  representative  to  Parliament,  reck- 
oning all  the  grog  they   drink   and  all  the  money  they 


92  LETTERS  OF 

pay  tor  votes.     But  I  wouldn't  be  screwing  about  it,  so 
I  put  Mr.   Lizote  down  at  one  hundred  thousand  dol- 
lars.    And  then  I  footed  up,  and  found  it  to  be, — 
For  land,  including  timber,  two  millions  of 

dollars,  $2,000,000 

For  inhabitants,  including  women  and  chil- 
dren, two  hundred  thousand  dollars,  200,000 
For  town  of  Madawaska,  officers   and   all, 

ten  thousand  dollars,  10,000 

For  Mr.  Lizote,  all  ready  to  go  to    Parlia- 
ment, one  hundred  thousand  dollars,  100,000 


Total,  $2,S10j000 

This  was  a  pretty  round  sum,  and  I  begun  to  think, 
come  to  divide  it  out,  it  would  be  a  slice  a-piece  worth 
having;  especially  if  we  did't  give  the  Feds  any  of  it, 
and  I  supposed  we  shouldn't  as  there  wasn't  any  of  'em 
there  in  the  caucus  to  help  to  see  about  it. 

'  In  this  view  of  the  subject,'  I  almost  made  up  my 
mind  that  we  ought  to  be  patriotic  enough  to  give  it 
up,  and  help  the  general  government  out  of  the  hobble 
they  had  got  into.  And  I  was  jest  agoing  to  get  up 
and  make  a  speech  and  tell  'em  so,  when  Mr.  McCrate 
of  Nobleborough,  and  Capt.  Smith  of  Westbrook,  two 
of  the  best  fellers  in  our  party,  came  along  and  see  what 
I  was  figuring  about,  and,  says  they,  Capt.  Downing, 
are  you  going  tc  sell  your  country?  In  a  minute  I 
felt  something  rise  up  in  my  throat,  that  felt  as  big  as 
an  ox -yoke.  As  soon  as  I  got  so  I  could  speak,  says 
I.  No,  never,  while  my  name  is  Jack  Downing,  or  my 
old  ride  can  carry  a  bullet.  They  declared  too,  that 
they  wouldn't  sell  out  to  the  general  government,  nor 
the  British,  nor  nobody  else.  And  we  stuck  it  out 
most  of  the  evening,  till  we  found  out  how  it  was  going, 
and  then  we  cleared  out,  and  as  soon  as  the  matter  was 
fairly  settled,  I  started  off  for  Madawaska;  for  I  was 
afraid  if  my  company  should  hear  of  it  before  I  got 
there,  it  would  make  a  blow  up  among  'em,  and  1  should 
have  to  court-martial  'em. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


When  I  first  told 'em  how  the  jig  was  up  with  us, 
that  the  British  were  going  to  have  the  land,  without 
any  fighting  about  it,  I  never  see  fellows  so  mad  before 
in  my  life,  unless  it  was  Major  Raton  at  Washington 
when  he  sot  out  to  flog  Mr.  Ingham.  They  said  if 
they  could  only  have  had  one  good  battle,  they  wouldn't 
eare  a  snap  about  it,  but  to  be  played  tom-fool  with  in 
this  way  they  wouldn't  bear  it.  They  were  so  mad, 
they  hopped  right  up  and  down,  and  declared  they 
never  would  go  back  till  they  had  been  over  to  Fred- 
ericton  and  pulled  the  jail  down,  or  thrashed  some  of 
the  New  Brunswick  boys.  But,  after  a  while,  I  paci- 
fied 'em  by  telling  'cm  if  we  didn't  get  a  chance  to 
fight  here,  I  rather  thought  we  might  awav  oft' to  Geor- 
gia,  for  there  was  something  of  a  bobbery  kicking  up, 
and  if  the  President  should  want  troops  to  go  on  there, 
I  was  very  sure  my  company  would  be.one  of  the  first 
he  would  send  for. 

So  here  we  are,  lying  upon  our  arms,  not  knowing 
what  to  do.  I  have  written  to  the  President,  and  hope 
to  hear  from  him  soon.  If  the  land  is  to  go,  I  want  to 
know  it  in  season  to  get  off  before  it's  all  over  5  for  I'll 
be  hanged  if  ever  I'll  belong  to  the  British. 
Your  distrest  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVII. 

The  office  of  Mayor  of  Portland  offered  to  Capt.  Down- 
ing and  declined. 

Portland,  State  of  Maine,  April  fO,  1832. 

To  the  citizens  of  Portland. 

When  I  arrived  in  this  city,  last  night,  from  Mada- 
waska,jest  after  the  hubbub  was  over  about  the  election. 


94  LETTERS  OF 

I  was  informed  some  of  my  friends  in  Ward  No.  7,  had 
voted  for  me  for  Mayor.  I  believe  the  votes  are  put  in 
the  papers  long  with  the  scattering  votes,  as  I  see  they 
dont  publish  my  name. 

Now  the  upshot  ont  is,  I  cant  take  that  are  office, 
I've  got  so  much  other  business  to  attend  to.  And  so  I 
take  this  opportunity  to  declare  that  1  absolutely  decline 
being  a  candidate.  I  have  a  great  regard  for  the  citizens 
of  Portland,  for  it  was  they  that  first  gave  me  a  boost 
up  towards  an  office,  and  I  should  be  very  glad  to  do 
any  tiling  for  'em  that  I  could;  but  I  must  beg  to  be 
excused  from  being  Mayor  this  year. 
I  am  with  respect, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXVIII. 

The  Captain's  account  of  a  confidential  conversation 
with  President  Jackson,  while  travelling  to  Tennessee. 

Washington  City,  October  20,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east 
in  the  State  of  Maine :  [0  dear,  seems  to  me  1  never 
shall  get  there  again.  ] 

My  dear  old  friend, — I  have  n't  done  any  thing 
this  three  months  that  seemed  so  natural  as  to  set  down 
and  write  to  you.  To  write  the  name  of  the  Portland 
Courier  raises  my  sperits  right  up.  I  makes  me  feel  as 
if  I  was  again  talking  with»you,  and  uncle  Joshua,  and 
cousin  Epliraim,  and  cousin  Nabby,  and  ant  Sally,  and 
all  of  'em.  I  and  President  Jackson  got  back  here  yes- 
terday from  Tennessee,  where  we've  been  gone  most  all 
summer.     And  a  long  journey  we've  had  ot  it  too.     I 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  95 

thought  that  from  here  to  Portland  was  a  dreadful  ways, 
but  it's  a  great  deal  further  to  Tennessee.  I  did  n't 
think  before  that  our  country  was  half  so  large  as  I  find 
it  is.  It  seems  as  if  there  was  no  end  to  it;  for  when 
we  got  clear  to  Tennessee  the  President  said  we  want 
half  way  acrostit.  I  could  n't  hardly  believe  him,  but 
he  stood  tu  it  we  want.  Why,  says  he,  Jack,  I've  got 
the  largest  country  in  the  world,  and  the  hardest  to  gov- 
ern tu.  Say  what  you  will  of  free  governments,  where 
folks  will  act  pretty  much  as  they  are  a  mind  to,  it's  the 
hardest  work  to  administer  it  that  ever  I  did.  I  had 
rather  fight  forty  New  ^Orleans  battles  than  to  govern 
this  everlasting  great  country  one  year.  There  are  so 
many,  you  see,  want  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pye,  it's  the 
most  difficult  business  you  can  imagine.  You  thought 
you  had  a  tough  lime  of  it,  Jack,  to  take  care  of  them 
are  small  matters  down  to  Madawaska  last  winter,  with 
your  brave  company  of  Downingville  boys.  But  that's 
no  more  than  a  drop  in  the  bucket  to  being  President 
one  month.  I  tell  you,  Jack,  there  is  n't  a  monarch  in 
Europe  who  has  so  hard  a  time  of  it  as  I  have.  There 
are  so  many  cooks,  the  broth  most  always  comes  out 
rather  bad.  If  I  have  to  write  a  message,  one  must  put 
in  a  sentence,  and  another  a  sentence,  and  another,  till 
it  gets  so  at  last  I  can't  hardly  tell  whether  I've  written 
any  of  it  myself  or  not.  And  sometimes  I  have  a  good 
mind  to  throw  it  all  in  the  fire  and  say  nothing  at  all. 
But  then  again  that  wont  do,  for  since  I 've  undertaken 
to  be  President,  I  must  go  through  with  it.  And  then 
there  was  such  a  pulling  and  hauling  for  offices  along  in 
the  outset,  it  seemed  as  though  they  would  pull  me  to 
pieces.  If  I  gave  an  office  to  one,  Mr.  Ingham  or  Mr. 
Branch  would  be  mad,  and  if  I  gave  it  to  another  Mr. 
Van  Buren  would  n't  like  it,  and  if  I  gave  it  to  another, 
perhaps  Mrs.  Eaton  would  make  a  plaguy  fuss  about  it. 
One  wanted  me  to  do  this  thing  and  another  wanted  me 
to  do  that:  and  it  was  nothing  but  quarrel  the  whole 
time.  At  last  Mr.  Van  Buren  said  he'd  resign,  if  I 
would  turn  the   rest  out.     So   I  made   a   scattering 


96  LETTERS^   OF 

among  'em  and  turned  'em  all  out  in  a  heap.  All  but 
Mr.  Lewis  and  Mr.  Kendall  who  staid  to  give  me 
their  friendly  advice  and  help  me  through  my  trying 
difficulties. 

And  then  again  to  be  so  slandered  as  I  have  been  in 
the  papers,  it  is  enough  to  wear  the  patience  of  Job  out. 
And  it  I  got  a  little  angry  at  the  contrariness  of  the 
Senate,  they  must  needs  call  me  a  'roaring  lion,'  the 
rascals.  But  that  Senate  did  use  me  shamefully.  The 
very  best  nominations  1  made,  they  always  rejected.  To 
think  the  stupid  heads  should  reject  Mr.  Van  Buren,  de- 
cidedly the  greatest  man  in  the  country,  it  was  too  pro- 
voking. Yes,  Mr.  Van  Bureu  is  the  first  man  in  this 
country,  and  jest  betw  en  you  and  me,  Jack,  he's  the 
only  man  in  it  that  is  well  qualified  to  succeed  me  in  the 
government  of  this  great  nation  of  t\\  enty-four  republics. 
And  he  must  come  in  too,  or  the  country  wont  be  worth 
a  stiver,  much  longer.  There's  Clay,  he  would  make 
pretty  work  of  it,  if  he  should  come  in.  Why,  Jack, 
he  would  gamble  one  half  of  the  country  away  in  two 
years,  and  spend  the  other  half  in  digging  Canals  and 
building  rail-roads;  and  when  the  funds  in  the  Treas- 
ury failed  he  would  go  to  the  United  States  Bank  and 
get  more. 

Calhoun  would  break  the  Union  to  pieces  in  three 
months  if  he  was  President.  He's  trying  all  he  can 
now  to  tear  oft' something  of  a  slice  from  it  at  the  south. 
And  as  for  Wirt,  he's  a  fiddling  away  with  the  Anti- 
masons.  Letting  Anti-masonry  alone,  he'sa^retty  good 
sort  of  a  man;  but  he  has  n't  energy  enough  to  steer  our 
crazy  ship  of  state  in  these  stormy  times.  1  would  sooner 
trust  it  iti  the  hands  of  Mrs.  Eaton  than  him.  There's 
no  one  fit  for  it  but  Mr.  Van  Buren;  and  if  it  was  not 
for  getting  him  in  1  would  n't  have  consented  to  stand 
for  another  term. 

But,  my  dear  friend,  by  stopping  to  tell  you  some  of 
the  conversation  I  and  the  President  had  along  the  road, 
1  have  almost  forgot  to  tell  you  any  thing  about  myself 
and  the  thousand  things  I  met  with  on  iny  journey.  But 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWVING. 


97 


1  can't  write  any  more  to-day.  I  expect  to  start  from 
here  on  Monday  on  my  way  to  Portland.  You  may  hear 
from  me  a  few  times  before  I  get  there,  as  I  shall  stop 
along  by  the  way  some  to  see  how  matters  go  in  Penn- 
sylvany  and  New  York. 

If  you  have  a  chance,  send  my  love  to  all  my  folks 
up  at  Downingville,  and  tell  'em  old  Jack  is  alive  and 
hearty. 

I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIX. 

The  Captain's  account  of  his  having  run  express 
from  Baltimore  to  Washington,  with  news  from 
Pennsylvania,  His  interruptions  by  Gales  and  Buff 
Green,  and  Ms  reception  of  and  protection  by  the 


Presiderd. 


Washington  City,  Nov.  5, 1832. 


To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  2d  story,  eastern  side,  Fore  Street,  Portland,  away 
down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend. — Here  I  am  back  again  to 
Washington,  though  I've  been  as  far  as  Baltimore  on 
my  way  down  east  to  see  you  and  the  rest  of  my  uncles 
and  aunts  and  couzins.  And  what  do  you  think  I 
posted  back  to  Washington  for?  I  can  tell  you.  When 
I  got  to  Baltimore  I  met  an  express  coming  on  full 
chisel  from  Philadelphy,  to  carry  the  news  to  Wash- 
ington that  Pennsylvania  had  gone  all  hollow  for  old 
Hickory's  second  election.  The  poor  fellow  that  was 
carrying  it  had  got  out  of  breath,  that  he  declared  he 
couldn't  go  no  further  if  the  Presidient  never  heard 
of  it. 

I 


98 


LETTERS   OF 


Well,  thinks  I,   it  will  be  worth  a  journey  back  to 

Washington,   jest  to  see  the  old  gineral's  eyes  strike 
fire  when   he  hears   of  it.     So  says  I,  I'll   take  it  and 
carry  it  on  for  you  if  you  are  a  mind  to.     He  kind  of 
hesitated  at  first,  and   was  afraid  I   might  play  a  trick 
upon  him?  but  when  he   found  out  my  name  was,-Jack 
Downing,  he  jumped  oft*  his  horse  quick  enough;   I'll 
trust  it  with  you,  says  he,  as  quick  as  1  would  with  the 
President  himself.     So  1  jumped  on  and   whipped  up. 
And  sure  enough,  as  true  as  you  are  alive,  I  did  get  to 
Washington  before   dark,  though  I  had  but  three  hours 
to  go  it    in,  and   its   nearly  forty   miles.     It  was  the 
smartest  horse  that  ever  1  backed,  except  one  that  be- 
longs to  the  President.     But,  poor  fellow,  he's  so  done 
tu  1  guess  he'll  never  run  another  express.     Jest  before 
I  got  to  Washington,  say  about  two  miles  from  the  city, 
the  poor   fellow    keeled  up   and  could    n't  go  another 
step.     I  had  lost  my  hat  on  the  way  anri  was  too  much 
in  a  hurry   to  pick    it  up,  and  he  had    thrown   me  off' 
twice  and   torn  my  coat    pre  ty  bad,   so  that  I  did  n't 
look  very  trig  to  go  through  the  city   or   to  the  Presi- 
dent's house.     But  notwithstanding,  1  knew  the  Pres- 
ident would   overlook  it,  consideiin  the  business  1  was 
coming  upon  ,  so  I  catched  the  express  and  pulled  foot, 
right  through   Pennsylvania  Avenue,  without  any  hat, 
and  torn  coat  sleeves  and  coat  tail  flying.     The  stage 
offered    to   carry  me,   but  I  thought  I   wouldn't   stop 
for  it. 

Almost  the  first  person  I  met  was  Mr.  Duff  Green. 
Says  he,  Capt.  Downing,  what's  the  matter?  I  held 
up  the  express  and  shook  it  at  him,  but  never  ansv\ered 
him  a  word,  and  pulled  on.  He  turned  and  walked  as 
fast  as  he  could  without  running,  and  followed  me. 
Pretty  soon  1  met  Mr.  Gales  of  the  Intelligence.,  and 
•ays  he,  for  mercy  sake,  Captain  Downing,  what's  the 
matter?  Have  you  been  chased  b\  a  wolf,  or  Governor 
Houston,  or  have  you  got  news  from  Pennsylvania? — 
1  did  n't  turn  to  the  right  nor  left,  but  shook  the  ex- 
press at  him  and  run  like  wild-fire. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  99 

When  I  came  up  to  the  President's  house,  the  old 
gentleman  was  standing  in  the  door.  He  stepped  quick- 
er than  I  ever  see  him  before,  and  met  me  at  the  gate. 
Says  he,  my  dear  friend  Downing,  what's  the  matter  ? 
Has  the  United  States  Bank  been  trying  to  bribe  you, 
a^id  you  are  trying  to  run  away  from  'em?  They  may 
buy  over  Webster  and  Clay  and  such  trash,  but  1  knew 
if  they  touched  you  they  would  get  the  wrong  pig  by 
the  ear.  As  he  said  this,  Duff'  Green  hove  in  sight, 
puffing  and  blowing,  full  speed. 

Oh,  said  the  President,  Duff*  Green  wants  to  have  a 
lick  at  you,  does  lie?  .  Well  dont  retreat  another  step, 
Mr.  Downing,  I'll  stand  between  you  and  harm.  Upon 
that  he  called  his  boy  and  told  him  to  bring  his  pistols 
in  a  moment.  By  this  time  I  made  out  to  get  breath 
enough  jest  to  say  Pennsylvany,  and  to  shake  the  ex- 
press at  him.  The  old  man's  colour  changed  in  a  min- 
ute. Says  he,  come  in,  Mr.  Downing,  come  in,  set 
down,  dont  say  a  word  to  Duff'.  So  in  we  went,  and 
shut  the  door.  Now,  says  the  President,  looking  as 
though  he  would  rout  a  regiment  in  five  minutes,  now 
speak  and  let  me  know  whether  I  am  a  dead  man  or 
alive. 

Gineral,  says  I,  its  all  over  with 1  wont  hear  a 

word  of  it,  says  he,  stomping  his  foot.  His  eyes  flash- 
ed fire,  so  £hat  I  trembled  and  almost  fell  backwards. 
But  I  see  he  did  n't  understand  me.  Dear  gineral, 
says  I,  its  all  over  with  Clay  and  the  Bank — at  that  he 
clapt  his  hands  and  jumped  up  like  a  boy.  I  never  see 
the  President  jump  before,  as  much  as  I've  been  ac- 
quainted with  him.  In  less  than  a  minute  he  looked 
entirely  like  another  man.  His  eyes  were  as  calm  and 
as  bright  as  the  moon  jest  coming  out  from  behind  a 
black  thunder  cloud. 

He  clenched  my  hand  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I 
did  n*t  know  but  he  would  pull  it  off.  Says  he,  Jack, 
I  knew  Pennsylvany  never  would  desert  me,  and  if  she 
has  gone  for  me  I'm  safe.  And  now  if  I  dont  make 
them  are  Bank  chaps  hug   it,  my  name  is  n't  Andrew 


100  LETTERS    OF 

Jackson.  And  after  all,  Jack,  I  aint  so  glad  on  my 
own  account,  that  I'm  re-elected,  as  I  am  tor  the  coun- 
try and  Mr.  Van  Buren's  account;  and  we  shall  get 
him  in  now  to  be  President  after  me.  And  you  know, 
Jack,  that  he's  the  only  man  after  me,  that's  fit  to  gov- 
ern tliis  count ry. 

The  President  has  made  me  promise  to  stop  and 
spend  the  night  with  him,  and  help  him  rejoice  over  the 
victory.  But  I  have  n't  time  to  write  any  more  before 
the  mail   goes. 

Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  BOWING. 


LETTER  XL. 

The  captain  commissioned  as  Major,  ami  appointed  tv 
march  against  the  nidUfiers. 

Washington  City,  Dec.  8,  1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  Portland, 
away  down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  df.ar.  old  Friend. — I  believe  the  last  time  I 
wrote  to  )rou,  was  when  I  come  back  with  the  express 
from  Baltimore,  and  Duft'  Green  chased  me  so  through 
the  street  to  find  out  what  I  was  bringing,  and  the  Pre- 
sident thought  he  was  running  to  get  a  Hck  at  me,  and 
called  for  his  pistols  to  stand  between  me  and  harm, 
you  know.  Well,  I  intended  to  tur:*  right  about  again 
after  I  hid  made  the  old  gentleman's  heart  jump  up  by 
telling  him  that  he  had  got  Pennsylvany  and  would  be 
elected  as  sure  as  eggs  was  bacon,  and  make  the  best  of 
my  way  towards  Portland.  For  you  cant  think  how  I 
long  to  see  you  and  uncle  Joshua  and  ant  Kesiah  and 
cousin  Ephraim  and  cousin   Nabby  and  all  the  rest  of 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  101 

the  dear  souls  up  in  Downingville.  It  seems  as  though 
it  was  six  years  instead  of  six  months  since  I  left  that 
part  of  the  country,  and  when  I  shall  be  able  to  get  back 
again  is  more  than  I  can  te  i  now  ;  for  I  find  when  a 
man  once  gets  into  public  life  he  never  can  say  his 
time  is  his  own  ;  he  must  always  stand  ready  to  go 
where  his  country  calls.  The  long  and  the  short  of  it 
is,  the  President  has  got  so  many  other  fish  for  me  to 
fry,  it's  no  use  for  me  to  think  of  going  home  yet. 
That  evening  after  I  got  back  with  the  express,  the  pre- 
sident said  we  must  honor  this  victory  in  Pennsylvany 
with  a  glass  of  wine.  I  am  sure,  said  he,  Capt.  Down- 
ing, you  will  have  no  objection  to  take  a  glass  with  me 
on  this  joyful  occasion.  I  told  him,  as  for  that  matter, 
I  supposed  I  cftuld  take  a  glass  of  wine  upon  a  pinch, 
even  if  the  occasion  was  not  half  so  joyful.  So  he  had 
two  or  three  bottles  full  brought  in,  and  filled  up  the 
glasses.  And  now,  says  the  president,  I  will  give  you 
a  toast.  The  state  of  Pennsylvania,  the  most  patriotic 
state  in  the  Union  5  for  though  I  go  against  all  her 
great  public  interests,  still  she  votes  for  me  by  an  over- 
whelming majority- 
He  then  called  for  my  toast.  And  what  could  I 
give  but  my  near  native  Downingville  ;  the  most  gi- 
nuin  unwavering  democratic  republican  town  in  New 
England. 

Good,  said  the  president  ;  and  that  Do\y$ffligville  has 
never  been  rewarded  yet.  You  shall  have  a  post  office 
established  there,  and  name  t  >  me  which  of  your  friends 
you  would  like  should  be  post-master,  and  he  shall  be 
appointed,    f 

The  president  then  gave  his  second  toast  ;  Martin 
Van  Buren,  the  next  president  of  the  United  St  tes, 
and  the  only  man  in  the  country  that  is  fit  for  it.  Capt. 
Downing,  your  toast  if  you  please.  So  I  gave  Uncle 
Josiiua  Downing,  the  most  thorough  going  republican 
in  Downingville. 

Good,  said  the  president,  I  understand  you,  Captain 
Downing  ;  your  uncle  Joshua  shall  have  the  post  office. 

2  1 


102  LETTERS    OF 

His  third  toast  was  the  editor  of  the  Washington 
G.obe  ;  and  mine  was  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 
But  I  told  him  he  mustn't  ask  me  for  any  more  toasts, 
for  that  was  as  fur  as  I  could  go. 

The  president  toasted  several  more  <jf  his  friends, 
sich  as  i^'ajor  Eaton,  and  Mr.  Kendall,  and  Mr.  Lewis, 
and  the  Hon.  Isaac  Hill,  and  so  on,  till  it  got  to  be 
pretty  late  in  the  evening,  and  I  told  the  president  I 
would  be  glad  it  lie  would  excuse  me,  for  I  wanted  to 
6tart  early  in  the  morning  on  my  way  down  East,  and 
I  thought  I  should  feel  better  if  I  could  get  a  little  nap 
first.  And  besides  I  had  got  to  go  and  get  the  old  lady 
that  used  to  do  my  washing  and  mending,  to  patch  up 
my  coat  that  got  such  a  terrible  shipwreck  by  being 
thrown  oft' the  horse  with  the  express.     . 

Start  down  East  to-morrow  morning,  Capt.  Downing, 
said  he,  you  must  not  think  of  it.  I  Have  an  important 
and  delicate  job  on  hand  which  I  cant  get  along  with 
very  well  without  your  assistance.  There's  that  mise- 
rable ambitious  Calhoun  has  been  trying  this  dozen 
years  to  be  president  of  the  United  States  ;  but  he  can't 
make  out,  so  now  he  is  determined  to  lop  oft' a  few  of 
the  southern  states  and  make  himself  president  of  them. 
But  if  he  don't  find  himself  mistaken  my  name  is  n't 
Andrew  Jackson.  As  he  said  this  he  started  up  on  his 
feet,  and  begun  to  march  across  the  floor  with  a  very 
soldier-like  step,  and  his  eyes  fairly  flashedtire.  No, 
said  he,  Capt.  Downing,  he  must  wait  till  somebody 
else  is  president  besides  me  before  he  can  do  that.  Let 
him  move  an  inch  by  force  in  this  business,  if  he  dares. 
1  Jll  chase  him  as  far  as  beyond  Tennessee  as  it  is  from 
here  there,  but  what  I'll  calcli  him  and  string  him  up  by 
the  neck  to  the  first  tree  I  can  find 

I  must  send  some  troops  out  there  to  South  Caroli  a 
to  reconnoitre  and  keep  matters  strait,  and  your  gallant 
defence  of  Madawaska  last  winter  points  you  out  as  the 
most  suitable  man  to  take  the  command.  I  shall  give 
you  a  major'*  commission  to-morrow,  and  wish  you  to 
enlist  two  or  three  companies  of  brave  volunteers  and 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  103 

hold  yourself  in  readiness  to  obey  orders.  In  case  we 
should  have  to  come  to  a  real  brush,  said  the  president, 
shall  take  command  myself,  and  make  you  lieutenant- 
general.  But  I  wish  you  to  bear  in  mind,  let  what  will 
come,  never  to  shoot  that  Calhoun.  Shooting  is  too 
good  for  him.  He  must  dance  upon  nothing,  with  a 
rope  round  his  neck. 

As  for  your  coat,  Capt.  Downing,  dont  trouble  the 
old  lady  with  it.  It  looks  as  though  it  had  seen  service 
enough  already.  I'll  give  you  one  of  mine  to  wear  till 
you  have  4ime  to  get  a  suit  of  regimentals  made.  I  told 
him  I  felt  a  little  uneasy  about  taking  the  command 
among  strangers,  unless  1  could  have  my  Downingville 
company  with  me.  Send  for  them,  said  the  president, 
by  all  means,  send  for  them.  There  are  no  troops 
equal  to  them  except  it  is  some  of  the  boys  from  Ten- 
nessee. So  I  shall  forthwith  send  orders  to  Sargeant 
Joel  to  march  'em  on  here.  As  I  am  to  have  my  com- 
mission to-morrow,  I  shall  venture  to  subscribe  myself 
your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIJ. 

Uncle  Joshua's  account  of  the  tussle  at  Downingville  in 
endeavouring  to  keep  the  Federalists  from  praising 
the  president's  anti-nullifyin g  Proclamation. 

Downingville,   State  of  Maine,  Dec.  27,  1832. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  City,  or  if  he  ia 
gone  to  South  Carolina  I  want  President  Jackson  to  send 
this  along  tu  him. 

My  dear  Nkffu,— r  We  had  almost  git;  you  up  for 
dead,  you  had  been  gone  so  long,  before  we  got  your 
letter  in  the  Portland  Courier  telling  how  you  had  been 
away   to   Tennessee   along   with   President  Jackson. 


104  LETTERS  OF 

Your  poor  mother  had  pined  away  so  that  she  had 
nothing  left,  seemingly,  but  skin  and  bones,  and  your 
cousin  Nabby  had  cried  her  eyes  half  out  of  her  head, 
poor  girl.  But  when  the  Portland  Courier  came  bring- 
ing that  are  letter  of  yourn,  Downingville  was  in  a 
complete  uproar  all  day.  Sargent  Joel  had  come  home 
from  Madawaskaand  dismissed  your  company,and  gone 
to  work  in  the  woods  chopping  wood.  But  as  soon  as 
he  heard  your  letter  had  come,  he  dropped  his  ax,  and  I 
dont  think  he's  touched  it  since  ;  and  he  put  on  his 
regimentals  and  scoured  up  the  old  piece  of  a  scythe 
that  he  used  to  have  for  a  sword,  and  stuck  it  into  his 
waistband,  and  strutted  about  as  big  as  a  major  gineral 
Your  mother  begun  to  pick  up  her  crums  immediately, 
and  has  been  growing  tat  ever  since.  And  Nabby  run 
about  from  house  to  house  like  a  crazy  bed-bug,  telling 
'em  Jack  was  alive  and  was  agoing  to  build  up  Downing- 
ville and  make  something  of  it  yet. 

We  got  your  last  letter  and  the  President's  Procla- 
mation both  together,  though  I  see  your  letter  was  writ- 
ten two  days  lirst.  That  proclamation  is  a  capital 
thing.  You  know  I've  made  politics  my  study  for  for- 
ty years,  and  I  must  say  it's  the  most  ginuin  republican 
thing  I  ever  come  acrost.  But  what  was  most  provok- 
ing about  it,  was,  all  the  old  federalists  in  town 
undertook  to  praise  it  tu.  Squire  Dudley,  you  know, 
was  always  a  federalist,  and  an  Ad  -ins  man  tu.  I  met 
him  the  next  day  after  the  Proclamation  come,  and  he 
was  chock  full  of  the  matter.  Says  he.  Mr.  Downing, 
that  Proclamation  is  jest  the  thing.  It's  the  true  con- 
stitutional doctrine.  We  all  support  the  President  in 
this  business  through  thick  and  thin. 

My  dander  began  to  rise,  and  1  could  n't  hold  inanv 
longer.  Says  I  squire  Dudley  shut  up  your  clack,  or 
I'll  knock  your  clam-shells  together  pretty  quick'  It's 
got  to  be  a  pretty  time  ot  day  indeed,  if,  after  we've 
worked  so  hard,  to  get  President  Jackson  in,  you  Fed- 
eralists are  going  to  undertake  to  praise  his  proclama- 
tion, as  much  as  though  he  was  your  own  President. — 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  105 

You've  a  right  to  grumble  and  find  fault  with  it  as  much 
as  you  like;  but  dont  let  me  hear  you  say  another  word 
in  favor  of  it,  if  you  do  I'll  make  daylight  shine  through 
you.  The  old  man  hauled  in  his  horns  and  marched 
off  looking  shamed  enough. 

The  next  day  we  concluded  to  have  a  public  meeting 
to  pass  resolutions  in  favor  of  the  Proclamation,  /was 
appointed  chairman.  The  federal  party  all  come  flock- 
ing round  and  wanted  to  come  in  and  help  praise  the 
President.  We  told  'em  no;  it  was  our  President,  and 
our  Proclamation,  and  they  must  keep  their  distance. 
So  we  shut  the  doors  and  went  on  with  our  resolutions. 
By  and  by  the  Federal  part}-  began  to  hurra  for  Jackson 
outside  the  house.  At  that  I  told  Sargent  Joel  and 
your  cousin  Ephraim  and  two  or  three  more  of  the 
young  democrats  to  go  out  and  clear  the  coast  of  them 
are  fellers.  And  they  went  out  and  Sargent  Joel  drew 
his  piece  of  a  scythe  and  went  at  'em  and  the  Federal- 
ists run  like  a  flock  of  sheep  with  a  dog  after  'em.  So 
we  finished  our  resolutions  without  getting  a  drop  of  fe- 
deralism mixed  with  'em,  and  sent  'em  on  to  the  Presi- 
dent by  Sargent  Joel.  He  got  his  company  together 
last  week,  and  they  filled  their  knapsacks  with  bread 
and  sasages  and  doe-nuts,  and  started  for  Washington 
according  to  your  orders. 

1  was  glad  to  see  that  hint  in  your  letter  about  a  post 
office  here.  We  need  one  very  much.  And  if  the 
President  should  think  I  ought  to  have  it,  being  I've 
always  been  such  a  good  friend  to  him,  why  you  know, 
Jack,  I'm  always  ready  to  serve  my  country. 
So  I  remain  your  loving  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.S.  If  the  President  should  n't  say  any  thing  more 
;:bout  the  post  office,  I  think  you  had  better  name  it  to 
him  again  before  you  go  to  South  Carolina;  for  if  any 
thing  shonld  happen  to  you  there,  he  might  never  do 
any  more  about  it. 


106  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XL1I. 

Sargent  Joel  with  his  company  arrives  at  ffashington. 
His  account  oj  Gtn.  Blair*&fraca  with  Buff  Green. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  4,  1833. 

To  my  dear  Cousin  Epliraim  Downing,  what  watches  the 
Legislates  at  Augusta,  away  down  east,  in  the  State  of 
Maine,  while  I  s!ay  here  and  look  arter  Congress  and  the 
President. 

Dear  Cousin, — Sargent  Joel  got  here  a  ay  before 
yesterday,  with  ray  hearty  old  company  of  Downiug- 
ville  boys,  that  went  down  to  Madawaska  with  me  last 
winter.  They  cut  rather  a  curious  figure  marching 
through  Pennsylvanv  Avenu.  One  half  of  'em  had 
worn  their  shoes  out  so  that  their  toes  stuck  out  like  the 
heads  of  so  many  young  tinkles,  and  t'other  half  had 
holes  through  their  knees  or  elbows,  and  Sargent  Joel 
marched  ahead  of  "em  swinging  his  piece  of  an  old 
scythe  for  a  sword,  and  inquiring  of  every  one  he  met 
for  Major  Jack  Downing.  They  all  told  him  to  keep 
along  till  he  got  to  the  President's  house,  which  was 
the  biggest  house  in  the  city  except  the  Congress  house, 
and  there  he  would  find  me.  1  and  the  President  were 
setting  by  the  window  in  the  great  east  room,  looking 
out,  and  talking  about  Mr.  Calhoun  and  soon,  when 
the  President  began  to  stare  as  though  he  saw  a  cata- 
mount. 

He  started  upon  his  feet,  and  says  he,  Major  Down- 
ing, if  my  eyes  dout  deceive  me  there's  Nullification 
now  coming  up  Pennsylvany  Avenu.  He  begun  to  call 
for  his  pistols, and  to  tell  his  men  to  fasten  up  the  doors 
when  I  looked  out,  and  I  knew  Joel's  strut  in  a  minit. 
Says  I,  dear  Gineral  that's  no  nullification,  but  it's 
what'll  put  a  stopper  on  nullification  pretty  quick  if  it 
once   gets  to  South  Carolina.     It's  my  Downingville 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  107 

Company  commanded  by  Sargent  Joe!.  At  that  the 
President  looked  more  pleased  than  I've  seen  him  be- 
fore since  he  got  the  news  of  the  vote  of  Pennsylvany. 
He  ordered  'em  into  the  east  room,  and  gave  'em  as 
much  as  they  could  eat  and  drink  of  the  best  "the  house 
affords.  He  has  found  quarters  for  'em  in  the  neigh- 
bourhood, and  says  we  must  be  ready  to  march  for  South 
Carolina  whenever  he  says  t\vs  word. 

But  I'll  tell  you  what 'tis,  cousin  Ephraim,  I  begin 
to  grow  a  little  kind  of  wamble  cropt  about  going  to 
South  Carolina,  arterall.  If  they've  got  many  such 
fellers  there  as  one  Gineral  Blair  there  is  here  from 
that  State,  I'd  sooner  take  iny  chance  in  the  woods 
forty  miles  above  Downin^ville,  righting  bears  and 
wolves  and  catamounts,  than  come  within  gun-shot  of 
one  of  these  Carolina  giants.  He 's  a  whaler  of  a  feller, 
as  big  as  any  two  men  in  Dawningville.  They  say  he 
weighs  over  three  hundred  pounds.  About  a  week 
a»o  he  met  Gineral  Duff  Green  in  the  street  and  he 
fell  afoul  of  him  with  a  great  club  and  knocked  him 
down,  and  broke  his  arm  and  beat  him  almost  to  death 
jest  because  he  got  mad  at  something  Mr.  Green  said 
in  his  paper.  And  what  makes  me  feel  more  skittish 
about  getting  into  the  hands  of  such  chaps,  is,  because 
he  says  he  could  n't  help  it.  He  says  all  his  friends 
persuaded  him  not  to  meddle  with  Gineral  Green,  and 
he  tried  as  hard  as  lie  could  to  let  him  alone,  but  he 
*  found  himself  unequal  to  the  effort.'  So  Green  like  to 
got  killed. 

The  folks  here  sot  out  to  carry  him  to  court  bout  it, 
but  he  said  he  would  n't  go,  and  so  he  armed  himself 
with  four  pistols  and  two  dirks  and  a  great  knife,  and 
said  he'd  shoot  the  first  man  that  touched  him.  Last 
night  he  went  to  the  Theatre  with  all  his  arms  and  cou- 
trements  about  him.  And  after  he  sot  there  a  spell, 
and  all  the  folks  were  looking  to  see  the  play  go  on,  he 
draws  out  one  of  his  pistols  anil  fires  it  at  the  players. 
Then  there  was  a  dreadful  uproar.  They  told  him  he 
must    clear  out  about  the  quickest.     But  he    said  if 


108  LETTERS    OF 

they'd  let  him  alone  he  \1  behave  like  a  gentleman.     So 
they  went  on  with  the  play  again. 

By  and  by  he  draws  out  another  pistol  and  points  it 
towards  the  players.  At  that  there  was  a  whole  parcel 
of  'em  seized  him  and  dragged  him  out  into  another 
room,  big  as  he  was.  But  pretty  soon  he  got  upon  his 
feet,  and  begun  to  rave  like  a  mad  ox.  He  pulled  oft' 
his  coat  and  threw  it  down,  and  declared  he  'd  fight  the 
whole  boodle  of  'em.  The  constables  were  all  so  fright- 
ened they  cut  and  run,  and  nobody  dared  to  go  a  near 
him,  till  he  got  cooled  down  a  little,  when  some  of  his 
friends  coaxed  him  away  to  a  tavern.  Now  as  for 
o-oing  to  South  Carolina  to  fight  such  chaps  as  these, 
I'd  sooner  let  nullification  go  to  grass  and  eat  mollen. 

Sargent  Joel  told  me  when  he  left  Downingvihe  you 
had  jest  got  loaded  up  with  apples  and  one  thing  another 
to  go  down  to  Augusta  to  peddle  'em  out ;  and  that 
you  was  a  going  to  stay  there  while  the  Legislater  folks 
were  there.  So  I  thought  it  would  be  a  good  plan  for 
you  and  I  to  write  to  one  another  about  once  a  week  or 
so,  how  matters  get  along. 

Give  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville  when- 
ever you  see  'em. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  1()9 

LETTER,  XLIII. 

The  Majors  opinion  about  Nullification,  and  his  sin- 
gular illustration  of  it. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  17,  1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down 
east  in  State  of  Maine. 

My  kind  and  dear  old  Friend,— The  President's 
Message  to  Congress  makes  cracking  work  here.  Mr. 
Calhoun  shows  his  teeth  like  a  lion.  Mr.  McDuffie  is 
cool  as  a  cowciunber,  though  they  say  he's  got  a  terrible 
tempest  inside  of  him,  that  he  '11  let  out  before  long. 
For  my  part  I  think  the  President's  Message  is  about 
right.  I  was  setting  with  the  President  in  the  east 
room  last  night,  chatting  about  one  thing  and  another, 
and  the  President  says  he,  Major  Downing,  have  you 
read  my  message  that  I  sent  to  Congress  to  day.  I 
told  him  I  had  n't.  Well,  says  he,  I  should  like  to 
have  you  read  it  and  give  me  your  opinion  upon  it.  So 
he  handed  it  to  me  and  I  sot  down  and  read  it  through. 

And  when  I  got  through,  now  says  I  Gineral  I'll  tell 
you  jest  what  [  think  of  this  ere  business.  When  I  was 
a  youngster  some  of  us  Downi:igville  boys  used  to  go 
down  to  Sebago  Pond  every  spring  and  hire  out  a  month 
or  two  rafting  logs  across  the  Pond.  And  one  time  I 
and  cousin  Ephraim,  and  Joel,  and  Bill  Johnson,  and 
two  or  three  more  of  us  had  each  a  whapping  great  log 
to  carry  across  the  Pond.  It  was  rather  a  windy  day 
anil  the  waves  kept  the  logs  bobbing  up  and  down  pretty 
considerable  bad,  so  we  agreed  to  bring  'em  alongside 
and  side  and  lash  'em  together  and  drive  some  thole-pins 
in  the  outermost  logs  and  row  'em  over  together.  We 
went  along  two  or  three  miles  pretty  well.  But  by  and 
by  Bill  Johnson  begun  to  complain.     He  was  always  an 

K 


110  LETTERS    OF 

uneasy  harumscarum  sort  of  a  chap.  Always  thought 
every  body  else  had  an  easier  time  than  he  had,  and 
when  he  was  a  boy,  always  used  to  be  complaining  that 
the  other  boys  had  more  butter  on  their  bread  than  he 
had.  Well,  Bill  was  rowing  on  the  leward  side,  and  he 
begun  to  fret  and  said  his  side  went  the  hardest,  and 
he  would  n't  give  us  any  peace  till  one  of  us  changed 
sides  with  him. 

Well  Bill  had  n't  rowed  but  a  little  ways  on  the  wind- 
ward side  before  he  began  to  fret  again,  and  declared 
that  side  went  harder  than  'tother,  and  he  would  n't 
touch  to  row  on  that  side  any  longer.  We  told  him  he 
had  his  choice,  and  he  should  n't  keep  changing  so.  But 
he  only  fretted  the  more  and  begun  to  get  mad.  At  last 
he  declared  if  we  didn't  change  with  him  in  five  minutes; 
he'd  cut  the  lashings  and  take  his  log  and  paddle  off 
alone.  And  before  we  had  hardly  time  to  turn  round, 
he  declared  the  five  minutes  were  out,  and  up  hatchet 
and  cut  the  lashings,  and  away  went  Bill  on  his  own  log, 
bobbing  and  rolling  about,  and  dancing  likea  monkey  to 
try  to  keep  on  the  upper  side.  The  rest  of  us  scrabbled 
to  as  well  as  we  could,  and  fastened  our  logs  together 
again,  though  we  had  a  tuft' match  for  it,  the  wind  blew 
so  hard.  Bill  had  n't  gone  but  a  little  ways  before  his 
log  begun  to  role  more  and  more,  and  by  and  by  in  he 
went  splash,  head  and  ears.  He  came  up  puffing  and 
blowing,  and  got  hold  of  the  log  and  tried  to  climb  up  on 
to  it,  but  the  more  he  tried  the  more  the  log  rolled;  and 
finding  it  would  be  gone  goose  with  him  pretty  soon  if 
he  staid  there,  he  begun  to  sing  out  like  a  loon  for  us  to 
come  and  take.  him.  We  asked  him  which  side  he  would 
row  if  we  would  take  his  log  into  the  raft  again.  O, 
says  Bill,  I'll  row  on  either  side  or  both  sides  if  you 
want  me  to,  if  you'll  only  come  and  help  me  before  1 
sink. 

But,  said  the  President  I  hope  you  did  n't  help  the 
foolish  rascal  out  till  he  got  a  pretty  good  soaking.  He 
got  soaked  enough  before  we  got  to  him,  says  I,  for  he 
was  jest  ready  to  sink  for  the  last  time,  and  our  logs 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  Ill 

come  pesky  near  getting  scattered,  and  if  they  had,  we 
should  all  gone  to  the  bottom  together.  And  now  Gin- 
eral,  this  is  jest  what  I  think:  if  you  let  South  Carolina 
cut  the  lashings  you'll  see  such  a  log-rolling  in  this 
country  as  you  never  see  yet.  The  old  Gineral  started 
up  and  marched  across  the  floor  like  a  boy.  Says  he, 
Major  Downing,  she  sha'nt  cut  the  lashings  while  my 
name  is  Andrew  Jackson.  Tell  Sargent  Joel  to  have 
his  company  sleep  on  their  arms  every  night.  I  told 
him  they  should  be  ready  at  a  moment's  warning. 

I  wish  you  would  jest  give  cousin  Ephraim  up  to  Au- 
gusta a  jog  to  know  why  he  dont  write  to  me  and  let  me 
know  how  the  Legislater  is  getting  along. 
I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLIV. 

Major   Downing's    account  of  political  promises,  and 
their  peculiar  value. 

Augusta,  State  of  Ma;ne,  Jan.  30,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  that  we  take  up  in 
Downingville;  dear  sir,  I  want  you  to  send  this  on  to  cousin 
Jack  to  Washington  City,  'cause  he  told  me  you  would 
send  it  and  not  charge  any  postage. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing. 

Dear  cousin  Jack,' — I  got  your  letter  some  time  ago, 
but  I  had  n't  time  to  answer  it  afore  now,  because  I  had 
to  go  back  up  to  Downingville  to  get  another  load  of 
apples.  These  Legislater  folks  cronch  apples  down  by 
the  wholesale  between  speeches,  and  sometimes  in  the 


1  12  LETTERS    OF 

middle  of  speeches  tu.  That  arternoon  that  Mr.  Clark 
spoke  all  day,  I  guess  1  sold  nigh  upon  a  half  a  bushel 
for  cash,  and  trusted  out.  most  three  pecks  besides.  The 
folks  up  to  Downingville  are  all  pretty  well,  only  your 
poor  old  mother:  she 's  got  the  reumatics  pretty  bad 
this  winter.  She  says  she  wishes  with  all  her  heart 
Jack  would  come  home,  and  not  think  of  going  to  South 
Carolina.  Ever  since  she  heard  about  Gineral  Blair 
she  cant  hardly  sleep  nights,  she  's  so  afraid  you  "11  get 
shot.  1  tell  her  there's  no  danger  of  you  as  long  as 
you  have  President  Jackson  one  side  of  you  and  Ser- 
gent  Joel  'tother. 

The  Legislater  is  jogging  along  here  pielty  well;  1 
guess  they  Ml  get  through  about  the  first  of  March,  if 
they  dont  have  too  many  boundary  questions  come 
along.  We  made  some  Major  Ginerals  here  'tother 
day,  and  I  tried  to  get  you  elected.  Not  because  I 
thought  you  cared  much  about  the  office  now,  but  jost 
for  the  honor  of  Downingville.  I  tried  most  all  the 
members,  and  thought  to  be  sure  you  would  come  in  as 
slick  as  greese.  For  about  forty  of  'em  told  me  they 
thought  it  belonged  to  you.  They  said  it  was  against 
their  principles  to  pledge  their  votes  to  any  body;  but 
they  whispered  in  my  ear  that  they  would  do  what  they 
could,  and  they  had  n't  scarcely  a  doubt  but  what  you'd 
be  elected.  Sixty  eight  of 'em  told  me  you  was  the 
best  man  for  it,  and  would  undoubtedly  be  chosen  as  a 
matter  of  course.  And  twentyfive  of 'em  promised  me 
right  up  and  down  by  the  crook  of  the  elbow,  that  they 
ivouhl  vote  for  yon. 

Well  Jack,  after  all  this,  you  did  n't  get  but  two 
vote  by  that  time  1  begun  to  think  it  was  n't  so  strange 
that  it  took  two  years  heard  fishing  before  you  could 
get  an    office. 

This  is  t he  mostdemocratic  Legislate!-  that  they  have 
ever  had  in  this  state  yet.  They  are  most  all  real  gin- 
uin  democrats,  and  they  give  Mr  Holmes  and  Mr 
Sprague  a  terrible  basting  for  being  federlists,  and  they 
have  turned  Mr  Holmes  out  and  put    Mr.  Shepley  in. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  115 

The  Legislater  is  talking  of  moving  the  seat  of  gov- 
ernment back  to  Portland  again.  They  say  it  will  be 
better  all  round.  They  wont  have  to  go  so  fur  through 
the  snow-drifts  to  their  boarding  houses,  and  wont  have 
to  pay  much  more  than  half  so  much  for  their  board. — 
And  here  they  have  to  pay  four  pence  apiece  every 
time  they  are  shaved  ',  but  in  Portland  they  can 
get  shaved  by  the  half  dozen  for  three  cents  apiece.  I 
hope  they  will  go,  for  I  can  get  more  for  my  apples  in 
Portland  than  I  can  here. 

P.  S.  Bill  Johnson  was  married  last  week,  and  he 
quarrelled  with  his  wife  the  very  next  day.  So  you  see 
he  is  the  same  old  sixpence  he  used  to  be.  He  says  he 
'11  send  a  petition  to  the  Legislater  to  be  divorced,  and 
he  declares  if  they  dont't  grant  it,  he  '11  cut  the  lashings 
as  he  did  once  on  the  raft  on  Sebago  Pond,  sink  or 
swim. 

N.  B.  Uncle  Joshua  wished  me  to  ask  you  to  ask  the 
President  about  ;that  post  office  again,  as  his  commis- 
sion has  n't  come  yet. 

I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


K  2 


114  LETTERS    OF 

LETTER  XLV. 

The  Major  ascends  to  the  top  of  Congress  house  and 
listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South  Caro- 
lina— he  converse*  with  the  president  about  the  ncivs- 
piapef  slanders. 

Washington  City,  Feb.  1,  1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street  away  down 
east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Friend. — This  is  nullification  day,  and 
it's  most  night,  and  I  aint  dead  yet,  and  hant  been 
shot  at  once  to-day.  I  got  up  this  morning  as  soon  as 
it  was  light,  and  went  out  and  looked  away  towards 
Houth  Carolina,  and  listened  as  hard  as  I  could  to  see 
if  I  could  hear  the  guns  crackin  and  the  cannons  roarin. 
But  it  was  all  still  as  a  mouse.  And  I've  been  up  top 
the  Congress  house  five  or  six  times  to-day.  and  listen- 
ed and  listened,  but  all  the  firing  I  could  hear  was  in- 
side the  Congress  house  itself,  where  the  members 
were  shooting  their  speeches  at  each  other.  I  had  my 
company  all  ready  this  morning  with  their  dinners  in 
their  napsacks,  to  start  as  quick  as  we  heard  a  single 
gun.  We  shant  go  till  we  hear  something  from  these 
milliners,  for  the  president  says  he  aint  agoing  to  begin 
the  scrape,  but  if  the  nullifiers  begin  it,  then  the  hard- 
est must  fend  off". 

Yesterday  a  friend  handed  me  a  couple  of  papers 
printed  at  Ilallowell  away  down  pretty  near  to  Au- 
gusta in  the  state  of  Maine,  called  the  American  Ad\o- 
cate,  and  I  found  something  in  'em  that  made  me  as 
mad  as  March  hair.  The  first  one  mentioned  that  Capt. 
Dow  was  chosen  mayor  of  Portland,  and  then  said,  he 
is  the  reputed  author  of  the  Jack  Downing  letters  that 
have  been  published  in  the  Portland  Courier.  The 
other  paper  that  was  printed  two  or  three  days  after- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  115 

wards,  said  Mr.  Dow  the  mayor  of  Portland  is  not  the 
author  of  Jack  Downing's  letters  ;  they  are  written  by 
Mr.  Seba  Smith,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 
Now,  Mr.  Editor,  my  good  old  friend,  is  n't  this  too 
bad  ?  I  have  n't  come  acrost  any  thing  that  made  me 
feel  so  wamblecropt  this  good  while.  Jest  as  if  Major 
Jack  Downing  could  n't  write  his  own  letters. 

I've  been  to  school,  put  it  altogether,  oft'  and  on, 
more  than  six  months  ,  and  though  I  say  it  myself,  I 
always  used  to  be  called  the  best  scholar  among  the 
boys  in  Downingville,  and  most  always  used  to  stand 
at  the  head  of  nay  class.  I'd  been  through  Webster's 
spelling-book  before  I  was  fifteen,  and  before  I  was 
twenty  I  could  cypher  to  the  rule  of  three.  And  now 
to  have  it  said  that  I  dont  write  my  own  letters,  is  too 
bad.  It's  what  1  call  a  rascally  s.iame.  I  was  so  boil- 
ing over  with  it  last  night,  that  I  could  n't  hold  in  ',  and 
so  I  took  the  papers  and  went  in  and  showed  them  to 
the  president.  1  always  go  to  the  president  when  I 
have  any  difficulty,  and  when  he  has  any  he  comes  to 
me  :  so  we  help  one  another  along  as  well  as  we  can. 
When  the  president  had  read  it,  says  he,  Major  Down- 
ing, it's  strange  to  see  how  this  world  is  given  to  lying. 
The  public  papers  are  beginning  to  slander  you  jest  as 
they  always  do  me.  I  have  n't  written  scarcely  a  pub- 
lic document  since  I've  been  president,  but  what  it's 
been  laid  oft'  to  Mr.  Van  Buren,  or  Mr.  McLane,  or 
Mr.  Livingston,  or  Mr.  Taney,  or  somebody  or  other. 
And  how  to  help  this  slanderous  business  I  dont  know. 
But  it's  too  provoking,  Major,  that's  certain.  Some- 
times I've  a  good  mind  to  make  Congress  pass  a  law 
that  every  editor  who  says  I  dont  write  my  proclama- 
tions and  messages,  or  that  you  dont  write  your  let- 
ters, shall  forfeit  his  press  and  types  ;  and  if  that 
dont  stop  him,  that  he  shall  be  strung  up  by  the 
neck  without  judge  or  jury. 

And  now,  Mr.  Editor,  I  wish  you  would  jest  give 
that  Hallowell  man  a  hint  to  mind  his  own  p's  and 
q's  in  future,  and  look  out  for  his  neck.     And  as  you 


116 


LETTERS    OF 


know  very  well  that  I    do    write    my  own  letters,  I 
would  thank  you  jest  to  tell  the  public  so. 
I  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING 


LETTER  XLVI. 

Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science  of  land  specula- 
tion. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March,  4,  1833. 

To  Major  jack  Downing,  at  President  Jackson's  hoitse 
in  Washington  City. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack, — The  Legislater  folks  have  all 
cleared  out.  to-day  one  arter  t'other  jest  like  a  flock  of 
sheep;  and  some  of 'em  have  left  me  in  the  lurch  tu,  for 
they  cleared  out  without  paying  me  for  my  apples. 
Some  of  'cm  went  oft'  in  my  debt  as  much  as  twenty 
cents,  and  some  ninepence,  and  a  shilling,  and  so  on. 
They  all  kept  telling  me  when  they  got  paid  oft",  they'd 
settle  up  with  me.  And  so  I  waited  with  patience  tiH 
they  adjourned,  and  thought  I  was  as  sure  of  my  money 
as  though  it  was  in  the  Bank, 

But.  my  patience,  when  they  did  adjourn,  such  a  hub- 
bub I  guess  you  never  see.  They  were  flying  about 
from  one  room  to  another,  like  so  many  pigeons  shot  in 
the  head.  They  run  into  Mr.  Harris'  room  and  clawed 
the  money  off  of  his  table,  hand  over  fist.  1  brustled  up 
to  some  of  'em,  and  tried  to  settle.  I  come  to  one  man 
that  owed  me  twelve  cents,  and  he  had  a  ninepence  in 
change,  but  he  would  n't  let  me  have  that,  because  he 
should  lose  a  half  cent.  So,  while  we  were  bothering 
about  it,  trying  to  get  it  changed,  the  first  I  knew  the 
rest  of  'em  had  got  their  money  in  their  pockets  and 
were  off'  like  a  shot,  some  of  'em  in  stages,  and  some  in 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  J  17 

sleighs,  and  some  footing  it.  I  out  and  followed  after 
'em,  but  'twas  no  use;  I  could  n't  catch  one  of  'em. 
And  as  for  my  money,  and  apples  tu,  I  guess  I  shall 
have  to  whistle  for  'em  now.  Its  pesky  hard,  for  I  owe 
tour  and  sixpence  here  yet  for  my  board,  and  I've  paid 
away  every  cent  I  've  got  for  my  apples,  and  dont  know 
but  I  shall  have  to  come  down  with  another  load  to  clear 
out  my  expenses.  Howsomever,  you  know  uncle  Joshua 
always  told  us  never  to  cry  for  spilt  milk,  so  1  mean  to 
hold  my  head  up  jet. 

I  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  give  up  retailing  ap- 
ples, I  meet  with  so  many  head-flaws  about  it.  I  was 
thinking  that,  soon  as  the  Legislater  adjourned,  I'd  take 
a  load  of  apples  and  apple-sass,  and  a  few  sassages,  and 
come  on  to  Washington,  and  go  long  with  your  company 
to  South  Carolina.  But  they  say  Mr.  Clay  has  put  a 
stopper  on  that  nullification  business,  so  that  its  ten 
chances  to  one  you  wont  have  to  go. 

I  dont  care  so  much  about  the  apple  business  after  all; 
for  I've  found  out  a  way  to  get  rich  forty  times  as  fast 
as  I  can  by  retailing  apples,  or  as  you  can  by  hunting 
after  an  office.  And  I  advise  you  to  come  right  home, 
as  quick  as  you  can  come.  Here's  a  business  going  on 
here  that  you  can  get  rich  bv,  ten  times  as  quick  as  you 
can  in  any  office,  even  if  you  should  get  to  be  President. 
The  President  dont  have  but  twenty -five  thousand  dol- 
lars a  year;  but  in  this  ere  business  that's  goin  on  here, 
a  man  can  make  twenty -five  thousand  dollars  in  a  week 
if  he's  a  mind  to,  and  not  work  hard  neither. 

I  spose  by  this  time  you  be«in  to  feel  rather  in  a 
pucker  to  know  what  this  business  is.  I'll  tell  you:  but 
you  must  keep  it  to  yourself,  for  if  all  them  are 
Washington  folks  and  Congress  folks  should  come  on 
here  and  go  to  dipping  into  it, I'm  afraid  they'd  cut  us  all 
out.  But  between  you  and  me,  its  only  jest  buying  and 
selling  land.  Why,  Jack,  its  forty  times  more  profitable 
than  money  digging,  or  any  other  business  that  you  ever 
see.  I  knew  a  man  here  t'other  day  from  Bangor, that 
made  ten  thousand  dollars,  and  I  guess  he  want  more 


118  LETTERS  OF 

than  an  hour  about  it.  Most  all  the  folks  here  and  down 
to  Portland  and  Bangor  have  got  their  fortunes  made, 
and  now  we  are  beginning  to  take  hold  of  it  up  in  the 
country. 

They  've  got  a  slice  up  in  Dowr.ingville,and  I  missed 
it  by  being  down  here  selling  apples,  or  I  should  had  a 
finger  in  the  pie.  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  you  know 
he's  an  old  fox,  and  always  knows  whereto  jump;  well, 
he  see  how  every  body  was  getting  rich,  so  he  went  and 
bought  a  ^oiece  of  a  township  up  back  of  Downingville, 
and  give  his  note  for  a  thousand  dollars  for  it.  And 
then  lie  sold  it  to  uncle  Jacob  and  took  his  note  for  two 
thousand  dollars;  and  uncle  Jacob  sold  it  to  uncle 
Zackary  and  took  his  note  for  three  thousand  dollars: 
and  uncle  Zackary  sold  it  to  uncle  Jim,  and  took  his 
note  for  four  thousand  dollars;  and  unckeJim  sold  it  to 
cousin  Sam,  and  took  his  note  for  five  thousand  dollars; 
and  cousin  Sam  sold  it  to  Bill  Johnson,  and  took  his 
note  tor  six  thousand  dollars.  So  you  see  there's  five 
of  'em  that  want  worth  ninepence  apiece  before,  have 
now  got  a  thousand  dollars  apiece  clear,  when  their 
notes  are  paid.  And  Bill  Johnson's  going  to  logging  off 
of  it,  and  they  say  he  '11  make  more  than  any  of  'em. 

Come  home,  Jack,  come  home  by  all  means,   if  you 
want  to  get  rich.     Give  up  your  commission,  and  think 
no  more  about  being  President,  or  any  thing  else,  but 
come  home  and  buy  land  before  its  all  gone. 
Your  loving  Cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 

P.S.  Did  n't  Mr.  Holmes  and  Mr.Sprague  look  rather 
blue  when  they  got  the  resolutions  that  our  Legislater 
passed,  giving  them  such  a  mortal  whipping? 


MAIOR    JACK    DOWNING.  119 

LETTER  XLVII. 

Major  Downing' s  account  of  the  manner  in  which  Mr. 
Clay  put  a  stop  to  the  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  and  his 
pacification  bill  to  hush  up  the  quarrels  of  the  nullih'ers. 

Washington  City,  March  10,  1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners' 
Church  building,  2nd  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  away 
down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Cousin 
Ephraim  Downing,  up  in  Downingville,  cause  I  spose  he's 
gone  home  before  this  time  from  Augusta. 

Dear  Cousin  Ephraim, — I  got  your  letter  this  morn- 
ing. It  was  a  shame  for  them  are  Legislater  folks  to 
skulk  oft'  without  paying  you  for  your  apples.  But 
they  are  the  worst  folks  about  standing  to  their  word 
that  I  know  of.  They  've  promised  me  an  office  more 
than  twenty  times,  but  some  how  or  other,  come  to  the 
case  in  hand,  their  votes  always  went  for  somebody 
else.  But  I  dont  care  a  tig  for  'em  as  long  as  I  've  got 
the  President  on  my  side,  for  his  oftices  are  as  fat  again 
as  the  Legislater  offices  are.  The  President's  offices 
will  support  a  man  pretty  well  if  he  does  'nt  do  any 
thing  at  all.  As  soon  as  Mr.  Clay's  Tariff  Bill  pas- 
sed, the  President  called  me  into  his  room,  and  ,  says 
he,  Major  Downing,  the  nullification  jig  is  up.  There'll 
be  no  fun  for  you  in  South  Carolina  now,  and  I  guess 
you  may  as  well  let  Sargent  Joel  march  the  company 
back  to  Downingville,  and  wait  till  somebody  kicks  up 
another  bobbery  some  where  and  then  I'  11  send  for  'era, 
for  they  are  the  likeliest  company  I've  seen  since  I 
went  with  my  Tennessee  rangers  to  New  Orleans. 
And  as  for  you  Major  Downing,  you  shall  still  hold 
your  commission  and  be  under  half  pay,  holding  your- 
self in  readiness  to  march  at  a  moment's  warning  and 
to  fight  whenever  called  for. 

So  you  see,  Cousin  Ephraim,  I  am  pretty  well  to  live 
in  the  world,  without  any  of  your  land  speculations  or 


120  LETTERS  O? 

apple  selling  down  east.  I  cant  seem  to  see  how  'tis 
they  all  make  money  so  fast  in  that  land  business  down 
there  that  you  tell  about.  How  could  all  our  folks  and 
Bill  Johnson  and  all  of  'em  there  in  Downingville  make 
a  thousand  dollars  a  piece,  jest  a  trading  round  among 
themselves,  when  there  aint  fifty  dollars  in  money,  put 
it  all  together,  in  the  whole  town.  It  rather  puzzles 
me  a  little.  As  soon  as  I  see  'em  all  get  their  thousand 
dollars  cash  in  hand,  I  guess  I  Ml  give  up  my  commis- 
sion and  come  home  and  buy  some  land  tu. 

But  at  present  1  think  I  rather  have  a  bird  in  the 
hand  than  one  in  the  bush.  Our  Congress  folks  here 
cleared  out  about  the  same  time  that  your  Legislater 
folks  did,  and  I  and  the  President  have  been  rather 
lonesome  a  few  days.  The  old  gentleman  says  I 
must  n't  leave  him  on  any  account  j  but  I  guess  I  shall 
start  Joel  and  the  company  oft'  for  Downingville  in  a 
day  or  two.  They  've  got  their  clothes  pretty  much 
mended  up,  and  they  look  quite  tidy.  I  should  n't  feel 
ashamed  to  see'ein  marched  through  any  city  in  the 
United  States. 

It  is  n't  likely  I  shall  have  any  thing  to  do  under  my 
commission  very  soon.  For  some  say  there  '11  be  no 
more  fighting  in  the  country  while  Mr.  Clay  lives,  if 
it  should  be  a  thousand  years.  He's  got  a  master  knack 
of  pacifying  folks  and  hushing  up  quarrels  as  you  ever 
see.  He's  stopt  all  that  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  that  you 
know  was  jest  ready  to  blow  the  whole  country  sky 
high.  He  stept  to  'em  in  Congress  and  told  'em  what 
sort  of  a  Bill  to  pass,  and  they  passed  it  without  hardly 
any  jaw  about  it.  And  South  Carolina  has  hauled  in 
her  horns,  and  they  say  she'll  be  as  calm  as  a  clock 
now.  And  that  is  n't  the  only  quarrel  Mr.  Clay  has 
stopt.  Two  of  the  Senators,  Mr.  Webster  and  Mr. 
Poindexter,  got  as  mad  as  March  hairs  at  each  other. 
They  called  each  other  some  pesky  hard  names,  and 
looked  cross  enough  for  a  week  to  bite  a  board  nail  off'. 
Well,  after  Mr.  Clay  got  through  with  South  Carolina, 
he  took  them  in  hand.      He  jest  talked  to  'em  about  five 


MAJOR    JACK  DOWING.  121 

minutes,  and  they  got  up  and  went  and  shook   hands 
with  each  other,  and  looked  as  loving  as  two  brothers. 

Then  Mr.  Holmes  got  up  and  went  to  Mr.  Clay,  and 
almost  with  tears  in  his  eyes  asked  him  if  he  would  n't 
be  so  kind  as  to  settle  a  little  difficulty  there  was  be- 
tween him  and  his  constituents,  so  they  might  elect 
him  to  Congress  again.  And  I  helieve  some  of  the 
other  Senators  asked  for  the  same  favor. 

So  as  there  is  likely  to  be  peace  now  all  round  the 
house  for  some  time  to  come,  I'm  in  a  kind  of  a  quan- 
dary what  course  to  steer  this  summer.  The  Presi- 
dent talks  of  taking  a  journey  down  east  this  summer, 
and  he  wants  me  to  go  with  him,  because  I  'm  acquaint- 
ed there,  and  can  show  him  all  about  it.  He  has  a 
great  desire  to  go  as  fur  as  Downingville,  and  get  ac- 
quainted with  Uncle  Joshua,  who  has  always  stuck  by 
him  in  all  weathers  through  thick  and  thin.  The  Pres- 
ident thinks  uncle  Joshua  is  one  of  the  republican  pil- 
lars of  New  England,  and  says  he  shall  always  have 
the  post  office  as  long  as  he  lives,  and  his  children  af- 
ter him. 

I  rather  guess  on  the  whole  I  shall  come  on  that  way 
this  summer  with  the  President.  But  wherever  I  go* 
I  shall  remain  your  loving  cousin. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLVIII. 

The  Major's  account  of  the  consultation  amongst  the 
government  on  the  question^  whether  the  Presidenf 
shakes  hands  with  the  federalists,  during  his  journey 
down  East. 

Washington  City,  April  2(1,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners' 
Church  building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street, 
away  down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend,  —  Bein  I  hant  writ  to  you 
for  some  time,  I'm  afraid  you  and  our  folks  up  in  Down- 

L 


122  LETTERS  OF 

ingville  will  begin  to  feel  a  little  uneasy  by  and  by,  so 
I'll  jest  write  you  a  little  if  it  aint  but  two  lines,  to  let 
you  know  how  we  get  on  here.  I  and  the  President 
seem  to  enjoy  ourselves  pretty  well  together,  though  its 
getting  to  be  a  little  lonesome  since  the  Congress  folks 
went  off",  and  Sargent  Joel  cleared  out  with  my  Down- 
ingville Company,  Poor  souls,  I  wonder  if  they  have 
got  home  yet;  I  haven't  heard  a  word  from  'em  since 
they  left  here.  I  wish  you  would  send  up  word  to  Sar- 
geant  Joel  to  write  to  iwe  and  let  me  know  how  they  got 
along.  He  can  send  his  letter  in  your  Currier,  or  get 
uncle  Joshua  to  frank  it;  either  way  it  wont  cost  me  any 
thing.  Now  L  think  ot  it,  I  wish  you  would  jest  ask 
cousin  Nabby  to  ask  uncle  Joshua  to  frank  me  on  two 
or  three  pair  of  stockings,  for  mine  have  got  terribly 
out  at  the  heels.  He  can  do  it  jest  as  well  as  not;  they 
make  nothing  here  of  franking  a  bushel  basket  full  of 
great  books  to  the  western  States.  And  they  say  some 
of  the  members  of  Congress  used  to  frank  their  clothes 
home  by  mail  to  be  washed. 

I  and  the  President  are  getting  ready  to  come  on  that 
way  this  summer.  We  shall  come  as  far  as  Portland, 
and  I  expect  we  shall  go  up  to  Downingville;  for  the 
President  says  1ip  must  shake  hands  with  uncle  Joshua 
before  he  comes  back,  that  faithful  old  republican  who 
has  stood  by  him  through  thick  and  thin  ever  since  he 
found  lie  was  going  to  be  elected  President.  He  will 
either  go  up  to  Downingville,  or  send  for  Uncle  Joshua 
to  meet  him  at  Portland. 

There  is  some  trouble  amongst  us  here  a  little,  to 
know  how  we  shall  get  along  among  the  federalists 
when  we  come  that  way.  They  say  the  federalists  in 
Massachusetts  want  to  keep  the  President  all  to  them- 
selves when  he  comes  there.  But  Mr.  Van  Buren  says 
that  '11  never  do;  he  must  stick  to  the  democratic  party: 
he  may  s-hake  hands  with  a  federalist  once  in  a  while  if 
the  democrats  dont  see  him,  but  whenever  there  's  any 
democrats  round  he  must  n't  look  at  a  federalist.  Mr. 
McLaneand  Mr.  Livingston  advise  him  tother  way — 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  123 

They  tell  him  he'd  better  treat  the  federalists  pretty 
civil,  and  shake  hands  with  Mr.  Webster  as  quick  as 
he  would  with  uncle  Joshua  Downing.  And  when  they 
give  this  advice  Mr.  Lewis  and  Mr.  Kendle  hop  right 
up  as  mad  as  march  hairs,  and  tell  him  if  he  shakes 
hands  with  a  single  federalist  while  he  is  gone,  the  dem- 
ocratic party  will  be  ruined.  And  then  the  President 
turns  to  me  and  asks  me  what  he  had  better  do.  And  I 
tell  him  I  guess  lie  better  go  straight  ahead,  and  keep 
a  stiff' upper  lip,  and  shake  hands  with  whoever  he  is  a 
mind  to. 

Mr.  Van  Buren  staid  with  us  awhile  at  the  Presi- 
dent's, but  he's  moved  into  a  house  now  on  Pennsylvany 
Avenue.  He's  a  fine  slick  man  I  can  tell  you,  and  the 
President  says  he's  the  greatest  man  in  America.  He's 
got  the  beat'em-est  tongue  that  1  ever  see.  If  you  had 
a  black  baton,  he  could  go  to  talking  to  you  and  in  ten 
minutes  he  could  make  you  think  it  was  white. 

Give  my  love  to  our  folks  up  in  Downingville  when 
you'have  a  chance  to  send  it  to  'em,  and  believe  me  your 
old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLIX. 

Major  Downing  defends  the  President  against  the  as- 
saults  of  Lieut.  Randolph,  on  board  the  Cygnet 
steam  boat. 

On  board  the  steam-boat  Cygnet,  near  the  city  of  Alexandria, 
down  a  little  ways  below  Washington,  May  the  6th,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  in  the  Mariners'  church 
Building,  2nd  story,  Eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down 
East,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend. — We  've  had  ra  kind  of  a 
hurly  burly  time  here  to-day.     I  did  n't  know  but  we 


124  LETTERS  OF 

should  burst  the  biler  one  spell ;  and  some  of  us,  a* 
it  was,  got  scalding  hot.  You  see,  I  and  the  presi- 
dent and  a  few  more  gentlemen  got  into  the  steam- 
boat this  morning  to  go  round  into  old  Virginny  to 
help  lay  the  foundation  of  a  monument,  so  they  should 
n't  forget  who  Washington's  mother  was. 

When  we  got  down  along  to  Alexandria,  the  boat 
hauled  up  to  the  side  of  the  wharf  awhile  to  let  some 
more  folks  get  in,  and  while  she  lay  there,  land  the 
president  and  a  few  more  of  'em  sot  in  the  cabin  read- 
ing and  chatting  with  one  another.  The  president 
had  jest  got  through  reading  a  letter  from  uncle 
Joshua  Downing,  urging  him  very  strongly  to  come 
up  as  fur  as  Downii  gville  when  he  comes  on  that  way. 
And  says  he,  Major  Downing,  this  uncle  Joshua  ot 
yours  is  a  real  true  blue  republican  as  I  know  ofan\ 
where.  I  would  n't  miss  seeing  him  when  I  go  down 
east  for  a  whole  year's  salary. 

Says  I,  your  honor,  Downingville  is  the  most  thorough 
going  republican  town  there  is  any  where  in  the  east- 
ern country  ;  and  you  ought  not  to  come  back  till 
you  have  visited  it.  Jest  as  I  said  that  there  was  a 
stranger  came  into  the  cabin  and  s,tept  along  up  to  the 
president,  and  begun  to  pull  off  his  glove.  I  thought 
there  was  some  mischief  bruing,  for  his  lips  were  kind 
of  quivery,  and  I  did  n't  like  the  looks  of  his  eyes 
a  bit.  But  the  president  thought  he  was  trying  to 
get  his  gloves  off  to  shake  hands  with  him,  and  the 
good  old  man  is  always  ready  to  shake  hands  with  a 
friend  ,•  so  he  reached  out  his  hand  to  him  and  smiled, 
and  told  him  never  to  stand  for  the  gloves,  and  the 
words  want  hardly  out  of  his  mouth  when  dab  went  one 
of  the  fellow's  hands  slap  into  the  president's  face. 

In  a  moment  I  levelled  my  umbrella  at  the  villain's 
head,  and  came  pesky  near  fetching  him  to  the  floor. 
Two  more  gentlemen  then  clenched  him  by  the  collar 
and  had  him  down  as  quick  as  ever  you  see  a  beef  ox 
knocked  down  with  an  ax.  In  a  minute  there  was  a 
crowd  round  him  as  thick  as  a  swarm  of  beea. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  125 

But,  my  stars,  I  wish  you  could  have  seen  the  presi- 
dent jest  at  that  minute.  If  you  ever  see  a  lion  lying 
down  asleep  and  a  man  come  along  with  a  great  club  and 
hit  him  a  plot  with  all  his  might,  and  then  see  that  lion 
spring  on  his  feet,  and  see  the  fire  flash  in  his  eyes,  and 
hear  him  roar  and  gnash  his  teeth,  you  might  give  some 
sort  of  a  guess  what  kind  of  a  harry  cane  we  had  of  it. 

The  old  Gineral  no  sooner  felt  the  fellow's  paw  in 
his  face  than  he  sprung  like  a  steel-trap,  and  catched 
his  cane  and  went  at  him.  But  there  was  such  a  crowd 
of  men  there  in  an  instant,  that  it  was  as  much  impos- 
sible to  get  through  'em  as  it  was  for  the  British  to  get 
through  his  pile  of  cotton  wool  bags  at  New-Orleans. 
If  it  had  n't  been  for  that,  I  dont  think  but  he  would 
have  kicked  the  feller  through  the  side  of  the  steam- 
boat in  two  minutes. 

However,  somehow  or  other  the  rascal  got  hussled  out 
of  the  boat  on  to  the  wharf,  and  fled  like  a  dog  that 
had  been  stealing  sheep.  They  have  sent  some  officers 
after  him,  but  where  they  will  overtake  him  nobody 
knows. 

The  president  has  got  cleverly  cooled  down  again, 
and  we  are  going  on  to  lay  the  foundation  of  the  mon- 
ument. 

My  love  to  all  the  good  folks  up  in  Downingville. 
In  haste  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK.  DOWNING. 


LETTER  L. 

Major  Downing  tells  how  he  shook  hands  for  the  Presi- 
dent while  at  Philadelphia,  on  his  tour  down  East. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master,  up  in  Downingville, 
in  the  State  of  Maine.  This  to  be  sent  by  my  old  friend, 
the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  with  care  and  speed. 

Philadelphia,  June  10,  1833. 
Dear    Uncle   Joshua, — We    are    coming  on  full 
chisel.     I've   been    trying,   ever  since  we  started,  to 

L2 


126  LETTERS  OF 

get  a  chance  to  write  a  little  to  you;  but  when  we've 
been  on  the  road  I  couldn't  catch  my  breath  hardly  long 
enough  to  write  my  name,  we  kept  flying  so  fast;  and 
when  we  made  any  stop,  there  was  such  a  jam  round  us 
there  wasn't  elbow  room  enough  for  a  miskeeter  to  turn 
round  without   knocking  his  wings  off. 

I'm  most  afraid  now  we  shall  get  to  Downingville  be- 
fore this  letter  does,  so  that  we  shall  be  likely  to  catch 
you  all  in  the  suds  before  you  think  of  it.  But  I  un- 
derstand there  is  a  fast  mail  goes  on  that  way,  and  I 
mesn  to  send  it  by  that,  so  I'm  in  hopes  you'll  get  it 
time  enough  to  have  the  children's  faces  washed  and 
their  heads  combed,  and  the  gals  get  on  their  clean 
g' wns.  And  if  Sargent  Joel  could  have  time  enough 
to  call  out  my  old  Downingville  Company  and  get  their 
uniform  brushed  up  a  little,  and  come  down  the  road  as 
fur  as  your  new  barn  to  meet  us,  there's  nothing  that 
would  please  the  President  better.  As  for  victuals, 
most  any  thing  wont  come  amiss;  we  are  as  hungry  as 
bears  alter  travelling  a  hundred  miles  a  day.  A  little 
fried  pork  and  eggs,  or  a  pot  of  baked  beans  and  an  In- 
dian pudding  would  suit  us  much  better  than  the  soft 
stuff  they  g'.ve  us  here  in  these  great  cities. 

The  President  wouldn't  miss  of  seeing  you  for  any 
thing  in  the  world,  and  he  will  go  to  Downingville  if  he 
has  legs  and  aims  enough  left  when  he  goes  to  Portland 
to  carry  him  there.  But  for  fear  any  thing  should  hap- 
pen that  he  shouldn't  be  able  to  come,  you  had  better 
meet  us  in  Portland,  say  about  the  22d,  and  then  you 
can  go  up  to  Downingville  with  us,  you  know. 

This  travelling  with  the  President  is  capital  fun  after 
all,  if  it  wasn't  so  plaguy  tiresome.  We  come  into 
Baltimore  on  a  Rail  Road,  and  we  flew  over  the  ground 
like  a  hairycane.  There  isn't  a  horse  in  this  country 
that  could  keep  up  with  us,  if  he  should  go  upon  the 
clean  clip.  When  we  got  to  Baltimore,  the  streets 
were  filled  with  folks  as  thick  as  the  spruce  trees  down 
in  your  swamp.  There  we  found  Black  Hawk,  a  little, 
old,  dried    up  Indian  king.     And   I  thought  the  folks 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  127 

looked  at  him  and  the  prophet  about  as  much  as  they 
did  me  and  the  President.  I  gave  the  President  a  wink 
that  this  Indian  fellow  was  taking  the  shine  off  of  us  a 
little,  so  we  concluded  we  wouldn't  have  him  in  our 
company  any  more,  and  shall  git  on  without  him. 

I  cant  stop  to  tell  you  in  this  letter  how  we  got  along 
toPhiladelphy,  though  we  had  a  pretty  easy  time  some 
of  the  way  in  the  steam-boats.  And  I  cant  stop  to  tell 
you  of  half  of  the  fine  things  I  have  seen  here.  They 
took  us  up  into  a  great  hall  this  morning  as  big  as  a 
meeting-house,  and  then  the  folks  begun  to  pour  in  by 
thousands  to  shake  hands  with  the  President;  federal- 
ists and  all,  it  made  no  difference.  There  was  such  a 
stream  of  'em  coming  in  that  the  hall  was  full  in  a  few 
minutes,  and  it  was  so  jammed  up  round  the  door  that 
they  couldn't  get  out  again  if  they  were  to  die.  So  they 
had  to  knock  out  sonie  of  the  windows  and  go  out  tother 
way. 

The  President  shook  hands  with  all  his  might  an  hour 
or  two,  till  he  got  so  tired  he  couldn't  hardly  stand  it.  I 
took  hold  and  shook  for  him  once  in  awhile  to  help  him 
along,  but  at  last  he  got  so  tired  he  had  to  lay  down  on  a 
soft  bench  covered  with  cloth  and  shake  as  well  as  he 
could,  and  when  he  couldn't  shake  he'd  nod  to  'em  as 
they  come  along.  And  at  last  he  got  so  beat  out,  he 
couldn't  only  wrinkle  his  forhead  and  wink.  Then  I 
kind  of  stood  behind  him  and  reached  my  arm  round 
under  his,  and  shook  for  him  for  about  a  half  an  hour  as 
tight  as  I  could  spring.  Then  we  concluded  it  was  best 
to  adjourn  for  to-day. 

AndPve  made  out  to  get  away  up  into  the  garret  in 
the  tavern  long  enough  to  write  this  letter.  We  shall 
be  off  to-morrow  or  next  day  for  York,  and  if  I  can 
possibly  get  breathing  time  enough  there,  I  shall  write  to 
you  again. 

Give  my  love  to  all  the  folks  in  Downingville,  and  be- 
lieve me  your  loving  neffu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


1£8  LETTERS  OP 

LETTER  LI. 

Major  Downing  and  the  President's  narrow  escape  at 
the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge  extending  from  Castle 
Garden  to  the  Battery  at  New  York. 

To  uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master  up  in  Downingvilh:, 
State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  in  the  Portland  Courier  with  care 
and  speed. 

New  York  City,  Friday  evening,  June  14,  1833. 

Dear  Uncle  Joshua, — Here  we  are  amongst  an 
ocean  of  folks,  and  cutting  up  capers  as  high  as  a  cat's 
back.  I  spose  you  will  see  by  the  papers  how  we  all 
like  to  got  drowned  yesterday  goingacrosa  little  bridge 
between  the  castle  and  the  garden. 

It  was  a  pesky  narrow  squeak  for  me  and  the  Presi- 
dent. He  was  riding  over  on  a  great  fine  hoss,  and  I 
was  walking  along  by  the  side  of  him  and  trying  to 
clear  the  way  a  little,  for  they  crowded  upon  us  so,  there 
was  no  getting  along,  and  hardly  a  chance  to  breathe. 
When  we  got  under  the  arch  we  stopped  a  little  bit  for 
the  crowd  to  clear  away,  when  all  at  once  I  thought  I 
heard  something  crack.  Says  I,  Giueral  you  better  go 
ahead,  I'm  afraid  there's  mischief  bruing  here.  At  that 
he  give  his  hoss  a  lick  and  pushed  through  the  crowd, 
but  we  had  n't  got  more  than  a  rod,  before  crash  went 
the  bridge  behind  us,  all  down  in  a  heap,  and  two  toll- 
houses on  top  of  it  and  as  many  as  a  hundred  folks 
splashed  into  trie  water,  all  mixed  up  together  one  top 
of  'tother.  The  President  looked  over  Ids  shoulder,  and 
seeing  I  was  safe  behind  him,  called  out  for  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  and  asked  me  to  run  and  see  if  he  was  hurt.  I 
told  him  he  had  forgot  himself,  for  Mr.  Van  Buren  wa> 
n't  in  the  company;  but  Mr.  Woodbury  and  Mr.  Cass 
were  in  for  it,  fori  could  see  them  floundering  about  in 
the  water  now.  Run,  Vlajor,said  the  President  run  and 
give  them  a  lift.  Take  Mr.  Woodbury  first,you  know  I 
can't  spare  hi  in  at  any  rate. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  129 

So  there  was  a  parcel  of  us  took  hold  and  went  to 
hauling  of  'em  out  of  the  water  like  so  many  drownded 
rats.  But  we  got  'em  all  out  alive,  except  a  few  young 
things  they  called  dandies;  they  looked  so  after  they 
got  wet  all  over  that  we  could  n't  make  out  whether  they 
were  alive  or  dead.  So  we  laid  'em  up  to  dry  and  left 
'em;  and  I  went  on  to  help  the  President  review  the 
troops  on  the  battery,  as  they  call  it;  and  a  grand  place 
it  is  tu.  I  've  seen  more  fine  shows  here,  it  seems  to  me, 
than  ever  I  see  before  in  my  life.  Such  a  sight  of  folks, 
and  fine  ladies,  and  fine  houses,  and  vessels,  and  steam- 
boats, and  flags  a  flying,  and  cannons  firing,  and  fire 
works  a  whisking  about,  I  never  see  the  beat  of  it.  I 
did  n't  think  there  was  so  much  fun  in  this  world  before, 
for  all  I've  been  about  so  much  at  Madawaska  and  among 
the  nullifiers  and  all  round. 

But  I  cant  tell  you  much  about  it  till  we  get  there, for 
I  cant  find  any  time  to  write.  I've  only  cheated  a  few 
minutes  this  evening  while  the  President  is  gone  into 
Mr.  Niblo's  garden.  One  of  the  master  sights  that  I've 
seen  yet  was  that  baloon  that  went  up  this  afternoon, 
carrying  a  ma^with  it.  Poor  fellow,  I  dont  much  think 
he  '11  ever  get  oack  again,  for  he  looked  to  me  the  last  I 
see  of  him  as  though  he  would  land  in  England,  or  the 
moon,  or  some  other  country. 

All  these  sights  keep  us  back  a  little  longer  than  we 
expected.  I  dont  think  now  we  shall  be  in  Portland 
before  the  28th  or  29th  of  this  month.  So  I  thought  I'd 
jest  write  you  a  line  that  you  might  be  down  there  about 
that  time. 

In  haste  your  loving  neffu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING 


130  LETTERS  OF 


LETTER  L1I. 


Visit  of  Major  Jack  Downing  and  the  President  to 
Boston — the  rascally  conduct  of  the  letter  writer  in 
his  name  for  the  newspapers. 

Boston,  Tuesday,  June  £5,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  Dear  Old  Friend, — I  'in  keeping  house  with 
the  President  to-day,  and  bein  lie's  getting  considerable 
better,  I  thought  I'd  catch  a  chance  when  he  was  taking 
a  knap,  and  write  a  little  to  let  you  know  how  we  get 
along.  This  ere  sickness*  of  the  President  has  been  a 
bad  pull-back  to  us.  He  hasn't  been  able  to  go  out 
since  Sunday  afternoon,  and  I've  been  watchin  with  him 
this  two  nights,  and  if  I  wasn't  as  tough  as  a  halter,  I 
should  be  half  dead  by  this  time. 

And  if  the  President  want  tougher  than  a  catamount, 
he'd  kick  the  bucket  before  he'd  been  round  to  see  one 
half  the  notions  there  is  in  Boston.  Poor  man,  he  has 
a  hard  time  of  it;  you've  no  idea  how  much  he  has  to 
go  through.  Its  worse  than  being  dragged  through  forty 
knot  holes. 

To  be  bamboozled  about  from  four  o'clock  in  the 
morning  till  midnight,  rain  or  shine,  jammed  into  one 
great  house  to  eat  a  breakfast,  and  into  another  great 
house  to  eat  a  dinner,  and  into  another  to  eat  supper, 
and  into  two  or  three  others  between  meals,  to  eat  cool- 
iations,  and  to  have  to  go  out  and  review  three  or  four 
rigimentsof  troops,  and  then  to  be  jammed  into  Funnel 
Hall  two  hours,  and  shake  hands  with  three  or  four 
thousand  folks,  and  then  to  go  into  the  State  House  and 
stand  there  two  or  thee  hours  and  see  all  Boston  stream- 
ing through  it  like  a  river  through  a  sawmill,  and  then 

*  The  President  was  a  few  days  6ick  while  in  Boston. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  131 

to  ride  about  the  city  awhile  in  a  fine  painted  covered 
waggon  with  four  or  five  horses  to  draw  it,  and  then  ride 
awhile  in  one  without  any  cover  to  it,  finney-fined  off  to 
the  top  notch,  and  then  get  on  to  the  horses  and  ride 
awhile  a  hor-eback,  and  then  run  into  a  great  picture 
room  and  see  more  fine  pictures  than  you  could  shake  a 
stick  at  in  a  week,  and  then  go  into  some  grand  gentle- 
man's house,  and  shake  hands  a  half  an  hour  with  a 
flock  of  ladies,  and  then  after  supper  go  and  have  a  lit- 
tle still  kind  of  a  hubbub  all  alone  with  three  or  four 
hundred  particular  friends,  and  talk  an  hour  or  two,  and 
take  another  cooliation,  and  then  go  home,  and  about 
midnight  get  ready  to  go  to  bed,  and  up  again  at  four 
o'clock  the  next  morning  and  at  it. — If  this  aint  enough 
to  tucker  a  feller  out  I  dont  know  what  is.  The  Presi- 
dent wouldn't  have  stood  it  till  this  time  if  he  hadn't 
sent  me  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  the  rest  of  us  to  some 
of  the  parties,  while  he  staid  at  home  to  rest. 

The  President's  got  so  much  better  I  think  we  shall 
be  able  to  start  for  Salem  to-morrow,  for  we  must  go 
through  with  it  now  we've  begun,  as  hard  Avork  as  'tis. 
I  think  we  shall  get  to  Portland  about  the  4th  of  July; 
so  if  you  get  your  guns  and  things  all  ready  you  can 
kill  two  birds  with  one  stone.  I  hope  you'll  be  pretty 
careful  there  how  you  point  your  guns.  They  pointed 
'em  so  careless  at  New  York  that  one  of  the  wads  come 
within  six  inches  of  making  daylight  shine  through  the 
President. 

Now  I  think  ont,  there  is  the  most  rascally  set  of  fel- 
lers skulking  about  somewhere  in  this  part  of  the  coun- 
try that  ever  I  heard  of,  aad  I  wish  you  would  blow  'em 
up.  They  are  worse  than  the  pick-pockets.  I  mean 
them  are  fellers  that's  got  to  writing  letters  and  putting 
my  name  to  'em,  and  sending  of  'em  to  the  printers. 
And  I  heard  there  was  one  sassy  feller  last  Saturday 
down  to  Newburyport  that  5  ot  on  to  a  horse  and  rid 
about  town  calling  himsdt  Major  Jack  Downing,  and 
all  the  soldiers  and  the  folks  marched  up  and  and  shook 
hands    with    him,  and   thought  it  was  me. — Now,  my 


132  LETTERS    OF 

dear  old  friend,  isn't  this  too  bad?  What  would  you  do 
if  vou  was  in  ray  case?  I  say  again  they  are  worse 
than  the  pick-pockets.  Isn't  it  Mr.  Shakespear  that 
says  something  about  'he  that  steals  my  munny-pus 
steals  trash,  but  he  that  steals  my  name  ought  to  have 
his  head  broke?'  I  wish  you  would  find  that  story  and 
print  it 

There,  the  President's  jest  waked  up,  so  I  must  sub- 
scribe myself,  in  haste,         Your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LIII. 

The  President  orders  to  the  right  about  face,  at  Con- 
cord, when  they  beat  a  march,  quick  time,  back  to 
Washington. 

Concord,  Nu  Hamsheer,  June  30,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

My  Dear  old  Friend, — The  jig  is  all  up  about 
our  going  to  Portland  and  Downingville.  I've  bat- 
tled the  watch  with  the  President  this  two  days 
about  it,  and  told  him  he  must  go  there  if  he  had  the 
breath  of  life  in  him  j  and  he  kept  telling  me  he  cer- 
tainly would  if  hoses  could  carry  him  there. 

But  the  President  is  n't  very  well,  and  that  aint  the 
worst  of  it ;  there  's  been  a  little  difficulty  bruin  among 
us,  and  the  President's  got  so  riled  about  it,  that  he's 
finally  concluded  to  start  on  his  way  back  to-morrow. 
I  cant  help  it;  but  I  feel  bad  enough  about  it.  If  I 
wasn't  a  military  man  I  could  cry  a  barrel  of  tears. 

I  dont  know  how  they  will  stan  it  in  Downingville 
when  they  come  to  "get  the  news.  I'm  afraid  there 
will  be  a  master  uproar  there,  for  you  know  they  are  all 
full-blooded  democrats. 

But  the  stage  is  jest  agoing  to  start,  and  I've  only 
time  to  write  you  this  line,  in  haste  from  your  friend 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


M 


134  LETTERS  OF 

LETTER  LIV. 

Major  Downings  nomination  for  the  Presidency^  with 
an  elegant  picture  of  his  residence. 

NOMINATION  FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

From  the  National  Intelligencer. 

We  do  not  know  whether  it  be  necessary,  in  copy- 
ing the  subjoined  effusion,  to  enter  into  a  protest  against 
misinterpretation  of  our  motives.  We  should  be  sorrv 
to  be  understood,  whilst  humouring  a  jest,  as  meaning 
to  burlesque  so  serious  an  action  as  the  choice  of  Presi- 
dent of  the  United  States.  We  copy  the  following  for 
the  sake  of  its  moral,  as  well  as  its  wit,  and  we  do  not 
like  the  mor:il  the  less  for  being  taught  with  a  smiling 
countenance. 

From  the  Mauch  Chunk  Courier. 

Our  next  President 

Many  of  the  papers  in  the  United  States  have  ahead  ^ 
manifested  a  disposition  to  agitate  the  subject  of  tin- 
next  Presidency,  and  several  distinguished  individu- 
als have  been  informally  named  for  that  office,  among 
whom  are  Mr.  Van  Buren,  Mr.  M'Lean,  Mr.  Cass, 
Mr.  Clay  and  Mr.  Webster.  As  we  are  opposed  to 
a  premature  discussion  of  this  ticklish  question,  we 
have  not  hitherto  committed  oursclf  in  favour  of  either 
of  these  individuals.  Indeed,  we  have  considered  it 
very  imprudent  in  these  times,  for  any  one  who  wishes 
to  be  an  orthodox  politician,  to  "  come  out"  for  any- 
body until  he  can  ascertain  who  will  be  most  likely  to 
succeed.  Accordingly  we  have  stood  upon  our  »  re- 
served rights"  of  neutrality,  to  watch  the  signs  of  the 
times,  and  see  who  would  probably  be  the  most  popular 
candidate.  Recent  indications  have  satisfactorily  con- 
vinced us  on  that  point,  and  as  we  wish  to  be  considered 
among  the  ;' originals" — the  real  Simon  Purts,  we 
would  lose  no  time  in  nominating 


MAJOR.    JACK    DOWNING.  135 

For  President, 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING, 

Of  Downingville. 

In  recommending  this  distinguished  personage  to  out- 
fellow  citizens,  it  will  be  scarcely  necessary  to  enu- 
merate his  various  claims  to  their  suffrages.  Suffice  it 
to  say,  his  military  renown,  his  valuable  public  ser- 
vices in  assisting  President  Jackson  to  put  down  the 
Nullifiers,  especially  in  shaking  hands  with  the  Yan- 
kees "  down  east,"  and  last  though  not  least,  the  fidel- 
ity with  which  he  and  his  uncle  Joshua  stuck  to  the 
Old  Hero  after  he  found  he  was  going  to  be  President, 
eminently  qualify  him  for  that  exalted  station. 


LETTER  LV. 

The  Major  tells  us  about  the  President,  being  made 
Doctor  of  Laws. 

On  board  the  Steam-boat,   going  from  Providence  to 
York,  July  2,  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  EJitor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the 
Mariners'  Church  building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore 
Street,  away  down  east,  in  the  state  of  Maine. 

My  Dear  Friend. — We  are  driving  back  again  full 
chisel,  as  fast  as  we  come  on  when  we  were  on  the 
Rail  Road  between  Washington  and  Baltimore  And 
we've  been  drivin  so  fast  on  a  round  turn  in  all  the 
places  where  we  've  been,  and  have  had  so  much  shak- 
ing hands  and  eating  and  one  thing  another  to  do,  that 
I  could  'nt  get  time  to  write  to  you  at  half  the  places 
where  I  wanted  to,  so  I  thought  I'd  set  down  now, 
while  the  President's  laid  down  to  rest  him  awhile,  and 
tell  you  something  about  Cambridge  and  Lowell.  Ye 
see  when  we   were  at  Boston   they  sent  word   to  us 


1j6  •  LETTERS    OF 

to  come  out  to  Cambridge,  for  they  wanted  to  make 
the  President  a  Doctor  of  Laws.  What  upon  arth  a 
Doctor  of  Laws  was,  or  why  they  wanted  to  make  the 
President  one,  I  could  n't  think.  So  when  we  come 
to  go  up  to  bed  1  asked  the  Gineral  about  it,  And  feays 
1,  Gineral,  what  is  it  the}'  want  to  do  to  you  out  to  Cam- 
bridge? »ays  he  they  want  to  make  a  Doctor  of  Laws 
of  me.  Well,  says  I,  but  what  good  will  that  do? 
Why,  says  he,  you  know  Majm-  Downing,  there's  a 
per>ky  many  of  them  are  laws  passed  by  Congress,  that 
are  rickety  things.  Some  of  'em  have  very  poor  con- 
stitutions, and  some-  of  'em  have  n't  no  constitutions  at 
all.  So  that  it  is  necessary  to  have  somebody  there  to 
Doctor  'em  up  a  little,  and  not  let'em  go  out  into  the 
world  where  they  would  stan  a  chance  to  catch  cold 
and  be  sick,  without  they  had  good  constitutions  to  bear 
it.  You  know,  says  he,  I  have  had  to  doctor  the  Laws 
considerable  ever  since  I've  been  at  Washington,  al- 
though 1  was  n't  a  regular  bred  Doctor.  And  I  made 
out  so  well  about  it,  that  these  Cambridge  folks  think  I 
had  better  be  mad  into  a  regular  Doctor  at  once,  and 
then  there  '11  be  no  grumbling  and  disputing  about  my 
practice.  Says  he,  Major,  what  do  you  think  of  it? 
I  told  him  1  thought  it  was  an  excellent  plan;  and 
asked  him  if  he  did  n't  think  they  would  be  willing, 
bein  I'd  been  round  in  the  military  business  considera- 
ble for  a  year  or  two  past,  to  make  me  a  Doctor  of  War. 
He  said  he  did  n't  know,  but  he  thought  it  would  be 
no  harm  to  try  'em.  But  says,  he  Major,  1  feel  a  little 
kind  of  si i caked  about  it  after  all;  for  they  say  they 
will  go  talking  to  me  in  Latin,  and  although  I  studied 
it  a  little  once,  I  dont  know  any  more  about  it  now  than 
the  man  in  the  moon.  And  how  I  can  get  along  in 
that  case  I  dont  know.  I  told  him  my  way,  when  any 
body  talked  to  me  in  a  lingo  that  I  didn't  understand, 
was  jest  to  say  nothing,  but  look  as  knowing  as  any  of 
'em,  and  then  they  thought  I  knew  a  pesky  sight  more 
than  any  of  'em.  At  that  the  Gineral  fetched  me  a 
slap  on  the  shoulder  and  haw  hawed  right  out.     Says 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  137 

he,"  Major  Downing,  you  are  the  boy  for  me  j  I  do  n't 
know  how  I  should  get  along  in  this  world  if  it  was  n't 
for  you-, 

So  when  we  got  ready  we  went  right  to  ..Cambridge 
as  bold  as  could  be.  And  that  are  Cambridge  is  a  real 
pretty  place;  it  seems  to  me  I  should  like  to  live  in 
them  Colleges  as  well  as  any  place  I've  seen.  We 
went  into  the  Libry,  and  I  guess  I  stared  a  little,  for  1 
did  n't  think  before  there  was  half  so  many  books  in 
the  world  I  should  think  there  was  near  about  enough 
to  fill  a  meetin  house.  I  dont  believe  they  was  ever 
ail  read  or  ever  will  be  to  all  ages. 

When  we  come  to  go  in  to  be  made  Doctors  of,  there 
was  a  terrible  crowding  round;  but  they  give  us  a  good 
place,  and  then  sure  enough  they  did  begin  to  talk  in 
Latin  or  some  other  gibberish;  but  whether  they  were 
talking  to  the  Gineral,  or  who  'twas,  I  could  n't  tell.  I 
guess  the  Gineral  was  a  little  puzzled.  But  he  never 
said  a  word,  only  once  in  a  while  bowed  a  little.  And 
1  spose  he  happened  sometimes  to  put  in  the  bows  in 
the  wrong  place,  for  I  could  see  some  of  the  sassy  stu- 
dents look  up  one  side  once  a  while,  and  snicker  out  of 
one  corner  of  their  mouths.  Howsomever  the  Gineral 
stood  it  out  like  a  hero,  and  got  through  very  well. 
And  when  'twas  over,  I  stept  up  to  Mr.  Quincey  and 
asked  him  if  he  would  n't  be  so  good  as  to  make  me  a 
Doctor  of  War,  and  hinted  to  him  a  little  about  my 
services  down  to  Madawaska  and  among  the  milliners. 
At  that  he  made  me  a  very  polite  bow,  and  says  he, 
Major  Downing,  we  should  be  very  happy  to  oblige  you 
if  we  could,  but  we  never  give  any  degrees  of  war  here; 
all  our  degrees  are  degrees  of  peace.  So  I  find  I  shall 
have  to  practice,  war  in  the  natural  way,  let  nullifica- 
tion, or  what  will,  come.  After  'was  all  over  we  went 
to  Mr.  Quincey's  and  had  a  capital  dinner.  And  on 
the  whole  had  about  as  good  a  visit  to  Cambridge  as 
most  any  where. 

1  meant  to  a  told  you  considerable  about  Lowell,  but 
the  steamboat  goes  so  fast,  I  shant   have  time  to.     We 

M  2 


138  LETTEKS    OF 

went  all  over  the  Factories;  and  there  !  I  wont  try  to 
say  one  word  about  'em,  for  I've  been  filled  with  such 
a  wondermient  ever  since,  that  my  idea*  are  all  as  big 
as  hay  stacks,  and  if  I  should  try  to  get  one  of  'em  out 
of  my  head,  it  would  tear  it  all  to  pieces.  It  beat  all 
that  ever  I  heard  of  before,  and  the  Gineral  said  it  beat 
all  that  ever  he  heard  of.  But  what  made  the  Gineral 
hold  his  head  up  and  feel  more  like  a  soldier,  than  he 
had  before  since  he  was  at  New  Orleans,  was  when  we 
marched  along  the  street  by  them  are  five  thousand 
gals,  all  dressed  up  and  looking  as  pretty  as  a  million 
of  butterflies.  The  Gineral  marched  along  as  light  as 
a  boy,  and  seems  to  me  I  never  see  his  eyes  shine  so 
bright  afore.  After  we  got  along  about  to  the  middle 
of  'em,  he  whispered  to  me,  and  says  he,  Major  Down- 
ing, is  your  Cousin  Nabby  here  among  'em;  if  she  is,  I 
must  be  introduced  to  her.  I  told  him  she  was  not;  as 
they  were  expecting  us  to  come  to  Downingville,  she 
staid  to  home  to  help  get  ready.  Well,  says  he,  if  any 
thing  should  happen  that  we  can't  go  to  Downingville, 
you  must  send  for  your  Cousin  Nabby  and  Uncle  Jos- 
hua to  come  on  to  Washington  to  see  me.  I  will  bear 
all  ihe  expenses,  if  they  will  only  come,  says  he;  these 
northern  gals  are  as  much  afore  our  southern  and  west- 
ern gals  as  can  be,  and  I've  thought  of  you  Cousin 
Nabby  a  great  deal  lately — he  looked  as  though  he  was 
going  to  say  something  more,  but  Mr.  Van  Buren  and 
the  rest  of  'em  crowded  up  along  so  near  that  it  broke 
oti',  and    had  to  go  along. 

I  Bee  we've  got  most  to  York,  and  shall  have  to 
go  ashore  in  a  few  minuses,  so  I  cant  write  any  more 
now,  but  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNIHG.  139 

LETTER  LVI. 

Jin  account  of  the  quarrel  that  the  major  had  with  Mr. 
Van  Bur  en  at  Concord,  after  they  went  up  chamber 
to  bed,  and  the  declaration  of  his  intentions  to  run 
for  the  presidency. 

Washington  City,  July  20,  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away 
down  east  in  the  state  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend,  you — I  dont  know  but  jou 
might  think  strange  on  't,  that  1  should  be  back  here  to 
Washington  more  than  a  fortnight,  and  not  write  to 
you.  But  I  hant  forgot  you.  You  need  n't  never  be 
afraid  of  that.  We  aint  very  apt  to  forget  our  best 
friends  ;  and.  you  may  depend  upon  it  Jack  Downing 
will  never  forget  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  any 
more  than  Andrew  Jackson  will  forget  Jack  Downing. 
You  was  the  first  person  that  ever  give  me  a  lift  into 
public  life,  and  you  've  been  a  boosting  me  along  ever 
since.  And  jest  between  you  and  me  I  think  I  'm  get- 
ting into  a  way  now  where  I  shall  be  able  by  and  by  to 
do  something  to  pay  you  for  it.  The  reason  that  1  have 
n't  writ  to  you  before,  is,  that  we  have  had  pretty  seri- 
ous business  to  attend  to  since  we  got  back.  But  we 
've  jest  got  through  with  it,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  has 
cleared  out  and  gone  back  about  the  quickest  to  New 
York,  and  I  guess  with  a  bed-bug  in  his  ear.  Now 
jest  between  you  and  me  in  confidence,  I'll  tell  you 
how  'tis  ;  but  pray  dont  let  on  about  it  to  any  body 
else  for  the  world.  Did  n't  you  think  plaguy  strange 
what  made  us  cut  back  so  quick  from  Concord  without 
going  to  Portland  or  Portsmouth  or  Downingville  ? 
You  know  the  papers  have  said  it  was  because  the  pre- 
sident want  very  well,  and  the  president  had  to  make 
that  excuse  himself  in  some  of  his  letters  ;  but  it  was 
no  such  thing.  The  president  could  a  marched  on  foot 
twenty  miles  a  day  then,  and  only  let  him  been  at  the 


140  LETTERS  OF 

head  of  my  Downingville  company  and   he  'd  a  whole 
British  regiment  scamper  like  a  flock  of  sheep. 

But  you  see  the  trouble  ont  was,  there  was  some  dif- 
ficulty between  I  and  Mr.  Van  Buren.  Some  how  or 
other  Mr.  Van  Buren  always  looked  kind  of  jealous  at 
me  all  the  time  after  he  met  us  at  New  York  ;  and  1 
could  n't  help  minding  every  time  the  folks  hollered 
'  hoorah  for  Major  Downing'  he  would  turn  as  red  as  a 
blaze  of  fire.  And  wherever  we  stopped  to  take  a  bite 
or  to  have  a  chat,  he  would  always  work  it,  if  he  could, 
somehow  or  other  so  as  to  crowd  in  between  me  and 
the  president.  Well,  ye  see,  I  would  n't  mind  much 
about  it,  but  would  jest  step  round  'tother  side.  And 
though  1  say  it  myself,  the  folks  would  look  at  me,  let 
me  be  on  which" side  I  would  ;  and  after  they'd  cried 
hoorah  for  the  president,  they'd  most  always  sing  out 
'  hoorah  for  Major  Downing.'  Mr.  Van  Buren  kept 
growing  more  and  more  fidgety  till  we  got  to  Concord. 
And  there  we  had  a  room  full  of  sturdy  old  democrats 
-  f  New  Hampshire,  and  after  they  had  all  flocked 
round  the  old  president  and  shook  hands  with  him,  he 
happened  to  introduce  me  to  some  of  'em  before  he  did 
Mr.  Van  Buren.  At  that  the  fat  was  all  in  the  fire. 
Mr.  Van  Buren  wheeled  about  and  marched  out  of  the 
room  looking  as  though  he  could  bite  a  board  nail  off. 
The  president  had  to  send  for  him  three  times  before 
he  could  get  him  back  into  the  room  again.  And  when 
he  did  come,  he  didn't  speak  to  me  for  the  whole  even- 
ing. However  we  kept  it  from  the  company  pretty 
much  j  but  when  we  come  to  go  up  to  bed  that  night, 
we  had  a  real  quarrel.  It  was  nothing  but  jaw,  jaw, 
the  whole  night.  Mr.  Woodbury  and  Mr.  Cass  tried 
to  pacify  us  all  they  could,  but  it  was  all  in  vain,  we 
didn't  one  of  us  get  a  wink  of  sleep,  and  shouldn't  if 
the  night  had  lasted  a  fortnight.  Mr.  Van  Buren  said 
the  president  had  dishonoured  the  country  by  placing  a 
military  major  on  half  pay  before  the  second  officer  of 
the  government.  The  president  begged  him  to  consi- 
der that  I  was  a  very  particular  friend  of  his  ;  that  I 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  141 

had  been  a  great  help  to  him  at  both  ends  of  the  coun- 
try 5  that  I  had  kept  the  British  out  of  Madawaska 
away  down  in  Maine,  and  had  marched  my  company 
clear  from  Downingville  to  Washington,  on  my  way 
to  South  Carolina,  to  put  down  the  nulliriers  ;  and  he 
thought  I  was  entitled  to  as  much  respect  as  any  man 
in  the  country. 

This  nettled  Mr.  Van  Bur  en  peskily.  He  said  he 
thought  it  was  a  fine  time  of  day  if  a  raw  jockey  from 
an  obscure  village  away  down  east,  jest  because  he  had 
a  major's  commission,  was  going  to  throw  the  vice  pre- 
sident of  the  United  States  and  the  heads  of  depart- 
ments into  the  background.  At  this  my  dander  began 
to  rise,  and  I  stepped  right  up  to  him  ;  and  says  I,  Mr. 
Van  Buren,  you  are  the  last  man  that  ought  to  call  me 
a  jockey.  And  if  you  '11  go  to  Downingville  and  stand 
up  before  my  company  with  Sargeant  Joel  at  their  head, 
and  call  Downingville  an  obscure  village,  I'll  let  you 
use  my  head  for  a  foot-ball  as  long  as  you  live  after- 
wards. For  if  they  wouldn't  blow  you  into  ten  thou- 
sand atoms,  I'll  never  guess  again.  We  got  so  high  at 
last  that  the  old  president  hopt  off  the  bed  like  a  boy  ; 
for  he  had  laid  down  to  rest  him,  bein  it  was  near  day- 
light, though  he  couldn't  get  to  sleep.  And  says  he, 
Mr.  Donaldson,  set  down  and  write  Mr.  Anderson  at 
Portland,  and  my  friend  Joshua  Downing  at  Downing- 
ville, that  I  can't  come.  I'm  going  to  start  for  Wash- 
ington this  morning.  What,  says  Mr.  Cass,  and  not 
go  to  Portsmouth  and  Exeter  and  round  there  I  I  tell 
you,  says  the*president,  I'm  going  to  stait  for  Wash- 
ington this  morning,  and  in  three  days  I'll  be  there. 
What,  says  Mr.  Woodbury,  and  not  go  to  Portland, 
where  they  have  spent  so  much  money  to  get  ready  for 
us  !  I  tell  you,  says  the  president,  my  foot  is  down  : 
I  go  not  a  step  further,  but  turn  about  this  morning  for 
Washington.  What,  says  I,  and  not  go  to  Downing- 
ville, what  will  Uncle  Joshua  say  ?  At  this  the  pre- 
sident looked  a  little  hurt ;  and  says  he,  Major  Down- 
ing, I  can't  help  it.     As  for  going  any  further  with 


142  LETTERS  OF 

such  a  din  as  this  about  my  ears,  I  cannot,  and  will  not, 
and  I  am  resolved  not  to  budge  another  inch.  And  sure 
enough  the  president  was  as  good  as  his  word,  and  we 
were  all  packed  up  by  sunrise,  and  in  three  days  we 
were  in  Washington. 

And  here  we've  been  ever  since,  battling  the  watch 
about  the  next  presidency.  Mr.  Van  Buren  says  the 
president  promised  it  to  him,  and  now  he  charges  me 
and  the  president  with  a  plot  to  work  myself  into  it  and 
leave  him  out.  It's  true  I've  been  nominated  in  a  good 
many  papers, in  the  .National  Intelligencer,  and  in  the 
Munch  Chunk  Courier  printed  away  oft' among  the  coal 
diggers  in  Pennsylvany,  and  a  good  many  more.  And 
them  are  Pennsylvany  chaps  are  real  pealers  for  elect- 
ing folks  when  they  take  hold  ;  and  that's  what  makes 
Mr.  Van  Buren  so  uneasy.  The  president  tells  him  as 
he  has  promised  to  help  him,  he  shall  do  what  he  can  for 
him  :  but  if  the  folks  will  vote  forme  he  can't  help  it. 
Mr.  Van  Buren  wanted  I  shoulu  come  out  in  the  Nation- 
al Intelligencer  and  resign,  and  so  be  put  up  for  vice 
president  under  him.  But  I  told  him  no  ;  bein  it  had 
gone  so  fur  I  wouldn't  do  n-thing  about  it.  I  hadn't  ask- 
ed for  the  office,  and  if  the  folks  had  a  mind  Vj  give  it  to 
me  I  wouldn't  refuse  it.  So  after  we  had  battled  it 
about  a  fortnight,  Mr.  Van  Buren  found  it  was  no  use 
to  try  to  dicker  with  me,  and  he's  cleared  out  and  gone 
to  New  York  to  see  what  he  can  do  there. 

I  never  thought  of  getting  in  to  be  president  so  soon, 
though  I  've  had  a  kind  of  hankering  for  it  this  two 
years.  But  now,  seeing  it's  turned  out  as  it  has,  I'm 
determined  to  mak<-  a  bold  push,  and  if  I  can  get  in  by 
the  free  votes  of  the  people,  I  mean  to.  The  president 
says  he'd  rather  I  should  have  it  than  any  body  else,  and 
if  he  had  n't  promised  Mr.  Van  Buren  before  hand,  he 
would  use  his  influence  for  me. 

I  remember  when  I  was  a  boy  about  a  dozen  years 
old,  there  was  an  old  woman  come  to  our  house  to  tell 
fortunes.  And  after  she  'd  told  the  rest  of  'em,  father 
says  he,  here's  Jack,  you  have  n't  told  his  fortunes  yet, 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING  143 

and  I  dontspose  it  's  worth  a  telling,  for  he  's  a  real 
mutton-headed  boy.  At  that  the  old  woman  catched 
hold  of  my  hair,  and  pulled  my  head  back  and  looked 
into  my  face,  and  I  never  shall  forget  how  she  looked 
right  tnrough  me,  as  long  as  I  live.  At  last,  says  she, 
and  she  gin  me  a  shove  that  sent  me  almost  through  the 
side  of  the  house,  Jack  will  beat  the  whole  of  you.  He 
'11  be  a  famous  climber  in  his  day,  and  wherever  he  sets 
out  to  climb,  you  may  depend  upon  it,  he  will  go  to  the 
top  of  the  ladder.  Now,  putting  all  these  things  toge- 
ther, and  the  nominations  in  the  papers,  and  the  '  hoo- 
rahs  for  Major  Downing,'  I  dontknow  what  it  means, 
unless  it  means  that  I  must  be  president.  So,  as  I  said 
afore,  I'm  determined  to  make  a  bold  push.  I  've  writ 
to  Col.  Crocket  to  see  if  I  can  get  the  support  of  the 
western  states,  and  his  reply  is,  '  go  ahead.'  I  shall 
depend  upon  you  and  uncle  Joshua  to  carry  the  state 
of  Maine  for  me  ;  and,  in  order  to  secure  the  other 
states,  I  spose  it  will  be  necessary  to  publish  my  life 
and  writings.  President  Jackson  had  his  life  publish- 
ed before  he  was  elected,  and  when  Mr.  Clay  was  a 
candidate  he  had  hisn  published.  I  've  talked  with  the 
president  about  it,  and  he  says,  publish  it  by  all  means, 
and  set  the  printer  of  the  Portland  Courier  rght  about 
it. 

So  I  want  you  to  go  to  work  as  soon  as  you  get  this, 
and  pick  up  my  letters,  and  begin  to  print  'em  in  a 
book  ;  and  I  '11  set  down  and  write  a  history  ot  mv 
life  to  put  into  it,  and  send  it  along  as  fast  as  I  can  <*et 
it  done.  But  I  want  you  to  be  very  ca1  eful  not  to  get 
any  of  them  are  confounded  counterfeit  letters,  that 
the  rascally  fellers  have  been  sending  to  the  printers, 
mixed  in  long  with  mine.  It  would  be  as  bad  as  break- 
ing a  rotten  egg  in  long  with  the  good  ones  ;  it  would 
spile  the  whole  puddin.  You  can  tell  all  my  letters, 
for  they  were  all  sent  to  you  first. 

The  president  says  I  must  have  a  picter  of  me  made 
and  put  into  the  book. — He  says  he  had  one  put  into 
his,  and  Mr.  Clay  had  one  put  iuto  his.    So  I  believe  I 


144  LETTERS  OF 

shall  write  to  Mr.  Thatcher  that  prints  the  little  journ- 
al paper  in  Boston,  and  get  him  to  go  to  some  of  the 
best  picter-makers  there,  and  get  them  to  do  me  up 
some  as  slick  as  they  can.  These  things,  you  know, 
will  all  help  get  the  free  votes  of  the  people  ;  and  that 
's  all  I  want.  For  I  tell  you  now,  right  up  and  down, 
I  never  will  take  any  office  that  does  n't  come  by  the 
free  votes  of  the  people.  I  'm  a  ginuin  democratic 
republican,  and  always  was,  and  so  was  my  father  be- 
fore me,  and  uncle  Joshua  besides. 

There's  a  fe  v  more  things  that  I  want  to  speak  to 
you  about  in  this  letter  but  I'm  afraid  it  will  get  to  be 
too  lengthy.  That  are  story  that  they  got  in  the  news- 
papers about  my  being  married  in  Philadelphy  is  all  a 
hoax.  I  aint  married  yet,  nor  I  shant  be  till  a  little 
blue-eyed  gal,  that  used  to  run  about  with  me,  and  go 
to  school  and  slide  down  hill  in  Downingville  is  the 
wife  of  President  Downing.  And  that  are  other  story 
that  the  President  give  me  a  Curnel's  commission  jest 
before  we  started  down  east,  isn't  exactly  true.  The 
President  did  offer  me  one,  but  I  thanked  him,  and  told 
him  if  he  would  excuse  me,  I  should  rather  not  take 
it,  for  I  had  always  noticed  that  Majors  were  more  apt 
to  rise  in  the  world  than  Curnels. 

1  wish  you  would  take  a  little  pains  to  send  up  to 
Downingville  and  get  uncle  Joshua  to  call  a  public 
meeting,  and  have  me  nominated  there.  I'm  so  well 
known  there,  it  would  have  a  great  effect  in  other  pla- 
ces. And  I  want  to  have  it  particularly  understood, 
and  so  stated  in  their  resolutions,  that  1  am  the  ginuin 
democratic  republican  candidate.  I  know  you  will  put 
your  shoulder  to  the  wheel  in  this  business  and  do  all 
you  can  for  me,  for  you  was  always  a  good  friend  to  me, 
and,  jest  between  you  and  me,  when  I  get  in  to  be 
President  you  may  depend  upon  it  you  shall  have  as 
good  an  office  as  you  want. 
•  But  I  see  it's  time  for  me  to  end  this  letter.  The 
President  is  quite  comfortable,  and  sends  his  respects 
to  you  and  uncle  Joshua.  I  remain  vour  sincere  friend, 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  145 

LETTER  LVII. 

Cousin  Ephraim's  account  of  converting  "dimocrats" 
into  federals,  and  making  them  change  sides. 

Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  August  12,  1833. 

To  Cousin  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  city,  or  else 
gone  long  with  the  President  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.  To 
be  sent  privately  in  the  Portland  Courier. 

Dear  Cousin  Jack. — I  've  got  something  pretty 
heavy  on  my  mind  that  I  want  to  tell  ye  about,  and  ask 
your  advice,  and  may  be  I  shall  want  you  to  lend  me  a 
hand  a  little.  I  've  been  watching  politics  pretty  snug 
ever  since  I  was  a  little  boy,  and  that's  near  about  forty 
years;  and  I  believe  I  know  most  as  much  about  ifr-as 
uncle  Joshua,  although  he's  twenty  years  older  than  I 
be.  Now  about  this  republicanism  and  federalism,  I've 
minded  that  it  always  keeps  changing,  and  always  has, 
ever  since  I  can  remember.  And  I've  minded  tu  it 
most  always  keeps  going  round  one  way;  that  is,  the 
young  federalists  keep  turning  dimocrats,  and  the  old 
dimocrats  keep  turning  federalists.  What  it's  for  I 
dont  exactly  know,  but  that's  the  way  it  goes.  I  spose 
a  man,  on  the  whole,  is  n't  hardly  fit  to  be  a  dimocrat 
after  he  gets  to  be  fifty  years  old.  And  here  is  old 
uncle  Joshua  in  the  Post  Office,  he's  got  to  be  about 
sixty,  and  he's  hanging  on  to  the  dimocratic  side  yet, 
like  the  tooth-ache;  and  it  begins  to  worry  me  a  good 
deal.  I  think  it's  high  time  he  went  over.  You  know 
Downingville  has  always  been  a  ginuin  republican 
town,  and  I  want  it  should  always  go  according  to  the 
usages  [I  think  that's  what  they  call  it]  of  the  dimo- 
cratic party. 

When  it  gets  to  be  time  for  an  old  dimocrat  to  go  over 
on  the  federal  side,  I  believe  the  Argus  always  puts  'em 
over.  You  remember  there  was  old  Mr.Insley  in  Port- 
land, and  old  Gineral  Wingate  in  Bath,  as  much  as  a 

N 


146  LETTERS    OF 

dozefl  years  ago,  were  some  as  big  republicans  as  there 
was  any  where  about.  Well,  they  got  to  be  considerable 
old,  and  had  been  in  office  sometime,  so  the  Argus  took 
and  clapt  'em  right  over  on  to  the  federal  side.  And 
you  know  there  was  Mr.  Holmes,  he  was  a  whapping 
great  republican.  But  he  begun  to  grow  old,  and  so  the 
Argus  put  him  over.  And  there  was  Mr.  Sprague;  he 
was  such  a  nice  dimocrat  every  one  said  it  was  a  pitty 
to  put  him  over.  But  bein  he  'd  been  to  Congress  some- 
time, the  Argus  would  n't  hear  a  word,  but  shoved  him 
right  over. 

And  this  summer  the  Argus  is  putting  of  'em  over 
considerable  younger  on  to  the  federal  side.  It  has  put 
Judge  Preble  over,  and  Judge  Ware,  and  Mr.  Mitchell 
the  Post  Master  at  Portland,  and  he  is  n't  near  so  old  as 
uncle  Joshua,  and  it  has  put  Mr.  Megquier  over,  only 
think,  such  a  young  man  as  Mr.  Megquier,  that's  only 
been  in  the  Sinnet  three  or  four  years.  Now  dont  you 
think,according  to  dimocratic  usage,  it  is  high  time  old 
uncle  Joshua  was  put  over.  I  wish  you  would  jest  write 
to  the  Argus  and  have  it  done,  for  I  feel  a  good  deal 
worried  about  it. 

And  as  soon  as  it  comes  out  in  the  Argus  that  he  is 
fairly  over,  I  want  you  to  tell  the  President  that  uncle 
Joshua  is  a  federalist,  and  have  him  removed  from  the 
Post  Office,  for  it  would  be  an  everlasting  shame  to  have 
the  Post  Office  in  Uowningville  kept  by  a  federalist. 

N.B.  If  uncle  Joshuashould  be  removed  I  wish  you 
would  use  your  influence  to  get  the  President  to  give  the 
office  to  me;  for  next  to  Uncle  Joshua  I  spose  I've  done 
more  for  the  republican  party  than  any  man  in  Dowu- 
ingville.  I  can  have  a  recommendation  from  Sargent 
Joel  and  all  the  company.  By  attending  to  this  you 
will  much  oblige  your  friend  and  cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  147 


LETTER  LVIII. 

The  President  commences  a  conversation  about  me  and 
Daniel. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  14,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the   Portland   Courier,   away  down  East,  in 
the  State  of  Maine. 

My  dear  old  Friend, — Its  got  to  be  a  pretty  consid- 
erable long  while  now  since  I've  writ  to  you,  for  I  never 
like  to  write,  you  know,  without  I  have  something  to 
say. — But  I've  got  something  on  my  mind  now,  that 
keeps  me  all  the  time  a  thinking  so  much  that  I  cant 
hold  in  any  longer.  So  jest  between  you  and  me  I'll 
tell  you  what  'tis.  But  I  must  begin  a  little  ways  be- 
forehand? so  you  can  see  both  sides  of  it,  and  I'll  tell 
you  what  'tis  as  soon  :is  I  get  along  to  it. 

You  see  I  and  the  President  has  been  down  to  the 
Rip  Raps  a  few  weeks  to  try  to  recruit  up  a  little;  for 
that  pesky  tower  away  down  East  like  to  did  the  job  for 
the  old  Gineral.  So,  after  we  got  things  pretty  much  to 
.rights  here,  we  jest  stepped  aboard  the  steamboat  and 
and  went  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.  That  are  Rip  Raps  is 
a  capital  place:  it  is  worth  all  the  money  we  ever  paid 
for  it,  if  it  was  for  nothing  else  only  jest  to  recruit  up 
the  Government.  It  is  one  of  the  most  coolest  places 
in  the  summer  time  that  you  ever  see.  Let  a  feller  be 
all  worn  out  and  wilted  down  as  limpsy  as  a  rag,  so  that 
the  doctors  would  think  he  was  jest  ready  to  fly  off  the 
handle,  and  let  him  go  down  to  the  Rip  Raps  and  stay 
tht  re  a  fortnight,  and  he'd  come  up  again  as  smart  as  a 
steeltrap.  The  President  got  recruited  up  so  nicely, 
while  we  were  down  to  the  Rip  Raps,  that  ever  since 
we  got  back  till  two  or  three  davs  ago,  he  has  been  as 
good  natured  and  sociable  as  ever  I  should  wish  to  see 
a  body.  And  now  I'm  coming,  pretty  soon,  to  what  I 
was  going  to  tell  you  about,  that  bears  so  heavy  on  my 
mind. 


148  LETTERS  OF 

You  see  the  President  likes  every  morning  after  the 
breakfast  is  out  of  the  way,  to  set  down  and  read  over 
the  newspapers,  and  see  what  is  going  on  in  the  country, 
and  who's  elected  and  so  on  So  when  we've  done 
breakfast,  we  take  the  letters  and  papers  that  come  from 
the  Post-Office,  and  go  away  by  ourselves  into  the  great 
East  Room  where  we  can  say  jest  what  we've  a  mind  to, 
and  nobody  not  hear  us,  and  the  President  sets  down 
in  his  great  arm  rocking-chair  and  smokes  his  segar. 
and  I  set  down  by  the  table  and  read  to  him.  Last 
Monday  morning,  as  I  was  reading  over  the  papers  one 
arter  another,  I  come  to  a  Pennsylvania  paper  and  open- 
ed it,  and,  says  I,  hullow,  gineral,  here's  a  speech  of 
Mr.  Webster  at  Pittsburg,  as  large  as  life.  Ah,  said 
he;  well,  let  us  hear  what  Daniel  has  been  talking  to 
them  are  Pennsylvany  and  Ohio  chaps  about.  So  I 
hitched  back  in  my  chair,  and  read  on.  And  by  and  by 
I  begun  to  get  into  the  marrow  of  the  story,  where  he 
told  all  about  Nullification,  and  what  a  dark  time  we 
had  of  it  last  winter,  and  how  the  black  clouds  begun 
to  rise  and  spread  over  the  country,  and  the  thunders 
of  civil  war  begun  to- roll  and  rumble  away  off  to  the 
South,  and  by  and  by  how  the  tempest  was  jest  ready  to 
burst  over  our  heads  and  split  the  country  all  into  shiv- 
ers, and  how,  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  the  President's 
Proclamation  came  out  and  spread  over  the  whole  coun- 
try like  a  rain-bow,  and  how  every  body  then  took  cour- 
age and  said  the  danger  was  all  over.  While  I  had 
been  reading  this,  the  President  had  started  up  on  his 
feet,  and  walked  back  and  forth  across  the  room  pretty 
quick,  puffing  away  and  making  the  smoke  roll  out  of 
his  mouth  like  a  house  a  fire;  and  by  the  time  I  had  got 
through,  he  had  thrown  his  segar  out  of  the  window, 
and  come  and  sot  down,  leaning  his  elbow  on  the  table 
and  looking  right  in  my  face.  I  laid  the  paper  down, 
and  there  he  sot  looking  right  at  me  as  much  as  five 
minutes,  and  never  said  a  word;  but  he  seemed  to  keep 
a  thinking  as  fast  as  a  horse  could  run.  At  last,  said 
he,  Major  Downing,  were  you  ever  told  that  you  resem- 
bled Daniel  Webster  ? 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  149 

Why,  Gineral,  says  I,  how  do  you  mean,  in  looks 
or  what? 

Why  perhaps  a  little  of  both  says  he,  but  mostly  in 
looks. 

Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  Gineral,  you  dont  mean  to  say 
that  I  am  quite  so  dark  as  he  is. 

Perhaps  not,  says  he;  but  you  have  that  sharp  know- 
ing look,  as  though  you  could  see  right  through  a  mill- 
stone. I  know,  says  he,  that  Mr.  Webster  is  rather  a 
dark  looking  man,  but  there  is  n't  another  man  in  this 
country  that  can  throw  so  much  light  on  a  dark  subject 
as  he  can. 

Why  yes,  says  I,  he  has  a  remarkable  faculty  for 
that;  he  can  see  through  most  any  thing,  and  he  can 
make  other  folks  see  through  it  too.  I  guess,  says  I,  if 
he'd  been  born  in  old  Virginny  he'd  stood  next  to  most 
any  body. 

A  leetle  afore  'em,  says  the  Gineral,  in  my  own  way 
of  thinking.  I'll  tell  yoU  what 't  is  Major,  I  begin  to 
think  your  New  Englanders  aint  the  worst  sort  of  fel- 
lows in  the  world  after  all. 

Ah  well  says  I,  seeing  is  believing,  and  you  've  been 
down  that  way  now  and  can  judg^  for  yourself.  But  if 
you  had  only  gone  as  fur  as  Downingville  I  guess  you 
would  have  thought  still  better  of  'em  than  you  do  now. 
Other  folks  may  talk  larger  and  bluster  more,  says  I, 
but  whenever  you  are  in  trouble,  and  want  the  real  sup- 
port in  time  of  need,  go  to  New  England  for  it  and  you 
never  need  to  be  afraid  but  what  it  will  come. 

I  believe  >  ou  are  right,  says  the  Gineral;  for  notwith- 
standing all  I  could  do  with  my  proclamation  against 
nullification,  I  believe  I  should  have  rubbed  hard  if 
there  had  been  no  such  men  in  the  country  as  Major 
Downing  and  Daniel  Webster. 

But  this  nullification  business  isn't  killed  yet.  The 
tops  are  beat  down,  but  the  roots  are  alive  as  ever,  and 
spreading  under  ground  wider  and  wider,  and  one  of 
these  days  when  they  begin  to  sprout  up  again  there'll 
be,  a  tougher  scrabble  to  keep  'em  down  than  there  has 

N2 


150  LETTERS  OF 

boen  yet;  and  I  've  been  thinking,  says  he,  and  he  laid 
his  hand  on,  my  shoulder  and  looked  very  anxious,  I've 

been  thinking  says  he,   if  you  and  Daniel and  here 

the  door  opened  and  in  cometh  Amos  Kendle  with  a 
long  letter  from  Mr  Van  Buren  about  the  Bank  and  the 
safety  fund  and  the  Government  deposites  and  I  dont 
know  what  all;  and  the  President's  brow  was  clouded 
in  a  minute;  for  he  always  feels  kind  of  pettish  when 
they  plague  him  about  the  safety  fund.  I  have  n't  had 
any  chance  to  talk  with  him  since,  there  's  so  many  of 
'em  round  him;  and  I  'm  as  uneasy  as  a  fish  out  of 
water,  I  feel  so  anxious  to  know  what  the  President  was 
going  to  say  about  me  and  Daniei.  I  shall  watch  the 
first  chance  when  I  think  it  will  do  to  talk  with  him, 
and  find  out  what  he  was  going  to  say.  I  cant  hardly 
sleep  anights,  I  think  so  much  about  it.  When  I  find 
out  I'll  write  to  you  again. 

Send  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville  when 
you  have  a  chance. 

I  remain  your  sincere  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LKTTER  LIX. 

The  conversation  about  me  and  Daniel  concluded. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  30,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

My  Dkar  Friend, — Havn't  you  been  in  a  terrible 
kind  of  a  pucker  ever  since  my' last  letter  to  vou,  to 
know  what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about  me 
and  Daniel?  If  you  havn't,  I  have.  I  never  felt  so  un- 
easy for  a  fortnight  hardly  in  my  life.     If  I  went  to  bed 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  151 

1  couldn't  sleep,  and  I've  got  up  and  walked  the  floor 
as  much  as  halt"  the  night  almost  every  night  since. — 
I've  wished  the  Bank  to  Guinea  more  than  fifty  times, 
for  there's  been  such  a  hubbub  here  about  the  Bank 
this  fortnight  past, that  I  couldn't  get  a  moment's  chance 
to  talk  with  the  President  about  any  thing  else.  We'd 
have  cabinet  meetings  once  in  awhile  to  see  about  mov- 
ing the  deposites, and  Mr.  Duane  and  Mr. Cass  and  Mr. 
McLane  would  talk  up  to  the  President  so  about  it,  that 
he'd  conclude  to  let  'em  alone  and  do  nothing  about  it, 
and  let  Congress  manage  it  jest  as  they'd  amind  to. 
And  then  we'd  go  home  and  Mr.  Kendle  would  come  in 
and  talk  the  matter  over,  and  read  some  great  long  let- 
ters from  Mr.  Van  Buren,and  get  the  President  so  con- 
fused that  he  would  lose  all  patience  a  most. 

But  Mr.  Kendle  is  the  master  feller  to  hang  on  that 
ever  I  see;  he's  equal  to  the  tooth  ache.  And  he  talk- 
ed and  palavered  with  the  President  till  he  finally 
brought  him  over,  and  then  the  President  put  his  foot 
down,  and  said  the  deposites  should  be  moved  whether 
or  no.  And  then  the  botheration  was  to  see  who  should 
move  'em.  The  President  told  Mr. Duane  to  do  it;  but 
he  said  his  conscience  wouldn't  let  him.  Then  the 
Presidenttold  Mr.  Taney  to  take  Mr.Duane's  place,  and 
see  if  his  conscience  would  let  him.  Mr.  Taney  tried 
it  and  found  his  conscience  went  easy  enough,  so  Mr. 
Duane  packed  up  and  went  home  to  Philadelphy,  We 
were  all  dreadful  sorry  to  loose  Mr.  Duane,  for  he  was 
a  nice  man  as  you  will  see  one  in  a  thousand.  It's  a 
pity  he  had  such  a  stift'  conscience;  he  might  have  staid 
here  in  the  Treasury  jest  as  well  as  not,  it  it  hadn't  Been 
for  that. 

But  this  storm  about  the  Bank  begins  to  blow  over, 
and  the  President's  got  in  a  manner  cooled  down  again. 
This  morning  after  breakfast  we  took  the  papers  and 
letters  jest  as  we  used  to,  and  went  away  into  the  east 
room  to  read  the  news  and  chat  awhile;  and  it  really 
did  my  heart  good  to  see  the  President  set  down  once 


152  LETTERS  OK 

more  looking  so  good  natured  in  his  great  arm  chair 
smoking  his  segar.  After  I  had  read  over  the  news  to 
him  awhile,  and  got  him  in  pretty  good  humour,  I  made 
bold  to  out  with  it,  and  says  I  Gineral,  there's  one  ques- 
tion I  want  to  ask  you. — And  says  he,  you  know  Major, 
I  always  allow  you  to  ask  me  any  thing  you're  a  mind 
to,  what  is  it?  Well  says  I,  when  we  had  that  talk  here 
about  a  fortnight  ago,  you  begun  to  say  something  about 
me  and  Daniel;  and  jest  as  you  got  into  the  middle  of 
it,  Mr.  Kendle  came  in  and  broke  it  right  off  short  as  a 
pipe  stem.  It's  been  running  in  my  head  ever  since, 
and  I've  been  half  crazy  to  know  what  it  was  you  was 
going  to  say.  Well,  let  us  see,  says  the  Gineral,  where 
was  itl  left  oft;  for  this  everlasting  fuss  about  the  Bank 
has  kept  my  head  so  full  I  can't  seem  to  remember  much 
about  it. 

Why  says  I,  you  was  talking  about  nullification;  how 
the  tops  were  beat  down  a  little,  but  the  roots  were  all 
running  about  under  ground  as  live  as  ever,  and  it 
would  n't  be  long  before  they'd  be  sprouting  up  again 
all  over  the  country,  and  there'd  be  a  tougher  scrabble 
to  keep  'em  down  than  ever  t.iere  had   been  yet;  and 

then  you  said  if  I  and  Daniel and  there  that  plaguy 

Kendle  came  in,  I've  no  patience  with  him  now  when  I 
think  of  it,  and  broke  it  right  oft'.  Ah.  now  I  remember, 
says  the  Gineral,  now  'twas.  Well,  says  he,  Major 
Downing,  it  is  a  solemn  fact,  this  country  is  to  see  a> 
blacker  storm  of  nullification  before  many  years  comes 
about  than  ever  it  has  seen  yet;  the  clouds  are  begin- 
ning to  gather  now;  I've  seen  'em  rolling  over  South 
Carolina,  and  hanging  about  Georgia,  and  edging  along 
into  old  Virginny,  and  I  see  the  storm's  a  gathering;  it 
must  come,  ai>d  if  there  is  n't  somebody  at  the  helm  that 
knows  how  to  steer  pretty  we'l,  the  old  ship  must  go 
down.  I  aint  afraid,  says  he,  but  what  1  can  keep  her 
up  while  I  have  the  command,  but  I'm  getting  to  he  old 
and  must  give  up  soon,  and  they  what'll  become  of  her 
T  dont  know.  But  what  I  was  going  to  say  was  this; 
I've  been  thinking  if  you  and  Daniel,  after  1  give  up, 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  155 

would  put  your  heads  together  and  take  charge  of  her 
till  the  storm  has  blown  over,  you  might  save  her.  And 
I  dont  know  who  else  can. 

But  how  do  you  mean,  Gineral,says  I?  Why  to  speak 
plain,  says  he,  if  nullification  shows  its  head,  Daniel 
must  talk  and  you  must  fight.  There's  nothing  else  will 
do  the  job  for  it  that  I  know  of.  Daniel  must  go  into 
the  Presidential  chair,  and  you  must  take  command  of 
the  army,  and  then  things  will  go  straight.  At  this  I 
was  a  little  struck  up;  and  I  looked  him  right  in  the 
eye,  and,  says  I,  Gineral,  do  you  mean  that  Daniel 
Webster  ought  to  be  President  after  you  give  up?  Cer- 
tainly, says  he,  if  you  want  to  keep  the  country  out  of 
the  jaws  of  nullification.  But,  says  I,  Gineral,  Daniel 
is  a  federalist,  a  Hartford  Convention  federalist,  and  I 
should  like  to  know  which  is  worst,  the  jaws  of  nul- 
lification, or  the  jaws  of  federalism.  The  jaws  of  a  fid- 
dle-stick! said  the  President,  starting  up  and  throwing 
his  segar  out  of  the  window  as  much  as  two  rods;  but 
how  do  you  know,  Major  Downing,  that  Daniel  is  a 
federalist?  Because,  says  I,  I've  heard  him  called  so 
down  east  more  than  a  hundred  times.  And  that's  jest 
all  you  know  about  it,  says  he.  Now  I  tell  you  how  'tis, 
Major  Downing,  Daniel  is  as  thorough  a  republican  as 
you  be,  or  as  I  be,  and  has  been  ever  since  my  Procla- 
mation came  out  against  nullification.  As  soon  as  that 
Proclamation  came  out  Daniel  came  right  over  on  to  the 
republican  ground  and  took  it  upon  his  shoulder  and 
carried  it  through  thick  and  thin  where  no  other  man  in 
the  country  could  have  carried  it.  Says  I,  Gineral,  is 
that  a  fact?  And  says  he  yes,  you  may  depend  upon  it, 
'tis  every  word  truth.  Well  says  I,  that  alters  the  case 
a  little,  and  Pll  write  to  Uncle  Joshua  and  the  editor  of 
the  Portland  Courier  and  see  what  they  think  of  it,  and 
if  they  think  it's  best  to  have  Daniel  for  President  we'll 
have  him  in,  and  Pll  take  my  turn  afterwards:  for  see- 
ing the  people  are  bent  upon  having  me  for  President  I 
wont  decline,  though  if  it  is  thought  best  that  I  should 
wait  a  little  while,   I  wont  be  particular  about  that 


154 


LETTERS  OF 


I'm  willing  to  do  that  which  will  be  best  for  the  coun- 
try. 

Sol  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LX. 

Being  the  genuine  letter  of  old   Mr.  Zophar  Downing, 
'  amost  eighty-three  yere  old. ' 

S  Uppington,  Western  Resarve 

I  Tuesday,  June  5,  A.  D.  1833,  N.  S. 

To  my  Neffu  John  Downing  : — I  am  got  to  be 
amost  eighty  three  Yere  ok!,  and  I'm  in  my  eighty 
third  Year  now,  and  its  so  I0112;  since  I  have  took  any 
Pen  in  my  hand  to  write  any  thing  nor  a  Letter  to  any 
Boddj  living  for  now  going  on  a  very  long  Time.  And 
what  makes  it  particular  bad  for  me  is  thatmv  Fingers 
is  got  stiff  with  Rhumatiz  and  cold,  and  is  all  Thums, 
as  much  as  tho  they  was  froze  in  the  Winter. — Your 
Ant  is  sick  abed  ;  she  ketch'd  cold  some  Time  in 
A  peril,  and  I  dont  know  when  she  will  git  over  it ;  she 
is  iq  her  eighty  second  Year  most  as  old  as  I  be,  we 
are  both  very  old  and  prety  much  done  with  this  World, 
so  to  speake.  I  did  not  ever  expect  to  write  any  more 
Letters  to  my  Frinds  because  I'm  in  my  eighty  third 
Year  and  am  too  old  most  to  write  Letters.  "But  you 
writ  a  Letter  to  me  from  the  Citty  of  Washington  and 
it  was  throw'd  out  of  the  Stage  VVensday  as  it  drove 
by.  And  when  I  redd  about  your  goin  to  take  the 
President  of  these  United  States  to  Downingvile  then  I 
said  to  your  Ant  my  dear  I  must  try  and  write  an 
Answer  to  Jonny's  Letter. 

I  was  jeest  about  as  old  as  you  be  John  when   the 
Great  Washington  died,  14  day  of  December,  and  was 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  155 

with  him  and  spoke  with  him  seventeen  year  before, 
when  he  left  the  Army  and  wisht  I  might  live  many 
yeares,  and  what  you  writ  to  me  makes  me  think  a  good 
deal  of  that  time.  I  shant  forget  it  to  my  dyin  day — 
but  I  hope  you  wont  have  Ardint  Sperrits  in  your  Town 
on  the  occasion.  I  tlont  drink  any  more  Flip  nor  Tody 
sence  17  August  A.  D.  1831  and  am  better  fort,  and 
hope  Brother  Joshua  has  stopped.  Two  of  my  Cows 
was  lost  last  year  by  Destemper  and  one  of  Mr.  Doolit- 
tles  who  lives  opposite,  is  a  hard  worken  Man.  Some 
Destemper  was  here  this  yere  but  I  follerd  what  was 
said  in  the  Temperance  Almanick  and  they  was  cured 
in  time  to  git  over  it.  I  desire  that  my  Brother  Joshua 
woud  write  a  Letter  to  me  to  let  me  know  whether  he 
is  going  to  make  out  as  well  with  his  Tcrnips  as  he  did 
5  year  ago,  he  wrote  to  your  Ant  about  it.  I  tryde 
that  Plan  here,  but  it  dont  do  in  this  Soil,  it  is  to  dry 
most  of  it.  Your  Aut  tells  me  she  dont  think  Brother 
Joshua  can  be  so  strong  of  his  Age  as  I  be,  seeing  he 
hant  writ  any  ot  us  since  that  Account  of  his  Gardi  )g 
Sauce  turnin  out  so  remarkable  good  that  year. 

It  is  thirty-two  years  ago  next  month  since  I  was  in 
Downingville,  how  is  Deacon  Wiioby  and  his  family 
and  his  daughter  Sooky  was  uncommon  humersome,  but 
your  ant  always  used  to  say  she  thot  Sooky  was  a  lit- 
tle too  fond  of  seeing  people  perlite  and  that  she  was  to 
espirin  for  Downingvile  when  she  was  young  and  a  come- 
ly child.  I  thank  you  John  for  some  newspapers  you 
sent  to  me  last  when  so  much  was  writ  about  the  Presi- 
dent and  the  Vice  President,  one  spell  I  was  afeared 
that  the  poor  salvages  in  Georgia  State  was  agoin  to 
suffer  till  the  great  Proclamation  to  the  Nuliphiers  as 
they  are  called  which  you  sent  to  me,  but  I  hope  they 
are  not  now,  they  are  a  sufferin  Peeple  certin.  If  you 
do  take  the  President  east  I  hope  there  is  no  boddy  but 
what  will  treat  him  with  respect.  You  know  John  I  dont 
know  much  about  politix,  but  I  know  something  of  my 
bible,  and  I  hope  I  shall  alwais  read  in  it  whde  I  con- 
tinue to  live,  and  it  says  in  the  2nd    Book  of  Samuel, 


156  LETTERS    OF 

about  Absalom's  setting  by  the  gate  and  shakin  hands 
and  kissin  every  buddy  that  passed  by,  and  whisperin 
in  their  ears  what  he  would  do  it  he  was  king,  and  you 
know  nior  about  the  Vice  President,  and  I  ask  you  if 
that  man  aint  adoin  so  too,  and  if  it  is  not  some  boddys 
duty  to  speak  to  the  President  about  it.  But  my  hand 
shakes  somes  writin  so  much,  and  give  my  love  and 
ants  to  all  our  relations  and  to  the  neighbours  of  your* 
that  1  used  to  know.     I  am  your  loving  Uncle, 

ZOPHAR  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXI. 

BANK  REPORT. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  New  Ycrk  Daily  Advertiser. 

Major  Downing's  Official  Report  on  the  United  States  Bank 
Published  by  'authority.' 

Rip  Raps,  August  4th  1 833. 

Dear  Sir, — I  have  jest  got  here  after  examinin  the 
Bank  ;  and  it  was  the  toughest  job,  ever  I  had  in  my 
life.  The  Gineral  was  so  bent  on  my  doing  it,  that  I 
had  to  'go  ahead,'  or  I'd  sneak'd  out  the  first  day.  I 
was  nigh  upon  a  week  about  it,  figerin  and  siferin  all 
the  while.  Mr.  Biddle  see  quick  enuf  it  was  no  fool's 
journey  I  come  on  j  and  I  made  some  of  his  folks  scratch 
their  heads,  I  tell  you.  I  gin  'em  no  notice  of  my  com- 
in,  and  I  jump'd  right  in  the  thickest  on  'em  there  one 
day,  when  they  were  tumblin  in  and  shellin  out  the  mun- 
ny  like  corn.  *  Now,'  says  I,  'my  boys,  I  advise  all 
on  ye  to  brush  up  your  multiplication  tables,  for  I  am 
down  upon  you  with  alligation,  and  the  rule  of  three, 
and  vulgar  fractions  ',  and  if  I  find  a  penny  out  of  place, 
the  Gineral  shall  know  it.  I'm  no  green  horn,  nor  mem- 
ber of  Congress,  nor  Judge  Clayton,  nor  Mr.  Cambre- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  157 

leng,  neither,'  says  I.  As  soon  as  Mr.  Biddle  read 
the  letter  the  Gineral  sent  by  me,  says  he,  '  Major,  I  m 
glad  the  Gineral  has  sent  some  one  at  last  that  knows 
something,  and  can  give  a  strait  account,'  and  with  that 
he  called  all  the  Bank  folks,  and  tell'd  'em  to  bring 
their  books  together.  '  Now,'  says  he,  '  Major,  which 
eend  shall  we  begin  at  first.'  *  It  makes  no  odds  which,' 
says  I,  'all  I  care  about  is  to  see  if  both  eends  meet; 
and  if  they  don't,  Mr.  Biddle,'  says  I,  'it's  all  over 
with  you  and  the  Bank — you'll  all  go,  hook  and  line,' 
— ami  then  we  otf  coats  and  went  at  it.  I  found  some 
of  them  are  fellers  there  plagy  sharp  at  siferin.  They'd 
do  a  sum  by  a  kinder  short  Dilworth  quick  as  a  flash. 
I  always  use  a  slate — it  comes  kinder  natural  to  me  ; 
and  I  chalk'd  her  off  there  the  first  day  and  figur'd  out 
nigh  upon  100  pretty  considerable  tuf  sums.  There 
was  more  than  three  cart  load  of  books  about  us,  and 
every  one  on  'em  bigger  than  the  Deacon's  family  Bible. 
And  sich  an  etarnal  batch  of  hgerin  I  never  see,  and 
the  e  wasn't  a  blot  or  scratch  in  the  whole  on  'em 

I  put  a  good  many  questions  to  Mr.  Biddle,  for  the 
Gineral  gin  me  a  long  string  on  'em  ;  and  I  thought 
some  would  stagger  him,  but  he  answered  them  all  jest 
as  glib  as  our  bays  in  Downingville  do  the  catakize, 
from  the  chief  '•  eend  of  man,'  clean  through  the  peti- 
tions— and  he  did  it  all  in  a  mighty  civil  way  too,  ther 
was  only  one  he  kinder  tried  to  git  round,  and  that 
was — how  he  came  to  have  so  few  of  the  Gineral's 
folks  among  the  Directors  until  very  latelv?  '  Why,' 
says  he.  Major,  and  Major,'  says  he  (and  then  he  got 
up  and  took,  a  pinch  of  s:iuff  and  offered  me  one)  says 
he,  •  Major,  the,  Bank  knows  no  party ;  and  in  the 
first  go  off,  you  know,  the  Gineral's  friends  were  all 
above  matters  of  so  little  importance  as  Banks  and 
Banking.  If  we  had  but  a  branch  in  Downingville,' 
says  he.  6  the  Gineral  would  not  have  had  occasion  to 
ask  such  a  question,'  and  with  that  he  made  me  a  bow; 
and  I  went  home  and  took  dinner  with  him.  It  is  plagy 
curious  to  hear  him  talk  about  millions  and  thousands; 

O 


158  LETTERS    OF 

arid  I  gat  as  glib  too  at  it  as  he  is;  and  how  on  earth  I 
shall  get  back  agin  to  ninepences  and  four-pence-hap- 
penies,  I  can't  tell. 

Arter  I  had  been  figerin  away  there  nigh  upon  a 
week,  and  used  up  four  or  five  slate  pencils,  and  spit 
my  mouth  as  dry  as  a  cob,  rubbin  out  the  sums  as  fast 
as  I  did  them,  I  writ  to  the  Gineral  and  tell'd  him  it 
was  no  use  ;  I  could  find  no  mistake;  but  so  long  as  the 
Bank  was  at  work,  it  was  pretty  much  like  counting  a 
flock  of  sheep  in  a  fall  day  when  they  are  jest  let  into 
a  new  stubble,  for  it  was  all  the  while  crossing  and 
mixing,  and  the  only  way  was,  to  lock  up  all  the  Banks, 
and  as  fast  as  you  can  count  e'm  black  their  noses. 

'Now,'  says  I  one  day  to  Squire  Biddle,  '  I'll  jest  a 
look  at  your  moneys  bags,  for  they  tell  the  Gineral  you 
han'  got  stuft'  enuf  in  the  Bank  to  make  him  a  pair  of 
spectacles;  none  of  your  rags,'  says  I,   'but  the  real 
grit;'  and  with  that  he  call'd   two  or  three  chaps   in 
Quaker  coats,  and   they  opened  a  large  place  about  as 
big  as  the  'east  room'  and  sich  a  sight  I  never  see — 
boxes,  bags  and  kags,  all  full,  and  should  say  nigh  up- 
on a  hundred  cord.     Says  I^> '  Squire  Biddle,  what  on 
earth  is  all  this  for?  for  1  am  stumped.'     '0,'   says  he, 
'Major,'  that's  our   Safety  Fund.'     '  How  you  talk!' 
says  I.     '  Now,  says  I,  '  is  that  all  genwine?'    '  Everv 
dollar  of  it,'  says  he.      'Will  you   count  it,   Major?' 
says  he.     'Not  to  day,'  says  I;  'but  as  the  Gineral 
wants  me  to  be  particular,  I'll  jest  hussle  some  'em;' 
and  at  it  I  went,  hammer  and  file.   It  raly  did  mo  good, 
for  I  did  not  think  there  was  so  much  real    chink  in  all 
creation.     So  when  I  got  tired,  I  set  down   on  a  pile, 
and  took  out  my  wallet,  and  begun  to  count  over  some 
of  the  'safety  fund'  notes  I  got  shaved  with   on  the 
grand  tower.     '  Here,'  says  I,  '  Squire  Biddle,  I  have 
a  small  trifle  I  should  like  to  barter  with   you;  it's  all 
"safety  fund,'"  says  I;  'and  Mr.  Van  Buren's  head 
is  on  most  all  of  'em.'     But  as  soon  as  he  put  his  eye 
on  'em,  he  shook  his  head.     I  see  he  had  his  eye  teeth 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  159 

cut.  <  Well,'  says  I,  'it's  no  matter;'  but  it  lifted  my 
dander  considerable. 

'  Now,'  says  I,  Mr.  Biddle,  I've  got  one  more  ques- 
tion to  put  to  you  and  then  I'm  through.  You  say  your 
bills  are  better  than  the  hard  dollars;  this  puzzles  me, 
and  .the  Gineral  too.  Now,  how  is  this?'  '  Well,' 
says  he,  '  Major,  I'll  tell  you  :  Suppose  you  had  a 
bushel  of  potatoes  at  Downingville,  and  you  wanted  to 
send  them  to  Washington,  how  much  would  it  cost  to 
get  them  there?'  '  Well,  says  I,  'about  two  shillins 
lawful — for  I  sent  a  barrel  there  to  the  Gineral,  last 
fall,  and  that  cost  me  a  dollar  freight.'  'Well,'  say, 
1  suppose  I've  got  potatoes  in  Washington  jest  as  good 
as  yours,  and  I  take  your  potatoes  in  Downingville, 
and  give  you  an  order  to  receive  a  bushel  of  potatoes  in 
Washington,  wouldn't  you  save  two  shillins  lawful  by 
that?  We  sometimes  charge,'  says  he,  '  a  trifle  for 
drafts,  when  the  places  are  distant,  but  never  as  much 
as  it  would  cost  to  carry  the  dollars,'  and  with  that  we 
looked  into  the  accounts  agin,  and  there  it  was.  Says 
I,  '  Squire  Biddle,  I  see  it  now  as  clear  as  a  whistle.' 

When  I  got  back  to  Washington,  I  found  the  Gine- 
ral off  to  the  *  Rip  Raps,'  and  so  I  arter  him.  One  fel- 
ler there  tell'd  me  I  could'nt  go  to  the  Rip  Raps — that 
the  Gineral  was  there  to  keep  oft' business  ;  but  as  soon 
as  I  told  him  who  I  was,  he  ordered  a  boat  and  I  pad- 
dled off! 

The  Gineral  and  I  have  talked  overall  the  Bank  bus- 
iness ;  he  says  it  is  not  the  best  to  publish  my  report, 
as  he  wants  it  for  the  message  ;  and  it  would  only  set 
them  Stockfish  nibblin  agin  in  Wall  Street.  I  made 
him  stare  when  I  tell'd  him  about  the  dollars  I  saw 
there  ;  and  once  and  awhile  he  would  rinkle  his  face  up 
like  a  ball  of  ravilins  ;  and  when  I  tell'd  him  Biddle 
would  n't  give  me  any  of  his  '  Safety  Fund'  for  any  of 
Mr.  Van  Buren's  that  I  had  with  me,  the  Gineral  took 
out  his  wallet,  and  slung  it  more  than  five  rods  into 
the  brakers. 

We  are  now  purtty  busy,  fittin  and  jointin  the 
beams  and  rafters  of  the  message  ;  and  if  Mr.  Van  Bu- 


160  LETTERS  OF 

ren  dont  get  back  before  we  begin  to  shingle  it,  I  guess 
that  his  Safety  Fund  will  stand  but  a  poor  chance. 

The  Gineral  don't  care  much  about  having  his  head 
for  a  sign  board,  but  says  he,  '  Major,  when  they  put 
my  head  on  one  eend  of  a  Bank  Bill,  and  Mr.  Van  Bu- 
ren's  on  tother  eend,  and  ".promise  to  pay  Andrew 
Jackson,"  and  then  blow  up,  it's  too  bad — I  won't  al- 
low it — it  shant  be.'  The  Gineral  says,  if  he  allows 
Amos  Kendle  to  make  his  report  about  the  State  Banks, 
it  is  but  fair  to  let  me  publish  mine  about  Square  Bid- 
die's  Bank.-     So  I  am  getting  mine  ready. 

We  have  a  fine  cool  time  here,  and  ain't  bothered 
with  Office  seekers  ;  we  can  see 'em  in  droves  all  along 
shore,  waitin  for  a  chance.  One  fellow  swam  oil'  last 
night  to  get  appointed  to  some  office — the  Gineral  thinks 
of  making  him  minister  to  the  King  of  the  Sandwich 
Islands,  on  account  of  their  being  all  good  swimmers 
there.  Yours, 

J  DOWNING.   Major.  Oowningville 
Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


LETTER  LXII. 

Giving  some  account  of  Pelcg  BisseVs  Churn. 
Rip  Raps,  Aug,  IT,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

My  Good  Friend. — "77/e  Government"  will  leave 
hereon  Saturday,  so  you  must  tell  all  our  fiiends  to 
stop  sending  any  more  letters  here.  We  go  strate  to 
Washington,  to  put  thing*  to  rights  there  for  winter. 

I  and  the  Gineral  have  got  things  now  pretty  conside- 
rabb  snug  ;  and  it  is  raly  curious  to  see  how  much  more 
easy  and  simple  all  the  publick  affairs  go  on  than  they 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  161 

did  a  spell  ago,  when  Mr.  Adams  was  President.  If  it 
warnt  for  Congress  meetin  we  coi'd  jest  go  about  pret- 
ty much  where  we  pleased,  and  keep  things  strate  too; 
and  I  begin  to  think  now  with  the  Gineral,  that  ater  all, 
there  is  no  great  shakes  in  managin  the  affairs  of  the 
nation.  We  have  pretty  much  all  on  us  been  joggin 
about  now  since  last  grass;  and  things  are  jest  as  strate 
and  clear  now  as  they  was  then.  The  Gineral  has  nigh 
upon  made  up  his  mind,  that  there  is  no  use  to  have 
any  more  Congrt  ss.  They  only  bothers — they  wou'd  do 
more  good  to  stay  at  home,  and  write  letters  to  us 
tellin  what  is  goin  on  among  'em  at  home.  It  would 
save  a  considerable  sum  ot  money  too;  and  I  'm  also 
sartin  that  there  is  a  plagy  raft  of  fellows  on  wages  that 
dont  earn  nothin.  Howsoever,  we  are  goin  on  makin 
things  more  simple  every  day,  and  we  once  and  a  while 
nock  off  a  pretty  considerable  number  of  cogg  wheels 
and  trunnel  heads. 

Thj  Gineral  says  he  likes  things  simple  as  a  mouse 
trap.  But  what  I  like  most  is,  he  wont  have  no  one 
about  him  who  outranks  me,  so  there  is  me  and  Major 
Barry,  and  Major  Smith,  and  Major  Earl,  and  Major 
Donaldson,  and  Major  Lewis,  and  Major  Eaton; — and 
the  major  part  of  a  purty  considerable  of  a  man  to  do 
the  [  rinting  and  tell  the  folks  where  we  be,  and  once 
and  a  while  where  the  land  sales  and  contracts  be  too. 
There  is  aenuflfonus  to  do  all  that's  wanted.  Every 
day  jest  after  breakfast,  the  Gineral  lights  his  pipe,  and 
begins  to  think  purty  hard,  and  I  and  Major  Donaldson 
begin  to  open  letters  for  him  ;  and  there  is  more  than 
three  bushels  every  day,  and  all  the  while  coming 
We  dont  git  through  more  than  a  bushel  a  day;  and 
never  trouble  long  ones,  unless  they  come  from  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  or  Mr.  Kindle,  or  some  other  of  our  great  folks. 
Then  we  sort  'em  out,  jest  as  Zekel  Bigelow  does  the 
mackerel  at  his  Packin  Yard,  for  tho'  there  are  plagy 
many  more  sorts  than  he  finds  among  fish,  we  only  make 
three  sorts,  and  keep  three  big  baskets,  one  marked  inot 
red,?  another  'red,   and   worth   nothin,'  and  another 

O  2 


162  LETTERS  OF 

4  red  and  to  be  answered.'  Ai  d  then  all  the  Gineral 
has  to  do  is  to  say,  'Major,  1  reckon  we  best  say  so  and 
so  to  that,'  and  1  say  'jest  so,'  or  not,  as  the  notion 
takes   me — and  then  we  go  at  it. 

We  keep  all  the  Secretaries,  and  the  Vice  President, 
and  some  District  Attorneys,  and  a  good  many  more  of 
our  folks,  and  Amos  Kindle,  moving  about;  and  trey 
tell  us  jest  how  the  cat  jumps.  And  as  I  said  afore,  i' 
it  warntfor  Congress  meetin  once  a  jear,  we'd  put  the 
Government  in  a  one  horse  wagon  and  go  jest  where  we 
liked. 

The  Gineral  was  amazingly  tickled  t'other  day.  Pe- 
leg  Bissel — (you  know  Peleg,  who  is  all  the  while  whit- 
lin,  and  sawin,  and  makin  clocks,  and  apple  parers,  and 
churns,  and  lives  nigh  Seth  Sprague's  School  house, 
down  to  Downingville,)  well  Peleg  sent  the  Gineral  a 
new  churn  of  his  own  invention;  and  he  calls  it  the 
'Jackson  Churn,' he  wants  a  patent  for  it.  The  cute 
oritur  says,  \a  his  letter  to  the  Gineral,  that  that  are 
churn  is  jest  like  his  government — its  only  got  one 
wheel,  and  a  smasher;  and  that  it  will  make  more  but- 
ter than  any  other  churn,  and  out  of  euy  most  any  thing. 
The  Gineral  is  so  well  p'eased  with  it,  he  will  set  and 
turn  it  nearly  all  day.  Says  he,  'Major,  I  like  this  ere 
churn  amazingly,  that  Bissel  is  a  knowin  fellow.  If 
that  churn  had  been  made  by  Congress,  it  would  have 
more  than  fifty  wheels  and  spring*,  and  make  no  more 
butter  ater  all.  Major,' says  he,  'tell  Peleg  I  thank 
him;  and  send    him  a  patent.' 

And  so  1  did;  and  I  tellcd  him  in  the  letter,  that  the 
Gineral  would  keep  his  churn  in  the  hall  of  the  white 
house,  to  let  folks  see  that  it  did  n't  require  as  many 
cogwheels  to  make  butter  as  they  think  on,  and  then 
when  they  come  up  chamber,  in  the  Cabinet  Room,  and 
find  ony  me  and  the  President,  they'll  understand  it 
the  better.  When  the  Gineral  come  to  sign  this  letter, 
'well,'  says  lie,  'Major,  that's  just  what  I  was  thinkin 
on.  Wc  get  every  day  an  everlastin  bach  of  letters 
from  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  Amos  Kindle,   and  they  are 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  163 

so  plagy jagged,  that  we  cant  make  'em  fit  exactly  with 
some  others,  eny  most  as  jagged,  from  the  South  and 
West,  and  all  from  our  folks  too.  One  wants  one  thing, 
and  one  wants  t'other.  Some  of  our  f.dks  down  South 
say,  if  the  Bank  is  put  down,  we  shall  all  be  split  up 
into  splinters  there.  And  jest  so,  ony  t'other  way, 
they  say,  we  shant  find  in  a  week  any  of  <  ur  folks  north 
if  the  Bapkis  rechartered,  and  some  talk  of  the  Nulli- 
fiers  in  Georgia  going  for  M  r.  Van  Buren,  and  that  we 
must  look  out  sharp,  and  not  do  nothiu  agin  'em.  And 
some  say  that  are  tower  of  Mr.  Webster  away  West, 
and  his  speeches,  bother  some  on  'em  plagily.  I  was  a 
little  stumped  for  a  spell  myself;  and  I  tell'd  the  Gin- 
eral,  says  I,  'Gineral,  if  you  expect  me  to  satisfy  all 
these  folks,  you're  mistaken,  we  cant  do  it,'  says  I. — 
'Well  then,'  says  he,  'we  must  send  for  Mr.  Van  Bu- 
ren. '  This  kinder  nettled  me,  and  says  I,  'Gineral,  you 
ha'nt  forgot  that  are  churnal  ready' — 'no,  no,' says  he, 
'we'll  stick  to  that  Major.'  'Well  then,'  says  I  'do  you 
think  that  Mr.  Van  Buren  wi'.l  use  that  are  churn?  he 
keeps  his  bread  buttered,'  says  I,  'by  more  wheels  than 
that  are  churn's  got.'  'Well  Major,'  says  the  Grneral, 
'he  is  a  plagy  curious  critter,  ater-all — he'll  make 
wheels  turn  sometimes  right  agin  one  another,  yet  he 
gits  along — and  when  he  lets  his  slice  fall,  or  some  one 
nocks  it  out  of  his  hand,  it  always  somehow  falls  butter 
side  up' — 'well,'  says  I,  'Gineral,  dontyou  know  why?' 
'not  exactly,'  says  he,  'Major' — 'well,' says  I, — 'I'll 
tell  you — he  butters  both  sides  at  once,'  says  I.  The 
Gineral  drew  his  face  all  into  a  rumple  for  about  a 
minute,  and  then  he  snorted  right  out. 

The  Gineral  talks  of  goin  to  the  Hermitage  next 
spring — he  says  he  thinks  he  has  done  enuf  for  the 
country — and  I  think  so  too — he  says  I  may  go  along 
with  him  or  stay  and  lend  Mr.  Van  Buren  a  hand — 
we'll  say  something  about  this  in  the  Message. 
Yours  as  before, 

J.   DOWNING,  Major. 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


164  LETTERS    OF 

LETTER  LXIII. 

The  Public  Crib  at  Washington. 

Washington,  August  30,  1833. 
To  Mr.  D wight — New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

My  good  old  Friend, — Ever  since  we  got  'the 
Government'  back  here  from  the  Rip  Raps,  we  have 
been  as  busy  as  if  we  was  all  on  us  cocking  hayjist 
afore  a  shower. 

I  tell'd  you  some  time  ago  that  I  and  the  gineral 
was  fittin  and  jointin  the  beams  and  rafters  of  the 
message,  but  almost  every  day  some  plaguy  new  motion 
comes  in  from  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and  some  other  of  our 
folks,  and  we  have  to  chizzle  new  mortises,  and  run 
new  braces  and  string  pieces,  so  that  I  begin  to  think 
it  will  look  curious  enuf  when  its  done.  The  gineral 
says  he  dont  care  how  it  fronts,  only  he  is  determined 
to  show  a  sharp  corner  to  the  nullifiers.  We  shall  have 
a  good  deal  to  say  about  the  Grand  Tower ;  there  is 
nothin  since  the  8th  of  January  at  New  Orleans  tickles 
the  gineral  half  so  much.  Every  time  we  talk  about 
it,  the  gineral  gits  right  up,  and  says  he,  'Major,  I 
only  wish  I  was  fifty  years  younger,  and  then,'  says  he, 
'give  me  the  yankees  east  of  Horse  Neck,  and  I'd  like 
no  better  sport  than  to  have  nullification  all  over  the 
rest  of  creation.' 

When  things  dont  go  right,  and  the  gineral  gits  a 
little  wrathy,  if  I  only  tell  him  the  yankees  are  ready 
to  back  him,  he  is  as  firm  as  granite.  It  would  make 
you  crawl  all  over  to  read  that  letter  we  writ  to 
France,  when  we  come  to  hear  that  the  king  there 
kinder  sullied  round  that  bill  we  drawed  on  him.  'He 
wont  pay  it,  wont  he  ?'  Says  he — '  Major,  what  do  you 
think  of* that  ?' — '  why,'  says  I,  '  Gineral,  I  think  its  a 
nasty  mean  action — and  a  rascally  one  too,'  says  I. 
'  Well,'  says  he,  '  that's  enuff,' — and  then  we  writ  the 
letter, — its  jest  like  Zekel  Bigelow's  speech — it  cuts, 
shaves,  and  makes  the  hair  fly — and  if  it  dont  bring  the 
money,  I'm  mistaken. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWSING.  165 

If  Mr.  Livingston  had  stayd  one  week  longer  in 
York,  the  gineral  was  for  sendin  me  right  out. 

The  most  curious  part  of  '  the  government'  here,  is 
to  manage  the  office  seekers.  You  see,  things  aint  now 
as  they  was  afore  Mr.  Van  Buren's  time,  then  it  was 
kinder  divided  around  among  the  departments. 

The  post-muster  gineral  appointed  all  the  post-mas- 
ters and  their  folks.  The  secretary  of  the  treasury  ap- 
pointed all  the  folks  in  the  custom-houses,  and  all  folks 
who  collected  money.  These  two  had  an  everlastih 
batch  of  fellers  to  appint,  and  made  them  feel  pretty 
considerable  big,  and  then  the  war  secretary  had  a  good 
slice  in  appointing  the  cadets,  and  Ingen  agents,  and 
all  the  contracts  was  kinder  silted  round  among  the 
departments  ;  and  so  by  the  time  a  new  president  was 
to  be  made,  some  of  these  secretaries  was  a  leetle  big- 
ger than  the.  president  himself.  Now  this  is  the  way 
they  kinder  jockied  Mr.  Adams,  who  got  to  be  the 
smallest  man  at  Washington,  by  lettin  other  folks 
plant  his  corn,  and  do  his  buskin  ;  and  afore  he  knowd 
it,  his  own  field  was  all  in  weeds — and  theirs  well 
howed,  rich  and  clean  as  a  whistle. 

But  things  aint  so  now,  w've  got  ony  one  crib,  and 
that's  a  whapping  one  too,  and  ony  one  door  to  it ;  and 
when  we  shell  out  our  corn,  we  take  good  care  and 
k  ow  well  who  gets 't,  and  where  he  is  going  to  plant 
it  ;  and  that  aint  all — we  make  'em  agree  about  the 
Huskin  Frolic,*  for  that's  the  best  ont  arter  all. 

The  longer  I  am  in  « the  government'  the  more  I 
lam.  But  I  must  allow  that  of  all  the  inventions  I've 
hearn  on  of  Mr.  Van  Buren's,  this  is  about  the  slickest. 

There  is  ony  one  thing  wantin,  and  that  he  is  tryin 
for  prtvtty  hard — and  that  is  the  bank.  If  he  can  ony 
get  that  in  th>s  crib  too,  Virginy  fences  would  n't  stop 
our  cattle. 

uny  think  what  an  everlastin  raft  of  fellows  we 


*  The  major,  we  presume,  means  the  elections,  or  Hustings, 
by  this  metaphor. 


166  LETTERS    OF 

should  have — all  the  presidents  and  cashiers,  and 
clerks,  and  money  counters,  about  the  crib,  from 
Downingville  to  New  Orleans  ! — and  that  aint  the  best 
ont ',  we  would  have  a  branch  alongside  every  post- 
office  to  keep  our  postages  safe. 

I  should  like  this  well  enuf  I  was  sartin  I  and  the 
gineral  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  was  to  be  here  all  the  while, 
to  keep  a  good  look  out  on  the  crib  door.  But  the 
gineral  talks  of  going  hum  to  put  the  Hermitage  to 
rights  ;  and  I  am  in  the  notion  that  congress  is  a  leetle 
too  strong  for  « the  government'  when  the  gineral  aint 
in  it — and  I  shall  go  with  him.  I  am  eny  most  fag'd 
out  myself,  and  I  begin  to  think  with  the  gineral, 
I  have  done  enuf  for  the  country. 

We  are  lookin  for  Amos  Kindle  now  every  hour. 
He  writ  the  gineral  tother  day,  and  teld  him  my  'Bank 
Report'  warn't  true,  and  that  I  must  have  got  a  loan  of 
Squire  Biddle.  Now  that's  jist  the  way  with  some 
folks.  What  they  dont  know  they  guess  at ;  and  it's 
jest  so  with  old  Miss  Crane,  who  keeps  the  tavern  this 
.side  Downingville — jist  as  sure  as  any  one  goes  by 
without  stopping,  the  old  critur  says,  '  There  goes  so 
and  so,  and  has  got  no  money,  too,  and  he  knows  I 
would  n't  trust  him.' 

Howsumever,  no  one  can  make  the  gineral  rathy 
with  me.  He  knows  I  am  the  best  friend  about  him  ; 
whenever  they  gets  things  in  any  kind  of  a  twist  or  a 
snarl,  says  he,  '  Major,  do  you  unravel  that,  I  'm  the 
big  wheel  and  you  are  the  smasher,'  says  he  ;  and  then 
we  jist  give  Peleg  Bissel's  churn  a  turn  or  two  and  all 
is  right. 

You  don't  print  my  letters  right — you  git  some  words 
wrong  and  spell  'em  bad.  Jist  so  the  printers  sarved 
the  gineral's  letters  too  ;  and  folks  thought  he  didn't 
know  nothin,  till  we  got  to  Cambridge,  where  they 
made  a  doctor  on  him. 

Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  167 

LETTER  LXIV. 

Preparation  of  the  Message. 

Washington,  2d  Nov.  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  Mr,  Dvvight,  of  the  New  York  Daily  Ad- 
vertiser. 

The  Congressmen  are  jest  beginnin  to  arrive  here, 
and  I  suppose  in  a  short  time  we  shall  have  them  here 
as  thick  as  huckleberries;  and  the  Gineral  is  brushiu 
round  now,  and  says  the  Message  must  be  finished  and 
painted  offhand,  and  we  are  all  as  busy  as  bees  in  gittin 
it  dove  tailed  together;  and  after  next  week,  the  Gineral 
says,  there  cant  be  any  more  alterations.  It  is  the  first 
message  I  ever  had  any  hand  in;  and  tho'  I  say  it,  I  guess 
you  wdl  say  it  is  about  as  complete  a  thing  as  ever  was 
sent  express  any  where. 

I  have  been  to  work  on  it  ever  since  we  was  at  the 
Rip-Raps;  and  tho'  it  has  been  sometimes  all  pulled  to 
bits,  to  git  in  some  notions  we  did  n't  think  on,  yet  it 
will  look  pritty  slick,  I  tell  you  when  it's  done;  and 
we  will  lay  on  paint  enuf  to  kiver  up  all  the  cracks  and 
seams. 

We  shall  give  a  pritty  good  lick  at  the  Bank,  and 
won't  leave  as  much  on  't  standing  as  would  make  a 
good  sized  oven.  It  is  curius  now  to  see  how  easy  it 
is  to  build  up,  or  nock  all  to  bits,  any  thing  on  paper. 
Now  jest  see  about  the  Bank.  There  it  stands  in  Chest- 
nut street,  with  its  hundred  cord  of  specie,  and  its  cart 
load  of  books;  and  its  branches  here  and  there,  and  all 
busy  and  full  of  clarks,  and  directors,  and  folks  in 
Europe,  and  all  about  creation  dealin  with  it;  and  the 
brokers  in  Wall  street  all  busy  about  it;  and  Biddle's 
bills  goin  about,  and  most  folks  thinkin  they  are  better 
than  hard  dollars;  and  all  the  old  men  and  women  holdin 
the  stock,  supposin  it  will  go  up  agin  as  high  as  they 
paid  for  it;  and  I  and  the  Gineral,  and  Amos  Kindle, 


168  LETTERS    OF 

and  Mr.  Van  Buren,  talkin  over  it;  and  one  line  in  the 
Message  nocks  it  alt  into  kindlin  wood.  For  you  see 
wnen  'The  Government'  says  a  thing  must  be  jest  so! 
there  is  no  help  for  it.  We  can't  stand  to  chat  about 
trifles.  The  Gineral  has  smashed  three  pipes  the  last 
t<uie  we  talked  aoouttt.  'Biddle  and  the  Bank  must  be 
smashed,'  says  lie,  *  Major;' — and  so  smash  they  go, 
Congress  or  no  Congress. 

The  next  thing  was  the  Ingins.  Here  the  Gineral  is 
at  home,  and  I  don't  pretend  to  say  no  thin  for  I  never 
did  like  an  login,  and  never  can.  The  Cherokees 
give  us  a  good  dial  of  trouble  in  Georgia  last  year;  but 
the  Gineral  took  sides  with  Georgia,  because  he  had  a 
goad  many  friends  there,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  had  too; 
for  that  Stale  was  the  ony  one  that  nominated  him  Vice 
President  a  spell  ago;  and  if  he  had  got  in  there,  and 
Mr.  Crawford  President,  who  was  ailin  all  over  with 
some  plaguy  appleplexy — I  and  the  Gineral  would  never 
have  been  hearen  on  afterwards.  But  no  matter. — The 
Gineral  says  lie  didn't  make  that  treaty  with  the  Chero- 
kees: and  it  was  made  so  long  ago,  he  has  enymost  for- 
got it:  and  treaties  oughtent  to  last  forever.  But  this 
treaty  with  the  Creeks  in  Alabama  he  did  make,  and  he 
knows  all  about  it;  and  he  means  to  stand  by  it,  and 
turn  all  the  squatters  oil"  the  land  in  Alabama,  jest  as 
they  wanted  him  to  do  in  Georgia;  but  he  would  n't. 
There  is  trouble  enuf  about  it,  'I  tell  you;  and  you  i.ont 
know  nothing  about  it  in  York.  But  the  Gineral  is 
tickled  to  death  about  it;  and  as  soon  as  he  saw  the 
Proclamation  of  the  Governor  of  Alabama,  you  never 
see  a  oritur  so  spruced  up  as  the  Gineral  was.  Major, 
says  he,  we  shall  have  another  Nullification  this  Con- 
gress, arter  all.  You  need  't  say  much  about  it,  says 
he,  in  the  Message, — we  II  keep  that  for  a  Proclamation. 
Well,  says  1,  Gineral,  you  are  a  master  hand  at  gettin 
into  trouble.  But,  .says  he,  Major,  aintl  a  master  one 
in  gittin  out  of  one,  says  In? 

We've  »ct  an  old  trunk  up  chamber  full  of  troubles — 
old    Laws,  and    Treaties,    and  Contracts,  and  State 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  169 

t 

Claims;  and  whenever  we  want  any  powder,  all  we  've 
got  to  do  is  to  open  that,  and  look  among  old  papers 
and  get  up  a  row  in  no  time.  The  Gineral  likes  this  a 
leetle  better  that  I  do;  for  the  most  of  the  labor  falls  on 
me,  and  the  ony  way  I  can  git  rid  of  it,  is  to  make  our 
folks  down  stairs  do  it,  if  I  see  it  gives  any  of  'em  a 
boost  with  his  party — for  I  dont  care  nothin  about  any 
thing  here  but  the  Gineral;  and  if  I  can  git  him  threw 
this  Congress,  its  pretty  much  all  I  care  about,  and  he 
too;  for  arterthat  I'm  goin  with  him  to  the  Hermitage, 
for  I  expect  by  that  time  there  wont  be  much  more  left 
of  us  than  our  beards  and  shoe  strings. 
Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major. 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


LETTER  LXV. 

The  Major's  account  of  the  Hubbub  at  Washington 
about  the  Bank. — Some  further  particulars  about  the 
Major  and  Daniel. — And  sundry  matters  respecting 
Nullification,  and  South  Carolina. 

From   the  Portland  Courier  of  Saturday. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  30,  1831. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  away  down  east  in  the 
state  of  Maine. 

My  dear  Friend, — Have  you  n't  been  in  a  terrible 
kind  of  a  pucker  ever  since  my  last  letter  to  you,  to 
know  what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about  me 
and  Daniel?     If  you  have  n't,  I  have.     I  never  felt  so 

P 


170  LETTERS  OV 

uneasy  for  a  fortnight  hardly  in  my  life.  If  I  went  io 
bed  I  could  n't  sleep,  and  I've  got  up  and  walked  the 
floor  as  much  as  half  the  night  almost  everv  night  since^ 
I've  wished  the  Bank  to  Guinea  more  than  fifty  times, 
for  there's  been  such  a  hubbub  here  about  the  Bank  this 
fortnight  past,  that  I  could  n't  get  a  moment's  chance 
to  talk  with  the  President  about  any  thing  else.  We'd 
have  cabinet  meetings  once  in  awhile  to  see  about  mov- 
ing the  deposites,  and  Mr.  Duane  and  Mr.  Cass  and 
Mr.  M'Lean  fewould  talk  up  to  the  President  so 
about  it,  that  he'd  conclude  to  let  'em  alone  and  doo 
nothing  about  it,  and  let  Congress  manage  it  jest  as 
they'd  amind  to.  And  then  we'd  go  home  and  Mr. 
Kendle  would  come  in  and  talk  the  matter  over,  and 
read  some  great  long  letters  from  Mr.  Van  Buren,  and 
get  the  President  so  confused  that  he  would  lose  all 
patience  a  most. 

But  Mr.  Kendle  is  the  master  feller  to  hang  on  that 
ever  1  see;  he's  eqm.1  to  the  tooth  ache.  And  he  talked 
and  palaver'd  with  the  President  till  he  finally  brought 
him  over,  and  then  the  President  put  his  foot  down  and 
said  the  deposites  should  be  moved  whether  or  no.  And 
then  the  botheration  was  to  see  who  should  move  'em. 
The  President  told  Mr.  Duane  to  do  it;  but  he  said 
his  conscience  would  n't  him. — Then  the  President 
told  Mr.  Taney  to  take  Mr.  Duane's  place,  and  see  if 
his  conscience  would  let'em.  Mr.  Taney  tried  it  and 
found  his  conscience  went  easy  enough,  so  Mr.  Duane 
packed  up  and  went  home  to  Philadelphia.  We  were 
all  dreadful  sorry  to  lose  Mr.  Duane,  for  he  was  a  nice 
map  as  you  would  see  one  in  a  thousand.  It's  pity  he 
had  such  a  stifi"  conscience;  he  might  have  staid  here 
in  the  Treasury  just  as  well  as  not  if  it  had  n't  been 
for  that. 

But  this  storm  about  the  Bank  begins  to  blow  over, 
and  the  President's  got  ,n  a  manner  cooled  down  again. 
This  morning  after  breakfast  we  took  the  papers  and 
letters  jest  as  we  used  to,  and  went  away  into  the  east 
room  to  read  the  news  and  chat  awhile;  and  it  really 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  171 

•lid  my  heart  good  to  see  the  President  set  down  once 
more  looking  so  good  natured  in  his  great  arm  chair, 
smoking  his  segar.  After  I  had  read  over  the  news  to 
him  awhile,  and  got  him  in  pretty  good  humor,  I  made 
bold  to  out  with  it,  and  says  I,  Gineral,  there's  one 
question  that  I  want  to  ask  you.  And  says  he,  you 
know,  Major,  I  always  allow  you  to  ask  me  anything 
you're  a  mind  to,  what  is  it?  Well,  says  I,  when  we 
had  that  talk  here  about  a  fortnight  ago,  you  began  to 
say  something  about  me  and  Daniel;  and  jest  as  you 
got  into  the  middle  of  it,  Mr.  Kendle  came  in  and  broke 
it  right  off  short  as  a  pipe  stem.  It's  been  running  in 
my  head  ever  since,. and  I've  been  half  crazy  to  know 
what  it  was  you  was  going  to*  say.  Well,  let  us  see, 
says  the  Gineral,  where  was  it  I  left  off;  for  this  ever  • 
ksting  fuss  about  the  Bank  has  kept  my  head  so  full  I 
can't  seem  to  remember  much  about  it. 

Why  says  I,  was  you  talking  about  nullification  ; 
how  the  tops  were  beat  down  a  little,  but  the  roots  were 
-sail  running  about  under  ground  as  live  as  ever,  and  it 
wouldn't  be  long  before  they'd  be  sprouting  up  again 
all  over  the  country,  and  there'd  be  a  tougher  scrabble 
to  keep  'em  down   than  ever  there  had  been   yet;  and 

then  you  said  if  J  and  Daniel  and    there   that 

plaguy  Kendle  came  in,  I've  no  patience  with  him  now 
when  I  think  of  it,  and  broke  it  right  off.  Ah,  now  I 
remember,  says  the  Gineral,  how  'twas.  Well,  says 
he,  Major  Downing,  it  is  a  solemn  fact,  this  country  is 
to  see  a  blacker  storm  of  nullification  before  manv 
years  conies  about,  than  ever  it  has  yet;  the  clouds  are 
beginning  to  gather  now;  I've  seen  'em  rolling  over 
South  Carolina,  and  hanging  about  Georgia,  and  edg- 
ing along  into  old  Virginny,  and  I  see  the  storm's  a 
gathering;  it  must  come,  and  if  there  isn't  somebody 
at  the  helm  that  knows  how  to  steer  pretty  well,  the 
old  ship  must  go  down.  I  aint  afraid,  says  he,  but 
what  I  can  keep  her  up  while  I  have  the  command,  but 
I'm  getting  to  be  old  and  must  give  up  soon,  and 
then  v/hat'll  become  of  her,  I  don't  know.— But  what 


172  LETTERS    OF 

I  was  going  to  say  was  this;  I've  been  thinking  if  you 
and  Daniel,  after  I  give  up,  would  put  your  liead9  to- 
gether and  take  charge  of  her  till  the  storm  has  blown 
over,  you  might  save  her.  And  I  dont  know  who  else 
can. 

But  how  do  you  mean,  Ginera',  says  I  ?  Why  to 
speak  plain,  says  he,  if  nullification  shows  its  head,  Dan- 
iel must  talk  and  you  must  fight.  There's  nothing  else 
will  do  the  job  for  it  that  I  know  of.  Daniel  must  go 
into  the  Presidential  chair,  and  you  must  take  command 
of  the  army,  and  then  things  will  go  straight.  At  this 
I  was  a  little  struck  up  and  I  looked  him  right  in  the 
eye,  and  says  I,  Gineral,  do  you  mean  that  Daniel  Web- 
ster ought  to  be  President  after  you  give  up  ?  Cer- 
tainly, says  he,  if  you  want  to  keep  the  country  out  of 
the  jaws  of  nullification.  But,  says  I  Gineral,  Daniel 
is  a  federalist,  a  Hartford  Convention  federalist,  and  I 
should  like  to  know  which  is  worst,  the  jaws  of  nullifi- 
cation, or  the  jaws  of  federalism. — The  jaws  of  a  fiddle- 
stick !  says  he  ;  but  how  do  you  know,  Major  Downing, 
that  Daniel  is  a  federalist  ?  Becausk,  says  I.  I've  heard 
him  called  so  down  east  more  than  a  hundred  times, 
over  and  over.  And  that's  jest  all  you  know  about  it, 
says  he.  Now  I  tell  you  how  'tis,  Major  Downing, 
Daniel  is  as  thorough  a  republican  as  you  be,  or  as  I  be, 
and  has  been  ever  since  my  Proclamation  came  out 
against  the  nullification. 

As  soon  as  that  Proclamation  came  out  Daniel  came 
right  over  on  to  the  republican  ground  and  took  it  upon 
his  shoulder  and  carried  it  through  thick  and  thin  where 
no  other  man  in  the  country  would  have  carried  it. 
Says  I,  Gineral,  is  that  a  fact?  And  says  he  yes,  you 
may  depend  upon  it,  'tis  every  word  truth.  Well  says 
I,  that  alters  the  case  a  little,  and  I'll  write  to  Uncle 
Joshua  and  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  and  see 
what  they  think  of  it,  and  if  they  think  it's  best  to  have 
Daniel  for  President  we'll  have  him  in,  and  I'll  take 
my  turn  afterwards  :  for  seeing  the  people  are  bent  up- 
on having  me  for  President  I  wont  decline,  though  if  it 


MATOR    JACK    DOWNING.  173 

is  thought  best  that  I  should  wait  a  little  while,  I  wont 
be  particular  about  that.  I'm  willing  to  do  that  which 
will  be  best  for  the  country. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACKpOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVL 

Washington,  4th  Dec.  1833. 

To  my   old   friend,    Mr.   Dwig>ht,  of  the  New  York   Daily 
Advertiser. 

My  last  letter  tell'd  you  that  the  Message  I 
had  been  to  work  on  for  some  time  was  jest  fin- 
ished— but  the  very  next  day  we  had  to  take  it  all  to 
bits,  and  spring  to  and  write  enynvjst  the  hull  of  a  new 
one,  for  we  found  we  had  gone  too  much  into  particulars, 
especially  about  the  counts;  and  letters  from  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  advised  us  to  say  as  little  about  such  matters  as 
possible,  for  Congress  would  only  make  us  tell  pretty 
much  the  hull  on't  over  agin — and  the  best  way  was  to 
say  little  at  first,  and  trust  to  luck  and  chance  after- 
wards. As  soon  as  the  Gineral  came  to  know  of  this, 
says  he,  'Major  you  must  look  out  and  keep  in  that  latin 
about  the  Bank  any  how.'  So  we  kept,  that  in,  but  it 
was  plagy  troublesome  to  make  it  work  well  with  the 
rest  on't,  for  when  you  come  to  make  English  on't,  it 
reads  that  frhe  Gineral  would  have  taken  the  Bank  by 
the  throat  right  off,  if  lie  thought  he  could  make  that 
latin  pill  operate  afore  the  charters  expire — and  then 
agin  he  says  the  Bank  does  wrong  in  bringing  its  business 
to  a  close  so  rapidly  as  it  is  now  doing.  There  is  one 
thing  however  that's  true  enuf,  for  seein  that  Judge 
Marshall  is  a  stubborn  know  nothinkind  of  critur,  and 
would  have  a  finger  in  givin  the  Bank  that  pill  the  Gin- 
eral speaks  of  it  in  latin,  I  don't  believe  it  would  have 
operated  before  the  charter  expired,  if  it  had  40  years 

P  2 


174  LETTERS   OF 

more  to  run — so  there  is  more  wit  and  cunnin  in  what 
the  Gineral  says  than  folks  think  for. 

There  was  another  thing  puzzled  us  tu  a  trifle  about 
the  Bank.  Last  year  when  we  thought  it  had  no  rale 
chink  in  it,  the  Gineral  thought  best  to  take  the  depos- 
ites  away  from  it,  but  since  [  tell'd  the  Gineral  in  my 
Bank  report  there  was  more  than  ahund red  cords  of  the 
rale  grit,  we  had  to  say  in  the  Message  they  had  too  much 

The  post  office  accounts  was  the  next  bother;  and 
that  p'lzzled  all  on  us  peskily.  But  we  got  round  that 
by  very  lucky  discovery;  and  you  see  by  the  Message 
there  has  been  an  error  in  keepin  the  counts  in  the  post 
office  ever  since  General  Washington's  time,  and  every 
post  master  Gineral,  up  to  Major  Barry's  time,  never 
found  it  out;  and  it  was  so  curious  that  he  took  nigh 
upon  five  years  to  git  at  it.  But  its  all  clear  now,  for 
lie  is  an  amazin  shark  fellow  at  siferin.  We  struck  out 
all  about  the  grand  toiver,  for  Clay  has  been  over  the 
same  around,  and  Mr.  Van  Buren  thought  it  was  best 
to  say  nothin  about  it.  And  it  was  thought  best  too  to 
say  nothin  about  the  Nullificrs,  for  some  of  Mr.  Van 
Buren's  friend's  in  Georgia  headid  by  Crawford  are  get- 
tin  up  nullification  there,  worse  than  Calhoun's  last 
winter;  and  it  maks  all  the  difference  in  the  world  when 
you  come  to  see  that  ones  own  friends  are  doin  what  our 
enemies  did  afore. 

As  soon  as  we  sent  the  Message  to  Congress,  we  set 
about  gittin  up  a  supper  for  all  our  folks  who  had  been 
to  work  out,  and  we  had  a  grand  time,  all  our  Majors 
was  there.  The  Gineral  was  so  beat  out,  he  didn't 
stay  long;  but  some  on  'em  kept  it  up  all  nigh  day  light. 

We  had  some  rale  good  songs  tu;  and  one  kof  our 
Majors  i&a  p'agy  sharp  singer.  I  got  a  copy  of  one  on 
'em;  but  \  haint  got  time  now  to  send  you  the  hull  on 
on't,  so  I'll  jest  give  you  3  verses  only. 

Come  comrades  one  and  al] 

Here  assembled  in  the  hail 
Let  us  sing  of  times  past,  present  and  to  come ; 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  175 

We  have  everything  at  stake, 
And  our  fortunes  yet  to  make, 
And  the  public  good  is  now-a-days  "  a  hum." 

Times  past  have  all  gone  by 

And  old  laws  are  "  all  my  eye" 
The  present  and  th^,fulure  we  are  sure  in 

When  the  Gineral's  time  is  up, 
We'll  fill  again  the  cup, 

And  drink  to  Amos  Kindle  and  Van  Buren. 

We  have  no  one  to  thank 

For  a  discount  at  the  Bank, 
Since  we've  got  the  public  money  from  Nick  Biddle 

And  as  we  alone  have  ernt  it 
We'll  use  it  as  we  want  it 

Security  is  now  all  fiddle  diddle. 

I  wish  .you  would  tell  folks  to  stop  callin  me  Jack 
Downing — twas  well  enuf  when  I  wasnt  quite  as  much 
up  in  the  world  as  I  now  be,  and  it  was  jest  so  with 
Mr.  Van  Buren — folks  would  keep  callin  him  "  Mat;'' 
but  it  warnt  right,  anil  it  aint  good  manners  nuther. 
And  there  is  another  thing  I  dont  like;  but  I  dontcare 
so  much  about  it  (for  1  aint  asham'd  of  any  letter  I 
ever  did  write)  and  that  is  printin  in  a  Book  all  the 
Letters  I  fir, t  writ,  and  mixing  up  other  Letters  and 
Sam  Patch,  and  callin  some  of  my  Letters  to  you  coun- 
terfits.  As  soon  as  i  get  the  Gineral  threw  this  Con- 
gress, I'll  turn  tu  and  get  my  Letters  all  together  that 
I  wrt  to  you,  beginnin  with  the  grand  tow' r.  Major 
Earl  is  drawn  my  likeness,  and  the  Gineral's  and  Mr. 
Van  Buren's  and  the  most  of  our  folks  for  me.  He  is 
a  master  hand  at  it;  and  Zekil  Bigelow  tells  me  if  I'll 
give  him  the  copyright,  he'll  new  shingle  our  old  barn 
for  nothin.  How  comes  on  your  book  about  the  Hart- 
ford convention?     The  Gineral  wants  vou  to  send  him 


1 76  LETTERS    OF 

a  copy  on't  as  soon  as  it  is  done — he  wants  to  see  how 
nigh  Yankee  Nullification  comes  to  Nullification  now- 
a-days. 

Yours,  &c 

J.   DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


LETTER  LXVII. 

The  Major's  conversation  ivith  the  President  on  the  sub- 
ject of  the  Bank,  the  currency,  his  cabinet,   the  pro- 
clamation,  Messrs.  Clay,  Taney,  and  other  matters . 

Washington,  Dec.  14,  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  Mr.  Dwight  of  the  New  York  Daily- 
Advertiser. 

We  have  got  business  enuf  now  on  our  hands,  I  tell 
you  ;  and  nigh  upon  every  day  we  have  a  squall  that 
brings  all  hands  to  the  helm.  We  have  had  fair  wind 
so  long,  that  few  on  us  know  exactly  how  to  steer 
now  a  days,  when  every  wind  comes  right  in  our  teeth. 
I  hain't  had  my  coat  oft"  since  congress  met  ;  and  the 
gineral  says  we  must  watch  them  fellows  closely. 
"Keep  a  sharplook  out,  Major,"  says  he,  "on  Clay — 
he  is-a  bold,  independent  fellow,  and  will  speak  out  his 
notions  if  the  devil  stands  at  the  door  ;  and  if  he  hail 
the  people  with  him,"  says  the  gineral,  "as  I  have,  there 
is  no  tellin  what  trouble  he  would  give  us;  make  as  good 
a  gineral  as  ever  was.  But  it  will  never  do  to  trust 
that  man  with  power.''  "  Very  well,"  says  I,  M  gine- 
ral— but  plague  on't,"  says  I,  "  the  critur  some  how 
keeps  law  on  his  side  all  the  while."  "That's  true 
enuf,"  says  the  gineral,  "  and  therefore  we  must  keep 
a  sharper  eye  on  him,  and  the  time  is  come,  now   Ma- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  177 

jor,  when  we  must  all  on  us  try  our  popularity — for 
when  the  law  is  agin  us,  we  shan't  have  nothin  else  to 
stand  on.  There  is  nothin,"  says  the  gineral,  "like 
war  times,  Major — for  then,  when  those  troublesome 
fellows  talk  about  law,  I'  give  'em  Martial  Law,  and 
that  makes  short  work  ont." 

Just  ater  breakfast  yesterday,  I  and  the  gineral  had 
a  high  time  together.  I  had  been  expectin  every  day 
to  see  the  bank  come  out  with  a  reply  ;  and  I  tell'd  the 
gineral,  says  I,  <  Gineral,  I'm  afraid  we'll  git  a  stumper 
from  Philadelphy  one  of  these  days,  that  will  nock  us 
all  into  kindlin  wood.  But  he  kept  sayin  there  was  no 
fear  of  that.  '  Why,'  says  he,  *  Major  you  forgit  that 
we  first  give  the  bank  a  most  mortal  weltin  3  years  ago 
and  left  em  no  other  defence  than  to  print  reports,  and 
speeches  ;  and  that  show'd  they  hadn't  much  spunk  : , 
and  we  have  been  criplin  on  em  ever  since.  And  when 
I  see  they  began  to  stagger,  I  give  em  our  hull  battery, 
and  opened  upon  em  in  Hank,  front,  and  rear  our  sharp 
shooters  headed  by  that  amazin  cute  little  district  at- 
torney open'd  first  on  em.  Then  come  my  proclama- 
tion— and  then  my  message — and  then  Mr.  Tany's 
report — and  the  globe  all  the  while  throwin  shells  and 
rockets.  '"Why'  says  the  gineral — gittin  up  and  taken 
his  hickory,  and  givin  it  a  whack  on  the  floor— '  it  the 
bank  stands  all  that  racket,  Major,  its  tuffer  than  a 
pepperage  log.  "No,  no  Major,"  says  the  gineral, 
"  don't  you  fear  th-t  the  bank  will  ever  say  a  word  in 
reply — it's  as  dead  now,"  says  the  gineral,  "  as  askin'd 
racoon."  And  the  words  want  out  of  his  mouth,  afore 
in  come  a  hull  bundle  of  letters  and  newspapers,  and 
the  first  thing  I  see  among  'em  was  the  "  Bank  reply." 
;'  Now,"  says  I,  "gineral,  here's  trouble! — here's  the 
very  thing,"  says  I,  "  I've  been  afraid  of  all  the  while." 
The  gineral  laft  a  spell  j  and  says  he,  "  Major,  suppose 
you  and  I  now  jist  take  a  bout,  and  you'll  see  how  easy 
I  can  nock  that  reply  into  nothin."  "  Well,"  says  I, 
"  Gineral,"  its  a  bargain — "  Now,"  says  I,  let  us  sit 
down,  and  you  may  take,  says  I,  the  globe  or  our  dis- 


178  LETTERS    OF 

trict  attorney's  report,  or  your  proclamation,  or  your 
message,  or  iMr.  Fany's  report — ary  one  on  em, — or, 
says  I,  come  to  think  on't,  you  may  take  'em  all  toge- 
ther,— for  they  are  pretty  much  all  one — and  I'll  take 
this  '  Bank  reply,'  and  then  let's  see  what  kind  of  a 
fight  it  will  turn  out.  «  Well,'  says  the  gineral,  '  you 
are  a  man  of  spunk,  Major,  and  1  like  you  for  it :  if  I 
make  a  prisoner  on  you,  I'll  treat  you  like  a  brave  sol- 
dier.' '  And  so  will  I  you,  Gineral,'  says  I,  '  and  if  you 
fall  in  the  fight,'  says  I,  'Gineral,  I'll  bury  you,'  says 
I,  *  with  the  honors  of  war,  and  then  we  shook  hands. 
Now,  Major,  says  the  gineral,  as  I  am  to  begin  the 
fight,  don't  you  tire  till  I  tire,  "  and  then  we'll  go  threw, 
shot  by  shot." 

Well,  says  I,  "I  want  to  know  first,  if  I  have  a 
right  to  lire  back  your  shot,  if  they  miss  me,  and  I  can 
pick  em  up?"  "O,  yes,"  says  the  gineral,  "  that's  fair 
in  war.  Use  the  enemy's  fehot  8nd  shells,  and  guns 
too,  if  you  can,  Major — that's  the  true  art  of  war."  The" 
gineral  all  the  while  kept  fixing  his  papers  all  in  a 
string  on  one  side  the  tabic-  He  put  his  own  messages 
and  proclamation  in  the  middle,  and  flank'd  oft'  with 
our  district  attorney  and  Mr.  Tany's  reports  ;  and  then 
he  sifted  the  Globe  about,  and  called  them  scouts  and 
foragers — '«  There,"  says  he,  "  Major,  I  am  now  near- 
ly ready  ;  and  he  took  off'  his  specks,  and  gin  cm  a 
good  rubbin,  and  put  em  on  again-  "Now,  Major," 
says  he,  "  take  your  station."  And  I  went  round  tother 
side,  and  sat  down.  «*  Are  you  ready,"  says  the  gine- 
ral ?  "  All  ready,"  says  I — and  at  it  we  went.  The 
gineral,  he  open'd  his  fire  first,  as  agreed,  and  he  tir'd 
away  from  his  first  message — And  then  his  2d — then 
he  took  the  Globe,  and  then  the  reports, — and  he  blaz'd 
away  like  all  wrath,  for  an  hour ;  and  as  soon  as  he 
stop'd  to  take  breath.  "Now,"  says  I,  "  its  my  time,'' 
— and  I  read  the  reply  a  spell,  and  answered  all  he  said 
in  three  minits.  And  I  gin  him  a  look!  The  gineral 
twisted  his  face  most  shockin,  and  scratched  his  head 
too.     But  he  went  at  it  agin  as  spunky  as  ever  ;  for  h« 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  179 

is  an  amazin  tuff  critur  in  a  fight,  and  hangs  on  like  a 
snappin  turtle  when  he  gits  hold.  He  banged  away  a 
spell  agin  like  all  natar  ;  and  jest  as  he  took  his  specs 
off  to  give  em  a  rub,  1  gin  him  the  reply  agin.  The 
gineral  gin  his  face  another  plagy  hard  rumple  ;  and  I 
sat  waitin  for  him  to  fire  agin.  Says  he,  "  Major,  that's 
a  sharp  piece  you  are  firin  with  there.''  "  It's  a  peeler," 
says  I,  "  Gineral,  I  tell  you — but  you  haW  got  the  best 
on't  yet — it's  gettin  warm,"  says  I. 

"  Major,"  says  the  gineral,  "  suppose  we  change  bat- 
teries— let  me  take  that  reply,  and  you  take  all  these 
documents.  I  like  to  fight,"  says  t.e  gineral,  "when 
there  is  ten  to  one  agin  me."  "  So  do  I,"  says  I,  "  Gi- 
neral, and  so  we'd  better  fight  it  out  as  we  sit." 

The  gineral  looked  a  spell  at  his  paper  again  ;  and 
says  he,  "  Major,  I  reckon  we  had  bette»-  have  a  truce." 
"Not  now,"  says  I,  "  I've  got  my  hand  in  now,  and 
want  to  see  the  fightV)ut."  "  Well,"  says  the  gineral", 
"you  see  Major  what  comes  when  any  one  attempts  to 
drive  the  executive  ;"  and  with  that  he  got  up,  and  took 
off  his  specks,  and  put  em  in  his  pocket,  and  put  on  his 
hat,  and  took  his  hickory,  and  fetched  a  whack  on  the 
table, — "Veto,"  says  he,  "that's  enuff,"  says  I, 
"  Gineral." 

<  And  now,'  says  the  Gineral,  let's  go  and  take  a 
walk — and  so  we  went.  The  Gineral  didn't  say  nothin 
for  more  than  a  mile,  and  I  nother.  'So,  to  rights,' 
says  he,  'Major,  every  body  says  Money  is  very  scarce.' 
•That's  true  enuf,'  says  I,  'and  it's  not  got  as  scarce 
as  it  will  be  afore  winter  is  over,' — and  then  I  tell'dthe 
Gineral  the  cause  on't.  'Well,'  says  the  Gineral,  'I 
believe  you  are  right;  and  if  the  worst  comes  to  the 
worst,'  says  he,  'we'll  have  a  new  bank,  and  that  will 
make  money  plenty  agin,  wont  it?' — 'Yes,'  says  I,  'I 
suppose  so;  but  we  can't  git  a  new  bank,  Gineral,  fore 
this  ones  time  is  out,  and  that's  nigh  three  years  yet; 
and  long  afore  that  time,' says  I,  'there  will  be  trouble 
enuf,  as  this  one  must  all  the  while  be  collectin  in  its 
own  money;  and  folks  will  fail,  and  be  bankrupt;  and 


180  LETTERS    OF 

then  twenty  new  banks  will  do  no  good.'  'I  don't  see 
that,'  says  the  Gineral.  'If  we  could  make  a  new  bank 
now,'  says  I,  'right  off',  and  let  it  take  up  the  business 
of  the  old  one,  it  wouldn't  make  much  odds.  But  the 
law  wont  allow  that,  you  know,  Gineral.'  And  just  then 
the  Gineral  got  in  a  way  he  has  of  twitchin  with  his 
suspender  buttons  behind;  and  to  rights  he  broke  one 
oft". — 'There,'  says  he,  'Major,  here  is  this  confounded 
button  oil' again.'  'Well,'  says  I,  that's  a  small  matter 
— here  is  a  tailor's  shop, — let's  go  in  and  make  him  put 
it  on — and  so  in  we  went.  The  tailor  happened  to  be 
one  of  our  party,  and  was  tickled  to  death  to  see  the 
President,  and  thought  he  was  goin  to  git  an  office  right 
off,  and  was  plagily  cut  down  when  he  come  to  find  it 
was  ony  a  button  oft';  and  so  he  jumped  back  on  his 
board,  and  sat  down  on  his  heels  agin,  and  said  if  the 
Gineral  would  take  oft'  his  pantaloons  he'd  put  it  on  in 
a  few  minutes. 

I  looked  at  the  Gineral,  and  he  looked  at  me — and 
we  both  looked  at  the  tailor.  'Why,'  says  the  Gineral, 
'this  is  the  worst  thing,  Major,  1  ever  met — I'm  stump'd 
completely!  It  will  neverdo  to  risk  walking  home  with 
this  button  off;  for  if  'tother  one  cumes  oft",  it's  all  over 
with  me;  and  I  sit  here  without  my  pantaloons  till  that 
fellow  puts  on  a  button,  I'll  kitch  my  death  of  cold! 
look  here  Major,  says  the  Gineral,  that  other  button  is 
takin  all  the  strain,  and  it  will  come  off"  in  less  than  five 
minutes — what  is  to  be  done?  It  seems  to  me  Major, 
said  the  Gineral,  'that  no  man  is  placed  so  often  in  such 
real  trouble  as  I  am' — 'yes,'  says  I,  'Gineral,  but  its 
fortunate  for  you,  you  always  have  me  with  you.'  *I 
know  it,  Major,'  says  he,  'and  I  hope  you  will  be  as 
true  a  friend  now  as  ever  you  have  been — and  with  that 
says  I  to  the  tailor,  'can't  you  fix  things  now,  so  as  to 
get  over  all  this  trouble?'  'There  is  only  one  way,' 
says  the  tailor,  'and  that  I've  stated,  and  another  thing,' 
says  he,  'the  Gineral  wants  a  new  pair.'  'You  rascal,' 
says  the  Gineral,  'you  can't  make  a  better  pair,  and  one 
that  fits  me  better,  if  you  try  a  month — these  panta- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  181 

loons,  said  the  Gineral,  are  better  than  a  new  pair;  and 
if  they  only  had  new  buttons  here  they  would  last  me 
to  my  dying  day. — It  takes  me  weeks  and  months  to 
git  a  pair  to  sit  easy.  I  wont  have  a  new  pair,'  says 
the  Ginerai,  'that  I'm  determin'd  on.'  'I  see,'  says 
the  Gineral,  'what  you  are  after — you  want  a  new 
job.' 

'Well,'  says  I,  'Gineral,  let  me  try — and  with  that 
I  wax'd  a  thread,  and  got  a  new  button;  and  whilst  the 
Gineral  stood  up,  I  sot  down  behind  him,  and  stitched 
on  the  button  in  3  minits — the  Gineral  all  the  while 
shakin  his  hickory  at  the  tailor,  and  tellin  him  that  he 
had  no  more  brains  in  his  head  than  he  had  in  his  thim- 
ble. 'You  are  a  pretty  fellow  to  belong  to  my  partv,' 
says  he;  'I  should  have  been  soon  in  a  pritty  condition, 
if  I  had  taken  your  advice,'  says  the  Gineral.'  Let 
me  ever  ketch  you  at  the  White  House  agin.'  So  to 
rights,  the  tailor  got  mad  too,  and  said  he  did'nt  belong 
to  the  Gineral's  party — he  was  a  Tany-Kindle-Van- 
Buren-Jackson-man;  he  knew  which  side  his  bread  was 
butter'd,  and  I  looked  plagy  knowin  too — it  was  jest  as 
much  as  I  could  do  to  keep  the  Gineral  from  smashin 
him — so  says  I,  'come,  Gineral,  let's  be  movin;  and 
we  went  home — the  Gineral  all  the  while  talkin  about 
his  escape  from  an  awful  state,  that  tailor  was  about 
getting  him  in. 

'Well,'  says  I,  'Gineral,  little  things  sometimes  give 
us  a  kink,  and  a  notion  of  bigger  ones;  and  now, 'says 
I,  'do  you  know.  Gineral,  we  are  in  a  scrape  now  pretty 
much  like  that  one  we  jest  got  out  on.'  'How  so?'  says 
the  Gineral.  'Why,'  says  I,  'the  Bank — there  it  is,' 
says  I,  'jest  like  your  pantaloons,  better  than  new;— 
and  only  wants  a  new  button;  and  some  of  these  tailors 
about  us  here  want  us  to  set  shiverin  and  shakin,  and 
runnin  the  risk  of  gettin  a  rheumatiz  that  will  last  us 
our  lives,  jest  for  them  to  get  the  jcb  of  makin  a  new 
one.' 

_^\nd  now,'  says  I,  'I  guess  you  and  I  had  better 
disappoint  'em,  as  we  did  the  tailor  jest  now,  stitch  on 

Q 


182  LETTERS    OF 

a  new  button,  and  things  will  all  go  smooth  agin.' — 
The  Gineral  did'nt  say  a  word;  but  he  got  thinkin 
piagey  hard,  till  we  got  home  agin,  and  he  got  his  pipe, 
and  I  got  mine,  and  just  as  we  were  lighten  em,  says 
he,  'Major,  there  are  some  fellows  about  us  here  that 
pester  me  most  desperately — we  must  all  go  as  a  'Unit,' 
or  I  must  blow  'em  all  up  and  get  a  new  set.  'Well 
think  of  it,'  said  the  Gineral,  and  with  that*  we  cock'd 
our  feet  on  the  mantle  tree,  and  in  less  tha'n  five  minits 
you  could'nt  see  no  more  on  us  than  our  toes. 
Your  Friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major. 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


LETTER  LXVIII. 

The  Major  and  the  President  again  holds  an  important 
conversation  on  the  afjairs  of  the  nation  and  /loa- 
things should  be  conducted.  The  President  calls  the 
cabinet  together,  and  the  Major  prepares  a  paper  to 
to  read  to  it  which  he  afterwards  has  printed  for  the 
good  of  the  nation. 

To  my  old  friend  Mr.  Dwight  of  the   New  York   Daily   Ad- 
vertiser. 

You  know  I've  ben  tellin  you  long  about  my  fears  of 
many  troubles — well  it's  bad  enuf — and  is  goin  to  be 
worse  yet  or  I  know  nothin.  And  the  Gineral  is  begin- 
nin  to  think  so  too.  All  our  folks  about  us  here  dont 
feel  it  for  they  have  all  got  fat  offices — but  I  know  the 
people  feel  it  who  haint  got  fat  offices — and  until  they 
will  speak  up,  things  will  go  worse  and  worse — everv 
letter  I  get  is  full  of  trouble  and  distress — and  I  tell'd 
the  Gineral  tother  day,  says  1,  Gineral  we  must  look 
into  this  matter  now  I  tell  you — why  says  he  Major  the 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  183 

government  aint  to  blame — every  man  about  me  says  it 
aint  his  fault.  Well,  says  I,  someone  did  it  I'm  cer- 
tain— things  went  smooth  enuf,  says  I,  till  we  got  dab- 
lin  and  medlin  in  money  matters  and  the  Bivik,  and 
now  its  all  heads  and  points,  and  when  we  say  it  aint 
our  fault,  says  I,  its  pretty  much  like  a  man  puttin  a 
pole  over  a  fence  or.  a  swivel — and  after  pull  in  one  end 
round  with  a  jerk,  if  he  knocks  over  a  dozen  folks  with 
the  other  end  says  it  aint  his  fault — now  its  pretty 
mujh  jist  so  with  the  Bank,  says  I,  and  if  you  can't  see 
it,  all  I  can  say  is,  I  can. 

Well  Major,  says  the  Gineral,  something  must  be 
done  any  how,  for  I  begin  to  think  that  politics  and 
money  matters  dont  always  work  together.  I'll  call 
all  our# folks  together,  says  the  Gineral,  and  we'll  have 
a  full  cabinet  and  look  into  this  matter,  and  do  you 
Major  prepare  yourself,  for  I'm  goin  to  turn  over  a 
new  leal,  that  I'm  determined  on — and  with  that  he  is- 
sued orders  for  every  man  to  be  at  the  Cabinet  Chamber 
the  next  day  just  after  breakfast — and  I  went  to  work 
puttin  down  all  my  notions  in  writin,  for  I  expected  a 
rough  time  and  a  pretty  sharp  set  of  fellows  to  beat  off", 
and  thinks  I  as  it  is  the  fashion  now-a-days  to  read  pa- 
pers to  the  Cabinet,  I'll  give  'em  one  that  will  be  worth 
readin,  and  I  guess  it  will  be  the  last  one  that  the  Sen- 
ate will  ask  an  official  copy  of  in  one  while.  It  took 
nigh  upon  all  night  to  write  it  out — and  I  sprung  to  it, 
for  I  think  the  time  is  come  to  let  some  folks  see  they 
haint  got  a  green  horn  to  outwit  when  they  try  me. 

And  so  the  Gineral  had 'em  all  up  in  the  Cabinet 
Chamber  yesterday,  and  such  an  overhawlin  I  never 
see — I  sat  all  the  while  with  one  foot  on  the  table,  whit- 
lin  a  piece  of  shingle — and  the  Gineral  was  walkin  round 
among 'em,  tellin  about  the  troubles  in  money  all  about 
the  country,  and  asking  how  we  are  to  get  out  of  the 
scrape — I  kept  an  eye  on  most  all  on  'em,  and  both  ears 
on  pretty  much  the  hull  on  'em,  and.such  a  winzin  and 
tangle  I  never  see  since  the  day  all  Downingville  cum 
over  to  the  Jackson  side,  and  that  was  jist    arter  his 


184  LETTERS  OF 

election — They  thought  I  was  determin'd  the  first  go 
oft"  to  say  nothin — And  to  rights  I  heard  one  chap  jist 
behind  me  tell  the  Gineral  *»  there  was  one  Major  in  the 
Cabinet  who  made  pretty  much  all  the  trouble,  and  that 
he  was  writin  letters  that  went  all  the  while  agin  the 
rest  on  'em — and  if  it  warn't  for  him  they  could  make 
the  people  believe,  just  what  they  wanted — that  it  was 
his  fault  that  the  Cabinet  was  obliged  to  shift  their 
ground  about  the  Bank  and  cross  tracks  every  daj\  If 
it  had  'nt  been  for  him  the  deposites  would  have  been 
removed  because  there  warn't  no  '  Safety  Fund'  in  the 
Bank,  and  the  People  been  contented — and  if  it  warn' 
for  him  the  government  could  make  the  people  believe 
that  Biddle  was  the  sole  cause  of  their  bein  no  money 
now-a-days,"  and  so  on.  I  jest  stop'd  whitlin  a  minit 
and  cast  my  eye  over  my  left  sholder,  and  the  fellow 
dodg'd  behind  the  Gineral  in  a  flash,  and  when  I  look'd 
round  the  ring  I  found  pretty  much  the  hull  on  em  look- 
in  at  me  and  there  warn't  a  word  said. 

And  to  rights  the  Gineral  he  walk'd  up  to  me  and 
stop'd  right  in  front  and  look'd  me  strait  in  the  face, 
says  he,  Major  you've  hearn  a  1  that  is  said — and  1 
should  like  to  know  what  you  have  to  say  in  reply — 
no  man  shall  leave  this  room  says  the  Gineral  till  this 
trouble  is  cleared  up — '  Major'  says  the  Gineral  (and  his 
lip  began  to  quiver  I  tell  you)  Major,  says  he,  it  would 
take  a  good  many  men  to  convince  me  that  you  aint 
what  I  have  always  found  you — an  honest  man  and 
a  true  patriot — some  folks  about  us  have  bin  whisper- 
in  in  my  ear  for  a  long  while  that  you  aint  what 
I  think  you  are — but  Major^ays  the  Gineral — I  am  a 
soldier  and  so  are  you — and  we  are  now  all  face  to  face 
— no  more  whisperin  says  the  Gineral,  and  he  gave  his 
hickory  a  v. hack  on  the  floor  and  look'd  round  the  hull 
ring — The  country  is  in  a  trouble  says  he,  and  the 
time  is  come  for  every  honest  man  to  speak  out — if 
there  is  error  let  it  be  corrected — if  there  is  trick  we 
must  expose  it — and  now  Major  says  the  Gineral,  do 
you  set  still — and  if  any  man  has  any  thing  to  say  agin 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  185 

you  let  him  speak  out.  When  they  are  all  done — you 
can  answer  them — and  with  that  the  Gineral  pull'd  his 
own  chair  up  to  the  other  side  of  the  table  and  laid  his 
hickory  and  hat  down  before  him,  and  all  our  folks  be- 
gan to  nock  noses  in  little  groups  here  and  there,  and 
one  'em,  no  matter  who,  was  as  busy  as  a  lap  dog  on  a 
tranin  day,  smelling  round  from  one  to  another  to  find 
the  right  man  to  speak  first — but  none  on  'em  seem'd 
to  like  it. — The  Gineral  all  the  while  sat  blinkin  and 
lookin  round  at  'em  all,  and  rumplin  his  face  once  and 
a  while  most  plagily. 

So  to  rights,  this  one  of  'em  come  forward  and  bow'd, 
and  says  he,  Gineral,  that  "  our  sufferings  is  intolera- 
ble," there  is  little  doubt;  and  the  question  is  not  how 
we  got  into  our  present  condition,  but.  how  we  can  best 
git  out  of  it.  I  believe,  says  he,  (turnin  with  a  bow  to 
everybody — for  he  is  an  amazin  polite  cratur,)  that  is 
the  true  and  only  point  now  for  discussing.  "Not  ex- 
actly, says  I,  but  no  matter."  "  Well,  says  he,  as  re- 
gards the  Major,  far  be  it  from  me  to  make  any  charge 
against  him;  he  is  decidedly  the  favorite  of  the  people, 
and  should  be  the  favorite  of  every  man  in  office  who 
wishes  to  keep  his  office;  but  I  would  say,  that  I  wish 
the  Major  had  a  higher  office.  I  wish  he  was  an  audi- 
tor of  accounts — or  a  receiver  of  public  money — or  a 
minister  abroad — or  an  Ingin  agent,  or  anv  other  office 
in  the  government;  but  as  he  is  now — there  is  no  get- 
ting hold  of  either  end  ot  him;  we  can't  elevate  him, 
which  I  sincerely  desire — we  can't  put  him  down, 
which  no  man  desires.  There  are  things  inall  govern- 
ments— and  in  this  in  particular,  that  requires  cookin 
up  before  the  should  be  served  with  it;  but  the  Major 
hands  the  dishes  over  to  the  people  raw  and  uncook'd, 
and  lets  every  man  dress  his  own  dinner — this  is  not 
right. 

And  then,  again,  he  is  an  enemy  to  party,  and  thinks 
that  politicians  shouldn't  meddle  in  money  matters, 
when  we  all  know  that  none  of  us  would  now  be  here 
without  office,  and  that  office  aint  worth  a  fig  without 

Q   2 


186  LETTERS    OF 

money  i  and  so  it  comes  to  this — we've  got  a  party,  and 
a  good  strong  one;  and  that  party  must  keep  all  the 
offices,  and  the  control  of  all  the  money;  for,  without 
money,  the  offices  wont  be  good  for  nothin — and,  with- 
out offices  the  party  will  be  all  scattered:  look  at  my 
own  state,  see  how  things  work  there;  and  just  so  they 
would  hero.  We  must  have  the  Bank — we  can't  do 
anything  without  it.  It  is  all  good  enough  enough  if 
we  could  get  Biddle  and  his  friends  out  of  it — but  see- 
in  we  have  tried  that  and  can't  succeed,  this  must  go 
down,  and  then  we'll  have  a  new  one  after  our  own 
fashin — unfortunately,  some  will  suffer — because  this 
one  must,  I  suppose,  collect  its  debts  and  wind  up — 
but  what  is  the  sufferings  of  a  few  in  trade,  compar'd 
to  the  breaking  up  of  &  political  party,  now  all  hitched 
together,  think  of  us  all  going  back  again  to  practice 
law — and  you,  Mr.  Auditor,  to  keeping  a  school — and 
you,  Mr.  Secretary,- to  keeping  a  shop — and  you  to 
ploughing — and  you  to  plantin  corn,  and  you  to  digging 
potatoes — and  you  to  printin  newspapers. — "  And  you, 
Major,"  says  he,  "  what  would  become  of  you?" 

I  began  to  crawl  all  over,  and  was  just  goin  to  say 
something,  but  I  thought  I  wouldn't  tell  he  got  through; 
and  he  reeled  it  oft'  for  more  than  an  hour  pretty  much 
in  the  same  way  about  things  in  general,  and  Major 
Downing  in  particular — and  as  soon  as  he  stopt,  I  got  up 
and  says  I,  has  any  body  got  nothin  more  to  say?  No 
one  said  a  word.  Says  I,  is  all  that  is  said  put  in 
writinr — for  then  there  will  be  no  mistake;  no  turnin 
corners;  no  dodgin  afterwards.  "  O  no,"  says  he, 
"  there  is  no  necessity  to  put  any  thing  in  writin  of  this 
nature — that  ain't  my  way,"  says  he.  "  I  have  always 
said  I  don't  like  to  get  into  the  newspapers."  "  Well," 
says  I,  "that's  just  where  we  ditt'er — what  I'am  goin 
to  say  now,  say  I,  is  all  in  my  pocket  in  black  and 
white — and  with  the  Gineral's  permission,  says  I,  I  '11 
read  it  to  the  members  of  the  Cabinet,  and  then  I'll  git 
it  printed,  and  then  all  on  you  can  read  it,  and  every 
man  shall  have  a  copy  on't  except  Clay  and  the  rest  of 


MAJOR    JACK  DOWING.  1ST 

the  Senate — for  tho'  the  law  says  they  are  a  part  of  the 
government,  they  ain't  got  no  business  with  any  paper 
read  to  the  Cabinet — ain't  that  law,  says  I,  Gineral?" 
The  Gineral  nodded  his  head,  and  that  was  enuf;  and 
says  he,  "Major,  do  you  read  that  paper;  I  know  you 
well  enuf  to  know  it  will  be  an  honest  view  of  things, 
and  T  don't  care  whose  toes  you  tread  on.  I  have  no 
interest  in  these  matters  farther  than  to  do  my  duty — 
if  any  fellows  have  misled  me,  I  advise  'em  to  keep  an 
eye  on  my  hickory." 

And  then  I  took  out  my  papers  from  my  pocket  and 
went  at  it;  and  I  didn't  mince  matters  I  tell  you.  The 
Gineral  sat  restin  his  elbows  on  the  table  with  his  chin 
in  both  hands  and  lookin  straight  in  my  face  the  hull 
time,  ony  cnce  in  a  while  he'd  take  his  hickory  and 
whack  it  on  the  table  when  any  one  muttered  and  whis- 
pered; and  as  soon  as  I  got  to  the  end  on't,  then  come 
a  buz  and  a  maxin;  and  the  Gineral  got  up  and  fetched 
another  whack  on  the  table  with  his  hickory,  enuf  to 
loosen  ones  eye  teeth. 

Now,  says  the  Gineral,  I've  hearn  both  sides,  and 
the  people  will  shortly  hear  it  too.  If  they  say  the 
Major  is  right,  I  wont  oppose  them  any  longer;  if  they 
say  the  Major  is  wrong,  then  we'll  go  on  as  we  now 
go,  and  now,  says  he,  Major,  git  that  paper  printed, 
and  the  only  favor  I  ask  of  you  is  not  to  sent  an  official 
copy  out  to  the  Senate  if  they  ask  one; — and  with  that, 
I  and  the  Gineral  bowed  off  the  Cabinet,  arid  the  Ma- 
jors, and  the  rest  of  the  government;  and  we  turned  to 
readin  letters  from  all  quarters,  all  full  of  money  trou- 
bles and  distress,  enuf  to  give  one  the  cholera  morbus; 
for  as  I  said  afore  one  is  just  about  as  bad  as  t'other. 

I'll  send  you  to-morrow  or  next  day,  the  paper  I  read 
to  the  Cabinet,  and  the  rest  of  the  government,  for  you 
to  print  It's  too  long  for  this  letter,  and  you  can  ask 
Zekel  Bigelow,  if  he  haint  stop'd  payment,  to  pay  for 
the  expense  of  printen  on't,  and  tell  him  for  me  if  his 
head  is  above  water,  its  more  than  can  be  said  of  most 
folks — and  he  better  hold  on  to  all  he's  got,  and  ride 


188  LETTERS    OF 

out  the  storm  if  he  can.  His  last  letters  to  me  say 
things  are  shockin  bad  in  Wall  street,  but  the  worst 
there  aint  as  bad  as  things  are  away  West  and  South, 
and  they  will  be  worse  yet,  if  the  people  don't  decide 
pretty  soon,  as  the  Gineral  says,  whether  I  am  right  or 
wrong. — Kor  its  the  people's  business  now,  and  the 
Gineral  is  waiten  for  'em. 

YourTriend, 

J.  DOWNING,   Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


LETTER  LXIX. 

MAJOR    DOWNING'S    OFFICIAL    COMMUNI- 
CATION TO  THE  CABINET. 

Read  to  the  Cabinet,  and  majors,  auditors,  and  under- 
secretaries, and  sub-postmasters,  and  the  rest  of  the 
Government,  on  26//t  day  of  December,  A.  D.  1P39 
— and  printed  for  the  use  of  all  the  citizens  from 
Downtpgville  to  New  Orleans,  along  the  sea  coast, 
and  v$ Ibk  Missippi  and  Missouri,  and  so  down  the 
Lake's,  'and  across  by  the  Erie  Canal  to  Albany,  and 
along  by  the  midderout  o>:er  New  Jersey, Pensylvany, 
and  Maryland,  to  Jfashington — and  away  agin  to 
all  parts  of  creation,  and  to  every  body. 

Gineral — and  Gentlemen  of  the  Cabinet,  and  the 
rest  on  you  here  present,  composin  the  Government — 
I  speak  to  you  as  a  man  standin  right  between  you  and 
the  people — what  I  am  goin  to  say  aint  calculated  to 
make  any  on  you  change  your  opinion,  so  much  as  to 
make  you  know  mine — you  have  pretty  much  all  on  you 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


189 


had  your  turn,  and  now  comes  my  turn — if  any  thing 
I  say  has  sharp  corners  and  scrapes  the  skin  a  leetle, 
it  is  because  I  haint  had  time  to  file  the  edges  smooth. 
I'll  give  you  my  notions  pretty  much  as  you  ged  bread 
from  the  Bakers,  and  leave  you  to  slice  it  or  chunk  it 
as  best  suits  you;  and  pvery  man  can  butter  his  own 
slice  just  to  please  his  fancy— that  aint  my  business  so 
much  as  it  is  hisn. 

We  are  met  here  not  only  to  fix  on  some  plan  to  get 
the  country  out  of  trouble,  but  to  see  how  it  got  into 
trouble;  and  I  am  goin  to  say  a  little  on  both  pints. 
When  a  chimbley  smokes  at  the  rong  eend  with  the 
wind  at  the  north  east,  some  folks  may  content  them- 
selves withopenin  windows  and  doors,  to  let  the  smoke 
out,  but  my  notion  is  that  the  safest  plan  is  to  see  into 
the  cause  on't,  and  correct  it — so  that  the  chimbley 
will  only  smoke  at  the  right  eend,  let  the  wind  blow 
any  way. 

Now  there  is  a  few  things  we  must  look  into  a  little, 
and  then  we  will  know  more  about  em,  and  I  am  goin 
to  examine — 

What  kind  of  a  critur  the  bank  of  the  United  States 
raly  is. 

Whether  its  nature  is  to  do  good  or  evil  to  the  coun- 
try, and  then  wind  up  with     ' 

Matters  and  things  in  general. 

Twenty  years  ago  the  country  was  in  trouble,  and 
fill'd  up  with  all  kinds  of  bank  paper — nigh  upon  as 
bad  as  old  Continental — and  a  good  deal  was  a  little 
worse.  If  any  body  aint  old  enuf  to  remember  that 
time,  and  wants  to  see  what  kind  of  money  I  mean,  let 
him  go  to  the  Treasury,  and  Mr.  Taney  can  show  him 
nigh  a  million  and  a  hali  of  dollars,  not  worth  the  cost 
of  the  paper  and  ink  used  Svery  year  in  ma-kin  a  report 
oirt — but  this  is  ony  a  drop  compar'd  to  what  would 
be  now  there  of  the  same  kind  of  stuff  if  it  had'nt  been 
for  the  Bank  of  the  United  States.  All  our  wise- 
folks  of  that  day  said  we  must  have  a  Bank  of  the  United 
States,  and  a  good  big  one.     One  strong  enuf  to  do  the 


190  LETTERS  OF 

work  well,  and  to  clear  out  all  this  trash — and  so  this 
Bank  was  made,  and  the  first  thing  was,  as  there  was 
a  very  little  rale  money  in  the  country,  the  Bank,  went 
and  bo't  a  good  jag  on't  in  Europe,  and  went  to  work 
here  clearin  away  jest  as  we  do  our  fields  in  the 
Spring. 

It  was  a  pretty  dirty  job  to  do  so  I  tell  you,  and  the 
Bank  did'nt  get  through  with  it  without  scratchin  and 
smuttin  its  fingers  pretty  considerable;  and  that  warn't 
the  Worst  on't  lor  the  Bank.  The  Government  made 
the  Bank  agree  to  pay  fifteen  hundred  thousand  dollars 
for  the  privilege  of  doing  this  work,  and  made  it  agree 
to  take  care  of  the  people's  money  in  all  parts  of  the 
country,  and  to  pay  it  here  and  there  wherever  the 
Government  told  'em  to  pay  all  the  pensions,  and  to 
do  every  thing  in  the  money  way  without  chargin  any- 
thing for  it  to  the  Government.  This  was  apre'ty  tuff 
bargain  for  the  Bank — for  all  it  got  in  return  was  to 
have  the  keepin  ot  the  money,  and  when  the  Govern- 
ment did'nt  want  it  the  Bank  might  lend  it  out.  It 
took  a  good  many  years  afore  the  Bank  got  things  to 
work  smooth.  It  was  like  a  whappin  big  waggon  that 
wanted  a  good  many  horses  to  drag  it,  and  as  it  had  a 
valuable  freight  in  it,  it  wanted  none  but  the  best  kind 
of  horses — real  Conestogas — and  it  warnt  every  one 
who  knew  how  to  drive  such  a  team.  The  owners  of 
this  waggon  found  that  out — for  some  of  the  first  that 
they  got  came  plagy  nigh  oversetting  it.  So  to  rights 
they  got  Squire  Biddle.  I  suppose  they  thought  that 
seein  that  the  folks  in  Pennsylvany  have  the  best  and 
strongest  horses  and  the  biggest  waggons,  they  ought 
to  know  best  how  to  guide  'em.  Well,  they  made  a 
pretty  good  guess  that  time — for  ever  since  they  told 
the  Squire  to  take  the  lines,  they  haint  lost  a  linchpin 
or  broke  a  strap;  and  there  warnt  no  complaints  made 
agin  him  by  the  folks  on  the  road,  or  the  country. 

All  the  other  waggoners  liked  the  Squire  amazingly, 
he  was  always  ready  to  give  'em  a  lift  when  he  found 
them  in  the  mud,  and  whenever  they  got  short  of  pro- 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  191 

vender,  the  Squire  never  refused  to  turn  out  some  of 
his  to  keep  their  horses  from  suffering.  Every  thing 
was  goin  on  better  and  better,  and  every  body  said  at 
home  and  abroad  there  warnt  such  a  team  in  all  crea- 
tion. Well, about  four  years  ago  we  began  to  pick  a 
quarrel  with  the  Squire,  and  its  been  goin  on  every  year 
pretty  much  after  this  fashion.  The  first  go  off  some 
of  our  folks  wanted  the  Squire  to  change  some  of  his 
leadin  horses — they  said  the  breed  warnt  right — he 
ought  to  put  on  the  lead  some  Albany  trotters — that 
they  were  the  best  horses  on  the  lead  he  could  have. 
The  Squire  did'nt  like  to  change- — he  said  the  horses 
he  had,  knew  the  road  as  well  as  he  did,  and  they 
would'nt  bolt  nor  kick  up,  and  when  they  came  to  up 
hill  work  he  could  depend  on  'em. 

Then  again  our  folks  wanted  the  Squire  to  change 
harness — they  said  they  had  new  patent  collars,  and  a 
horse  could  pull  as  much  agin  with  'em  as  with  the 
old  fashion'd  collars.  Well  the  Squire  didn't  like  that 
notion  nother.  So  to  the  rights  they  told  the  Squire 
he  must  give  up  the  lines — well  that  he  wouldn't  do  he 
said,  without  orders  from  the  owners  of  the  teams — 
they  had  appointed  him,  and  so  long  as  they  kept  him 
there,  he  would  go  along  and  do  his  duty,  jest  he  had 
done — and  it  warnt  right  to  keep  stoppin  him  everyday 
on  the  road,  and  trying  to  make  him  try  new  plans. 

And  with  that,  all  our  folks  made  a  regular  battle  on 
the  squire — some  took  away  out  of  his  waggon  a  part  of 
the  bags  and  boxes,  and  divided  it  round  among  the 
drivers  of  others  waggons,  who  was  mixin  in  the  scuf- 
fle too,  and  away  they  crack'd  off  with  it.  Some 
undertook  to  cut  the  squire's  traces,  they  thought  they 
was  only  leather  and  rope  traces;  but  the  squire  was 
too  deep  for  'em,  for  his  traces  was  all  chains  kivered 
with  leather,  and  so  they  spilt  their  jack-nives.  Some 
went  on  a-head  and  rolled  stones  in  the  road,  and  dug 
deep  holes,  and  tried  all  they  could  to  make  the  square 
upset,  and  threw  stones  and  mud  at  him  and  his  horses, 
but  the  squire  kept  on  his  horses  didn't  flinch,  and  as 


I 

192  LETTERS    OF 

they  hail  drag'd  the  big  waggon  over  worse  roads  in  the 
day,  they  went  along  without  accident.  Well  now  it 
turns  out  that  all  the  waggons  that  drove  oft'  so  with  a 
part  of  the  squire's  load  are  in  trouble,  for  the  first 
piece  of  muddy  road,  they  all  stuck  fast,  and  there  they 
are  now.  One  wants  the  other  to  give  him  a  pull  and  a 
lift;  but  they  say  they  all  want  lifting — the  squire  has 
just  come  up  with  'ein,  and  now  they  want  him  to  hitch 
on  to 'em  and  drag  'email  out  together;  but  he  says 
that's  impossible,  the  most  he  can  do  is  to  take  back  the 
load  they  took  from  his  waggon,  and  then  perhaps  they 
can  git  out  of  the  mud;  but  it  is  more  than  his  team 
can  do,  and  he  wont  run  the  risk  of  breakin  his  harness 
or  injure  his  horses  to  drag  'em  all  out  together.  Well 
now  that's  just  about  the  condition  of  things,  and  the 
longer  they  remain  so,  the  worse  it.  will  be— the  longer 
horses  and  waggons  stand  knee  and  hub  deep  in  mud, 
the  less  able  they'll  be  to  git  out  on't. 

And  I'll  leave  'em  there  a  spell,  and  we'll  take  a  look 
into  the  natur  of  the  Bank,  and  what  it  really  is,  for 
to  hear  some  folks  about  it,  one  would  think  it  was  a 
most  shocking  monster,  and  that  it  was  pretty  much 
nothin  else  but  squire  Biddle,  when  it  is  uo  more  the 
squire  than  that  big  waggon  is,  not  a  grain  more.  Look 
at  this  long  list  of  names  ;  well  these  are  the  owners  of 
the  Bank — here  we  see  in  the  first  place  the  nation  owns 
one-fifth,  and  the  rest  is  scattered  round,  as  you  see 
here,  among  an  everlastin  batch  of  folks  all  about  this 
country,  and  some  in  fprin  countries;  and  I  am  glad 
to  see  on  the  list  here  old  widows  and  old  men,  and 
trustees  of  children,  who  haintgot  no  parents  livin  and 
all  our  own  people,  they  put  their  mony  in  the  stock 
of  this  Bank  for  his  safe  keeping — not  to  speculate — 
and  just  so  with  the  innocent  foreigners,  and  the  best 
on't  is  they  have  paid  our  folks  a  pretty  high  premium 
fur  every  dollar  on't — well  these  are  folks  then  that 
compose  the  Bank. 

Now  what  do  they  want  this   Bank  managed? — the 
business  of  the  Bank  is  to  loan  money,  and  is  jest  for 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  193 

all  the  world  like  any  rich  man  whose  business  is  to 
loan  out  his  money  ;  is  it  his  interest  to  dabble  in  poli- 
tics or  to  let  politicians  dabble  with  him?  not  an  atom 
on't.  I  never  knew  one  of  jour  rale  politicians  who 
ever  could  pay  his  debts,  and  they  aint  the  kind  of  folks, 
people  like  to  deal  with  any  who  may  have  got  money 
to  loan;  they  know  that  talking  politics,  and  gettin 
things  into  snarls  jest  to  answer  party  purposes  aint  the 
way  to  pay  interest  nor  principal  nother,  and  politi- 
cians in  a  Bank  are  the  worst  folks  in  the  world  for 
the  owners  of  the  Bank,  for  the  most  on  'em  haunt  got 
mony  of  their  own  to  lend,  but  they  are  plagy  ready  to 
loan  other  folks'  money  to  brother  politicians  of  the 
same  party. 

No  no,  a  man  who  has  got  his  mony  loan'd  out  (and 
its  jest  so  with  a  Bank)  want  to  see  every  body  busy 
and  industrious  and  mind  their  business  and  increase 
their  property,  for  then  they  will  be  able  to  pay  inter- 
est and  principal  too:  they  dont  like  to  see  things  all 
mixed  up  with  politics  and  people  quarrellin  and  dis- 
putin,  and  when  they  do,  they  git  the  money  back  in 
their  pockets  agin  as  soon  as  they  can,  for  they  know 
that  politics  aint  profitable  business. 

Then  it  comes  to  this,  that  if  the  Bank  is  what  I  have 
said  it  is  (and  its  nothin  else,)  it  aint  such   a  monster 
as  some  folks  try  to  make  us  think  it  is,   instead  of 
being  a  dangerous  monster.      I    see  and  I  know  every 
body  else  must  see,  who  dont  squint  at  it,  but  looks  it 
strait  in  the  face,:  that  its  natur  is  jest  like  the  natur  of 
any  man  who  has  got  property  in  the  country,  and  that 
is  to  have  every  thing  go  on  in  harmony  and  with  in- 
dustry and  honesty  and    accordin  to  law;    no  jangles 
and  tangles  and  talkin  politics  in  porterhouses  and  bar 
rooms,    hurrain  for  this  man,    and  pulling  down   that 
man;  that  kind  of  work  dont  clear  up  new  lands    nor 
plough  up  old  ones,  it  dont  keep  the  hammer  goin,and 
the  wheels  turnin;  and  dont  pay  interest  nor  principal 
nother. 

R 


194  LETTERS  OF 

But  some  on  you  say  the  bank  has  too  much  power- 
ami  that  Squire  Biddle  might  do  a  good  deal  of  mis- 
chief if  he  would.  Well,  there  is  my  old  friend.  Capt. 
Elihu  S.  Bunker,  of  the  steam-boat  President,  runnin 
betwixt  New  York  and  Providence — he's  got  about  sich 
another  monster — there  is  no  tellin  what  a ''dangerous 
monopoly"  of  power  that  crittur  got  in  that  are  boat. 
I  was  lookin  into  it  when  I  came  on  with  him  a  spell 
ago,  and  he  was  showin  me  how  he  managed  it.  If  he 
was  to  fasten  down  the  kivers  of  them  two  mortal  big 
copper  kettles  he  has  got  in  his  boat,  and  blow  his  bel- 
lesses  a  spell,  he  would  smash  every  thing  for  more 
than  50  acres  round — Does  any  body  want  to  know 
why  he  don't  do  it — he  has  been  in  a  steam-boat  as 
long  now  as  the  bank's  been  goin  and  haint  scalded  no 
body — but  he  can  do  it  in  a  minit  if  he  chuses — well  I'll 
tell  you  why  he  don't — it  aint  his  interest  and  he  don't 
own  no  more  of  the  boat  than  Squire  Biddle  does  of  the 
bank — the  owners  of  the  boat  employ  him  to  manage  it 
because  they  know  he  understands  his  business.  He 
knows  if  he  didn't  watch  over  their  interest  they'd  turn 
him  out — and  jist  so  the  owners  of  the  bank  would  sarve 
Squire  Biddle.  And  that  aint  all,  Captain  Bunker 
knows  if  he  hurts  any  body  with  his  boat  he'd  run  a 
chance  of  hurtin  himself  too — he  knows  too  that  it  is  the 
interest  of  his  owners  not  to  have  any  accidents  aboard 
any  boat — for  if  people  git  scalded  in  one  steamboat, 
they'll  keep  clear  of  all  on  'em — and  though  some  folks 
think  banks  aint  like  steam  boats  I  can  tell  'em  that  in 
the  main  thing  they  are  exactly  alike — for  unless  folks 
have  got  confidence  in  'em  and  feel  safe  in  'em  they  aint 
worth  ownin — but  when  they  all  go  on  and  meet  no  acci- 
dents, they  are  pirty  good  property — and  the  largest, 
and  strongest,  and  cleanest,  and  quietest^  and  best 
managed  git  the  most  business.  Now  I  think  that's 
enuf  about  dangerous  monopolies  for  a  spell. 

Let  us  now  see  what  the  bank  is  about,  and  what  we 
*ve  been  about. 

Deacon  Goodenou — Has  been  in  that  bank  as  one  of 


MA.TOR  JACK  DOWNING.  195 

its  directors  off  and  on  ever  since  it  was  a  bank,  and  I 
have  heard  him  say  50  times,  (and  he's  a  man  to  be  de- 
pended on)  he  never  heard  a  word  about  politics  in  it 
till  about  4  years  ago---and  it  all  came  from  our  sendin 
every  year  since  that  time,  some  rale  politicians  to  help 
the  other  20  directors  to  manage  the  bank— the  first  go 
oft',  the  deacon  says,  they  thought  best  to  keep  quiet, 
and  make  no  stir  about  it ;  for  it  was  pretty  much  like 
finding  skunks  in  the  cellar— the  best  way  was  to  let 
'em  alone,  if  they'd  keep  there,  and  run  the  chance  of 
their  goin  out  when  they  found  there  warn't  no  eggs  to 
suck— but  when  they  undertook  to  cum  up  chamber 
aud  smell  about  in  all  the  cupboards,  it  was  time  to 
snub  'em — and  then  came  trouble  ;  and  that's  jist  about 
the  way  now  ;  and  the  deacon  says,  and  he  is  about 
right,  that  politicians  in  a  bank  are  jist  as  bad  as 
skunks  in  the  cellar— there  aint  one  grain  of  difference. 

Some  on  you  say  we  dont  want  a  bank  wow—well 
that  may  be  so---but  when  I  got  up  this  mornin  it  was 
plagy  chilly  till  I  got  my  coat  on — now  I  am  warm  and 
it  may  be  I  dont  need  a  coat — but  I  think  if  I  take  my 
coat  off  I'll  feel  chilly  agin— and  I  am  so  certing  of  this 
I  wont  make  a  trial  ont. 

Some  on  you  sav  the  owners  of  this  bank  haint  got 
no  right  to  a  recharter— they  have  had  it  long  enuf— i 
and  its  time  now  to  have  a  new  shuffle  and  cut — wel 
that  aint  my  notion  and  I'll  tell  you  why— tho'  this 
bank  was  chartered  for  twenty  years — it  had  a  good 
right  to  believe  we  would  renew  its  charter  if  it  be 
haved  well  and  did  as  duty— jist  as  a  congressman  has 
a  right  to  expect  his  constituents  will  send  him  to  con- 
gress agin  if  he  behaves  well— and  its  a  good  way  to- 
keep  folks  strait  and  make  em  do  their  duty—but  if  we 
are  to  knock  this  bank  down  and  have  a  new  shuffle 
and  cut,  then  I  say  that  them  folks  who  make  money 
out  ot  a  rise  of  stock  in  the  new  bank,  ought  to  pay  the 
loss  that  all  these  old  folks  and  young  children  will  suf- 
fer by  nocking  down  the  old  bank—to  say  nothin  about 
the  innocent  foreigners  who  put  their  money  in  this 


196  LETTERS    OF 

bank:  thinkiu  it  was  safe.  And  let  me  tell  you  ano- 
ther thing-— the  longer  a  bank  stands,  and  the  older  it 
o;its,  the  better  folks  abroad  and  at  home  like  it-— peo- 
ple who  have  got  money  to  lend  don't  like  changes—- 
and  particularly  government  changes.  Would  any  on 
you  like  to  lend  folks  money  in  South  America  ?  and 
do  you  think  any  of  them  governments  could  make  a 
bank  that  folks  would  have  any  confidence  in  ?  I  dont 
think  they  could— jist  because  they  keep  choppin  and 
changin  every  year. 

Will  any  on  you  say  that  it  aint  a  good  thing  for  a 
country  to  make  folks  all  about  think  it  is  a  safe  one  to 
lend  mony  to  ?  aint  good  credit  worth  nothin  ? 

Well,  how  does  any  man  in  trade  git  credit,  and 
make  folks  think  him  safe  to  trust  ?  Will  he  break  up 
his  stand  every  year,  and  change  his  business,  and  try 
new  plans  ?  I  say  that  aint  the  way,  and  no  man  ever 
prospered  after  that  fashion  ;  but  when  he  finds  things 
go  well  with  him,  he  hang  on  ;  or"  else  he  haint  got  no 
wit  in  him. 

Now,  my  notion  is,  thai  none  oil  us  alone  can  make 
f'Jks  all  about  creation  think  weare  safe  folk?,  to  trust. 
Bufc^mron  us  together  can  do  so  ;  and  that  is  the  rea- 
son a  good  big  bank  can  manage  this  for  us.  Folks 
abroad  know  the  bank  ;  and  the  bank  know  us  :  and 
so  we  can  manage  things  through  the  bank  better  than 
we  can  alone. 

Some  on  you  say  it  aint  right  to  pay  interest  to  fo- 
reigners—that when  we  git  money  from  foreigners,  they 
keep  drainin  us  of  interest.  Well,  that  is  all  chalk  and 
water.  Now  I  know  we  have  got  an  everlastin  new 
country  to  clear  up  yet ;  and  if  an  honest  industrious 
man  can  git  a  few  hundred  dollars  lent  to  him,  he  can 
go  and  buy  a  good  many  acres,  and  clear  it  up,  and 
sell  it  to  these  very  foreigners,  who  are  all  the  while 
coming  out  here  to  settle  among  us,  and  they  pay  fifty 
times  more  for  it  than  the  land  first  cost,*  and  so  our 
folks  go  on  borrowin,  and  can  well  afford  to  pay  inte- 
rest, and  find  themselves  in  a  few  years  with  money  to 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  197 

lend  too.  And  as  long  as  this  business  goes  on,  I  for 
one  am  willing  to  say  to  foreigners,  as  the  Cape  Cod 
fisherman  says  to  the  fish,  when  he  gets  on  the  hook, 
and  is  pullin  him  in — "  So  long  as  you  hold  on  one 
eend,  I  will  t'other."  But  folks  abroad  who  have  mo- 
ney to  lend,  don't  know  our  folks  who  go  on  new  land: 
and  a  good  many  on  old  land  nother.  But  they  know 
our  bank,  and  our  canals,  and  rail-roads,  and  we  sell 
'em  the  stock,  and  make  'em  pay  good  premiums  too  : 
and  our  folks  can  lend  their  money  to  our  farmers. 

But  if  we  go  on,  and  nock  down  this  bank  when  its 
charter  is  out,  and  bring  trouble  on  the  country,  fo- 
reigners say,  "Aha!  there's  trouble  there!"— back  they 
come  with  their  stock,  and  git  their  mony,  and  keep 
it;  and  all  our  prosperity  is  nock'd  in  the  head! 
We  charter'd  this  bank  for  20  years ;  and  so  we  do 
canal  companies,  and  rail-road  companies;  but  did 
we  mean  when  the  time  was  up,  to  nock  'em  all  up 
too,  and  say  we  don't  want  no  bank,  nor  a  canal, 
nor  a  rail-road  ?  It  aint  common  honesty  to  say  so  ; 
and  I  won't  shuffle  and  cut  with  you  after  that  fa- 
shion ;  for  make  what  I  might  by  a  new  shuffle,  I 
would  be  asham'd  to  look  one  of  these  innocent  fo- 
reigners in  the  face — to  say  p.othin  of  this  long  list 
of  widows,  and  orfans,  and  trustees  of  estates,  and 
old  folks,  many  on  em,  when  they  bought  the  stock  at 
a  high  premium,  I  suppose  never  thought  about  the 
charter,  or  how  long  it  had  to  run  but  trusted  to  the 
government.  And  now  if  you  can  chizzle  them  out  of 
their  property,  as  you  will  by  puttin  down  this  bank, 
jest  to  git  a  new  shuffle  and  cut  at  a  new  one — without 
turnin  as  red  as  a  beet  when  you  meet  em,  I  for  one 
say  I  can't,  and  I  won't. 

And  now  I'm  most  done — if  I  have  trod  on  any  one's 
toes,  it  aint  so  much  my  fault  as  hisen  ;  for  I  tread  the 
the  strait  line,  and  tread  ony  on  toes  that  stick  out  be- 
yond the  line,  and  that's  too  often  the  case  with  folks 
now-a-days  in  offices. 

I've  telled  you  now  pretty  much  my  notions  ;  and 

2  R 


198  LETTERS  OF 

I  tell  you  for  the  last  time  you  have  made  a  mistake", 
and  that's  no  disgrace  to  any  man  unless  he  tries  to 
stick  to  it  after  he  knows  he  1ms  made  it.  If  you 
don't  know  how  to  git  the  country  out  of  the  scrape 
you've  got  it  in,  the  people  will  tell  you  pretty  quick,  or 
I  aint  no  hand  at  guessin.  I  have  now  done  my  duty. 
If  the  people  don't  do  theirn  it  aint  my  fault.  If  they 
say  my  notions  are  right  they  '11  act  on  em  ;  if  they  say 
they  are  wrong,  then  things  will  go  on  as  they  now  go, 
and  I  hope  they  won't  git  worse— but  that  I  wont  pro- 
mise. If  things  come  to  the  worst,  1  shall  suffer  as 
litt'ie  as  any  on  em,  for  I  haintgot  no  wife  and  chil- 
dren to  support  (and  I  am  sorry  for  those  who  have,  if 
things  are  to  go  as  they  now  go,)  I  can  cut  my  fodder 
pretty  much  any  where. 

But  1  love  my  country,  every  acre  on't,  and  it  goes 
agin  my  grain  to  see  any  part  on't  suffer.  And  I  know 
all  this  suffering  comes  from  party  politics— this  same 
party  politics  that  has  driv  all  our  wisest  and  best  men 
out  of  office  :  and  now  to  keep  together  wants  to  get 
hold  of  the  big  wagon  and  all  'he  money  in  it. 

My  dander  is  up,  and  I  best  stop  now— for  the  more 
I  think  on't,  and  the  moie  I  write  about  it,  the  more 
wrathy  I  git.     So  no  more  at  present, 

From  your  fellow  citizen,' 

J.  DOWNING,   Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


% 


200  LETTERS  OF 

LETTER  LXX. 

The  Major  carries  the  axe,  sent  to  him  as  a  present 
from  Carthage,  JV.  Y.  over  his  shoulder  into  the  Cab- 
inet lohile  the  members  were  in  Council,  the  scam- 
pering that  followed  the  sight  of  it,  and  the  result — 
with  a  true  picture  of  the  scene. 

To  my  old  friend  Mr.  Dwight  of  the  New  York  Daily  Ad- 
vertiser. 

Washington,  10th  January,  1834. 

The  pill  I  give  the  Cabinet,  and  the  rest  of  the  Gov- 
ernment here  on  the  27th  of  last  month,  is  jist  begin- 
nin  to  operate,  and  I  dont  think  some  on  'em  will  want 
any  more  tisik  for  a  good  spell  to  come.  Some  of  our 
folks  make  plagy  ugly  faces  at  me,  but  I  told  'em  that's 
a  sure  sign  they  want  tisik,  and  they'd  feel  better  to 
rights.  It  was  well  I  stop'd  jist  where  I  did  in  that 
Cabinet  paper,  for  my  dander  was  jist  liftin;  and  if  I 
had  «one  on  ten  minits  longer,  I'd  hit  some  on  'em 
so  hard  they  would'nt  swell. 

But  that  aint  what  I  want  to  write  you  about  now. 
I  want  to  thank  them  folks  up  in  Carthage,  in  York 
State  for  the  ax  they  made  for  me,  and  which  they  sent 
to  you  to  send  to  me.  I  have  jist  got  it,  and  it 
has  tickled  me  eny  most  to  death.  I  never  got  such 
a  present  afore  in  my  born  days.  I  started  right  up 
chamber  with  it  to  the  Gineral,  and  bolted  strait  into 
the  Cabinet  room  with  my  ax  on  my  shoulder — the  Gin- 
eral was  there  with  pretty  much  all  our  folks  overhaul- 
ing the  Post  Office  accounts,  and  tryin  to  git  them 
straite,  which  is  a  plagy  tuf  job;  but  no  matter:  in  I 
smash'd  but  afore  I  could  git  out  one  word,  1  never  see 
such  a  scamperin.  I  turned  to  head  some  on  'em,  jist 
to  tell  eirv  what  I  was  arter,  but  it  seemed  the  morel 
tried,  the  more  they  tried  to  streak  it,  and  in  less  than 
one  minit  there  warnt  a  livin  criter  left  but  I  and  the 
Gineral;  and  the  Gineral  some  how  got  a  notion  in  his 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING  201 

head,  and  would  a  gone  too,  if  there  warnt  no  pluck  in 
him.  He  was  standin  up  with  his  back  agin  the  man- 
til  tree,  and  his  hickory  in  his  hand,  and  look'd  for  all 
the  world  as  tho'  lie  was  jist  expecting  a  fight. 

Why,  says  I.  Gineral,  what  on  earth  is  all  this  scam- 
pering for?  Well,  says  he,  I  reckon  you  can  tell  bet- 
ter than  I  can  ;  and  with  that,  he ,  blink 'd  at  me  most 
plagily;  and  says  he,  what  is  the  news  now?  Why, 
says  I,  there  aint  nothin  new  but  this  ere  ax,  and 
f  brought  it  to  show  you;  its  a  present  to  me,  says  [ 
from  Starks  &  Co.,  away  up  in  York  State,  on  the 
Black  River.  The  Gineral  changed  face  in  a  minit, 
and  it  was  jist  like  the  sun  risin.  He  step'd  up  to  me 
and  took  the  ax,  and  walk'd  to  his  chaii-,  and  sat  down, 
and  throw'd  his  head  back,  and  ha  ftaw'd  right  out.  It 
does  me  good,  in  these  times  to  see  the  Gineral  tickled 
at  any  thing.  As  soon  as  the  Gineral  could  say  any 
thing, — says  he  Major  call  back  Tany'  and  Barry  and 
Amos,  and  haw,  haw.  haw,  says  the  Gineral;  and  jist 
then,  I  got  the  notion  why  they  all  scampered  oft'  so  ; 
and  sot  down  right  in  front  of  the  Gineral,  and  we  haw 
hawd'd  I  tell  you,  for  more  than  hall"  an  hour. 

And  so  to  rights,  we  got  talk  in  agin,  and  the  Gine- 
ral he  wiped  his  eye,  and  blew  his  nose  jist  for  all  the 
world  as  tho'  he  had  been  cryin;  and  says  he,  Major, 
it  aint  strange  they  was  a  leetle  afeard  of  you,ffor  do 
you  know  jist  as  you  come  in,  some  on  'em  was  sayin 
about  the  plagy  Post  OffiS«e  accounts.  If  they  did'nt 
git  em  strait  pretty  soon,  you  would  git  at  'em  and 
chop  em  all  up  into  mince  meat;  and  jist  then  sure  enuf 
in  you  come,  and  then  haw,  haw,  haw,  says  the  Gine- 
ral agin.  Well,  says  he,  Major,  I'm  glad  that  people 
about  are  beginnin  to  look  at  you  pretty  much  as  I  do. 
I  knew,  says  he,  the  time  would  come  when  they  would 
say  I  knew  what  was  what  when  I  got  you  to  be  with 
me;  and  says  he  Major,  let's  look  at  this  ax,  and  the 
Gineral  he  rubb'd  his  specs;  well  says  he,  this  is  a 
splitter  aint  it;  why,  says  he,  if  a  man  only  got  lath- 
ered he    could  shave  himself  without   a   barber,    for 


202  LETTERS   OF 

for  this  ax  is  as  bright  as  a  looking  glass  and  sharp  as 
a  razor  ;  and  here  is  the  maker's  name  too  :  "  Starks 
&  Co.'  Carthage,  New  York"  I  do  wonder  now,  says 
the  Gineral,  if  that  aint  the  same  "  Stark"  who  lick'd 
the  British  at  Benington  a  spell  ago?"  "I  aint  cer- 
tin,"  says  I.  "  Well,  nor  I  nother,"  says  the  Gine- 
ral, for  do  you  know  Major  I  have  been  in  so  many 
wars  myself,  that  I  some  times  mix  em  up,  and  I  have 
now  got  so  much  to  attend  to  here,  that  I  am  bother'd 
about  names  and  places  and  times,  most  plagily.  Now 
there  is  our  little  district  attorney,  our  folks  telled  me 
when  I  appointed  him  a  Bank  Director  that  he  was  jist 
the  kind  of  man  we  wanted  "to  ride  Biddle"  and  up- 
set him;  and  when  they  tell'd  of  "  ridin  "  i%  upsettin, 
and  mentioned  his  name,  I  got  a  notion  in  my  head  that 
I  can't  get  out  yet,  that  he  may  be  the  same  man  I've 
heard  tell  on,  who  took  a  ride  once,  and  then  wrote  a 
long  account  on't  in  poetry.  Well,  says  I,  I'm  not 
certain  of  that  nother;  but  I've  got  a  notion  that  the  man 
you  mean  was  John  Gilpin.  "  That's  the  same  man, 
aint  it,"  says  the  Gineral.  No,  says  I,  I  guess  it  aint, 
for  he  lived  in  London.  "  O,  that  makes  no  odds," 
says  he  Gineral  ;  "  for  they  used  to  call  Philadelphia 
the  London  of  America."  Well  says  I,  then  it  must 
'be  the  same,  and  if  he's  got  on  the  squire  to  ride  him, 
I  guess4&t  will  turn  out  pretty  much  such  another  ride; 
for,  says  I,  the  squire  is  a  pretty  good  horse  tor  a  tight 
pull;  but  I  don't  think  he'd  stand  easy  under  a  saddle; 
it  aint  the  natur  of  that  breed. 

Well  Major,  says  the  Gineral,  we  must  thank  those 
folks  for  the  ax  any  how,  and  as  soon  as  the  Senate  pass, 
upon  that  message  we  sent  em  t'other  day  about  other 
presents,  you  can  have  the  ax.  Very  well,  says  I,  Gin- 
eral, and  if  Congress  dont  pass  upon  something  else, 
says  I,  so  as  to  git  things  as  leetle  better  in  the  money 
way,  I'll  want  the  ax,  for  we  shall  all  come  to  choppin 
agin  for  a  livin. 

I  want  you  to  send  a  printed  copy  of  that  letter  to  the 
makers  of  that  ax,  and  when  you  git  all  my   letters  to 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  203 

you  printed  in  a  book  send  em  one  of  the  books  with 
my  thank,  for  the  ax. 

Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING.  Major. 
Downingville  Militia— -2d  brigade, 


LETTER  LXXI. 

The  Major  and  the  President  holds  a  general  conversa- 
tion on  the  state  of  the  Nation,  when  the  Major  gives 
an  explanation  of  the  financial  operations  as  now 
conducted,  by  means  of  hocus  poms,  with  cups  and 
balls. 

To  my  old  friend   Mr.    Dwight,   of  the  New   York  Daily 
Advertiser. 

Washington,  25th  Jan.  1834. 

Ever  since  I  and  the  Gineral  settled  the  Post  Office 
accounts,  as  I  tell'd  you  in  my  last,  by  charging  the 
amount  that  Major  Barry  is  astern,  to  M  Glory"  and 
"Reform,"  the  Gineral  has  been  more  easy  about  it 
than  I  am  afeard  other  folks  be,  especially  some  of 
the  opposition  folks  in  Congress;  they  keep  smellin 
round— and  unless  we  can  git  up  another  nullification 
there  will  be  trouble,  not  only  about  the  Post  Office, 
but  some  other  branches  of  the  Department. 

Congress  keeps  hammering  away  yet  about  the  de- 
posits, and  the  Gineral  was  gist  agoin  to  give  up,  when 
we  got  the  news  from  Albany  of  the  vote  of  the  Legis- 
lator there  in  favor  of  the  Gineral  in  taking  away  the 
deposits  from  the  United  States  Bank,  and  the  vote  of 
the  New  Jersey  Legislatur,  and  strong  news  too  that 
some  other  Legislaturs  wo'd  do  the  same.  The  Gine- 
ral was  amazingly  tickled,  and  says  he,  Major,  I  reck- 
on your  notion  that  the  people  wornt  with  us  on  that 
pint  is  a  mistake,  and  now  says  the  Gineral,  I'll  hang 
on  and  keep  the  deposits,  and  Biddle  may  whistle  for 
'em.     "  Well,"  says  I,  "  Gineral  we'll  see,   and  as  I 


204 


K 


said  afore,  if  the  people  don't  tell  the  Legislature  ano- 
ther story,  and  Congress  too,  afore  we  are  a  month 
older,  then,"  says. I,  "I  know  nothing  on  em.  "Very 
well,  Major,"  says  the  Gineral,  "we'll  see" — and  jest 
then  in  come  Amos  and  the  Globe  man,  and  some  more 
of  our  folks,  and  lookin  pretty  streaked  too,  and  1  got 
a  notion  right  off  there  was  somethin  stirrin — and  os 
they  began  to  tell  the  Gineral  and  Biddle  was  to  work 
bribin  all  the  people  he  could  to  sign  petitions  to  Con- 
gress, asking  to  put  back  in  the  Bank  all  the  deposits 
agin,  and  to  rechaiter  the  Bank.  "Why,"  says  the 
Gineral,  "  aint  that  too  bad,  —  Major  we  must  give 
the  Bank,  says  he,  that  Latin  pill,  there  is  nothin  will 
stop  em  but  that  skiry  factus"  (or  some  sich  a  name 
the  Gineral  calls  it.)  Now,  says  I,  Gineral,  stop  a  bit, 
says  I — there  is  one  thing  puzzles  me  considerable 
about  this  biibin  business — 1  should  like  to  know  who 
they  be  who  are  takin  bribes — it  aint  the  nature  of 
things,  says  I,  for  Squire  Biddle  to  bribe  the  friends  of 
the  Bank,  for  that  would  be  useless — then,  says  I,  it 
must  be  that  he  is  biibin  the  enemies  of  the  Bank,  and 
that's  our  party.  Now,  says  I  will  you  set  bj  and  hear 
folks  say,  that  our  party  is  such  a  scabby  set  of  fel- 
lows as  to  take  bribes — if  you  do,  says  I,  I  wont,  and 
with  that  I  riz  up,  but  before  I  could  round  the  corner 
of  the  table  I  and  the  Gineral  was  alone  agin.  1  sat 
down  and  said  nothin — I  gritted  my  teeth  a  spell,  but 
that  didn't  do  much  good — I  took  my  knife  and  whit- 
tled the  table,  but  that  warnt  much  better,  and  the  ony 
way  to  rights  that  put  me  in  a  good  temper  agin,  was  to 
whistle  more  than  40  verses  of  Yankee  Doodle,  for  I 
didn't  like  to  say  a  word  to  the  Gineral  whilst  I  was  in 
a  pashm.  The  Gineral  was  all  the  while  walkin  up 
and  down  the  room — so  as  soon  as  I  got  through  whist- 
lin,  says  1  Gineral,  I  guess  we  best  say  nothin  more 
about  bribin,  says  I;  well,  says  he,  Major,  1  reckon 
you  are  riget,  tor  the  notion  never  struck  me  afore  that 
that  kinder  talk  hits  right  upon  the  heads  of  our  friends, 
for  they  are  the  only  ones  that  needs  biibin.  Now,  says 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING. 


205 


:f ,  Gineral,  jest  lets  you  and  1  sit  down  and  talk  over 
this  business,  and  I'll  tell  you,  like  a  true  friend,  how 
the  cat  is  goin  to  jump,  and  if  it  don't  turn  out  as  I 
tell  vou,  I'll  give  you  my  ax,  and  throw  in  my  regimen- 
tals in  the  bargain;  and  so  the  Gineral  he  sot  down, 
and  1  went  at  it. 

In  the  first  place,  says  I,  if  I  git  in  a  pashin,  you 
must  keep  cool — and  if  you  git  in  a  pashin  I'll  keep 
cool,  but  if  we  both  git  in  a  pashin,  then  there's  no  tel- 
lin.  Well,  says  the  Gineral,  that's  a  good  notion,  Ma- 
jor, for  that^s  jest  the  way  the  logins  do,  and  they 
learn  wisdom  from  natur;  you  never  see  an  Ingin  and 
his'squaw  git  drunk  together— when  one  gits  drunk  to- 
ther  keeps  sober,  and  so  they  take  turn  and  turn  about. 
Well  says  I,  I  never  heard  that  afore,  but  I  suppose 
tho'  they  git  along  better  when  they  are  both  sober.  0 
yes,  says  the  Gineral,  in  war  time  that  is  best,  but  .not 
in  treaty  time.  Well,  says  I,  that's  matter,  that  aint 
exactly  what  1  am  arter,  but  I've  got  a  notion  out  on't 
which  I'll  begin  with.  Some  years  ago  the  Yankees 
got  drunk  and  got  up  a  kinder  nullification;  there 
warnt  much  in  it  arter  all,  according  to  my  old  friend 
Dwight's  book — but  folks  South  thought  there  was, 
and  so  they  kept  sober;  and  last  year  the  Suuth  got 
drunk,  and  then  all  North  kept  sober,  and  that  frolic 
is  ended.  Now,  says  I,  North  and  South  and  East 
and  West  are  all  sober,  and  all  shaken  hands,  and  they 
say  we  have  all  been  takin  a  drop  too  much — there  aint 
no  nullification  no  where  in  particular,  but  its  all  nul- 
lification all  about  us,  and  all  hands  are  foi'min  a  ring 
and  closin  in  upon  us  here,  pretty  much  like  a  wolf 
hunt — they  all  say  we  have  taken  the  money  that  be- 
longs to  the  people,  and  the  people  wont  be  content 
till  we  give  it  up — that's  pretty  much  the  nub  of  the 
business — and  we  shall  have  petitions  and  memorials 
from  all  quarters  tumble  in  upon  us,  and  if  we  don't 
mind  them,  they  will  be  follow'd  by  hard  nocks,  jest 
like  the  story  in  the  Spellin  Book  about  the  old  man 
4rivin  the  bo^s  from  the  apple  tree— he  throw'd  grass 


206  LfefTERS  OF 

ilret)  mid  xnat   doing  no   good,  he  tried  stones,    and 
that  brought  em  down  pritty  quick. 

The  Gineral  he  began  to  git  in  a  pashin — and  says  he 
Major  I'm  gittin  mad.  Very  well  says  I  Gineral  I'll 
keep  cool  accordin  to  agreement;  and  with  that  the 
Gineral  slatted  round  a  spell  with  his  hickory,  and 
talked  about  New  Orleans — and  Siminoli---and  the 
Grand  tower--and  I  set  whistling  all  the  while—"  why 
Major,  says  the  Gineral,  I'll  never  give  up  the  depo- 
sites  in  the  world"— "  what"  says  I,  "  not  if  the  peo- 
ple say  we  was  wrong  in  takin  em?  Suppose  the  people 
say  the  laws  are  agin  us,  what  then:"—  <*  Well  says 
the  Gneral  I've  tell'd  em  that  the  Laws  are  only  jest 
as  I  understand  em  and  nothing  else."  Now  says  I, 
Gineral,  suppose  Clay,  or  Calhoun,  or  Webster,  was 
in  your  office  and  said  so— and  you  was  in  Congress,  or 
was  of  the  people  and  didn't  agree  with  em— how  then 
says  1?  0,  says  the  Gineral,  that's  a  very  different  thing; 
any  one  of  them  fellows  would  be  dangerous  to  trust 
with  any  kind  of  power.  Well  says  1  my  notion  is, 
however,  that  the  law  don't  mean  to  trust  nobody--- 
and  as  I  am  peskily  afeard  one  or  tother  on'em  will  git 
in  here  arter  we  go  to  the  Hermitage— I  don't  want  to 
have  any  thing  done  now  by  us  that  they  will  do,  and 
then  tell  us  they  ony  do  what  we  did.  That's  the  only 
thing  that  puzzles  me — for  says  I,  Gineral,  sass  for  the 
goose  ought  to  be  sass  for  the  gander  too. 

Well,  says  the  Gineral,  there  is  something  in  that 
Major— but  says  he,  I  cant  give  up  the  Deposits  any 
how;  Ames  says  we  must  hold  on  to  'em,  and  all  our 
folks  say  so  too.  Yes,  says  I,  Gineral,  its  true  enuff 
the  hounds  have  got  the  stag  down,  and  got  a  taste  on 
him  afore  the  hunters  come  up,  and  I  suppose  there 
will  be  leetle  left  but  the  horns  and  trotters:  but,  says 
1,  it  aint  rfglut,  and  the  people  will  tell  us  so  you  may 
depend:  and  all  I  have  to  say  is,  if  what  we  have  done 
is  to  be  the  rule  hereafter,  I  dont  know  but  I  should 
like  to  be  President  myself:  for  folks  might  make  laws. 
and  all  I'd  have  to  do  would  be  to  understand  'em  ac~ 
cording  to  my  notion. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  207 

I  dont  see  Major,  says  the  Gineral,  how  it  is  you  git 
sich  odd  notions  about  public  sentiment.  I  know  I 
cant  be  mistaken,  for  every  letter  I  have  time  to  read 
tells  me  I  am  right;  and  I  read  the  Globe  from  one  eend 
to  tother  every  day,  and  that  paper  tells  every  thing, 
and  I  see  nothin  there  that  tells  me  I  am  rong. — Well, 
says  I,  Gineral  you  know  you  haint  got  time  to  read 
more  than  one  letter  in  a  nundred  that  comes.  That's 
true  enuf,  says  the  Gineral,  but  then  our  folks  do,  and 
they  tell  me  every  thing.  Tell  you  every  thing?  says 
I,— but  no  matter? — and  so  I  whistled  Yankee  Doodle 
a  spell.  "No,  No,  Major,  says  the  Gineral,  the  op- 
position folks  throw  dust  in  your  eyes,  you  cant  see 
things  as  clear  as  the  rest  of  our  folks  about  us."  I  jest 
was  goin  to  speak,  but  findin  my  dander  was  liftin,  I 
had  to  go  to  whistlin  agin,  and  it  took  me  nigh  upon  15 
ininits  to  git  right,  and  I  expected  evry  minit,  I  would 
have  to  git  my  ax  and  split  hickory  a  spell  in  the  bar- 
gain. Now,  says  1  Gineral,  you  are  the  only  man  on 
earth  I'd  look  at  a  minit,  and  let  him  say  so  to  me.  I 
got  dust  in  my  eyes,  says  I?  I  dont  know  what  is  goin 
on  in  doors  and  out  of  doors?  Why  says  I,  how  you 
talk.  Now  says  I,  you  jist  sit  still  a  minit  and  I'll 
show  you  something  says  I  worth  lookin  into — and  I 
went  into  a  room  where  Mr.  Van  Buren  and  Amos  and 
some  of  our  folks  git  together  every  once  and  a  while,  to 
manage  and  talk  over  matters,  and  I've  seen  so  much 
of  the  games  play'd  there,  and  bein  naturally  curious 
in  most  matters,  I  can  play  some  on  Tem  nigh  upon  as 
slick  as  Mr.  Van  Buren  himself— -but  he  is  master  hand 
at  it. —The  game  they  had  been  playinmost  at  latterly, 
was  about  managin  the  public  money  among  the  new 
Deposit  Banks,  and  showin  how  to  use  the  "transfer 
check's"  and  ''contingent  drafts"  so  as  to  puzzle  folks 
in  time  of  need.  It  was  done  with  a  parcel  of  cup* 
and  balls,  and  little  strips  of  paper — and  did  tickle  me 
amazingly;  and  for  a  spell  prazzled  me  tu— -and  so  I 
thought  I'd  jist  show  the  Gineral  and  see  if  it  would'nt 
tickle  and  puzzle  him  tu.     And  I  thought  I'd  let  the 


208  LETTERS    OF 

Gineral  see  if  there  warri't  a  leetle  dust  iu  his  eyes  tu. 
And  so  I  brought  in  a  whole  arm  full  of  this  machinery. 
And  as  soon  as  the  Gineral  saw  me,  says  he  Major 
what  on  earth  have  you  got  there. —Why,  says  I,  its  a 
trifle,  and  I'll  tell  you  all  about  it  to  rights.  And  so  I 
placed  the  cups  bottom  up,  all  along  in  a  row  on  the 
table,  and  then  I  gin  the  Gineral  a  hand  full  of  small 
balls.  Now  says  I,  I'm  goin  to  showyou  about  as  cute 
a  thing  as  you've  seen  in  many  a  day— them  cups  we'll 
call  banks,  and  them  balls  is  the  money  we  took  from 
Squire  Biddle's  Bank,  the  next  thing  is  to  show  you 
how  things  are  goin  to  work,  now  that  we've  got  our 
money  from  one  pocket,  where  we  always  know'd  where 
to  find  it,  and  divided  it  round  among  twenty  pockets, 
where  may-be  you  may,  or  may-be  you  may  not  find 
nothin  at  all  on't--  and  here  says  1  are  some  leetle 
pieces  of  paper  that  I'm  goin  to  make  use  on  to  throw 
dust  with — now  says  I  Gineral,  look  sharp  or  you're 
gone  hook  and  line  says  I.  Its  a  plagy  cunniu  game, 
and  I  don't  know  sartin  that  I  can  play  it  as  well  as 
Mr.  Van  Bui'en  and  Amos  and  some  more  of  them  are 
folks,  and  'specially  the  Treasury  folks,  tor  they  have 
been  at  it  now  off'  and  on  ever  sense  I've  been  here- 
arid  Mr.  Van  Buren  tell'd  em  unless  they  could  play 
at  this  game  -.veil,  there  was  no  use  in  takin  away  the 
deposits.  Now  says  ]  Gineral  I'll  begin — you  are  sar- 
tin  says  i  there  is  a  ball  under  every  cup.  —  0  yes  s.n- 
the  Gineral,  for  I  jest  put  cm  there,  and  then  begun 
sliden  the  cups  by  each  other,  and  mixin  on  em,  and 
kept  talkin  about  Glory  and  Reform— and  the  8th  'b 
Jinnewerry,  and  the  Proclamation,  and  Veto,  and 
Nul  lification,  and  some  folks  ben  like  Old  Romans 
born  to  Command!  ;  ml  others  to  obey, and  soon,  and 
jest  as  the  Gineral  took  his  eye  oh"  the  cups  and  look'd 
at  uoe.  an  was  goro  to  say  somthin,.!  slap'd  som  cups 
together  and  call'd  out  hocus pocus,  allicumpain,  presto! 
e  plurilus  unumrsine  qua  non,  skiry  factions,  savs  I  - 
there  says  1  Gineral  that's  the  eend  oii't.  Well  says 
the  Gineral  I  dont  see  much  in  that  Major — didn't  you 


MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  209 

says  I?  then  so  much  the  better  for  the  game.  I  sup- 
pose then  says  I  you  think  the  balls  are  under  the  cups, 
and  jest  as  you  put  them.  To  be  sure  I  do,  says  the 
Gineral,  I  suspected  what  you  was  ater  Major,  and  I 
kept  my  eye  on  the  cups;  and  no  balls  ever  get  from 
under  'em  without  me  scein  'em  I'd  stake  my  life  on't 
says  the  Gineral:  and  whats  more  I'll  stake  the  fastest 
horse  in  my  stable,  that  every  one  of  the  cups  has  got  a 
ball  under 'em.  Well  says  I,  Gineral,  it  wouldn't  be 
fare  bettin,  and  so  do  you  go  to  work  and  look.  And 
the  Gineral  he  lifted  up  the  cup,  and  there  warn't  noth- 
in  under  it  but  a  piece  of  paper.  The  Gineral,  he 
was  stump'd,  he  look'd'  at  me  and  gin  his  face  a  twist, 
and  then  he  look'd  in  the  cup  and  shook  it.  Well, 
says  he  Major,  that  is  plagy  odd,  what  has  become  of 
that  ball?  We!!,  says  I,  I  guess  the  paper  will  tell  you; 
and  the  Gineral  took  up  that,  and  rub'd  his  specks  and 
lead,  "Transfer  draft  No.  101. 'r  Well  then  I  sup- 
pose, says  the  Gineral,  its  all  right — (for  he  had  jist 
begun  to  take  the  notion  of  the  game)  and  insted  of  one 
ball  in  the  next  cup  there  is  two  balls."— "I'm  notsartitu 
says  I,  and  you  better  look.  And  so  the  Ginefal  lifted 
the  next  cup-— and  there  warnt  no  balls  there  nother— 
ony  another  piece  of  paper.  The  Gineral  look'd  a 
spell  at  me,  and  opened  lus  mouth, and  then  he  scratched 
his  head,  and  took  oft'  his  specks,  and  rub'd  them  agin, 
and  then  he  read  the  paper.  On  one  side  was,  "Con- 
tingent check  $500.000 — and  on  tether  side  was  written 
"Marquess  of  Carmarthen,"  $"250,000-6  per  ct. — 
"■Post  office- loans"'  and  all  kiver'd  up  with  figures  so 
you  could  not  see  a  bit  of  ''  fJliife"  on  the  paper— the 
Gineral,  he  blink'd  at  it  a  speli;  and  says  he,  Major, 
what  does  tins  mean;  well,  says  1,  Gineral,  I  <lont 
exactly  know  myself  but  I  suppose  its  all  right,  for  I 
see  here  on  one  corner  "Amos  Kindle" — "0  very  well, 
says  the  Gineral,  if  that  paper  has  past  under  the  eye 
of  'honest  Ji mo, s' ---my  life  on't  its  all  i'ight.  But.  Ma- 
jor, where  is  the  ball  I  put  under  that  cup,  says  the 
Gineral— aint  it   under   one  of  these  cups?  Not  as    I 


210  LETTERS    OF 

knows  on,  says  I— and  with  that  the  Gineral  he  turned 
to  agin,  liftin  the  cups  and  shakin  on  'em  and  (look'm 
into  'em,  and  there  warnt  under  any  one  on 'em  ;  only 
— ony  pieces  of  paper  all  full  of  figures,  and  some  on 
'em  marked  ^Transfer  Checks"  and  "Contingent 
Drafts,"  and  "Treasury  IVarrants" — the  Gineral  hus- 
sled  em  about  to  see  if  he  could  find  any  of  them  balls 
among  em — and  examined  all  the  cups  agin,  and  he 
looked  under  the  tables — so  to  rights,  says  he,  Major, 
I'mstump'd— 1  nock  under — I'm  clean  beat,  says  the 
Gineral;  and  now,  says  he,  where  are  the  balls— and 
with  that  I  put  my  hand  in  my  pocket,  and  took  em  out 
— well,  says  the  Gineral,  that  beats  all  the  rest.  Now, 
says  the  Gineral,  what  game  is  this,  aint  this  nickre- 
mancy?  Well  says  I,  Gineral,  my  notion  is  its  pretty 
nigh  that,  but  Mr.  Van  Buren  says  there  aint  a  bit  of 
nickremancy  in  it — it's  ony  financery,  but  I  suppose  it's 
a  leetle  of  both  on  em. — Well,  says  the  Gineral,  its  a 
plagy  cunnin  game,  Major,  aint  it?  O,  says  I,  its  nothin 
as  1  play  it  here— you  should  see  Van  Buren  atone  eend 
of  a  table,  and  honest  Amos  at  tother,  and  some  of  the 
folks  frtfo  York  State  with  the  "Safety  Funds  cups"  too, 
strung  around  the  table,  and  all  on  em  understandin 
the  game  nigh  upon  as  well  as  MY.  Van  Bure»i,  and  then 
they  bring  in  the  "party  cups''  too — and  such  a  movie 
and  hocuspocus  work,  I  never  see  afore  in  my  born  days 
—in  lookin  sometimes  I  would'nt  bet  I  had  a  head  on 
my  shoulders---it  beats  all  natur  says  T. 

Now  Major,  says  the  gineral,  suppose  you  try  it  agin, 
and  so  as  I  got  my  hand  in,  I  played  it  over  2  or  8  times  a 
leetle  better,  and  the  gineral  couldn't  see  the  trick  no 
way — for  when  I'd  find  him  watchin  plagv  close,  I'd 
spread  the  cups  as  far  as  I  could  reach,  and  talked  about 
"Glory"  like  all  rath, and  tell  about  the  peopje's  begin- 
ning) think  that  some  folks  was  outwittin  the  gineral, 
and  that  congress  wouldn't  go  h  me  afore  they  git  all  the 
public  counts  sifted,  and  the  people's  money  back  agin 
under  their  control,  and  the  gineral  couldn't  no  way  keep* 
kiseyeon  all  the  cups  at  once,  I'd  hocus pocus  agin.  The? 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  211 

■gineral  couldn't  see  into  it,  and  he  rub'd  his  specks  more 
than  twenty  times,  but  that  didn't  get  the  dust  out  of  his 
eyes,  and  then  I  turn'd  to  and  explain'd  all  I  knof^'d 
about  it  to  the  gineral,  and  he  tried  it,  and  after  a  good 
many  slips— pretty  much  as  Major  Barry  did  when  In: 
tried  it— he  got  along  pretty  well  considerin.  Now, Ma- 
jor, says  the  gineral,  suppose  we  try  it  with  one  cup,  and 
put  all  the  balls  under  it,  and  see  how  the  game  works 
that  way.  I  think  says  the  gineral,  if  you  can  outwit  me 
then,  I  may  as  well  quit.  Well,  says  I,  gineral  that  was 
jest  my  notion  too;  and  1  teil'd  our  folks,  and  offer'd  to 
bet  any  on  'em  they  couldn't  git  a  piece  of  paper  in  the 
place  on't,  without  my  seein  it  if  they  ony  us'd  one  cup, 
and  not  one  on  'em  would  take  me  up— and  I've  tried  it, 
but  it  won't  work  with  one  cup---you  must  have  a  good 
string  on  'em.  Some  of  our  folks  said  they  could  fix  a 
cup  so  as  to  play  the  game  with  it— but  they  couldnt 
with  a  plain  single  cup— and  seein  that  I  stump'd  'etn 
about  the  single  cup,  they  are  at  work  now  in  all  parts 
of  the  country  inventin  a  cup  with  springs,  and  screws, 
and  slides,  and  holes  inside  on't.  Well  major,  says 
the  gineral,  I  don't  like  to  have  dust  throw'd  in  my 
eyes,  and  1  never  did  like  this  kind  of  hocus  pocus 
work,  I  never  understand  it ;  and  I  don't  like  this 
kind  of  nicker mancy,  or  financy—  and  it  aint  to 
my  fancy  at  any  rate,  Major,  and  it  shan't  be, 
that  I'm  determin'd  upon;  and  jest  then  in  come  a  hull 
raft  of  our  folks  from  Congress,  to  tell  the  Gineral  what 
was  goin  on  there;  and  as  I  had  this  letter  to  write 
to  you  I  went  into  the  next  room,  and  whilst  I  was 
writin  it,  I'd  hear  the  Gineral  once  in  a  while  stormin 
away  about  thatplagy  game  of  "  financy"  and  "  nick- 
remancrf  "There  won't  be  a  dollar  left,"  says  the 
Gineral,  ;'  to  pay  the  old  sogers  their  pensions,  if  we 
don't  put  a  stop  to  this  game,"  and  then  they  all  got 
to  blusterin,  "  and  we,  must,"  and  "  we  musn'nt  do  this 
and  that."  Oho,  thinks  I,  when  folks  talk  of  we  its 
time  for  me  to  take  a  hand;  and  jist  as  I  was  goin  to 
Ao  start,  I  heard  the  Gineral  roar  out  for  me,    and  not 


212  LETTERS   OF 

knowing  what  was  cumin  I  jist  grab'd  my  ax,  and  wa$ 
alongside  of  him  in  a  flash;  and  would  you  think  it? 
there  was  more  than  fifty  fellows  of  our  folks,  and  some 
on  'em  from  Congress  too,  all  standing  round  in  a  ring, 
brow  beating  the  Gineral,  and  tellin  him  not  to  do  this, 
and  not  to  do  that,  and  by  no  means  not  to  break  their 
cups;  for,  it  seems,  the  Gineral  had  jist  threatened  to 
smash  'em;  and  sure  enuf,  as  soon  as  he  saw  me  he  let 
drive^  at  'em  with  his  hickory,  and  he  sent  the  cups 
and  balls  into  more  than  a  thousand  bits.  "Stand  by 
Major"  says  the  Gineral;  never  you  fear  me  Gineral, 
says  I;  but  afore  I  had  time  to  spit  in  my  hands,  the  Gin- 
eral finished  the  war;  there  warn  a  critter  left.  And 
ever  sense,  tlie  Gineral  has  beenblowin  off  steam  ;  and 
he  haint  said  a  word  to  me  about  havin  dust  in  my 
eye«jtemd  I  begin  to  think  the  Gineral  finds  he  has  had 
as  rrJueh  in  his'n  as  most  folks,  and  so  that's  all  for  the 
presents? only  I'll  jist  tell  you  its  no  use  for  any  one  to 
attempt  now  to  deceive  the  Gineral  with  new  plans,  and 
a  new  bank;  we'll  have  the  one  we've  got  made  a  lit- 
tle bigger,  pritty  much  arter  Mr.  Webster's  fashion, 
and  that  meets  ray  notion,  because  the  country  is  bigger 
than  it  was  20  years  ago;  and  there  musn't  be  no  nick- 
remancy  about  it.  The  Gineral  says  there  must  be  ony 
a  plain  cup,  and  balls  in  it;  then  there  will  be  no  ho- 
cus pocus  without  seein  the  trick  out.  So  no  more  at 
present.     From  your  friend, 

J.   DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


END. 


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